Monday, February 2, 2015

"No Matter What I Do, Just Keep Giving Honey"

The title of this entry reminds me of a statement I heard a man say to his wife. A wife that was overwhelmed with things he had her do for him. She was frustrated because being married to him was nothing she expected nor anything he promised her. When she reached the end of her rope, he would remind her about being submissive and the Lord would find favor in all that she does as his wife. Whatever she was about to say was stifled because she did, if nothing else, wished to be pleasing to the Lord (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Years passed and he continued to remind her of this honey statement until she finally said to him, "How can I keep giving you honey when you have done nothing for me to produce it?" At that, he was at a loss for words (Ephesians 5:25 AMP).

A woman can tolerate so much because, if mature, she can see the big picture and strives to achieve that goal. She hopes for her children to be happy and for her husband to be satisfied daily (Proverbs 31 AMP). She uses what she has and makes it into something that marvels most. Give her a house, she makes a home. Give her a bag of groceries, she can cook a satisfying meal. Give her love, appreciation, and affection and the limits of what she does with it hasn't been measured. So why don't we know of these women, or do we? So why haven't we heard about these attributes that men have and give to their wives, or have we? Are these lessons taught in the church or was I absent that day?

A pastor said that men are hunters and women are gatherers. Men are rational and women are emotional. Men like to have facts and women like to hear stories. From that perspective, one can see how human kind has evolved, I suppose. But we are also Christians and have put away with that neanderthal sinful nature (Ephesians 4:16-32 AMP). We have learned to be more like Christ and walk in love in all that we do. We have accepted the Holy Spirit as our comfort and our guide, so for the most part, we all should be walking the same path in agreement. We are laborers working for the harvest that belongs to God. We understand what has to be heard for the harvest to be great (Luke 19:2 AMP). We understand that we walk the narrow way because there will be too many trying to incorporate ways that don't belong to God and will be headed for destruction (Matthew 7:13 AMP). So you can see, there is no gender divide as long as we continue to be focused on the things above.

How has this very simple thing called dating become so difficult and convoluted then? Why are women struggling to get men to understand them and men choose to be non-communicative with their wives yet so talkative to women they haven't invested anything in? How do men expect for their wives to be perceptive and attentive to them when they haven't made those same deposits? How can you expect kindness to do what it does if we are still holding on to the sinful nature? The world thinks that people should generally be good. God, the definition of good, tells us to do as the world does makes you an enemy of His (James 4:4 AMP). Why are we making this harder then what it is?

A pastor told his congregation that whatever the woman did to get her man, that's what she has to do to keep him. I hoped he was going to be a little more insightful then leave that statement to be information all by itself. What he qualified it with was, if she used her feminine wiles to get him then she will have to keep doing it to keep him. If she wore perfume when dating then she should continue to do so. Know that he was attacking this on a superficial level, I waited to see if he would at least balance it or get deeper. He chose not to. The men walked away thinking, as they have for decades, its all on her. Really? Does the body lead the head? How much more would she have to do? Why when courting her he had all of the beautiful words but after marriage the wooing stopped? Doesn't she need the beautiful words anymore?

A young man asked his child hood sweetheart to marry him after they had been dating for almost 2 years. She accepted his proposal. It wasn't long before they found a house together to furnish and make it their home. They purchased things together to make the house a home, but for the most part, like the carpet, it just laid there. Sounds pretty standard only she became pregnant and the house was never completed within that first year. Her newly married husband had every excuse for not laying the carpet and then he lost his job. His drive to find another left him. While out shopping for groceries and anything else the house could use to be more comfortable, she came upon rolls of carpet batting that someone was throwing away. She pulled the car over, opened the trunk, and her large, 3rd tri-mester pregnant self hauled the rolls of carpet up and in wherever she could fit it in. When she got home, she was so excited to let her husband know what she found and has it waiting for him in the car for the carpet to finally be laid. What do you think her husband's reaction was? Should he be pleased with all of her efforts or angry for putting his unborn child and herself in jeopardy?

It is interesting as well as frustrating how the roles have changed over the years. The women have taken over it seems because men weren't going fast enough or maybe they just didn't want to do it anymore. We know where this came from and it will take Jesus to make it whole again. Men have been blaming women for everything that's wrong in the world and women have done the same. It lets me know, maturity hasn't presented itself. Nevertheless, women were made for men and not the other way around. His determination to blame woman only shows how much help he really needs. But would that be the woman's issue to show him the error of his ways or is he showing her the relationship he has with God is at the point of God asking where he is (Genesis 3:9 AMP)? Why would a woman place that man as the head of her?

There was this man interested in me. He went about introducing himself with jokes that he thought were funny, apparently. But I never found the 3 Stoogies funny and his humor was bordering on just that. Yet he didn't quit. I suppose a woman might find persistence endearing when being pursued; however, when the woman isn't interested and he still continues, it is considered stalking and can be legally punished. Let that be a warning to all who didn't have a clue. Anyway, I asked him to read some of these entries to have an idea where I am in Christ. I don't know how many he read, suffice to say that he believes my views are one sided. He is correct, they are. Which side do you think I am on? What side do you think he said when I asked?

The title of this entry might have one thinking that it is what we are to do as Christians. I wouldn't disagree because our reward is not to hear man say, servant well done and we are building our treasure in heaven (Matthew 6:1-20 AMP). So what is the problem? The problem comes when there is a society where Christian women are destined to do it all because men, when boys, have not been raised with both parents and all he has seen is his mother be a father and a mother to him. It is what he is used to and in his world, there is nothing the matter with that. He was not privy to seeing how stressed out his mother was wondering if she could have the strength to do it all again the next day and raise those children too. He didn't see her struggle with leaving it all or calling CPS to have them picked up so she could have peace of mind. He didn't see her get up early or stay up late crying out to the Lord in prayer to keep her while she tries her level best to make it through. Why would any man wish this upon his wife? Answer: because he doesn't know. No one told him. There is a void in his life and he isn't aware of it. If she accepts him, then she has the same issues as he does, thinking she can do it all. Its what attracted him to her - she's just like Mom.

Is that ideally the beginning of a failed relationship? Think about it. A farmer sows seed to get the crop he expects. God planted his only begotten Son into the earth to reap a strong harvest. Most people cling to those they are influenced by. Guilty by association sort of thinking. When a man marries a woman much like his mother, he can't be ready to be a viable, responsible man. Here is where the theory is flawed: even a boy gives his mother a hug of gratitude. Would a wife, doing it all, get that much? Or does he leave realizing that the attraction is gone because he finally grew up not needing anymore of what his mother used to give him? This might be a hard pill to swallow, but it is not the responsibility for the wife to build up her husband. He receives this from his parents and then with his relationship with God. The wife helps him with his vision. If he has no vision, what is she there for?