Tuesday, April 29, 2014

He Gets a Pass?

How does that work? Please explain it to me so I can be as meek and humble as you are (Matthew 11:29 AMP). Isn't that the reason you gave him a pass? I mean, you are trying your level best to live accordingly and he has been on you like he'll keel over and die if he doesn't get his next "love" fix. So why does he get a pass to go off and do what he does with someone else but is still engaged to be married to you?

Boys will be boys is a subject matter I wrote about in this very blog some years ago. In it, we actually wrestle with the foolishness that a woman desires to have a boy in a relationship. She needs a man. Boys aren't responsible or disciplined. Just look at a bunch of teens. Every freaking thing is funny and they think their exploits are original and cool. My point being, to hit it and quit it is something a boy is expected to do. He doesn't care. A woman seeing those characteristics won't stick around to see what the end results might bring. She already knows - move on!

I frown when I hear women giving their fiances, boyfriends, and in some cases husbands a pass. Their reason being that in a relationship, one must take the good along with the bad (2 Corinthians 6:13-15 AMP). That in a relationship, no one is perfect (Hebrews 6:1 AMP). In a relationship, communication and honesty is key and it is better that he tells her what he did then for her to find out through other means (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). Hm, while it all sounds as if its good because we have heard it so many times before, all I really hear is insecurity and a reason for her to get a pass too. Know that the shoe doesn't fit as neat and comfortable when he has to give her a pass. As much as it isn't accepted, there is still a double standard. He can speak and act like its okay but on the inside you are a definite whore in his eyes. He will plot for you to leave him because of your infidelity. There maybe some exceptions, but seriously seek marital counseling to make sure
all is actually well.

Why is that? Why aren't men as forgiving as women? Why do we accept so much crap knowing its painful to deal with but there are children involved, a mortgage to keep up with, and what would be the plan if you leave? Did I answer that question with a question? Is it because men bounce back (financially) faster then a woman can...even these days when women have more to work with now then ever before? Are men not as forgiving because their relationship with God isn't as strong or is it their faith that is at fault?

I have my own theories. You see we know that without faith its impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). We have exhausted what characteristics to look for in a mate in so many entries in this blog. We have discussed all of the pitfalls to look for when he/she is gorgeous, there is still a loop hole created and available just for you to be safe (Psalm 91:1-8 AMP). Even compromising our standards have been studied and thoroughly divided (Proverbs 25:26 AMP). So what could it be now? Where has this element of getting a  "pass" been? Answer: Tucked away right under your nose.

Its that small element that can guide a ship to its destination or be completely destroyed. That small tool that causes cursing and blessing. That one tiny device that will make a man believe you love him and one fault will cause you to hate the day he was born. It is the power of your tongue (James 3:1-10 AMP).

You see, I have been wondering how long men were going keep embracing the idea that they are dogs. Why would this be considered a good thing to them? I recall a young man not only liked the idea but changed the spelling of the word. It wasn't long before being a dog was more like being a DAWG. I guess the misspelling of that word made it cool. But you are still calling him what it is...an animal - albeit domestic, its still an animal. Nevertheless, a generation of DAWGS grew up just long enough to do what the actual animal does. Have you seen a female dog in heat? They attract at least 8 other male dogs and are walking the streets until exhausted. During their walk, they stop every few steps and take turns mounting her. This continues until her cycle is over. Now back to that generation doing what animals do. As they have mounted women who have accepted them and their flaws, seed has been sown and now miniature replicas of these DAWGS have been produced. Others have grown and written music calling now some of their female counter parts bitches.
Aren't bitches female dogs? Well, who likes to be called a bitch? It used to be fighting words when I was a teen. Then it changed to being a bee-yatch. Was that better? I suppose....its not something to fight about anymore. Friends now call each other their bitches and the guys call each other their dawgs. Alright, now there's more then one generation growing and procreating where being a bitch and a dog is acceptable.

