Thursday, October 30, 2014


I used to be a seamstress when I was in college trying to make ends meet. I learned that it wasn't the garment I was really trying to sell but all of the small details that made the garment better then what a customer could purchase off the rack. Not only was it custom fitted, it had closed or french seams so the construction of the garment was durable even in the wash. I would add expensive buttons and leather accents when needed. The design would be simple enough but with all of the details, it made the customer come back to see what else I created.

That's business. Its what all business owners do to maintain a brand (Proverbs 6:9-11 AMP). Should this be any different in a marriage or establishing a relationship for marriage? We already discussed thoroughly how the dating process is more like an interview then anything else. We know that if you become distracted with the dress to impress and all of the flattering words, you lose sight of the whole purpose for the date - marriage (Jude 1:16 AMP). If your mind is on anything else, its not good. Plain and simple. The romance, flowers, letters, and the actual wooing begins when there is an agreement between both parties for exclusivity to create an engagement, otherwise it serves as a distraction. The agreement between both parties is the initiation of a contract. The reason for this entry is, has preparation for that time come and continued?

Before the presentation for the date, there is a preparation. We know what the guy has to do and hopefully so does he or the date is going to be short and a little bitter. But the female has so much to consider when she knows she has been chosen to be the help a specific man needs. There is an anointing to be a wife. It is a ministry all by itself (1 Peter 3 AMP). So how have you prepared yourself? What was the specific thing you changed and continued to be the assistance with ease?

I am finding Bishop T.D. Jakes' sermon from so many years back, "Get Ready, Get Ready, Get Ready!!!" an instructional tool for so many different aspects in a believer's life. For this topic, it tells us what we should be doing and must continue to do. Men, we have been over what should have already been established for you not to be alone. It is not good to be alone when you have a house, a job, a plan, provision, and a vision. God made the provision for Adam and then proclaimed that man needed help. This is a good lesson to all of those who think that young love needs to struggle to be in a good relationship. Do the struggling and growing up independent of ruining anyone else's life. I don't know why people won't teach that more then they have!!!

Then God created the help meet for Adam. Has it been established what she will be doing to help him? Should she have some insight as to what she should be doing? While that question could get really deep from who you are in Christ to the Holy Spirit showing us things to come, I shall keep it as simple as possible. There are basics that women should automatically be doing. These basics are not necessarily keeping the place where you live habitable because if you make enough money you can hire a housekeeper, cook, gardener, and carpenter for your home. There is nothing the matter with that. The Proverbs 31 woman had a house staff to tell what they need to do for the day to be successful. What I am referring to is your personal house - the body. Back fat, shaved pits, legs, and other places. I am referring to woolly eyebrows, skin tags, jagged fingernails, a paunch, and talons for toenails. Do you wash your hair once a week or once a month? How is your thought life? When you have had a bad day, will shopping get you out of your funk or do you have other means? Is food a comfort for you or do you use the Holy Spirit? Have you been to a dentist? Does your breath smell like roses or the compost heap? The Bride is the body of Christ. Putting things into perspective and then looking in the mirror, can we deduct why Jesus hasn't come yet and why you are still single?

Seriously, I hit a point in my life where I knew I was going to marry again and I had to get really real. Jesus is waiting for His bride. I wondered, what is going on? Come on Jesus, let's do this! Those were those zealot days. I wasn't any more ready for the return of Jesus then any of you reading this. I still got crap to clean up - if you wanna know the truth! I prayed about it thinking I was alright...but then I was shown what I needed to do and it seemed as if I hadn't done anything. Then He said something to me that almost made me wanna cry...everyday. WHAT?!!! (Philippians 4:6 AMP)

Every freaking day I need to take my vitamins, exercise, eat right, clean some part of the house, cook a meal instead of going to a restaurant, check the manicure and pedicure. Everyday, we know to do our regular hygiene, so why would all of those other things in keeping it tight be an issue? Everyday, I go to work and am cordial to my co-workers. Everyday, on my job, I have to talk to people and assist them in what they need for that given moment. There isn't a problem with doing that. I know there is an end result. It is what I was hired to do and that paycheck helps. So what happened with those other things God is nudging us to do? Don't we believe the end result will be favorable? Do you believe more that you will be doing all of that work for nothing? Has the past taken hold of your future and refuses to let go?

