Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sex At The Broadway

Recently I wrote a blog: Sex In The City. I figure I touched on a subject matter that was relevant in the church and should be addressed because of the interest it generates. Not because of the things of the world having slogans that sex sells, its for the knowledge of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. If there is no new knowledge on a subject matter then we tend to use what we already know to do and that is the old man that has since passed away.

I am writing this sort of part 2 to the previous blog because I still think I was vague about the subject matter. Coming from a different perspective, seeing that people digests information in all sorts of ways, I figure clarity can't help itself but to be seen. No confusion or misconception as to what is meant by this or that
(1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV). And in order for the clarity to be all that it needs to be, you know I have to use the Word of God.

In the faith life style that I have chosen for myself, I have noticed that women don't have venues and retreats for other women to learn about maintaining or even creating a good marriage. I do understand the reasoning behind it but I don't think that women do - not completely (Titus 2:1-4 KJV). What I have learned that there are people that go to church for a myriad of reasons. Some for the fullness of God while others come to be seen in their Sunday best, and still others are establishing business contacts. Then you have those that are there in desperation to find a husband. When the single men are more then aware of the women around them, because men don't have the same issues with having a forum to maintain a good marriage, they keep away from those man eaters. There are women then look and see which married woman is happy and which one isn't. Then they decide how to approach the dissatisfied man or the man that can easily be tempted. Yes, there are women that can see a happy marriage and will try her level best to come to get what she can. To keep the happy marriage a secret, single Christian women miss out on the marriage forums. Why? Clearly because of fear. However ladies, let me inform you: If God has spoken to you about this need your fear will be the very thing that will come upon you (Job 3:25 KJV). Be obedient!

We all know that the broad is the way to destruction and narrow is the way to life (Matthew 7:13-14 KJV). I have discovered this in my personal life trying to maintain a specific career when I have so many other interests. I had to make a decision as to what I was going to do so not to be confused with doing too many things and coming out with nothing. This is also true with sex in the marriage. We know that testing all sorts of partners isn't the way to go, as tempting as that might be for some: clearly this is a broad perspective of thinking and we have established where broad way will take you. This would also be the same in dating so many different people. People have feelings and believe that being Christian, hurting one another is the last thing thought of; however, this is why I focus on the dating aspect not to be so romantic. With romance, hearts get involved. It establishes gaining control of your emotions and a perspective on what is seen internally rather then the outward appearance.

Now in the discussion you would have with "the one" there will come a point where sex will have to be the main topic. This is only after agreement has been made with other matters. Why? Because sex is not the all and be all. You might think that sex is because its been so long since you have had it and all you can think about at times. That is a warning for you to have a talk with Jesus. When sex is a thought entertained for long periods of time, your ability to stay focused is compromised. Decisions are made with regret following soon afterward. It is why Paul wrote that though it isn't a sin to marry because of sex, you will have trouble. Therefore, it is necessary that you maintain that relationship with our Lord and Savior before having such a discussion. About those other matters, while we are here, let's make that list available as well:
1. Interests - should be alike or correspond with the other. Such as enjoying investing while the other enjoys numeric equations.
2. Maturity in Christ - you cannot be with a baby Christian still having to fight with some carnal tendencies, that is, not unless you are having the same fight. Bottom line, babies shouldn't marry anyway.
3. Future Goals - she has to know that she was created for him and not the other way around; therefore, his goals are a perfect match with what God intended for her life.
4. Money Matters - who can budget better. What investments have been made? What were the mistakes and who made them? The answers decide who could manage money better.
5. Family - where does the importance lie? Is there a need to stay close to a parent and why? Should there be  a place for the parent to come and stay with the married couple and why? Will the couple leave the city where the parents reside and why or why not? Extended family and children that come into a second marriage - where are the boundaries drawn?

This is a small list yet it is large enough to establish a much narrower path rather then being surprised with the dictatorship a marriage can turn into regret and resentment to soon follow and be apart of the union (Ephesians 4:27 KJV).