Oh, now it makes sense. Seeing we speak to those things that be not as though they were, we have called it into existence (Romans 4:17, Mark 11:24, Hebrews 11:1AMP) . Well of course the guys can have a pass for mounting her then. It was his duty with her being in heat and all. Selah.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Your Standards

One lesson that has been driven home for me over the years is to never settle for less than what you are believing for. Would that also be true for a life long mate and can women have those standards as well? You better believe we can and yes, it is most important for any life altering decision! Do you think if you don't lower your expectations, you will never be married? Puh-leeze, there are plenty of scallywags and dregs of society that are more than willing to take you for everything you have. Some take longer then others. In order to have that sort of future, go ahead without God. Crap will find you. You become a magnet for it.

There is a hoity-toity minister that announced every time she asks God for something she gets it. She then told us all that she wishes to be married and asked God for a husband. Don't get me started on the kind of faith she was using to make that announcement rather then keeping her request between her and God. Anyway, she concluded with that she expects to be married or engaged within the year. The year came and left. I wondered if anyone taunted her about that announcement she made. There were no prospects insight or maybe she was keeping the prospect her own personal secret ... or wishes she kept her announcement her own personal secret. Nevertheless, we learned a couple of lessons whether she was a willing participant in teaching them to us or not. One, keep your big mouth shut! Two, did she meet her Mr. Right, but didn't like what she saw? Remember, she is hoity-toity. What does that look like in a man? Ew or yum?

Years past, I have been waffling with the idea of being remarried. I have enjoyed being single and I actually like my own company. There is no drama unless I watch one in a movie. I keep my peace when issues arise in the work place and when I pray about the matter to God, there is no back lash or recollection of my past or anything of the like. When I put something in the refrigerator, its there when I look for it. The toilet seat is always down. My bed is made in the morning and the sheets are clean when I get into it. What's not to like about being single (Philippians 4:11 AMP)? Hearing compliments, a hug when you need one, conversation, and reciprocating power and strength right when you need a suddenly. So there is the waffle. In order to come to God with your request in giving up the single life, you must know that you know, it is no longer a desire for you ever to be single again. Go over my list again. Add in some of your own things. Is that more appealing to you then sharing every aspect of your life with someone else? Make your own pros and cons list. One for being married and the other for remaining single. Which list makes you smile more?

I wrote an entry entitled, Slim Pick'ns. Its one that is quite popular. In it I describe, mostly for women, how as we get older the selection of men being of a certain quality also begin to get less and less. While some women start to panic and think if she doesn't get someone soon she will be a spinster, I try to put the reader at ease. Its what we wish for. We hope that the selection gets narrower and narrower so that when we choose, its easy and mistakes are few. However, while we are waiting, which may seem like its taking FOREVER, notice a few things about yourself. The standards that you have placed for this person to be, can you meet them? Do you have rock hard abs and a tight tushie? Are your nipples pointed to the South or North? How intelligent are you? Are you pulling in 6 figures? What about the car your driving? Is it up to date or at least clean? Are you going bald? What do your toenails look like? If he puts the toilet seat down, do you use all of the towels or have your dainties dripping everywhere? Though some of these questions sound shallow, be honest. You do look to see if he/she does or has any of them, don't you?

And so when we answer these things and find that we have some cleaning of our own habits to get rid of, are we willing to do that? Is this where the settling comes from? We can't get the best that God has to offer us, because of ....US? Do we lower our standards to what we can tolerate yet it becomes intolerable as the years pass? Is that what has happened? You've essentially stopped fighting the good fight? Too hard to conceive? Think about it.

We like to think of getting this Boaz eventually if we maintain the faith. Or guys getting this dutiful and faithful Ruth if he does all that Boaz did. Look at what you are hoping for in real terms rather then the romantic ones. First, its the Old Testament and people were under a different dispensation. The curse was alive and in operation. Second, Ruth was a Moabite. She had not learned all of the ways of the Jewish faith. She was still being taught and along the way, she would have done anything to be remarried. Notice how she lied when asked where she should be in the field. Boaz said stay close to the maidens (Ruth 2:8 AMP). Naomi said stay close to the maidens (Ruth 2:22 AMP). Ruth said she was told to stay close to the men (Ruth (2:21 AMP). There are other places where Ruth takes liberties but it can be argued otherwise. This reference, however is clear. Boaz then had to finagle to get Ruth (Ruth 3:12-13 AMP). There was an order of things by which the marriage had to take place within the family. For Boaz to get his way, he had to be deceptive (Ruth 4:1-11 AMP). Do you see the common thread in Ruth and Boaz? Where was God mentioned in any of that? Did it all come out well in the end? I suppose so...look how many years it took before Jesus was born (Ruth 4:17-22 AMP). Should it have to be that long before the blessing can be in operation? The fairy tale aspect of it sounds wonderful and we don't think of it as a fairy tale because it is the Word of God. Nevertheless, if you don't see the matter in real terms, you cannot be set free (John 8:32 AMP).