Joyce Meyer, a well known tele-evangelist, is 71. She looks good! Yet, would she look as well as she does now if she had not been obedient to the nudge of the Holy Spirit? According to her, she used to smoke like a chimney while saved and teaching others to live for God. She didn't exercise and she complained incessantly. It took her some years but she quit smoking, lost weight, and hired a trainer. Did I mention that she is 71 years old!!! She has been married to Dave for over 35 years and it is her 2nd marriage. That in of itself encourages me.

I suppose this entry became very poignant when looking at reality TV and seeing that certain shows stay popular because of the rank attitudes of the women. If knocking over a dinner table isn't riveting enough, why not step on top and over it to get to a rival to slap the crap out of her. Is this appropriate behavior for those claiming to be Christian? And yet, we are glued to see what happens next week. Yeah, I do it too. My point being, entertainment is one thing; however, if tested, would we do what we know is right or the very thing we have been entertained with?

Remember that list we discussed oh so many years ago? All of those wonderful attributes we would love to live with for the rest of our lives. If you really look at that list that you used to have. were you not describing Jesus? Now look in the mirror. How much more do you have to do to meet everything on your list (Titus 2 AMP)? You better get crackin'!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Just To Be Close

I think we all have a need to be loved and/or wanted. It seems to be basic and really understandable. Have couples come together with this understanding? Have they fared well? Was God pleased when these two met each other; one hoping to be needed and the other wanting to be loved? Don't those 2 words just euphemise desperation?

 The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want...., it is written. My God supplies all of my needs according to His riches in glory...., is is written. ...whatever state you are in, be is written. So how then could God be pleased or the couple do well in the relationship if there is no faith in what God said is already yours in Him?

Now love, that's a different matter altogether. Why would a Christian believe he/she isn't loved? I counseled such a person and I couldn't understand why she would say such a thing. I didn't have anything at the ready for her because I assumed if you claim to be a Christian, of course you have to know you are loved. She said, "I don't believe anyone could love anyone else that much." I was at a loss on how to combat that. You see, it wasn't that she didn't understand what the Word said and it wasn't that she didn't understand why Jesus did what He did, it was she didn't believe anyone would do such a thing just from love (John 3:16 AMP).

How can you be a Christian and not accept His love? The woman I was counseling accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior but could not believe salvation was made because of His love. Then how could she be a Christian? How could she pray? How could she ask to have someone to love if she didn't know what that sort of love is (1 John 4:8 AMP)? How could she walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh?She looked at me with a blank stare after 4 weeks of counseling. I didn't know what else to say and felt like I wasted my time. How can you pour water into a pitcher if the pitcher is cracked (1 Corinthians 13:1-3 AMP)?

We are able to recognize each other because of that love (Matthew 22:36-40 AMP). We have accepted and walk it out each and everyday of our lives. Its that love that causes us to recognize who is the one and why (1 Corinthians 13:4-10 AMP). Its a knowing dwelling on the inside and we have fed that knowing by attending church services, being obedient to His Word, serving others, and prayer.

