Thursday, April 19, 2012

Dear John/Jane, Its Not You....

There comes a time in a relationship (before marriage) where one has to be true to oneself. God tells us what we should and shouldn't do. Whether we hear Him or even listen to His voice is a matter we will contend with sooner or later. The Word tells us that the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and show us things that are to come (John 16:13 KJV). Some call those things, red flags. How many do you have to see before calling the whole thing off?

Seriously, I get it. Its been a long time between relationships and that nagging thought that this one could be your last chance, is like carrying a boulder on your back. Nevertheless, would God do that to you? Would He have you worried or anxious over such silly matters as this one being the last chance with over 6 billion people on the planet (Luke 12:24-26 AMP)? Of course not. And why are you worrying over such things when you have so many other matters to contend with. What about your assignment and that career that you are anointed to do better then anyone else? What about caring for the family you already have rather then thinking about your age and whether you will have any children or not. You do understand that God can't take care of it until you stop making it your god. That's what worrying is - idol worship (Luke 12:28-30 AMP).

And while we are on the subject, how much time have you spent with God since that relationship started? God is the One that has kept you all of this time and now that he/she has come along, you neglect the only support that's been with you when no one else cared or understood (1 Corinthians 7:32-37 AMP)? Humongous red flag! Has this person ever talked you out of your regular routine of prayer and worship? If yes, that's another one waving in your face. Has this person ever have you in a compromising position? Have you ever had to make decisions that made you rethink your morals, values, and ethics because of this person? Have you ever minimized a matter because he/she thought you were making it bigger then it really is? Have you really overlooked every last one of these warning signs? Really?

Alright, lets go in a different direction. Do you think you are too far in to call it quits? What's too far in? You've already met the family? The engagement has been on way too long? Wedding plans have been made? Money has been spent? What is too far gone? The tuxedo and gowns have been fitted and purchased? The flowers are ordered? The hall is booked and none of that money is refundable? So what!!?

Money can be made again (Matthew 6:23-24 AMP). You have come too far seeking joy and peace to let them all go now just to save face. Pride goes before a fall. Get rid of the pride now before a fall takes place. There is no need to be foolish and ruin someone else's life. That's something to consider. If you have doubts now, know that those doubts will only get worse as the marriage continues and it will be noticeable to the other person. Meantime, the one that was meant for each of you is wandering around asking God what happened. Think about that for a moment: the Holy Spirit leads us in a specific direction if we are willing. There we are completing that task assigned and every once in awhile someone screws up, but another shows and gives some instruction - a little correction and we are back on track again. We have a goal. Our latter is greater then our former (Haggai 2:9 AMP). Then someone gets enticed with muscles or large breasts; listening to instruction isn't as clear anymore because the flesh has resurrected. That well oiled machine isn't working as well anymore because someone is out of place not doing the assigned task. In a factory, the product is coming down an assembly line to be checked and packaged. The checkers are there doing what they are supposed to. The packers are there waiting for the checked items to package. Only, there are no boxes to put them in. The packers can only save a few of the bottles and the rest go crashing to the floor. Who missed getting the boxes in place? Where are the boxes? How will management meet the assigned date to have the inventory complete when the product is not in the boxes as planned?

This is the same analogy as the 10 virgins waiting for the bridegroom (Matthew 25:1-13 AMP). Five were prepared and the other five weren't. Why do you think that could be? Could one have been entertaining the desires of another? Could one have been doing something outside from the assignment given? Could one have been searching on their own for a mate? Could one have been worrying about how long the process would take? Does all of that grieve the Holy Spirit? Does all of that cause the enemy to steal that anointing that has been given to you for the purposes of the Lord's arrival? That information isn't given. What is stated is that the Lord tells those five virgins on the outside, "I don't know you." That is one scary statement.

Its an important leap - matrimony is. You have to know that you know that this person is the one. If there is any doubt that God has not delivered you from, make the letter to let the other person off as easy as possible. Of course it will hurt, but better now then later when emotions, history, and regrets are in place. It is a nasty scene no matter how cordial one tries to be when a divorce is in the works. Children aren't as resilient as one would hope. Maturity takes a back seat when assets are being divided. And let's not go into there being someone else. Its like added fuel to embers. What can be considered is how God hates divorce. There is no getting around that one. While it has been going on like a person waking in the morning and brushing his teeth, divorce is never as simple as all of that. Even when the papers have been signed and the lawyers have been paid, the pain continues for years after depending on the heart of the other and in whom his/her trusts has been placed.

So before taking that long walk down the aisle, don't wait for the first argument before realizing that you have had rose colored glasses on all of this time and then rip them off by saying something insensitive like, 

No one liked you when we were dating and now I know why
or My parents warned me about you
or Don't say something that your divorce attorney can't work out 

Those nasty words after you have been warned repeatedly by the Holy Spirit will only get you in further trouble with God. You are talking about His child that you no longer desire to be married to. The very one you pleaded with God to have. The very one you hoped would be impressed even with all of your faults. The very one you said is your soul mate and would love forever. Yes, that one.