Giving up the good fight is delving back into habits that should have been dead (1 Timothy 6:12 AMP). Ruth lied. Boaz was deceptive. The enemy is the father of lies (John 8:43-45 AMP). Why give him place? What happened to faith after asking God? Impatient? That's not good.

If you have high standards, that's wonderful. God's standards are also high for us to meet them so we can see Him more clearly everyday (Matthew 7:12-14 AMP). Now we place those sorts of standards on our potential mates because we mimic our heavenly Father. Again, this is good. God is pleased. But here is where the separation comes in. God teaches us how to get there. Have you prayed for your mate on a daily basis? Have you prayed for yourself on a daily basis? Your answer shows where your standards are. Selah.





Monday, April 7, 2014

Service With A Smile

Why would you think as soon as you find the person you are to marry that your services are no longer to submit to your husband when he is looking for you to be. But what about his service? Is he not to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25 AMP)? What does he think that means? Jesus served. He washed the feet of the disciples (John 13:5-10 AMP). He humbled himself. When a man reminds his wife about submission, does that sound like what Jesus did with the church? Jesus said that He came not to condemn man but for man to have life and have it more abundantly (John 3:17 AMP). Does the man have that same characteristic when he interacts with her? If he doesn't have it while dating, he won't be this way during the marriage.
If you served before dating, why do you think it changes? This is more true of men then it is of women. Women know that men need help. We are conditioned to serve. Why don't men have this same training?

I recall a young man telling me that his mother taught him not to be embarrassed when he had to go to the store to purchase his wife's feminine products. He also claimed that his mother taught him how to cook as well, just in case his wife would need for him to do so if nothing else for himself. He was pleased that he had all of these skills and knew it was a selling point to tell the woman of his desires for her to marry him. He did find a woman that appealed to him, yet when she asked him to do all of those things his mother had taught him to do, it was like pulling teeth from a brick. He found every excuse not to do it and called her lazy for asking him. It got to the point where he thought killing a bug was too much for him to do for her. His reasoning was, what if he weren't there and the children needed her protection? He said she needed the practice in killing bugs and spiders herself. Is it a wonder why she didn't feel affectionate towards him in a few years after they married? If she continued her service with a smile despite his services towards her, would there be consequences in his life (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:35, Romans 12:14, 1 Peter 3:9 AMP)? Is God in agreement with this man and his reasoning?

A young woman, not knowing until brought to her attention, looked at her husband in disdain because he found it difficult to keep a job. She could not respect a man that had her as a wife and a family to support yet did not do whatever he could to stay employed. It became increasingly difficult for her to talk to him without bickering. She knew what her obligation to do as a Christian was, but for some reason, it was too much for her to be kind and loving to the man she promised herself to. Was it her fault? Because he cannot keep a job and is the head of her, could she lose her Christian principles? Did she have a right to be disrespectful towards him (1 Peter 3:2 AMP)?

A woman at her desk was called into her supervisor's office. The supervisor tells her that the work schedule is wrong so changes were made to make the schedule more comparable to the order of things in the work place. The woman looks at the schedule and sees that all of her days that she has had for the last 3 years have been changed. Her supervisor tells her that this is the schedule that they agreed to months ago. The woman disagreed and told her supervisor it was a mistake. She continued that she never agreed to those changes. The supervisor claimed that at the meeting with all of the employees at the beginning of the year never said anything including the woman. So it was the schedule agreed to and there was nothing she could do about it. The woman realizing she was fighting a losing battle gets up to leave. Just then she remembered that she had an email confirming the changes of the schedule were unfounded and not agreed to. She sends the email to her supervisor. The supervisor sends a response, there will be no changes to the schedule. Is this a fight that needs to be taken to Human Resources? Would it be worth it knowing this woman would have to go back and work with this same supervisor? Can she come back the next day smiling ready to work knowing that her supervisor is less then honorable? Would God be pleased if she did or would He be more pleased if she quit (Ephesians 6:5-10 AMP)?

