Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Perfect Man

If we were going to be completely honest with ourselves, we could agree that there is only one perfect man - Jesus Christ.

Having that written above and it now being digested, we can move on with our lives not obsessing over the best catch for a man nor boasting that you are God's gift to all women. Christian women will still use Jesus as the model by which to assess the suitors that are attracted to them. Some men become jealous, overwhelmed, and aggrevated by the assessment because in order to measure up to that standard, would qualify too much to do. So instead men have degraded women to take the attention off of their short comings and women remain single as the years progress or they remove the standard and settle for whatever comes along living in regret and despair.

Sounds bleak and actually depressing from that point of view; however, I challenge those devoted to being a Christian. What does that mean? Doesn't Christian connotate to be more Christ like? Doesn't the Greater One dwell on the inside of you (1 John 4:4 KJV)? so then why do you believe otherwise? We are to be assured in righteousness in Him (Isaiah 32:17 KJV). With a daily renewed mind, you have arrived!

The Perfect Woman

Does she really exist? As much as we have heard about writing the vision and making it plain so we could have a plan while striving for the goal - what happens when women become perfect or the man finds her?

It is written that we strive for perfection. Does that mean being excessively compulsive? Being obsessive is showing signs of anxiety. The Word tells us to be anxious for nothing; therefore, obsessing over perfection whether that being to get there or to obtain it in a wife would be wrong. So then what are we doing and what is it that a man should be looking for?

It is written for us to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33 KJV). That scripture gives us all 3 things to do:
1. The Vision - it is already written and has been made plain.
2. It Prioritizes - what we should be doing first, above all else; which means it is paramount.
3. If we complete the priority everything else is just a matter of asking in prayer.

This sounds easy enough, so why hasn't it been done? Why has it been determined that life is hard (Matthew 11:30 NIV), perfection must not be obtainable, and making an effort to achieve goals is pointless?

Because seeking the Kingdom of God means to let go of the evil, old nature (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). You don't lie on your taxes (Proverbs 21:6 AMP). You don't cheat people with what belongs to them (Colossians 4:1 KJV). You don't cut other drivers off the road. You don't allow the first raging thought to come out of your mouth. You don't allow children to raise themselves (Ephesians 6:4 KJV). You don't speak harsh words to your parents (Matthew 5:14 KJV). What you do is keep a civil tongue (Psalms 19:14 KJV), walk in love (Matthew 36:40 AMP), and treat people like you would like to be treated. If this is too hard to do, then your harvest will always be difficult and in the sight of God (2 Timothy 4:3-5 NIV), perfection wasn't even considered.

For a man, the perfect woman is in his own reflection (1 John 4:18 AMP). It is why some women know they are magnets for losers while others always have men of industry gravitating around. Again, if you don't like what you see when looking in a mirror - change and use some faith when you do (2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV).

Friday, February 26, 2010

This is For The Guys Again, Sorry Ladies

Do you remember a movie entitled, "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka" starring and directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans? If not, you should see it. Though released over 20 years ago (1988), it was one of the first African American films that had me laughing so hard I couldn't hardly breathe. At least with home viewing you can stop the DVD finish processing the scene, get up from rolling on the floor laughing, and start it again.

Anyway, in the movie there was this one scene when Keenan's character met the woman of his dreams. She seemed to have fit all of his criteria and she was just as interested in him as he was in her. Not showing any signs of restraint they took it to another level and was going to have sex. She decided to be completely honest with him right then and show that all he saw that he was attracted to came off when she went to bed. When she was finished discarding all of her man-made parts, she began to hobble after him and his affection for her that he once had was as phoney as all of her beautiful, desireable parts.

I was wondering this morning, when would a woman be completely honest with a righteous man of God. Should she answer the door for her date without makeup or should she wait until she is absolutely sure the desire you have for her isn't superficial? Should she tell you after you have divulged some things about yourself that she that used to be a prostitute before she came into the knowledge of the truth. Would your affection change for  her then? What if she did tell you something that troubled you on the inside to continue the relationship? Would you take off and run without explanation or bow out gracefully knowing she has a heart too?

Though it would not be the ideal situation because no matter what the age, I am sure a man would like to be considered as the only one and she would never have anyone else on her mind but you; however, my question would be, knowing that a righteous man's steps are ordered of the Lord (Psalms 37:23 KJV) and that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth showing us things to come (John 16:13 KJV) and that the Lord would not have a man unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV) - I would have to think, what do you look like to God in order for Him to match you up with someone like her (1 Corinthians 13-11 AMP)?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Gentlemen, I am going to tell you like I told my sons...

I have met many men who are interested in marriage. They have a certain criteria by which they already know what type of wife would be ideal for them. I am amazed at how many young men even form the words out of their mouths that they are looking for a woman to take care of them (1 is too many). Essentially, they are saying without saying that they are looking for a Mommy to sleep with. Yuck!