This morning I had a business meeting. Afterward, instead of returning to my place of employment, I went to breakfast at a restaurant - alone. The hostess asked if I would like a table or a booth. I requested a booth because I knew the single tables are placed in obscurity.  When I was seated the waitress asked if I would like anything else to drink besides water. I asked for tea and lemon. When she returned and placed the cup and saucer on the table, I was ready to order. It didn't take long for me to receive my meal, in the meantime, I had poured the hot water, squeezed the lemon, stirred in 2 teaspoons of sugar (thinking I would have preferred honey) and sipped while texting a co-worker on my phone.When my meal arrived, I placed the cup and saucer to my right, the water on my left. I placed my napkin in my lap while thanking the waitress for the excellent service. I proceeded to enjoy my food. The waitress came to me a few minutes later to see if I would like anymore hot water. I did. When I was full, I left what was on my plate with my eating utensil, the napkin from my lap (after wiping my mouth) and the saucer and cup. By this, the waitress knew I was finished and placed the bill on the table. I thanked her again and left her a tip. Before I did, a man dressed in a taupe argyle sweater vest, light blue long sleeved shirt with salt and peppered hair walked up to me and said, "Excuse me Miss, I am from the South...Georgia to be exact (he bowed). I was sitting over there watching you eat. I have was a delight. I see so many people eat like...well, was just an elegant delight." My first reaction was, what? Why are you watching me? But then, I laughed and thanked him...still it felt a little odd. I put it out of my mind and got up to pay my bill. While waiting for the cashier, this same man came up behind me with a small stack of napkins and said in a quiet voice, his name. He extended his hand. I shook it and told him mine. He then said, "if you ever wish to go out again, you don't have to eat alone....." He rifled through the napkins to get the one that has his name and phone number on it and gave it to me. "Call me, " he concluded. I said, thank you and it was nice meeting him then proceeded to pay my bill.

That was it. There were no sirens, no whistles, and that stir of the knowing didn't ignite. I hear people say that when you meet the one, there doesn't necessarily have to be all of what we expect. I beg to differ. The all powerful, all knowing God that has created you for a time such as this, who knew you before you were formed in the womb allows you to be surprised on Christmas and your birthday but when you meet the spouse that you are to spend the rest of your life with, it's supposed to be...bleh? The God that requires a bride without spot or wrinkle for His only begotten Son, but when we get married its just...ordinary? The God that gives you the desires of your heart and delights in your prosperity will make a presentation of your good thing in obscurity? What God do you serve?

The point is, if I can go to church and sense the Holy Spirit even before services begin, if I can go to a bible study group expecting good things and receive them, if I can ask my Heavenly Father for whatever and know that I know it is well with Him, why wouldn't that be true when seeing the man I am to date for the purposes of marriage? With this man at the restaurant, I sensed nothing. He was pleasant to talk to but I won't be calling him. Not for conversation or anything else. If he was interested like that, he would have said who he is in Christ rather then being a Southerner, which apparently was more important for him to convey. The woman I was counseling was interested in finding love but was seeking it with men when her relationship with God is the one that was in jeopardy. No matter how hard she searched, it would all be for nothing because she has no concept of love. Here is what you need to ponder, how many more of them are out there and how many of them would never admit to it. Do you have that inner knowing to tell the difference? Selah.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Heads of State and Corporations

It was an episode of the original Law and Order television series (season 10, episode 10) that had me thinking about what men are doing with the nuclear family and why they should care. In the episode there were these teenagers that were minding their own business when an older teen student of the same school began bullying one of the other children to the point of killing him. When the story unfolds, it is discovered that the father was aware of what his son was doing all along. From the illegal weapons he assisted in getting for his son to allowing his son to go in the basement and practice terrorist moves on an old mannequin. Yet when it came time to confess to murder, the father had many excuses and was definitely not about to take the blame for the actions of his son. It was clear to everyone else including the son, who took a plea deal of guilty. Eventually, the father did as well.

In these last days, we can see the union of 2 people having children without first being married is out of order. Nevertheless, the product of that won't go away or disappear once you have confessed to the Lord and are forgiven (1 John 1:9 AMP). You still have to make the best of it. Know that it will be difficult when matters are out of order, but it can't be disregarded or matters will definitely get worse.

Let's make that as clear as it can possibly be so that there will be no room for misconceptions or misunderstandings as to what God expects of you. It is the reason why so many people out in the world have issues with the bible and the boundaries it places us in when coming into the knowledge of the truth (Hebrews 10:26 AMP). Its because the flesh has taken over and does not wish to conform. The love of God is not in such a person who does not wish to change. Without that love, there cannot be any faith (Hebrews 10:38 AMP). Without faith, it is impossible to please God. If God cannot find any pleasure in it, it has become His enemy.