As far as sex goes, there are entirely too many ways this subject can turn. I understand that there are therapists that have written a number of books on the matter and believing that it can be a neutral ground to start on, would be error. If the therapist is not grounded in the Word of God, its a book you would rather not open. With that being written, lets dive into some of the things that we have been exposed to and believe that it is still alright to do as long as there is a willing participant. In this list, I am going to use the Word of God and then I will correspond the Word with the finding of those who specialize in the subject. The reason I can do this is because I sought it in the truth first.

Baring in mind that the marriage bed is undefiled, as written in the Word, we must have that word defined to gain a clear understanding. This word means not to have its purity of excellence debased. Knowing this we can then move on.
1. Role Playing In this there are usually two people meeting for the first time and neither party is married to each other. I have heard couples do this over and over and each time the roles being played is that they are strangers to each other or single. Knowing how God is and what He expects from us, I ask why would you introduce this sort of thing in a holy union that He has put together? Therapists won't agree with this. They will undoubtedly use the two consenting adults approach and be done with the matter stating that one cannot be too rigid in the faith. I pose to you: what happens when one of the two gets bored with role playing. Would the other stop or does it continue else where with someone else (extra-maritally)? Know that an introducing something into the marriage will take pre-counseling and prayer with both in agreement through out the marriage. It is not something to enter into lightly.
2. Anal Sex (penetration and oral) With the marriage bed being undefiled, I would not write not to do such a thing. I would, however show what could happen to the woman and man if this is where the interest is going. Here is a link describing some of the health risks if using this position as a common practice. With this knowledge, one must ask would you toss the dice in hopes that none of these things could possibly happen? If you are still considering it, then answer, how much do you really love your intended spouse?
3. An Open Marriage (Swinging) You realize as a Christian that this can only come to ruin. Who can forget Sarah's idea of how she tried to fashion God's words to mean something that it didn't. Abraham knew well and good exactly what God meant. He didn't misinterpret anything else. He could have set Sarah straight and comforted her not to think anything else that was crazy, but instead he couldn't wait to make her words come true. When he did, regret was waiting for him to make a place in his home.
4. Pornography (film, magazines, and books) This is a venue that can stir up all sorts of feelings as can get the imagination going to do things that you would have never thought of before. Its exciting and a means to do almost everyday if not two to three times a day. But for a moment think, why would this be so exciting? Are any of those people in the images that you are gaping at married? Are they playing a role of marriage? Why aren't there ever married people in porn and if there are, why aren't they ever exclusive for each other? Would it make porn boring? Why do you think that is? Why did Ted Bundy on death row confess where his obsession began? Why would either of you introduce this in your marriage?
5. Phone Sex When one of the two has the sort of position where traveling is necessary and the other cannot travel with the spouse due to family obligations, employment restraints, or other responsibilities, the resolve is to have sex on the phone. How wise would this be? Is the other satisfied with what was stirred up over the phone and away from home? Could this create an open invitation for the other to look around thinking about what was said over the phone. Or in the perfect world where the two are committed to each other, as he/she comes in the door expecting to get in real life what was said only to find an exhausted spouse not looking to do anything but to go to sleep...how wise is it?
6. Sex in Public Places It is the marriage bed that is not corrupt. Would that include for the marriage bed to be placed outside? Who does that? So then it would be fine to have sex in a public place if both people are married and consent to it? What would the police think? If they find you because a call was placed, would you then tell them, "Officers, its not what you think. We are married." You then show the officers your marriage license, you all have a chuckle at the lewd and lascivious behavior and they go back to their squad car leaving you to it? Recall laws were made of the land based on scripture. People that marry do so to gain honor, respectability, and to establish well behaved balanced families. Behavior contrary to this is rebellion and are usually incarcerated.

This should make of an interesting discussion. I must warn you, just as there are those in church services desperate to be married, this discussion is no different then seeing those wolves. There has to be a time with the Lord so that He can give you the insight you need to hear the things that the other one isn't telling you.  Be not deceived with what one looks like. Don't be fooled with sexual enticement about the subject matter. There are too many people extremely dissatisfied with whom they have joined together because of this very topic. Unless you don't mind being apart of that statistic, disregard the warnings that you have just read. Contrary to popular belief, people don't really sing and dance on that sort of broad way.

