Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Boy

The nursery rhyme would ask, what are little boys made of? The answer being snips of snails and puppy dog tails with the proverbial, eww at the end. Did not know what that meant as a child, only really glad that I was not a boy. There is another thing I didn't know nor did I care as a bunch of us little girls chanted this rhyme; what did it make boys feel like?

You see hurt feelings and crying were not things boys that are allowed to do and even today I think it is still frowned on - a little. Boys are raised to be strong leaders and heads of households - only for that to really happen, there should be good role models able to stay long enough to teach them to do the job. Mom, as hard as she tries and some may even think they have successfully done both roles for their sons to go out there and really be men, they have to be honest and ask, how? How does a woman teach a boy to be a man? This is the job she is left to do. Men aren't at home as much as they use to be and being a father hasn't been paramount (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). If we were to allow statistics to control of what we believe, we can see how many men are in jail nowadays as opposed to 20 years ago. We can also see the rise of single parent homes and how many of those homes are headed by women. We can see the rise of the divorce rates and the consensus of people who have declared never to marry in the next generations. Man, boys really are strong if those accounts don't have them wailing in their rooms.

I began this post because I was looking through the blog and saw that I wrote a post entitled, The Girl. I didn't read it through to have material as a counter part but only to make the blog balanced. I thought of the subject matter and knew coming at it couldn't be the same. Having raised four sons (with their father), I have a different perspective then I would have had if I never met them before. I knew they all had to be leaders whether it was heads of state or their own house, they all had to have the desire within them to not be passive - even if they met strong decisive women in their lives. Even then, they cannot be intimidated. How was I going to do this? The only way we all do the things that we do (Proverbs 3:6 KJV).... so far, so good. I continue to stand by faith each and every day, week, month, and year.

Frankly, I had to approach the matter as a challenge. Boys were a little scary to me before I had them. As a child I saw them do the most disgusting things. If they weren't having a gagged farting contest, then they were finding ways to see if they could get a look up a girl's dress (never understood that one). They had problems bathing, brushing their teeth, wearing clean clothes, and eating like a normal human being. It was a boy's idea to walk around with underwear that he has had on all week and his idea of freshening them up is turning them inside out to wear for another week! The bad thing is, he never learned to get the skid marks out of the other side of the underwear before turning them inside out. Come on let's all say it together - ew! If they weren't hawking the mucous from beyond their sinus cavity and seeing how far they can fling it, they were picking their nose and finding that it can be a tasty treat. [Wince] No, this is where you say it - ew and arrrgh!

And then they grow up to be men. Only thing is just because they have a difference in their age, wears big boy pants, and can shave, doesn't automatically mean they are men. They aren't men because they have a job, can have sex, reproduce, and can spell responsibility. Boys don't turn to men because their voices change, they have learned to manipulate women with their words, or because they finally learned to use a washing machine regularly on their own. Men are called men simply because they practice that it really isn't all about themselves (Ephesians 2:1-3 KJV). Men are disciplined to assist with others in spite of the temporary discomfort that they may experience (Ephesians 5:1-10 KJV). If that definition causes you to frown it is because you don't recognize it in yourself.

In being employed in the geriatric community, I expected so much Wisdom to be dripping off of the walls and the people would see me as a young girl trying to give me instruction as to what not to do in order for my life to be better then the lives they had. That didn't happen; nevertheless, God is good and what they think they didn't tell me, I learned while listening to their everyday conversation. As recently as last night, the elevator was stuck and a man was inside of it. I spoke to him several times to keep him calm while the technicians worked on it. He wasn't frantic just impatient at being cooped inside. After a few minutes he said that he was feeling faint and it was getting too hot for him to breathe. I told him that there was a fan going on and there was plenty of air in the elevator. He then suggested that I call the technicians for the doors to be pried open. I explained that the elevator was stuck between the floors and that it would be to his peril if they opened the doors now. He then asked for me to call the fire department to break the doors open. I said to him then the elevator would be inoperable for anyone to use. He was quiet at first and then showed that he just didn't care. He wanted what he wanted no matter the cost of inconvenience it would cause on anyone else.

A man married and had child after child with his wife but had no job to support his family. When asked why, he said it was hard for him to find employment because the white man has all of the jobs. In another conversation with someone else, he was asked the same question. He said when he was younger his mother made him quit sports to work and his social skills aren't what they could be. In another explanation, he stated he had issues with authority figures. Still, he had another explanation, this Christian, proclaiming born again believer said, it was better to be poor. After so many years, it was found that he just didn't want to. He  preferred for someone to care for him. The light came on when his children grew and he saw the respect that they had for other men who supported their families (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV).

Lastly, a man after living his young life sowing wild oats, his middle age life in any sort of way he chose decided that in his golden years he is ready to marry. He looked around the church to see what would be the prize candidate for him. There were no takers chomping at the bit even when he made his decision public, though the congregants applauded for him finally taking the leap. When he set his eyes on a particular woman around his age and he knew was a widow for an appropriate time, he began to make advances towards her in hopes that she would accept him. Instead, she rejected him and constantly avoided him (2 Timothy 3:1-7 AMP). Her reaction didn't have him look at any other prospects. I wondered if he took account of his life with God.

Those three accounts are much like wearing the week old underwear and flinging the hawked up mucous. The snips of snails and puppy dog tails would be a welcomed change. It is  just unappealing to women but for some they believe all of the good men must already be married or dead. So they settle for what is out there and are dissatisfied with what they literally have to do- work hard for a happy marriage.