We know that the Word tells us to flee fornication. Many of us have climbed over this barrier for what ever the reason. Since then, lesson learned and we have been made whole through Christ Jesus. Once restored, we do what we need to continue to be in right standing with Him. If a child is the product of the indiscretion, we must also do what is necessary to make sure the child is brought into this world with provision. This is the responsibility of the 2 people that created the child. Not the extended family or "the village" you might have been hoping for.

Now, there is a saying: Mamma's baby, Daddy's maybe. Fine, to the guys: you might have some
doubt and with good reason. But guess what? You created that doubt when you climbed over that barrier knowing you weren't supposed to in the first place (1 Corinthians 6:18 AMP) . So don't allow for that thought to keep creeping back in. You know you had sex with that woman. So until the time comes for a DNA test, be the responsible one and take care of her and that baby (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). God sees you maintaining accountability. This is faith at work and He is pleased that you are keeping that restoration rather then turning back to those wicked ways. During this time, when you are determined to do what is right, all of those who you thought were also walking with God will come and tell you things that are contrary to what you have decided to do. Understand those people are serving as your test. Pass it!

For the guy who would rather lick his wounds and have a pity party... you know who you are. You have all of the excuses as to why you shouldn't help this woman in her time of need with this baby. Most of the time, these single women won't act like they are afraid because they have reconciled in their mind that they are by themselves and they have to be strong. Crying is a sign of weakness to them. They have refused to be emotional and won't dare show weakness with you either. However anger is acceptable (Ephesians 4:26 AMP). This is not the time to start any arguments so she can tell you she never wants to see you again. You hope to manipulate the situation and make it her fault that you aren't seeing your child. You would be mistaken. God still sees you and you will be held accountable whether you believe it or not. God is not manipulated with the like of you (Galatians 6:7 AMP).  Another thing, stop entertaining to do unacceptable antics. None of the tossing the baby in the air, making plans to take the baby to the crazy side of the family, teaching the baby nonsense just to get the mother up in arms. She doesn't need the aggravation and neither will you. All of the mischief you do to get out of being a mature man will come back for you with a vengeance. It will be God's anger.

Alright, what sort of job do you have? How are you making money? Babies aren't cheap. You might not wish to hear it but they have to eat. If you are unloading all of the responsibility on her and her family to do...remember about the vengeance thing. He is still coming for you. You cannot expect for your life to be peaceful or find any success while you have a child or children that are not being cared for? How are you asking God for anything when your child is with someone else screaming to be fed, changed, burped, or played with? How much sense does that make when God is a GOOD FATHER!!!

Finally, I noticed that the reality show, Scared Straight changed their title to Beyond Scared Straight. Why did they find this necessary? Because society has changed. There are some teenagers that walk around and can put some of the worse criminals, back in the day, to shame. From using profanity to their parent to abusing them for money, drugs, or just because. What makes a child so angry? In my experience, its not having a father in the home or in the life of the child. Where there is no father, hope is difficult to find. While watching one of the latest episodes of Beyond Scared Straight, I saw there was a common theme. The children were doing all they could to be locked up. The inmates explained what would happen to them if they saw any one of those children in prison. Some shuttered and did whatever they needed to, so not to return. Others were determined to get behind those bars. Why? Because that's where his/her parents are. The child was emulating the parent and needed to be comforted by the one that created them. How does one fight that kind of determination? What will the show be called for the next generation?