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled is a previous entry I wrote and couples with this entry quite well. I hope all of your questions and the desires you have to be married have been answered. If not, pray and email me.  :)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Do You Love Yourself?

I try not to watch too much of Maury Povich because of all of the tears that come from obtaining what is perceived as being the truth. However, as much as I try, I find there are one or two that says something out from their emotion that inspires me to write an entry to this blog. Yesterday, I watched a rerun of the aforementioned program. Normally, I just don't like reruns much, but there wasn't anything else on. Anyway, this woman knew that her live in boyfriend was cheating on her (don't they all?). He has done it before, but this time if the tests come back that he's  into his old ways, she really and truly is going to leave him. I have found in these last 5 years or so, the women have learned to ask pertinent questions on that lie detector that is more revealing then if he has cheated or not. They ask if he is still interested in marriage or if he really does love her. Its funny when it is found that he is cheating on her again but the test also reveals that he loves her too (this is not the episode, just a sample of the show).

Another thing I find interesting is when the women defend the men that they are absolutely wonderful fathers but they treat the mother of their children like crap. How can he be so wonderful when he is teaching his daughter that as long as she stays a child, daddy will love you and is teaching his son that women are crap - including your mother?

On one of those lie detector/paternity test episodes, the woman found that her boyfriend was cheating on her with prostitutes and other women that she had already suspected. One of the questions she had the professional ask of her boyfriend was if he had used protection with the prostitutes and these other women. He said yes, but the lie detector found that he was not telling the truth (Luke 8:17 AMP). She began to wail when finding the real answer. She couldn't understand why he would do such a thing to her, the woman he professed so much love for (1 Corinthians 13:3-10 AMP). Then between her sobs, her senses returned and she said something that I found quite profound: "You don't even love yourself. I was pregnant at the time. What if I got an STD or the baby could have got sick because of you?" He held his head in his hands and continued to apologize (Matthew 10:10 AMP).

It would be around that time where I would wonder if she would take him back seeing he has done this before. I didn't bother to think about it. She had an epiphany. If she took him back after that, the bible speaks of those women as being foolish tearing down their own house (Proverbs 14:1 AMP). He doesn't love himself; therefore, why would you think you could have any kind of future with him. A weak woman would answer, because we have children and I would like for our family to stay together. The truth being, no matter what you desire, if he is not in agreement, he will do whatever he has to, to get away or make you finally, finally realize... he doesn't love you - he never did.

I thought this entry would be specifically for women, but its by the Spirit of God that I can see where men would benefit from reading this as well. Men being created first and the head of the woman, he has to get past all of the dysfunction that he might have had in his life whether it be childhood or some other traumatic event. He has to learn to forgive and move on. Stagnating in life is the refusal to forgive - whether it be yourself, someone else or God. Forgive already! Do it several times a day and everyday until you can no longer sense any of the animosity when someone mentions that name or reminded of the past. Seek to bless the person to solidify your complete and total healing. Then saturate yourself in the Word of God (Joshua 1:8 KJV). There is no way you can love anyone else until you find out what and who love is (1 John 4:8 KJV). Its just not possible, I don't care what anyone says.

Then there are us women. What are we thinking of by placing someone as the head of us who cannot prove how much he loves himself? The word tells us not to give place to the devil. If we see how much he loves himself, then can he take all of those efforts for himself and put it on you? When has he done this? When he coerces you to have sex without marriage? That's just like an animal peeing all around his territory. There is no love for you there. Its fear so you won't have a desire for anyone else. Why won't he put a ring on it? Does he see something in you that he questions? Does this mean that you should use your feminine wiles to wrangle him? That's carnal behavior as well (Romans 8:6-8 KJV). Where is your love walk? Don't you love yourself more then just a booty-call?