I saw a newscast some years ago where a man fell in an open sewer drain. The water had filled so high and the current was strong. It was just before winter and the man was doing all he could to hold on. The fire department was called and they had to figure out a strategy in how to save this man's life. They had to be quick about it so hypothermia wouldn't set in and they also had to make sure he wouldn't panic with his rescuer by dragging them both to their death. While they were trying to figure this out, a passerby saw the ordeal and jumped into the swift current. He swam through all of it, got the man that was about to go under and be swept out to the ocean. He grabbed the man and swam back to the sewer edge where the firemen formed a human latter to get the drowning man to safety. When they reached back to get the rescuer, the current pulled him in and he drowned. Someone caught all of this on their cell phone and sold the rights to use the footage. Who are the men (John 15:12-14 KJV)? Which are the boys?

There is a carnal way of thinking that children have. They can't help themselves. They need to have all of their needs met because they haven't learned to focus on anyone else but themselves. They haven't learned how to share and to be a help anyone else. They haven't learned to care if someone doesn't have it as good. Some don't get these lessons soon enough so they continue with looking to get their own needs met and are quickly categorized as selfish, thoughtless, arrogant, intimidating, or just not a nice person to be around (Romans 8:5-9 KJV). These children that grow up to look like men will get their counterparts to be just like they are. Still think farting contests are funny? Still think that taking a bath and brushing your teeth aren't necessary on the weekends? How appealing is that to find in a woman? Snips of snails and puppy dog tails are looking better and better.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Playing House

I think it was one of the games I least liked playing when I was a child. The boys never wanted to play it and so the girls in the neighborhood had to be the man in the family too. It seemed so silly and I suppose we all felt a little weird in playing the role by which we truly had no clue... not even in pretending how to be something that none of us had a desire to be -men. Of all of the games we played, house didn't seem too long to get started and be over with just as quick.

Lately, I've been watching a lot of reality shows and court t.v. where Judge Judy Sheinlin says that people in making asinine mistakes and playing house without the benefit of marriage keeps her in business. Though she seems annoyed at having to resolve the mess of others, she says she has been doing it for the past 16 years. Joint accounts, mortgages, taking a break from one another, having a protection order out for one but a week or two later he is welcome to the shared bed, dating and then dating his best friend, having a child by one and then his brother, giving money to each other when the relationship is good but when it isn't it turns into a loan, battling it out online in the social networks and then calling it slander...I see why Judge Judy can keep a job. Still, putting it in the perspective of Christianity, can you see why the entertainment industry is doing so well? Trouble is cheap and people like to watch. Its like a continual car accident. But who likes to be in one? Who plans to be in an accident over and over again? If the answer is no one, then how come Judge Judy isn't in the unemployment line? Is everyone with domestic problems secular?

I was just noticing case after case when the two people living together break up and want to separate assets, the judge asks for some history as to why the couple is no longer together. One almost always says that the other one was cheating. Cheating? What do they mean? Is it cheating when one expects for the other to be exclusive yet both are cheating each other of the same monogamy without the benefit of making it more permanent? The laws of attraction are still in effect. If crazy attracts crazy and quality attracts quality, wouldn't cheaters attract cheaters? Do we cheat God out of the union of two believers when we decide to live together and keep Him out of the union (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP)? Can believers apply biblical principles to practices that are not biblical (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP)? Does the phrase, making an honest woman of her mean that she was dishonest before she got married? If this is true, why then would anyone be surprised if he or she had an extramarital affair in a monogamous relationship without marriage? And then when you made an honest woman of her, did you repent for making her a dishonest woman in the first place?

A woman saw me in the library working on a manuscript. She saw the title of it was a dating guide and seemed very interested seeing that it was bible based. She asked, "do you have something in there about living together without marriage too?" At the time, I didn't. I wasn't even thinking about it because I figured that was Christianity 101 and no one needed for me to go over some stuff that we already knew. But just like God had to have it written for us not to participate in bestiality (something you would think is obvious not to do), I suppose there has to be some basic principles in the guide that some refuse to let go of as well.

When I married, I figured it was the right thing to do and what little I knew of the scriptures, at least this thing I would have done right (1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV). Eh, not living in the wish-I-could-have-would-have-should-haves, learning more of God's Word and what we all should do is why I write. I wish that none would perish but all come into the knowledge of the truth (2 Peter 3:8-10 KJV). Gone are the days about me getting angry as to why what I am writing to you what wasn't preached. There are a myriad of things that can be said now that was taboo to say back then. Playing House for people of adult chronological age is just a means to have sex without the effort and discipline that going through the interview of dating and being engaged entails. Playing House is also a means of casting away your confidence (Hebrews 10:35 KJV). Playing House is showing that you don't believe God will do what He said He would do (Proverbs 10:24 KJV). It is an outward appearance of having such little faith.

Playing House is childish and I suppose while in the midst of a fledgling relationship, it would seem to be a good idea. After all, people do believe that you don't know a person until you live with them. Funny thing about that statement, it isn't the truth. Once you put all of your trust in God, He will direct you to where you should go and will do so with the best outcome ever. If we aren't watchful, our emotions and feelings will have us do all sorts of things that has nothing to do with our hearts at all. Because our loins are crying out to get that sex any way we can, the voice of the Good Shepherd becomes a whisper, if that at all. Then when two or three children come from that decision of playing house, wishing for a time machine with lots of regret are thoughts to be battled. Can you see why there is a need for discipline? Can you see why children don't have the skills to do that as of yet? Can you see where playing house only benefits your enemy who would have your life miserable if not snuffed out altogether? Put away with the childish things already.