What will your legacy be? How are you going to turn this around? Am I only referring to the men? Yes, men are the reason for the state of this world. Men are the reason children grow up the way they do. It is man that God will judge for not being there for his child. You asked for your prayers to be answered but were you available to answer the cries of your child? You have no excuse. Will your children grow up to be healthy viable beacons of light in society or will they find an excuse to not do anything at all? What are you doing - daily?Are your actions progressive or destructive? Women were not created to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget your a man. What is there left for you to do? Look around. Man has become lazy. Children are raising themselves. They have little to no respect for their mothers because the mothers had no respect for themselves when doing things out of order like laying down with you when you had no intentions of doing what's right. If you plan to turn things around, start with your reflection.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

There Is An Order

It is the reason that the theory of evolution is ludicrous. There is an order to everything. God did not take something that was void and out of order to create more disorder. An explosion doesn't put things in place. Explosions don't separate the heavens and the earth, placing the water where it needs to be so aquatic animals have a place, trees standing upright where birds and squirrels have a place, placing man in a place where all is provided for him (Genesis 1 AMP). Explosions cause disorder.

Understand that anything that is a God idea has a constructive function, is decent, in order and is good (1 Corinthians 14:40 AMP). Marriage is a God idea. The function of 2 people working together for a place to be established for their comfort and for the procreation of more just like those 2 people is an order that should not be disturbed. It works. There is no reason to fix something that has been working well for centuries. Stop picking at it and tweaking it. Its perfect.

Who is it that picks on a marriage? Too many to mention. Just know when everyone has such good advice to bestow upon your beginning relationship, sift through it all. People, whether they believe that Jesus is Lord or not, have all sorts of intentions for giving unwanted or unsolicited advice. Working in a senior community, I looked forward to my first day and continued to be excited about my job for little over a year. I expected for these elderly people to bestow upon me their wisdom and knowledge that brought them thus far and for all of the years they continued to thrive...even with their spouses. It didn't happen. The wisdom I received from them, was God placing me at the right place at the right time. I believed that golden years was aptly named for the retired citizen to enjoy the fruits of their labor. To smile and smell the roses. Instead, the crotchety attitudes or the reclusive behavior had a root system stemming from being angry because the spouse passed away before them, having a better understanding of life and physically unable to do anything about it, and adult children slowly taking away their independence for their own safety, senility, delusional from dementia, and just plain scared. If any of them shared some life skills would they enjoy these last years any better then they do?

Tweaking a marriage is a little different. Its a personal preference and also something to wonder if the person has the elevator going all the way to the top floor. This character has a great idea that seems harmless to try and then takes that harmless idea to a whole other kind of level without considering the other person. Adding someone else into the relationship will never, ever, work! Adding more children when the other has had enough isn't the best idea either. Moving to the other side of the country or to another country because the jobs are plentiful or the money is better is switching the love from each other into materials...especially without asking the architect of it all.... its a recipe for disaster.

I mentioned how much I like synchronized dancing and when the dancers flow effortlessly - its even better. Here is a couple I originally introduced in The Kingdom Living Blog. The entry is entitled, You'll Never Feel Happy.... It is the lyrics to the song they are dancing to. The movement of this couple almost puts me to tears because its the plan set to music. There is an order that creates such artistry - its amazing to watch.  I couldn't decide which video to use to express what I am trying to convey. Both pieces are amazing because of their union and agreement to keep the order of their marriage. Notice in the last video, the couples at the end aren't married. Do you see a difference in how they dance? Also notice, they don't finish the entire piece either.

Arguing is disorder (2 Timothy 2:23 AMP). It is one person trying to win the other person over to his/her side. It continues because of the immaturity in not understanding the discord an argument can bring (James 4:1 AMP). It also shows what the other person is not willing to do: listen and /or appease the situation. In a ministry, where I used to attend, I learned whenever stepping into a new task, pray. The next lesson was whenever going to work having to deal with all sorts of personalities, pray. The final lesson was noticing the difference in the peaceful existence when prayer was implemented as opposed to when it wasn't. There was a vast difference and one I will never be without. This cannot be any different when married. Your spouse, soon to be spouse, or the both of you will have to go outside of the house to work, or shop, or go to school, or whatever it is and other people will be involved. To keep the order and peace that Jesus has given to us, do the thing that Christians know to do best. Pray.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Scary Family

We all have them. What used to be called "the black sheep" (the rebel) has now turned into a freaking herd! Are you the only normal one and is it something that should be introduced to your intended right from the gate? Think this one through - seriously! Its like that sitcom from the 1960's, The Munsters. They had that one regular looking niece, yet she never saw what everyone else did.