It has been reported that there is a number 1 silent killer of women that has been on the rise as of late. Assuming it was some sort of cancer, I half listened tot he report. I then heard the commentator say, it was heart disease. Not listening to anything else the commentator was saying, I tried to incorporate the word in with these statistics wondering how could the script have been flipped. For the longest time, it was the men getting these diseases and it started to migrate in other countries that never had to deal with these health issues. I signed off on the matter thinking it was the increase of technology and women in the work force are now getting the jobs they fought for with the same sort of pay as men. They then will also have to deal with all of the anguish and stress that men had to deal with. This made perfect sense to me. No, I didn't see the Word in my reasoning, but it still sounded plausible - right?

I wrote an entry in another blog site called, A Heart Condition. In it I wrote about matters we all face and allowing our emotions to get the best of us. What I didn't write is the correlation to what is happening with women today. If we only knew or could just remember that God has told us all not to put our trust in man and it is the way of the world to involve trust in a relationship (Psalm 146:3 KJV). Man is doing all he can do with himself. He needs a wife to learn how to care for himself. Why, in the name of Jesus, would we give our heart to someone who don't know how to care for his own. And even if he did, would he handle your heart with as much care as he would his own? The only one that knows how to handle hearts is the one that created them. Personally, I believe the condition of women with all they have to do, they have forgotten to guard their hearts. It is why the disease is trying to take over, according to the statistics reported.

It is one of the oddest things I have ever written because I am use to the medical reports and all that has been depicted in the news. A renewed mind straightens all of that out. If we learn to love ourselves through Christ Jesus, then guarding our hearts would come easy. We wouldn't be so easily infatuated with flattering words and batting eye lashes. Interviewing for that anointed good thing would be sweat less and married life would remain the wonderful institution that God intended. Being scared because it will always be Momma's baby and Daddy's maybe, comes to a screeching halt. When Jesus was on the cross at the point of death and the guard pierce Him in His side, the blood and water gushed from His body (John 19:33-35 KJV). That blood was what made his eyes see. He couldn't have had the regret that he had until the blood did what it was supposed to do. Let that be your lesson. Until the blood does what it is meant to do, you cannot see, you cannot function in Him, you cannot love yourself and therefore, could never love anyone else. She has to have the blood of the lamb to be anointed - to be a wife. He has to have the blood of the lamb to be a husband. Its as simple as that!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Was This In Your Plans?

A couple of months ago, I recall enjoying a message during Sunday morning services. The pastor has been teaching on a series about What Kind of a Christian Are You? It does make us all think about the lives we have been living and why matters are the way they are without anyone to blame but ourselves. There was one scripture that he referred the congregation to that I know I have read before but this time it stuck with me in such a way that I had to write about it.The scripture was Deuteronomy 24:5 KJV.

In raising my family (4 boys and 1 girl), I was so concerned about what my children were going to hear while not being in my presence, especially my sons. I figured my daughter was around me all of the time and I had some control over guiding her in the right direction. Every chance I got, I had to reiterate the verses from the scriptures and make sure they understood the practical application of the Word. I wish I had what I was giving them when I was their age. It was like a head start in life whether they realized it right then or not. Women weren't waiting for the men to find them anymore. They set their designs and were having at it no matter what anyone said. So I was vigilant in teaching my sons what they needed to know even all of those little secrets women have in getting their man!

With all of my teaching, I still didn't trust them to do the right thing. I read a blog from my 18 year old nephew who expressed that he couldn't take much more from his father ramming the Word down his throat in hopes that he would not make the mistakes his father made. Understanding where my nephew was coming from, I stopped and waited to see the fruit of all of the seed I sown in my children were to sprout or if more water is needed. Like it or not, they are going to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. My lectures after witnessing those mistakes had come to a screeching halt. Just in time to get what I needed from yesterday's message.

All of my children know what is needed in order for them to be married. There is no philosophy in allowing the two newlyweds to battle the financial difficulties through together - only sheer lunacy. That went out with World War II but no one let the other know about it. As Christians, we have to make continual reference to our guide of life - the bible. In it, we see what God did for Adam. He provided him with a place to live, a job, a vision, and provision to sustain what he was given. This should be no different for any man venturing forth to obtain his good thing. Why would a woman leave her parents' home to struggle with a man who had no other designs but to have sex legally in the eyes of the church? How selfish is that? Its no wonder she has problems moving so far away from her parents. Prove that you can do all of those things for her (before the vows) so she won't find it difficult to reverence you later.