These are some of the things we go through as Christians and for some, these things are minute and elementary to deal with. For others, it is the reason your peace is troubled. It reminds me when I was a child. I have an older brother who used to tease me incessantly. It thrilled him the more I shrieked for him to leave me alone. Sometimes we would wrestle and other times it would be physically fighting. I would be hitting him as hard as I could and he'd just laugh. The thing is, we never crossed the line to pick up a weapon to hurt one another. There would have been serious and more then likely fatal damage if we had. My point is, when or why would anyone go beyond the boundaries that have been given to us (Galatians 5:16-25 AMP)?

We know who we are in Christ. We know what is expected of us. We know that if we don't pass these tests, the test will continue to come back until we do. When dating, people have such silly ideals they need to do in order to see what is the tolerance level of the intended. If anyone decides to do such mind games, walk away. He /she will continue to do so and it is a seed sown that you will have to suffer if you continue with the relationship anyway. If you leave while you can, pray for that person to stop playing the games, otherwise he/she will meet their match and won't like the end results.

I originally wrote this entry for the Kingdom Life blog. It answers the question, is this all there is or why a
Christian would question the keys to the life they chose. This entry does answer that question to some degree. It also answers to the Christian single why he/she isn't comfortable with their choice not to be married. People have reasons for doing and living in the matter they choose. Some like their mess. That doesn't mean you have to wallow in it too. If they can find a reason to retaliate when Jesus says that the revenge belongs to Him, who are you to do otherwise? You have more reason to smile knowing that you have an ally that has your back (Hebrews 13:5 AMP).




Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Exclusivity

Really? When two Christian people decide to date, does this subject come up? How? Why? Isn't it already understood that one doesn't date just to fill time or to comfort one's loins? Isn't it already established that Christians date for the purposes of marriage? Have I been wasting my time for the last 4 years with this blog?

These questions must show the frustration that ministers go through saying the same things over and over again in hopes that the listeners have done just that. Yet Paul experienced the same aggravation when asking if one has to go back to the milk of the Word because you have become dull in your spiritual walk (Hebrews 5:11-14 AMP). And yet teen pregnancy is on the rise.

My son and cousin said to me, "...well, you know, people are people." Its not all that profound and I don't think either of them were trying to be. Even in context, its just as simple as it is. However, as I said to them, as true as that might be, there is a certain standard...an expectation remains for those that have accepted the responsibility of being a Christian and are diligent with being loyal to the rudimentary principles. I expect it of them and myself with what I know about the Word. How much more so would our Heavenly Father?

God expects exclusivity. He tells us, to be a friend of the world, is being His enemy (James 4:4 AMP). He tells us that you cannot serve Him and mammon (Luke 16:13 AMP). Adam, Jonah, Samuel, Solomon, and the children of Israel didn't get an "atta boy" when they decided to disobey God and follow after their own fears and lusts. So what makes any of us think we will get that pat on the back when we don't wait on Him and begin the dating process of several people just to get one really good ___________ (you fill in the blank). What won't be a true statement is filling the blank with such words as blessing, spouse, satisfied feeling, thing, or problem solved.

Nevertheless, we have a responsibility to watch and pray (Matthew 26:41, Mark 13:33, Mark 14:38, Ephesians 6:18 AMP). So while going through the interviewing process of dating, ask the question if the other person is being exclusive with you right now. Just get that pesky thing out of the way. But note the expression, the raised brow and high pitched voice (if any). You see, that person is of a different sort and more then likely is surprised that you even bothered to ask. They hoped that the devotion they displayed spoke for itself and exclusivity was obvious. Course, I was thinking that too of all single Christians before I wrote this blog. Oh well, you know people.