I wrote an entry to this blog a few years ago entitled, Slim Pickin's. In it, I described for the one hoping to be married, not to feel desperate but encouraged because God is doing what only He can do. He moves the mooches, gold diggers, slackers, hood rats, hoochie-mamas, clowns, and freaks out of the way for you to see the true one that is equally yoked with you. Its a wonderful thing - that is, unless you realize that you have a moocher or a freak because it is your equivalence (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP). Its something to work on if you don't wish to spend the rest of your life with such a person - clean up your own character (Haggai 1:5-7 AMP).

The scariest of families aren't the ones that allow for you to see their "dirty laundry" off the bat. They wait to see if you can tolerate bits and pieces. If you can accept that then they will allow you to see a little bit more. If that doesn't phase you, some will show you the whole sha-bang. The question is, why didn't you take off running like you were on fire? Why are you still there looking to see what else they have to show? Aren't you the one calling the victim names in a horror flick for being so curious? Don't you call the girl stupid for having weak ankles when its time to run in those thriller movies? You're the one telling the black guy not to open the door, knowing he is the first to be killed. Why are you waiting to see what comes of a relationship when the warning is staring you in the face (Proverbs 3 AMP)?

There was a couple that had been dating for years before they decided that they need to be married. When
they made the decision, they also made plans for their future. One of the things that was in the plan - children. She wasn't really interested in having children but for him, she would make the sacrifice. They then discussed how to raise their children and what would be the best schools for them. One of the things he brought up was his own childhood. He didn't like the rules his mother enforced upon him for whatever her reasons were - he promised he would never do those things to his child. She asked what were they. He proceeded to tell her the horrors he went through. He was forced to quit high school to get a job to help support the family when his parents divorced. He also remembered when he was punished, his mother spanked him for the things he did and what was in his mind to do later on. She gasped at hearing all that he told her and they vowed never to do this to their children. Fast forward: 5 years later, the couple had 3 sons. She recognized some tendencies her husband had when it came time to discipline them. Though she tried to speak to him about being excessive, his rebuttal was, "you never had brothers, this is how a man raises men. You wouldn't understand." He continued with his way as she began regretting her choice of husband material.

I have not studied human behavior all of my life. With that disclaimer, if asked where this sort of behavior comes from, I am sure there would be a litany of answers. Personally, I believe families that have become like this stems from selfishness (Philippians 2:3 AMP). Whether its a man who refuses to marry because he doesn't want to lose half of all that he has built for himself or someone who has an inheritance and doesn't share any of it - the outcome is never good (Luke 6:45 AMP). That behavior is seed which when planted that harvest would be bitter with an outcome that has much to do with the characteristics of the enemy (John 10:10 AMP). Its funny how that seed has the same result as sin.

Truthfully, the majority of this blog has much to do with being tricked in or into relationships. Along in that same vein, you have to admit, in order for you to be tricked you weren't really paying much attention. So, if we are still being truthful, unless you completely read many of these entries, your bible, and/or be a ready listener to God's voice, you were heading down the trail of being tricked no matter what. Seriously, there would be no one to blame but yourself. Disregarding this truth can also send you down another path you will eventually regret as well (James 1:22 KJV).

This is how one rebel is turned into a whole herd - disregarding the warning signs. He/she doesn't think any thing they do is wrong. When Lot's daughters were leaving Sodom and Gomorrah, why did they believe the solution to their dilemma was to have sex with their father (Genesis 19:31-35 AMP)? The result of their decision is the reason why the Middle East is fighting to this day. That's a whole country! They are all family!!!

About a scary family, prayer changes things. Know that if you walk into a situation willingly, believing God will make the necessary changes, it will take faith and patience (James 1:4 AMP). Moses was afraid and stuttered when he spoke, yet he was able to lead the children of Israel from Pharaoh. Now, remember how the children of Israel was appreciative of Moses' efforts. Recall how long before they reached the promise land. Notice their reaction when they were fed from heaven. Eventually, we (the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus) got it right.... do you see that? Do you really need to go through all of that - again?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Not Your Type?