My question to all of the young men I have counseled over the years (including my sons). Why would you incorporate someone into your mess? Invariably, the answer would be (not my sons, they know better), "God created woman for the man and she is supposed to be the help mate." I would sigh and agree for it is the Word and thank God they know that much of it. I just wonder why do they skip over that the man is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). If you recall, He sacrificed His life for her. Now what gentlemen? Are you willing to do that? And then there would be what you are hearing right now - utter silence.

Men (as well as women looking to be a wife) should be able to walk in love in all aspects of life. You are suppose to be able to pass all of the tests God gave you when He was trying your heart (1 Chronicles 29:17 KJV). You are supposed to be able to stand the test of patience and smile about it (James 1:4 KJV). The wailing you do because it is just taking too long means that you decided not to pass the test and it feels better just to wail.

There are certain aspects that must be in place even before asking any woman on a date. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Is your spiritual life up to par (meditating on the Word day and night, praying unceasingly, cohesive relationship with God)?
2. Do you have a job with benefits that can support you and your wife (even if she is working [1 Timothy 5:8 AMP])?
3. Do you have 6 months salary in the bank (in case the company downsizes)?
4. Do you have your own car (debt free)?
5. Are you finished with your education (Hosea 4:6 KJV)?
6. Do you have your own home (out of your parent's house)?

If you cannot resound yes to all of the questions, you have no reason in looking for a woman to struggle in your mess. How selfish are you to put another person in a life you can't manage (Proverbs 25:28 KJV). How dare you!!!

I told my sons if they find "the one" bring her to me. I will tell if she is trying to trick him or not. But if I find that she is a Christian woman with the heart for God and love my son without my son having those aforementioned things above, I will tell her with no studder to run and leave my son alone. I would not wish mess on my child why would I wish it on a parent who raised their child right and the child listened and obeyed?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Bad Boys...Wha'chu Gonna Do?

They (not the bible) say that women like "bad boys" for the purpose of reforming them. I don't know of any woman who willingly gets into a relationship so she can be a mother to a man that she sleeps with. In a word, ew!

What I know women will gravitate toward a man she knows will protect her. "Bad boys" usually come packing and are territorial. Of course, you do run into those that are really bad to the point of drive bys, sting operations needed, prison, and eventually if not ultimately death; which then comes with the woman grieving and regretting. If there are children, then you contend with rebellion, revenge, and repeating the cycle of being "bad".

 The bible has a completely different slant on the appeal of a "bad boy". Proverbs 24:1-2 (AMP) states be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them; for their minds plot oppression and devise violence, and their lips talk of causing trouble and vexation. That scripture first addresses a man that sees a "bad boy" seemingly with everything including a trophy wife. Then it continues to tell the righteous man why. To the woman, the scripture tells there is no reformation she can do with a "bad boy". If she entangles herself with him in spite of the instruction not to, there will consequences to face for her and her children.

In a nutshell, when recognizing a "bad boy", pray that God break the fallow ground for good seed to be sown so he may see the error of his ways to turn around and do better. Eventually he grows and matures into righteousness. Then he is stable to receive and be the good investment that God intends for us to be.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Do You Like You?

Joyce Meyer, a well known sort of tele-evangelist and traveling minister, said something that is quite thought provoking. She proclaimed that she would get along with everyone from now on. She was doing well and then someone came home.

Well, at least Joyce liked herself well enough to tolerate being alone and enjoys her own company. How many of us need an entourage to get through the day? How many can't keep enough friends to call an entourage, or a pack, or a few, or even a couple?

This maybe the answer as to why you don't have friends or those that hang with you, you really don't like. Do you like you?

Will Smith was interviewed on TV One Network and concluded the program by saying that his success was based on something Confucius said, in order to be strong you must have at least 10 strong people that you are close to, around you. Being Christian, I know we don't follow Confucius or Will Smith for that matter; however, I am knocking out two evils with one stone. First, there isn't much that Confucius quoted that didn't come from the Word of God. The Word was here before Confucius and has outlasted him. Second, Saul (1 Samuel 14:52 AMP) surrounded himself with strong and courageous men. He still hid when it came to fight Goliath. The answer being, to be strong and courageous is a decision. You must still study to follow that character in order to change and become strong and courageous yourself. Without making that decision you will be the odd one in the crowd not belonging there either.

So instead of getting lost in that crowd, why not make up your mind and really look at the image God created (Genesis 1:27 KJV). It is writtten that you are wonderfully made. What is it about you that you do like? Find something. Infact, complete this exercise before reading anymore. Name 5 things you like about yourself. Now notice how I didn't write for you to see your childhood or what your mother, father, sister, brother, neighbor, classmate, or the homeless guy down the street did to you in your past that shaped the person you were. Those things don't matter in the sight of God. You are a new creation and the old has passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP). You have forgiven all of that or else how can God forgive you (Ephesians 4:32 KJV)? If your Dad did you dirty, well New Creation, your Heavenly Father won't. Did your father mistreat you? God said He would be a father to the fatherless (Psalms 68:5 AMP). He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5 KJV). He will be closer to you than any brother (Proverbs 18:24 KJV). He will meet all of your needs and has engrafted you into a new family. Now, what's there not to like?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

You Complete Me

It is an enormous responsibility in becoming a parent. Caring for a child that God has entrusted you with in every aspect of his/her life for that child to grow to be healthy, productive, and a successful adult (Proverbs 22:6 KJV). If all parents had this in mind, would the state of the world be what it is? Is that responsibility too overwhelming to think about? Then why would one believe that a child could mend a relationship?

