This blog is for the Christian that is looking for a guide that is different from what the secular movement is doing in dating. Here, you will receive practical application with the truth so you can be set free!
There was an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive (S5:E19 2014), where this elderly man had a trailer home that he barricaded with his treasure of trash he had been collecting for over 30 years. It was found, as it is in most of the episodes, that he became a hoarder after the passing of his father. In the program we also see that he has an elderly fiance that was living with him. A portion of his hoard fell on her giving injury to her leg. She was hospitalized for a time. While in the hospital, his fiance's family agree with him in order for the cohabitation to exist, he would have to do some drastic cleaning. Not willing to give up his hoard, he resolves with the family that he has another property close by and the two of them could live there. Relieved, all of the family agrees. When coming to the property to inspect to see if their mother could live there, they discover that he has used this property to catch the overflow of his hoard. Needless to write that the arguing begins and continues with this man having no foundation for keeping the condition of both homes the way they are. Clearly he has a mental disorder but the elderly woman still wishes to have a relationship with him. He asks for her to tell the family to leave so the 2 of them can work out their differences.
I watched this man get upset with her family and speak softly to his fiance as if he is one way with her but not that way with everyone else. I watched this elderly woman give excuses for this man's behavior and wonder how are the professionals going to get this elderly man well to change his ways for him to have a happy life. He agrees to have his property cleaned when the manager gets involved and is made aware of what this man has done to both of the trailer homes. A therapist, an organizer, and the family of his fiance all try to assist this man with cleaning up so his fiance could have a place she can call home. By the end of the program, the only ones that have changed is the therapist. She removed herself from the case getting nowhere with this man. The fiance, now agreeing with her family, and when he tries to speak sweetly to her for him to be able to keep a portable file box wreaking with rodent urine and droppings she emphatically tells him no. I saw that she had to tell him no several times before he relinquished the hold that file box had on him.
I wondered if the therapist gave up and the fiance changed her mind when the group session was in its highest and he said that if worse comes to worse, he and his fiancee could move into a hotel for a week. Did she understand what he wasn't saying? Did she hear that his stuff was more important to him then her no matter that she was injured from it? Did she hear that all she was good for was a romp at a hotel so he could go back to his stuff and not her? Couldn't she understand that he doesn't love her? These are elderly people! Where was the boundary? Where was the common sense? This is the generation that was supposed to be teaching the younger people. What has happened?
I wasn't as surprised as I would have been some years ago, yet it still serves as a lesson to men as well as to the women. If you see him/her cater to the materials more then to you, take a step back and look at your relationship for what it really is. If you still continue, ask yourself why, do you really love him/her or are you just tired of being alone? If you refuse to see the warning signs, the problem isn't the other person.
Back in the day, Hollywood would come out with a thriller movie every now and again. It had to be something that the audience wouldn't expect for it to be considered a success. Success would be the proverbial jump, twitch or scream at the very moment that the monster appeared. Thrilling wouldn't be something I would call it. It used to be a horror flick yet somewhere down the road, certain people liked that feeling; therefore horror, which doesn't sound pleasant at all, turned into a thrill - er. Returning to the same movie for another scream or word of mouth for others to see the monster is what caused for more to be produced. So the every once in awhile became more frequent until the market was exhausted with so many monsters and creepy characters, no one was thrilled, freaked out, or even curious. It went from a strange oddity to just plain bad acting. The interest was gone. The market waited for a new generation to come.
The new generation came with its own pack of goodies. Mothers were single raising children all by themselves. Fathers were enjoying the single life, in prison, or dead. What parent wasted their time in teaching their children about monsters and things that bumped in the night (Proverbs 22:6 AMP)? We had real monsters in society and if you heard a bump in the night it wasn't the imagination anymore. Call the police if in a better part of town, if not get your gun! Goodness, we were starring in or own horror feature!
What to do? What to do? Well some of us pulled up our boot straps and got cracking with doing what we had to do to keep food on the table and a roof overhead. This might mean leaving the children alone or dropping off at a daycare or friend's house for most of the day. Others got going in finding a man so they could feel protected and/or have some male influence at home for the children. Those men were liking having a place with the only responsibility is being there (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). There were just a few that resorted to shaking it off and getting back in church...and even then some of them had the previously mentioned ulterior motives. Don't you see? It was the monster being formed (2 Timothy 3:1-7 AMP).