The women reverencing my sons was also an issue with me. I know how strong women are and it doesn't take much for a strong personality to become a verbal piranha. This concerned me as well (at one time) and I made sure they could repeat the list of things they should have before embarking on matrimony. When one of my youngest sons eloped this year, I was beside myself. Why would he do such a thing? Who had a gun to his head? Thoughts were reeling, my child wouldn't willingly do this to me! What about all of the preparation and all of the other things I had said to him. He isn't ready! Why would he do this to me! For a few days I couldn't think of nothing else. I had to get myself emotionally together just to go to work for those few days. I had to make myself stop thinking about what he done without me...without my approval...without my permission. After those days were over and I stopped sobbing, I got quiet before the Lord. He reminded me of what I taught them and what my son did. My son made sure he had a good job with stability. He had saved a certain amount of money in the bank. He made plans for his wife to be well taken care of if anything were to happen to him. And the provision he planned for was there. It wasn't the way I would have done it, but he did do it. He listened.

Yet yesterday, with that bible verse, I wondered if he did do all that he was supposed to. He enlisted in the military. Did he take that year for his wife and cheer her up? Even with that, I could see God's hand. He did take that time. They traveled (chaperoned) and did take that time that the Lord tells all couples to do. I was pleasingly surprised. I woke this morning and thanked God, "he is a good son."

So what does this have to do with Christian dating? Isn't it obvious? Don't upset your mother!

Seriously, it adds one more thing to the list. If he is a guy that deals with a lot of business like a CEO or is managing his own business, make sure there is a year's salary in the bank so he can concentrate on making good memories with his newly married bride that she can cherish when he is away from the home. He is taking the time to solidify those things that he learned about her when he was dating her and at the same time preparing her to be satisfied in that home. That time strengthens the bond of the two that cannot be penetrated by man. Its a good step to add on to the plan.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Marriage Bed Is Undefiled

The marriage bed is the point of a sort of Utopia in which the Christian couple can partake thereof free from any sort of guilt (that is, if they didn't wait prior to getting married - just being real). It is where the consummation of the blessed union takes place. It is the reason many young people rush into things without checking for all of the other priorities first. It is the place where the couple begins their life together in bliss or the beginnings of constant turmoil.

I wrote a number of entries about the troubles a couple can receive if marrying on an impulse. This is not what I am writing for now. The thoughts of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ not having a full scope of  how necessary maturity in Christ must be in order to marry was bothering me. You see, when dating for the purposes of marriage comes about, there are two different people with thoughts and ideas of what they want in a marriage.  Those two people lived lives in a household, more then likely completely different from the other person. These days, there are so many children that have survived ordeals conducive of actual warfare. From child abuse to seeing another family member be abused, it has an effect on the child even into adulthood. Children have been neglected in all sorts of ways and have grown up to do the same to others if not their own children. I have spoken to people, born again Christians, who are still in need of being delivered from making things appear normal to others outside but inside the home cause havoc. But one cannot tell this from the outward appearance of an individual. Prayers have been made and deliverance has met that need - in the name of Jesus (James 5:16 KJV).

This is why the church has to pray for the younger generation. It is the struggle and a temptation as to why many people have the idea of cohabitation before marriage. The old adage that is said, you don't know the other person really until you live with them has some credence - in the world. People who don't believe that Jesus is Lord can and will do whatever their flesh tells them (Galatians 5:19-21 KJV). Living together is a natural occurrence for them and whatever they do thereafter makes perfect sense. Nevertheless, we are in Christ and in Him values of Him have precedence being steadfast in patience and the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26 KJV).

