Monday, March 29, 2010


A man decided he was ready to marry but wasn't willing for his bride to be anybody. He had high ideals in this day and age but wondered if he should settle for someone that is not so high maintenance. He figured he could change her according to what he wanted seeing that woman is made for man. So he began his search. He came upon a woman who claimed Christianity but didn't know much about the Word of God only what pastors taught. He waited and watched how she behaved with certain issues and knew she would be ideal for his wife.

At first he seemed very sincere with how much he had grown to love her then he changed. It was ever so slight. He knew that she wasn't that knowledgeable about the Word so decided to teach her. His teachings consisted of him talking for hours. She was losing interest in the bible class and he feared that she was also losing interest in him. He then planned to gradually become affectionate with her to see how she would respond. His plan worked so well that intimacy was the result. Although initially he was pleased that he still held her interest, his mind bothered him knowing he committed fornication and she was a virgin. He also knew she was not interested in marriage having completed her first year of college and beginning the second. So he tried to change her mind.

"It is quickly approaching the end of the year," he began while they were on a date, "and we did something so wrong in the sight of God. I am free and clear because I wasn't a virgin but if Jesus comes right now and we aren't married , YOU will go to hell." He waited to get the reaction and response he hoped for.

"See to it that no one carries you off as spoil or makes you yourselves captive by his so-called philosophy and intellectualism and vain deceit (idle fancies and plain nonsense), following human tradition (men's ideas of the material rather than the spiritual world), just crude notions following the rudimentary and elemental teachings of the universe and disregarding [the teachings of] Christ (the Messiah) Colossians 2:8 AMP."

Monday, March 22, 2010


Have we lost sight of the reason 2 people join to marry? Is it for the children born out of wedlock? Is it to please the parents who have waited long enough for their children to get it together and settle down? Is it just for peace of mind so not to stress about the proverbial biological clock or because everyone else is doing it.

For all of the those other reasons, what will the overall outcome be? How bright will the future look without all that God says you should have first? I know of someone who has expressed anger at the long wait to be married (1 Thessalonians 5:18 AMP). This isn't new. Who else just gave in and went down the aisle anyway? How many people live in regret today?

It is what I think about that helps with any oppressive thought the enemy tries to tempt me with (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV). Of course I use the Word and having a better understanding of what to apply it to is the added help. If the thought isn't cast down to the obedience of Christ, one will act inappropriately by taking that walk down the aisle to vow in a manner that will lead to regret.

I was recently speaking to someone close to me who expressed this very topic. The wait she has done came to a head and she sounded as if her faith was being tested. She was told prophetically that she would be marrying in a certain alottment of time. So she waited (and then some). When the prophecy didn't happen, she started to express resentment with the process. I asked her some questions but she fed the resentment too long and wasn't interested with what I was trying to convey.

The process isn't usually comfortable. Its purpose is to give both parties the time to re-evaluate the belief system from when you were babes in Christ as opposed to sons of God (1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV). Is the thinking the same? Have you done anything drastic to improve on yourself? What has changed? Do you see situations as you use to? Can you use the Word more rather than your feelings and/or opinions? Do you still believe sexual compatibility is more important than the matters of the heart  where God sees you?

If a woman is made for the man then why haven't you done what what God said in order to be prepared (1 Corithians 11:12 AMP)? Do you (woman) walk in love in all that you do (Matthew 22:37:40 KJV)? Have you the joy and peace of Kingdom Living (Romans 14:17 KJV)? Are you holy? If the Word says that man should love his wife as Christ loves the church who gave His life for her, have you (man) practiced that kind of love (Ephesians 5:25 KJV)? If you haven't where is it going to come from? It doesn't magically appear because you had a ceremony in a church.

I saw a couple on TLC's Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? They had known each other for some time and had a child together. In deciding to marry, they could not agree on the type of wedding . She liked the Traditional kind; he liked African ceremonial. Neither would compromise so they competed for getting the wedding of their dreams. It was supposed to be entertaining but all I could think of is, they shouldn't get married. I had to turn the program off. Competition is opposing the other. The outcome of those games will be photographed to recall the resentment over and over for the one who lost.

The bottom line is, God knows what He is doing. He will not match righteousness with evil (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV). Pity parties and joyfilled days don't go together. Night and day are separated for a reason. Faith and patience are together for a reason (Hebrew 6:12 KJV). You are still single for a reason. She may not be ready for you. He might have some things he has to complete before embarking on that responsibility. So don't rush it (Philippians 4:6 NIV)!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stuck On Stupid (part 1)

Of course we don't think of ourselves as ever being stuipid. It's always the other guy... and yet without telling anyone some of our actions makes the other guy feel better.

I cannot count how many times I have heard the most selfish, arrogant, foolish, things people say and do in  regular conversation. Not the clients I've counseled; not really television; everyday lives of people calling themselves Christian with justifications (sounds like excuses) for doing and believing such nonsense. And then when you ask them to give you scripture (our guide for living) and they get angry at you - like you asked for something crazy! Just because it might sound cool or it makes you feel better when you are angry does not mean we let those words come out of our mouths. We think good things and speak good things. You know, God being good and the greater one on the inside of you or should I just remind you of what your mother use to say: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Here are some examples of some of the things I have heard over the last few months. The scripture reference is simply proof of why those words should not be spoken. Recall the word does tell us to be angry and sin not (Ephesians 4:26 KJV). Much of the sinning we do come from the words we speak (James 3:1-8 AMP). In these examples you might see yourself or someone else. If it is someone else, refer them to this blog. You have helped to save them from themselves.