Just visualize it. Its a bright sunny day with the birds chirping and the sound of a dog barking in the
background. Someone bellowed a greeting to Mrs. Nichols who was getting her mail. Such a nice old lady. She waved back. There was an assembly of children laughing and playing down the road a ways. They walk home together from school. It was a half day. They all live in the same area and as they walked further down the road, one says, "later" another says, "bye." and someone else says, "see you tomorrow" as each gets to their house skips up the stairs and is welcomed with a smile and a hug from a parent. The last 2 children of the group walk slower and their smiles fade knowing that the house that no one goes to because of its creepy appearance, is coming for them. The 2 children wish not to be seen entering the edifice either. So they act as if they are going elsewhere by cutting through the alley and entering the house from the back. The trees are over grown making it darker then most of the homes even while its sunny out and the birds chirp, it all grows dim for them. Carefully they unlock the door and slowly open to creep inside. There is no hiding the inevitable creak and then...dum-dum-dah!
"YOU'RE 5 MINUTES LATE!!! YOU KNOW I HAVE TO GET TO WORK! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY! JUST GET YOUR TAIL HOME! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? ARE YOU SLOW OR SOMETHING? DINNER IS IN THE MICROWAVE! DON'T USE THE PHONE! YOU BETTER TAKE A YOUR BATH! DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR OR THE CURTAINS, AND YOU BETTER BE IN BED BY 10. I AM NOT PLAYING WITH YOU!!! NOW, get over here and give me a hug. Love you. (kiss, kiss) Bye."
It was a cameo appearance from the monster. She knocked down, cut, punched with her words and with a hug patched one of the bruises. No blood shed...people would talk. They would know. The children barely mumble as they know what to do. They have heard it 1000 times before. Its not until the door closes (funny no one hears the creak then) and the car drives down the street does the heart stop beating so fast for the fun to resume....well, at least for 8-10 more hours.
Entertaining, yet the question still prevails: what does all of this have to do with Christian dating? It is a warning to men with good intentions to be aware of women who have had lives before they decided to do the right thing. The right thing can never come about without the love of God (1 John 4:8 AMP). The love of God cannot be readily obtained without acceptance of Jesus as the Lord and Savior of our lives. There is pretense, using feminine wiles, and even pity to get that white picket fence and the story book happily ever after; nevertheless, without knowledge and understanding, a man could be headed for the thriller of his life with a woman who is used to having her own way. She cannot submit because she has been trained that submission is a sign of weakness. As a result there is constant turmoil unless one is at the ready to appease. If neither is willing to, then prepare for the inevitable divorce, or infidelity, or whatever havoc the children can get themselves into. Because if the head or the body can't get along, how can anything else function accordingly?
This also warns women. Yes, we all make mistakes but we don't keep making them. After the first time, there should be a point where we look at where we were, where we are going and how to get there. What was the distraction? How did temptation rear its head and why was it so hard to refuse (1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP)? Once this assessment has taken place for ourselves, better decision making skills have a chance and fewer mistakes are made. Otherwise, the headless monster is....you!
Don't you see? Without the relationship with God, man is walking aimlessly hoping to attach onto someone who has it all together. Usually these are those who never had a father or a responsible man in the home. Without the relationship with God, she will find no purpose for a man but for appearance sake. Without the relationship with God the battle of wills continue and this isn't found out usually until the vows have been spoken and all of the bells and whistles have been put away. In Christian dating, you don't just ask if the other is saved or not, you ask what do they know about Jesus. If they proceed to sing the hymnal, that's your cue to get up, wish them a good day, and walk away.
The title of this entry reminds me of a statement I heard a man say to his wife. A wife that was overwhelmed with things he had her do for him. She was frustrated because being married to him was nothing she expected nor anything he promised her. When she reached the end of her rope, he would remind her about being submissive and the Lord would find favor in all that she does as his wife. Whatever she was about to say was stifled because she did, if nothing else, wished to be pleasing to the Lord (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). Years passed and he continued to remind her of this honey statement until she finally said to him, "How can I keep giving you honey when you have done nothing for me to produce it?" At that, he was at a loss for words (Ephesians 5:25 AMP).