Is there such a thing for a Christian to have a type? You know what I mean? We follow Christ. He tells us that we walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 AMP). Its impossible to please God without faith and the definition of such a thing is believing before we have the evidence of it (Hebrew 11:6 AMP). It would then have to come down to, what are you believing God for? Are you asking for what you can have with the outward appearance or the true heart and soul of a person from the inward which only God can see (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP)?

As I have written before, I look at detective and court shows. When the evidence is compiled, the detectives look at patterns and things that are common about the suspect. When they see that the victims all have the same build, hair color, and social status, they derive that the culprit has a type. This information keeps them from other factors that could be distracting in catching the suspect. There is a purpose in what they are doing. What's our purpose in having a type?

The latest thing for some young women, and its been this way for awhile, is the man has to have money and its not bad if he were over 6 feet. I recall when I was in high school and heard this description for the first time, it was a little baffling as I waited for other criteria that could be rewarded with her company. Nope, that was it!!! In my community there were also those that specifically looked for lighter complected men with curly hair while others liked the darker complexion but he had to have bowed legs. Why, I would ask. And she would reply, "Because its just sexy." Really? Eh, whatever floats your boat.

I was thinking if I had one - a type. Should I compare the guys I liked when I was in high school, or
after I got my divorce? How would I know? I dated my ex when I was a teenager and married him in my early 20's. We stayed married for awhile and I haven't really dated since the divorce. So what would be my type and how could I find this out? My father has a light complexion and curly to straight hair. He was educated, plan oriented, and calm for the most part. Would I compare the person I am interested in to my dad? We have been doing this for years. Is it because of our psychological education or are we really attracted to our parents in some ick, disgusting way that we would marry people like them? My ex was dark complected with a fly by the seat of his pants behavior for planning. What was I thinking?

Actually, I got tired of hearing women complain of the men they chose to be with. The men got what they wanted but the women sounded as if they got gypped. I didn't want that to be me. If a man can marry eye candy why can't a woman and be just as happy about it? I like a firm, chiseled jaw line and broad shoulders with defined arms. Let's see this in a celebrity. What's my type? Morris Chestnut, Shemar Moore, or Boris Kodjoe comes to mind. Nice, attractive looking men but I just couldn't get around not knowing the person. How could I pick out a type without finding who the person is? I can't, in fact its kind of disgusting thinking anyone could marry a person based upon the outward appearance.

I was reminded of this attractive man (even if in his own mind) that married a woman I assume he believed was gorgeous. They weren't married for very long. You see, shortly after the nuptials, she became pregnant. When she had the baby, the husband was upset because the baby wasn't as cute as the couple. He believed that she cheated on him and needed to have a DNA test to see if his wife was telling him the truth. He is the father. Shocked, I assume, he couldn't understand what happened. She finally revealed that early on she had plastic surgery so she could feel good about herself. He sued her for a divorce. His reasoning: he married her under false pretenses. I never heard of such a thing! How could he? She was the same person he courted, the same person he spoke sweet nothings to, the same person he devoted himself to when they spoke their vows in front of friends, family, and God. So why didn't any of those things matter when he sees a picture of her former self. She wasn't his type? But she, why?

A different case where a man marries his high school sweetheart. They have children and for the most part they seem happy. One morning, while his wife was in the bathroom, he knocks on the door for her to let him in. She was on the toilet and asked for him to wait. He didn't think he needed to seeing they were married and shouldn't have any secrets. Because she took too long to open the door, he took a hammer and destroyed the door handle, washed his hands and left with the door and his wife's mouth hanging wide open. This was the beginnings of several violent events that she had no clue he was like when they married and it eventually took a toll on the marriage. They divorced. Fast forward: He gets remarried. Never believing he ever had a problem, his wife soon discovers that her husband isn't what he claimed to be. One day her husband locked his keys in the car and couldn't get into the house. He calls his wife to come home from whatever she was doing to open the door so he could get the extra set of keys. Having been exasperated with her husband in the past, she tells him, he has to do the best with whatever he has until she gets there. She planned to finish what she set out to do for the day. Instead of him waiting, he finds a hammer in the back of his truck and breaks off the handle to the front door of their house to retrieve the extra set of keys. The door and his wife's mouth was left hung open. He definitely has a type because he's still alive!