1. She has had plenty of men and the last one was 6 months ago being a Christian all of her life (Matthew 7:16 AMP).
2. Out of prison and could only think of you (same scripture as above).
3. A millionaire with long filthy fingernails and runned over shoes. How long will those millions or good sense be (Proverbs 28:22 AMP)?
4. He says he hates his mother (Proverbs 15:20 AMP).
5. She says her father is an idiot (Proverbs 20:20 AMP).
6. You visit the parents and the house is full of garbage. (Proverbs 6:9-11 AMP)
7. He loses his temper because the bread is too cold for the butter (Proverbs 15:18 AMP).
8.The sun is up when it should have rained and it is the contents of a complaining one sided conversation for 40 minutes.
9. His whole day is ruined because his favorite sports team didn't win the championship (a Heisman,  a trophy - whatever!).
10. He borrows money from you based on how many times he paid the bill when out on dates with you (Romans 13:8 KJV).

As you listen to this person speak such foolish things, do you still believe he or she can be the one? How long must this go on before you realize that you should be running away? The examples might be funny but scripture puts things in perspective. We might think that because we chose life we have all of the answers. The truth is someone prayed and God's mercy and grace is doing overtime for the person that speak such things. When you do get off of that merri-go-round to no where, know that Wisdom isn't on that path. She's way over a ways away and to the RIGHT. If you continue to date such the individual that speaks like what is shown above, it will eventually affect the peace and joy you sought to begin with. The Word tells us to seek Wisdom early while we can (Proverbs 1:27-29 AMP). Would this mean that there will be a time where Wisdom will be difficult to find?

Stuck on Stupid (part 2)

Is it unfathomable that Wisdom could watch the stupidity of others and say nothing? Some have turned from the truth looking to hear that which tickles the ears (2 Timothy 4:3-4 AMP). They heard instruction that would be to their benefit and also to their families, but that would mean giving up what God says not to do. Which also arises question as to why when receiving correction one tries to bombard the issue of all that one cannot do living in Christ as opposed to being disciplined to receive the abundance that is available just for the asking?

Wisdom gives such poignant lessons throughout the Word and especially in the book of Proverbs. In studying this book, it should convince those who are marrying for the soul purpose of self gratification to step back and take a good look at who is leading and to where (Proverbs 11:3 AMP).

The personalities of people are well disguised in making a good first impression (and months afterward). The signs of the true character cannot help but to peep out now and again. When those traits are disregarded and the relationship is pursued, regardless of the instruction, then it is difficult to find Wisdom when the contentious woman is in covenant partnership with a man believed to be the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus (Proverbs 21:19; 27:15-16 AMP). Wisdom cannot be heard when the despair of living with an unfaithful man is screaming daily (Proverbs 20:6 KJV).

So what does a man/woman of God trying to live holy do?

 Shack up and let the chips fall where they may?
 Uh-oh there goes stupidity again.

What about going ahead and marrying knowing  that divorce is always an option when there are no children involved? There's stupidity doing overtime!

Would the other option be to stay single and have "fun" dating as much as you can?
Stupid would have you believe this and then 20 years later have nothing to show for it but a skill to reject others and the pain of being rejected.

When would Wisdom be in any of those 3 scenarios? Yet we have heard these suggestion over and over again.

Wisdom speaks clearly and succinctly. Instruction along with correction work hand in hand; much like faith and patience (Proverbs 10:17 AMP). It may not feel good initially but when you realize it is for the betterment of your future and for generations to come, embrace her. This pleases God.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Alright Ladies, This is For You

When do you believe it is the time to change for a man? When he tells you to? When you find that the things you do irritate him? When you are already married and there is nothing you do that seems to be right? When he takes his fist and beats you like he created you or has every right to retrain you different from your parents?

Tough questions? No what is tough is to hear the wrong answers. It is what I asked and heard as I counseled women who were victims of domestic violence. I know, I know there is no reason to get so deep on such a light matter as dating; afterall what Christian man who fears the Lord would do such a thing to someone else's daughter? Believe it or not, it happens and more so than we would care to think. The worst of it is the "Christian" label makes it more of a reason for it to be hush-hush. But I was thinking, the more I have seen in the church the way some people reason like the world, the more I wondered if there is some other mess that has filtered in with justification in the name of the Lord for women to be battered. Ladies, it is a fallacy and I am here to prove it to you.

We know that change comes from within. We know we had to do this in order for us to have a renewed mind. We know that man looks at the outward appearance but God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP). God demands for us to change so that we can receive abundant life. What is more He leads and guides us to all truth so we can be delivered, stay changed, and tell others so they can recieve as well. This would not be true if a man tells you that he would like for you to change your outfit everytime he sees you because you look like this or that and none of those things are comlimentary. If you have to change so much, what was it that caused him to be attracted to you in the first place?

You must realize as well, if all of the gifts and talents that God has given you prove to be of no use to him (because women are the help meet in a marriage),  move on. God did not give you gifts for you to waste them. If this is too much for you to grasp then think of it this way: As the husband, he will be the lead in the household. He will designate who and what will be. If he doesn't use what God has given him to the best of his ability in order for God to receive a harvest, he is just like the man in the parable of talents that hid his talent for fear of what the master would do (Matthew 25:14-30 AMP). Understand the woman was created for man and not the other way around. So what you have, it has to be of assistance to him or he will be held accountable. To much is given much is required (Luke 12:48 AMP).

Here is the other aspect to that, if you agree to marry someone that requires so much change from you, you should know that you have missed out on the one that needed everything you possess and therefore missed out on the blessing God had for you. The man you married or continually date even though the warning signs are loud and clear, is also missing out on the perfect woman for him. He won't have to be irritated with someone who can never do anything right. Why put yourself or him through such an ordeal? Be delivered and know that there is only one man you need to change for and He has equiped you with all that you need in order for it to be done.