A woman can tolerate so much because, if mature, she can see the big picture and strives to achieve that goal. She hopes for her children to be happy and for her husband to be satisfied daily (Proverbs 31 AMP). She uses what she has and makes it into something that marvels most. Give her a house, she makes a home. Give her a bag of groceries, she can cook a satisfying meal. Give her love, appreciation, and affection and the limits of what she does with it hasn't been measured. So why don't we know of these women, or do we? So why haven't we heard about these attributes that men have and give to their wives, or have we? Are these lessons taught in the church or was I absent that day?
A pastor said that men are hunters and women are gatherers. Men are rational and women are emotional. Men like to have facts and women like to hear stories. From that perspective, one can see how human kind has evolved, I suppose. But we are also Christians and have put away with that neanderthal sinful nature (Ephesians 4:16-32 AMP). We have learned to be more like Christ and walk in love in all that we do. We have accepted the Holy Spirit as our comfort and our guide, so for the most part, we all should be walking the same path in agreement. We are laborers working for the harvest that belongs to God. We understand what has to be heard for the harvest to be great (Luke 19:2 AMP). We understand that we walk the narrow way because there will be too many trying to incorporate ways that don't belong to God and will be headed for destruction (Matthew 7:13 AMP). So you can see, there is no gender divide as long as we continue to be focused on the things above.
How has this very simple thing called dating become so difficult and convoluted then? Why are women struggling to get men to understand them and men choose to be non-communicative with their wives yet so talkative to women they haven't invested anything in? How do men expect for their wives to be perceptive and attentive to them when they haven't made those same deposits? How can you expect kindness to do what it does if we are still holding on to the sinful nature? The world thinks that people should generally be good. God, the definition of good, tells us to do as the world does makes you an enemy of His (James 4:4 AMP). Why are we making this harder then what it is?
A pastor told his congregation that whatever the woman did to get her man, that's what she has to do to keep him. I hoped he was going to be a little more insightful then leave that statement to be information all by itself. What he qualified it with was, if she used her feminine wiles to get him then she will have to keep doing it to keep him. If she wore perfume when dating then she should continue to do so. Know that he was attacking this on a superficial level, I waited to see if he would at least balance it or get deeper. He chose not to. The men walked away thinking, as they have for decades, its all on her. Really? Does the body lead the head? How much more would she have to do? Why when courting her he had all of the beautiful words but after marriage the wooing stopped? Doesn't she need the beautiful words anymore?
A young man asked his child hood sweetheart to marry him after they had been dating for almost 2 years. She accepted his proposal. It wasn't long before they found a house together to furnish and make it their home. They purchased things together to make the house a home, but for the most part, like the carpet, it just laid there. Sounds pretty standard only she became pregnant and the house was never completed within that first year. Her newly married husband had every excuse for not laying the carpet and then he lost his job. His drive to find another left him. While out shopping for groceries and anything else the house could use to be more comfortable, she came upon rolls of carpet batting that someone was throwing away. She pulled the car over, opened the trunk, and her large, 3rd tri-mester pregnant self haul the rolls of carpet up and in wherever she could fit it in. When she got home, she was so excited to let her husband know what she found and has it waiting for him in the car for the carpet to finally be laid. What do you think her husband's reaction was? Should he be pleased with all of her efforts or angry for putting his unborn child and herself in jeopardy?
It is interesting as well as frustrating how the roles have changed over the years. The women have taken over it seems because men weren't going fast enough or maybe they just didn't want to do it anymore. We know where this came from and it will take Jesus to make it whole again. Men have been blaming women for everything that's wrong in the world and women have done the same. It lets me know, maturity hasn't presented itself. Nevertheless, women were made for men and not the other way around. His determination to blame woman only shows how much help he really needs. But would that be the woman's issue to show him the error of his ways or is he showing her the relationship he has with God is at the point of God asking where he is (Genesis 3:9 AMP)? Why would a woman place that man as the head of her?
There was this man interested in me. He went about introducing himself with jokes that he thought were funny, apparently. But I never found the 3 Stoogies funny and his humor was bordering on just that. Yet he didn't quit. I suppose a woman might find persistence endearing when being pursued; however, when the woman isn't interested and he still continues, it is considered stalking and can be legally punished. Let that be a warning to all who didn't have a clue. Anyway, I asked him to read some of these entries to have an idea where I am in Christ. I don't know how many he read, suffice to say that he believes my views are one sided. He is correct, they are. Which side do you think I am on? What side do you think he said when I asked?