I wonder, when friends and family decide to be that special match maker because they believe they know the type that would just be perfect, let me warn you, unless you know every nuance of your friend, family member, or co-worker, please keep your self proclaimed skills to yourself. There is only One that knows who is perfect for each and every one of us. He is the creator of all and knows all. When you change, and you will because we all do, God knows who the person will be that can adapt to those changes and who won't fare too well. Rest assured, He can be changing that person even as you are reading this and you didn't need to be around experiencing the transformation or maybe its you being transformed (Romans 8:28 AMP). I know He's not through with me yet.

Party Of One?

If you have never done it before, its not an undaunted feeling one has coming into an establishment just to have a quiet meal and then the hostess asks how many are with you. There are people in front of you, those behind you and are all listening to the answer that you more then likely don't wish to say, "Just one." Walking with a straight back to follow the hostess to a table with 4 chairs or to a large booth where you are the only one that will be taking up all of that space. If it is the first time, you are less likely to look around for a table that isn't in the middle of everything. But once you begin to enjoy your own company, getting a table next to the window won't be so difficult to do.

Which is the reason for this entry. I have written so much about the single person liking who he/she is without being engaged in a relationship first. I have asked the question several times, if it were you, would you like to be with you for the rest of your life? As crazy as that may sound, you are the only one to answer that question before you go off and make it someone else's trap or heaven on earth. Joyce Meyer, a well known evangelist, asks that question. She says, when God was letting her know that she needed to make some changes within herself. She replied that she makes declarations for change to get along with everyone and then they come home and all of those declarations are tossed out the window (paraphrasing). She finishes with, "you can never get away from you. Where ever you go, there you are." My question, so why not like who you are?

Have you ever been on a date and was seated in a nice restaurant, begin having a conversation with your date only to find that he/she is as boring as a gray wall? You try to find a topic that might peak the interest of the other and when there is nothing, you are left to wonder why are you even out with this person? What was it that attracted you to ask/accept the date? If you have ever been on one of those dates asking yourself such questions, try doing the same thing about yourself. Go on a date by yourself. Take the time to make the reservation and a plan as to what you are going to do. Get dressed as if you are trying to be impressive. Get to the restaurant on time. Feeling a little silly? Are you uncomfortable? Do you feel self conscious? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, then its you that hopes the other person will anchor the date on something for it to be interesting.

Society is full of those who try to get something for nothing. Some people have gotten away with their good looks for so long, they never had a reason to attempt with getting the inside together. A conversation on world events would be a hardship for them. Asking what was the last book they read would lead off in a direction of hems, haws, and inappropriate jokes. Anything to get your mind off of something of any intellectual value and back onto the physically attraction you both share. Its when Christians find the scripture, beauty fades. Its unfortunate that the enlightenment comes after vows have taken place. How could that happen? When did the listening of the good Shepherd stop (John 10:27 AMP)? Why would a believer be sucked into such an old scheme (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP)?

The answers to those questions might come when you can figure out if you felt silly, uncomfortable, or self-conscious when going on a date by yourself. Why not see it as a faith test (1 Corinthians 9:27 AMP)? Do you really believe Jesus is Lord (Romans 10:9 AMP)? Do you really believe that greater is He that is in you then He that is in the world (1 John 4:4 AMP)? Do you really believe that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6 AMP)? Do you really believe that He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14 KJV)? You see, if you really believed all of these things, you would enjoy your own company. If you really believed then what others are thinking about you sitting alone wouldn't bother you. Its time out in thinking that there is a better half of you somewhere out there. You are whole, sound, and complete, even before the other person comes to find you or you finding her.