Relationships have their own dynamics. If one cog, like a machine is out of place the answer isn't to throw a wrench at it for it to work again. To make a good relationship one believes it is hard work. Its simply not true. Hard work comes from other places and has filtered  its way into the dynamics through blame, self gratification, and other behavior not conducive to holiness; but let's unfold this tapestry one seam at a time.

The reason I started off with children  is that they don't know any better unless they are taught. Contrary to a liberal parent's belief, children crave structure (Proverbs 29:15 KJV). They need guidance, direction, and in most cases - redirection. Parents make mistakes along the way using personal experience rather than treating the child as an individual. For instance, thinking that the child should do as the parent use to back in the day or directing the child to be interested in the same things as the parent. Parents should appologize for such mistakes. Taking the time to apologize what has been done wrong to the child by the parent teaches the child humility, leadership, and to not be afraid of being imperfect. Through the guidance and practice to keep rules, the child learns to problem solve, be sociable, nurturing, diligence, and many other commendable qualities to obtain the goal of raising a productive adult.

This now productive adult uses these skills to be independent. He/she must also learn new things that are age appropriate and to embrace their own personal style. This should only enhance what he/she already knows. Eventually, the decision is made to incorporate someone else into what the productive adult has established. This incorporation doesn't alter the productivity of said adult but again enhances the production even more - completion completed to the point of more than enough. So answer then why would someone start off a relationship by telling the other, you complete me?

If you really look at that statement from the perspective described above having someone to complete someone else isn't at all romantic. It is that enormous responsibility of raising a child only this one is full grown, didn't come from your loins, already shaves (whether it be a chin or arm pits), and has the skills of a 13 year old (if that). He/she is looking for you to guide, boost the ego, raise the self esteem, provide stability, add structure, and discipline when necessary. Would an adult admit to that coming in? Of course not, yet the relationship becomes burdensome because of it.

I often wondered why is it the wife's responsibility to boost the man's ego? My ex use to ask me to help him lay floor tile when we were renovating our home. But when there, he told me not to touch anything. He expected me to stand and watch him work. Just be there in case he needed help. We were both in the same house. There wasn't an east wing, it was ranch style - all on the same floor! Why did I have to be in the room with him? It was frustrating sitting there not doing anything so I went to another room. He then got frustrated because I wasn't there watching the excitement of glue and vinyl square application. What was he looking for from me? Praise? The way I felt, if I began praising the work he was doing for the comfort of us all, it would have been sarcastic. Couldn't I have bit the bullet and do what he needed from me? Sure, I could. Could he have seen that with me working in another part of the house the rennovation would be completed all the more sooner? Sure he could. How is this so clear now? Right now neither is seeking to gratify self. He is my ex for a reason. Love was not there like it should be in every aspect of a believer's life let alone in a marriage (1 Corinthians 13:1-8 AMP).

Women have taught the younger to build their men up so the man can feel good about himself. I wonder, how long will she have to do that? And when she has sons to build up, will she have to continue building up her husband too? This teaching, no doubt, comes from Esther. Esther was told by her Uncle Mordeccai to feed the king before making her request (Esther 5:4; 5:8 AMP). When he is full he will be more compliant with what she asks. In this day and age, it still works to load a man with carbs until all he do is roll over  to a flat surface to sleep because he is so content, but just before falling into la-la land, you ask can I buy a red Lincoln MKX? He says yes, and when he wakes up 5 hours later, he has no regrets - right? But then again there is whole generation of women who cannot cook. What should they do? Those women use sex. Right at the point of the mind blowing orgasm, he says, "yes, you can have all I own." Then he goes to sleep to awaken to find he has nothing. Be sober minded, didn't Jacob cook a meal for Esau (Genesis 25:28-34 AMP)? Wasn't there resentment after the meal was consumed? How many times did Esther feed the king before making her request? What did Delilah do to get Sampson to give up his secrets (Judges 16:18-20 KJV)? Did he have regrets later? Should all of that be necessary?

There are those who are dysfunctional. Reason being, there is a void that conventional means cannot fill. There is an abundant life offered that fills ever aspect of one's being. This practice completes a person without it being a burden on anyone else who doesn't have the wherewithal to shoulder the responsibility. Jesus said it is done. Three small words having an enormous impact and responsibility that only He can do. No woman should be looking to build up a man; but see if the structure has already been built on a sure foundation. If he cannot stand because he believes that is what she is there for then the both of them will fall. The sure foundation is love (1 Corinthians 13:3-10 AMP). If neither of them have this love that has been practiced in their single life, they will not have it when entering into a relationship. When trouble comes they will look to blame the other or seek a means to protect himself and herself which will result in a divorce. The world calls it irreconcilable differences. God calls it evil (Galatians 5:16-21 AMP).