Keeping those principles paramount is why the marriage bed can be what the Word says that it is - undefiled. having the impulse of rushing into marriage does not change the scripture - not in the least. I use to wonder about the desires of people - even in righteousness. We all have desires and the Word tells us that in righteousness our desires are granted (Proverbs 10:24 KJV). God has given us desires for a reason. We can relish that in due season we will have the reward that all of those desires are going to be met - one way or another. You see, many times when we do that self examination, we have to clear out some old ways that should have died in our every day walk in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP). There is a reason to get that mind renewed daily (Romans 12:2 AMP). The old has to pass away because the Word says it has to. God being who He is, is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6 KJV). If  you have desires that are not conducive of a holy nature but with remnants of carnality, then there is going to be a problem (Romans 8:6-8 KJV). One of those problems is your frustration in not getting what you want.

I went before the Lord in asking, why would there be infidelity with believers of Christ? How could this be with the knowledge of who God is (Hebrew 10:25-27 AMP)? How could there be carnality if the purpose of getting married was to be rid of all of that? How could a man in Christ still have a stash of pornography that he needs to look at now and again in order to perform sexually? Is it alright for a married person to look at someone else who is attractive but not to touch (Matthew 5:27-29 KJV)? Why would a man in Christ need "little blue" pills to make his wife happy? Do those pills make him happy as well? It is the stuff that has happened without the self examination and marriage went forth as planned. God is good and will not reward poor judgement.

If ever there be a question why she won't do such and such but she did this before we were married - you now have the answer. If she has a desire to do a thing and you don't know why she never mentioned it before, you now have your answer. If the idea of having a sexual relationship with your intended makes your skin crawl but everything else about the person is so good and right, you now have your answer. The Word tells us that heaven and earth will pass away but the Word shall remain (Matthew 24:35 KJV). There is no getting around that. The marriage bed will never be defiled (Hebrews 13:4 KJV). You cannot keep hidden those odd things you would like your spouse to do under the guise of being submitted to the other and expect good to come out of it. Either those odd desires you once had are no longer or you have fed them for so long, the desire to stay in the relationship will end. Its the one way or another I was referring to earlier. God's will be done.

Monday, July 11, 2011

How Much Love Do You Have In You?

The Word tells us to walk by faith and not by sight and for us to walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. With this understanding, do we then have clear insight of the things that we see and desire afterwards? I know I have seen somethings and made a declaration that the thing that I saw will be mine or such and such I will have... you know, something along that nature. I didn't take the time to ask God if that would be good for me to have, I just declared and went on about my business thinking that eventually I will receive that (1 Corinthians 6:12 AMP).

Once mature in Christ, one might read that first paragraph and congratulate me in creating my world just as God did. We are made in His image and it is what He expects for all of us to do. God has reminded me of this when I have gotten myself in all sorts of mess thinking that I could work it out but the more declaration I was making, the worse it was getting. Consequently in all of the power that has been given to me in Christ Jesus, I still don't have the omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresence that God has (Matthew 19:26 KJV). He has my blueprint. He created me and knows what I would like and what would eventually irritate me. Now here is the rhema ... knowing that He has this on me, He also has the same information about you!

Now, with all of that in mind, if you saw the ideal person for you in Christ Jesus and got to praying for him/her and just when you got the attention of the intended for the relationship to do what it does and all of those tingly wonderful feelings were about to begin; anticipating all of that, then God tells you, "would you have prayed as long and hard if this person was for one of your brothers/sisters in Christ?" Meaning, that person whom you have declared as your spouse is already promised for someone else, would you have the same tenacity and fervor in prayer as you did for yourself? Most of us, knowing how God is and who He is, would say a resounding yes; however, placed in position of being disappointed first that he/she is already spoken for and God has you get up in the wee hours of the morning to pray for this person to be someone else's spouse? Is it still a resounding yes and if so, how long did you pray seeing that he/she isn't for you and you won't be living live that wonderful life as you prayed for yourself with that person? Is that Love still there? Are you still being fervent about your prayers concerning that person? You know how you continue to pray for things until the manifestation came about? Are you doing that sort of praying? Be honest. Could you be the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17-22 AMP)?