Be honest with yourself instead of trying to please everyone else. Yes, some will be upset with you and they will get over it - eventually. Don't keep waiting until the last minute. Acknowledge Him and repent for neglecting Him. God will forgive you and then tell you what to do to clean up this mess before going any further. Those that are already married and living in regret - its so much more complicated then what you have read here (view some resolve here). Those of you who are single - take that last statement as another warning. If its forever and you have peace about it - its God and proceed as planned. To all else - you know what you have to do.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Its Just Sex

The complacency of such a statement as if there is nothing to it, often happens when caught in the act. I know with the seasoned believer there wouldn't be such a phrase in the mind of one who knows that he/she is housing the Holy Spirit within (1 Corinthians 6:19 AMP). In trying to make it a cliche is what the baby Christian might still be struggling to contend with. How to decipher what is old and what is new is why I write this entry. You must understand that its not as simple as it just being sex. Sex is more complicated then people have coined it to be over the last 30 years. Once there is an understanding that sex is meant to be monogamous, there will also be a clear perception of the new. The old has passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP).

I heard this phrase when a man was trying to convince his wife that what he had with another woman while still married to her didn't mean anything. Of course he didn't believe this and the feeble attempts to explain this to his wife with such a statement proved that he was lying. If it were as simple and casual as all of that, why hide? Why not be open and honest about the matter. If it shouldn't matter, why not tell her/him this while dating? And if dating, why not be bold and tell of what is really on your mind when the relationship is new and emotions aren't involved. Answer: because it isn't as simple as all of that. What if the tables were turned and she was saying this to her husband after he caught her with another man? Would he be as willing to forgive as he expected her to be? Could she be as carefree as if it didn't matter? Is there a double standard where casual sex is concerned?

Let's explore this double standard and obliterate the lunacy of it. For some reason and for as long as I could remember, men have sowed their wild oats and when he was ready to marry, he went to church to get a suitable bride to bring home to his parents so they could be pleased of the wonderful son they raised and his selection of the woman he would like to add to the family.
She will bring him some wonderful sons. 
She's got good birthin' hips. 
Did you know she is a wonderful cook too
they would all say after seeing her a few times and asking her a barrage of questions just to make sure she wasn't all dressed up and covering the real slut that is within. Pleased with their son's selection, the wedding proceeds without a hitch. No one even mentions the wild times their son had before he brought this girl to them. No one mentions it because it is expected. It has been the order of things for years.

Now way back when they use to be called good girls. The good ol' boys were trying to date those good girls and bring home to meet Momma but at the same time try to get into her pants. As long as she refused him, she was considered a good girl. Eventually he would be upset at her refusals. It would be her fault trying to entice him by wearing perfume and lipstick (there didn't have to be a reason, he knew what he wanted to do before she got in the car). With another rejection at his attempts, his reaction would be calling her out of her name. Names like frigged, ugly and a wall flower. Feelings were: hurt, love, and confused; she didn't like to see him angry so she complied to what he wanted. Afterwards, he stopped declaring his all consuming love for her - there was no need. She would be thinking that because she proved she loved him, they would be together forever. Meantime, he is telling his buddies that he got him some of Peggy (or Sally Sue or Mary Lou, or whoever). Once that news was out, Peggy was not only popular but not suitable to take home to see anybody's Momma. Was it like that for the son that had as many girls as he could have before he settled down? No. That was then. Is it  any different now?

Actually, it is but in a very odd way. Not as much as one use to but there is still wild oats being sowed and women do theirs as well. With diseases being a foot, there is a little more caution then there use to be. Sex education is being taught at an early age because of the fear that children will be trying it anyway so why not educate them so they can do it properly (ha...well, that's what they said when I was in school). Teen pregnancies were on an all time high for awhile and now there are television shows about it and sitcoms! The premise being, that it has become a part of our culture and instead of fighting it, its embraced.Teens who have decided to be virgins until marriage or in love, which ever comes first, has to make a declaration so not to be tempted by outsiders. If you take both eras and put them side by side trying to find similarities but definitely noticing the differences - wouldn't you think it being odd?

I believe that some of the numbers in the divorce rate has much to do with this very same subject matter. Making sex casual is something that should stay in the movies rather then making it a life goal. Men don't like having a woman that has been around. What makes men think that women like a man that has been around? Is that experience that he has had with all of those wild oats the appealing factor? Will he have the experience to be a better lover with his final intended? If this is true, why wouldn't it also be true for his wife?  If she were more experienced, won't she be a better lover to him? And if this is such a good idea and has done well in the past, why isn't it written in the bible as instruction for us to follow on a constant (Romans 8:5-8 AMP)?

The truth be told, women carry the next generation in their bodies and so do men. According to science, women produce all of the eggs they are ever going to have while the female is being created in her mother's womb. Men's sperm is created on a constant as it is being used. Interesting as this is, the way God has created each and every one of us, how then can one use what God has orchestrated with such precision so casually?

Sex is not something that is needed for us to live. Food, water, shelter, civil rights is what is needed. Without this our quality of life is at risk. Sex is a necessity for pro-creation. Pleasure is exclusive to the one he or she has been saving it for. This is what should be said when the tempting line comes about. You know what I mean. When you tell your date no and he/she says, "but we love each other, right? What are you saving it for then? If you are ever asked that question, know that individual does not love you and the love of Christ is questionable whether it is in him/her. The true Christian would know the answer and never ask the question.

Its not just sex. It is intimacy saved for the one deserving of it. If you are watchful who you give your heart to, why be so cavalier about something as intimate as sex? Plus, whether you know it or not, as casual as you might think it could be, emotions do get involved. If it wasn't you the first few times, it will be. Then what? Should that person now be as sensitive as you have been with your past conquests? Consider your ways.