It is normal to ask a man, if he hasn't already told you, what it was that attracted him to you. Some might speak in a riddle thinking he is cute, a poem, or directly. Whichever the way he chooses, the intention is still the same: flattery and distraction. Now let that settle for a moment, knowing who you are in Christ.
First, this is for the ladies, though the guys are welcome to continue on reading. Second, I know this is going to mess up many of men and the rap they have been using for years; nevertheless, if you continue to read this, you will realize how much sense it makes and why neither you or him has been getting anywhere with your relationship.
Flattery is what we all like to hear and while they are talking, depending on whether you are mature enough, we look into their eyes and for mannerisms to see if the guy with all of his lovely language is being sincere or is his plan less then honorable (Matthew 7:17-19 AMP). Distraction takes the focus off of the good intentions, if there were any. If what is on your mind is to date for the purposes of marriage without having to compromise your principles, a smooth talker can change all of that (Psalms 55:21 AMP). How? There are those who are starved for affection and attention. All it takes is the tiniest of compliment to turn the head - and that's not good.
A young man asked about a young woman who was raised by her single mother with no brothers. It was like a wolf stalking his prey. By asking about this young woman to anyone who knew her, he was doing what many evangelists and pastors have suggested for single people to do (Proverbs 7:4-5 AMP). However, if she isn't mature and has some sort of identity crisis, she would be one of many that fall victim to the "booty call" - the wolf's answer to her quiet shrieking need for attention and affection. This kind of interaction is quick, satisfying (temporarily), having little to no concern for the casualties (children being influenced) in its quake (Mark 9:42 AMP). With this same need by so many and because of the mistakes from the previous generation, this guy could juggle 2-3 of them just by using flattery for distraction.
What mistakes from the previous generation? The ones when we were told to be in the house before the street lights came on, but thought we were grown enough to do whatever we wanted to do....and then 9 months later have all kinds of excuses for not wanting to take care of those responsibilities (Proverbs 10:17 AMP). Nevertheless, instead of learning that valuable and exhausting lesson, either from personal experience, a parent's re-evaluating what didn't work the first time, or seeking counseling, the young woman is now focusing on getting married to have a father figure for the unplanned child. That never happens because there are more wolves then there are decent guys in the land of Oakie Doke and unbeknownst to her - she has turned into one of them (a she-wolf). She continues to be distracted having another unplanned pregnancy for that child to be starved for attention and affection as well. Meaning, she is raising more of them to be like her...and they aren't all female. "Everyone makes mistakes," is the slogan of the world; however, after the 3rd, 5th, and 7th child all having different fathers and no one pays child support - its no longer considered a mistake but a choice of lifestyle (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). You see, flattery does get you somewhere, just not where you thought you would be.
On the flip side, I have to refer to my Lord and Savior. From the Old Testament, the prophetic Word keeps appearing about the coming of the Messiah and what He is going to do. The people are anticipating His coming. Their preparation is keeping the 10 Commandments in hopes that they are righteous enough for Him. When He comes (The New Testament), those who are aware come baring gifts. As He grows from a boy to a man, the gifts don't stop coming and the Word tells us what catches His eye. He notices the best efforts and its faith that gets His attention (Luke 8:43-48 AMP). The affection He has for people never ceases and it is noticeable every time He comes to see us (Matthew 9:23-25 AMP). He speaks kindly and has thought provoking words that changes us from the inside out (John 4:1-42 AMP). When He leaves its only for a moment so we can build our faith as He did so we can be more like Him (John 16:7 AMP). Why would we need to be more like Him? So we are recognized when He comes for His bride.
Look at this from a smaller scale, before the fall of man. There was no sin. It is the place we are trying to get to again. This place is heaven; nevertheless, in the garden of Eden, God and Adam corresponded. When it was all said and done, there was a presentation made - woman. The fall happened after the presentation and then God asked, "where are you?" Something happened that separated the correspondence - sin. Jesus came so we could have that correspondence again. For it is written, no one can come to the Father but through the Son. This lesson is not bashed over our heads to be submissive nor is it needed to be used as a fear tactic to be a Christian nor used as bribe for us to do as He would have us to do. This is what man has done to it. God is good and loves us. The lesson is clear for us to decide what we are going to do with our lives. Once the decision is made (life), the understanding is next, which leads to the abundance He came to give (John 10:10 AMP).
Now, if we take the method Jesus used - the mistake slogan can fall by the way side. In Christ, there is no identity crisis. We have much to do and are about our Father's business. Because of this, the intentions are always good and honorable. Flattering words become annoying because the flesh has been crucified with its lusts and affections (Galatians 5:24 AMP). We know we are loved and receive attention through Him because our worship and praise are reciprocated. He delights in the prosperity of His servants because our faith is constantly working. Why? We know its impossible to please Him without it.
So you see there is a difference between gushing over someone and being wooed. Gushing feeds the flesh and temporarily sustains the lust and greedy appetite. Wooing draws the Spirit and plants your feet to walk on a plain path. Gushing will eventually leave you alone and desperate. Wooing will keep you filled and builds you up to be strong and mature. Your eyes must be open to these tactics or you will be prey to temptation that is waiting for a fall - again.
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