The title of this entry might have one thinking that it is what we are to do as Christians. I wouldn't disagree because our reward is not to hear man say, servant well done and we are building our treasure in heaven (Matthew 6:1-20 AMP). So what is the problem? The problem comes when there is a society where Christian women are destined to do it all because men, when boys, have not been raised with both parents and all he has seen is his mother be a father and a mother to him. It is what he is used to and in his world, there is nothing the matter with that. He was not privy to seeing how stressed out his mother was wondering if she could have the strength to do it all again the next day and raise those children too. He didn't see her struggle with leaving it all or calling CPS to have them picked up so she could have peace of mind. He didn't see her get up early or stay up late crying out to the Lord in prayer to keep her while she tries her level best to make it through. Why would any man wish this upon his wife? Answer: because he doesn't know. No one told him. There is a void in his life and he isn't aware of it. If she accepts him, then she has the same issues as he does, thinking she can do it all. Its what attracted him to her - she's just like Mom.
Is that ideal the beginning of a failed relationship? Think about it. A farmer sows seed to get the crop he expects. God planted his only begotten Son into the earth to reap a strong harvest. Most people cling to those they are influenced by. Guilty by association sort of thinking. When a man marries a woman much like his mother, he can't be ready to be a viable, responsible man. Here is where the theory is flawed: even a boy gives his mother a hug of gratitude. Would a wife, doing it all, get that much? Or does he leave realizing that the attraction is gone because he finally grew up not needing anymore of what his mother used to give him? This might be a hard pill to swallow, but it is not the responsibility for the wife to build up her husband. He receives this from his parents and then with his relationship with God. The wife helps him with his vision. If he has no vision, what is she there for?
Happy New Year to you all in Jesus's name. May there be happiness and health to you and yours. May you see what many refuse to in this coming year, and may it enlighten your journey in the life we have chosen (2 Peter 1:9 AMP). This has been my hope for you as you read many of these entries.
It has been my passion for the last 5-6 years in writing these blogs, that which I believe is the truth and have not heard in any teaching, assists in being easily applied for you to do something so different and radical that your life shows what you always dreamt it could be. Isn't that what Jesus came to earth for (John 10:10 KJV)?
I was asked a few days ago what I would be doing different this year that I haven't already done. Frankly, aside from my usual weight loss resolution that dissolves within 10 days, I hadn't thought about it. In her 80's, she was excited about making plans to go to see her childhood home thousands of miles from where she currently resides. Her plans were detailed knowing that as an elderly woman, it wouldn't be in her best interest to travel alone. Her best friend just passed away a few months ago. Where I would think she would be grieving over such the loss, she was striving to find out what else she could get out of life. I was inspired (Acts 2:28 AMP)!
So what are you going to do or have you made it to the place that has been your passion for all of these years? Have you applied every Christian principle and can teach someone else how to get there (2 Timothy 2:2 AMP)? I know I am still learning but I also know that I won't repeat the same mistakes over and over. The lessons I have learned I reapply so not have to go through that sort of trauma again. Do you? Or do you get so frustrated in the wait, that you go back to "old school"? The term "old school," in Christian principles, doesn't mean back in the day when life was good and simple. The Word tells us not to refer to the past as the good old days (Ecclesiastes 7:10-13 AMP). Its an oxymoron, seeing that the old has past away and God is the only one that is good. By "old school", I mean the ways that you relinquished when you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Will you have to go back to the milk of the Word and be taught again (Hebrews 5:12 AMP)?
While working in my place of employment, I have become acquainted with many of the elderly residents and those calling themselves Christians as opposed to those actually living the life (Acts 19:1-18 AMP). I have watched Jewish people becoming more accepting of Christianity then those that have been professing that Jesus is Lord. Fascination puts it mildly when seeing those who used to participate in bible study only to slowly leave the classes because there was an "itch" that needed scratching. Having rendezvouses at an elderly age while not being monogamous, as I wrote fascination is putting it mildly. Statistics have shown that STD's are on the rise with the elderly....with the elderly!!!
It is the older that is supposed to be teaching the younger (Titus 2:2-12 AMP). What has happened? Sometimes I try to tell someone who is older then me something I have learned in order to stay healthy. They look at me with glazed over eyes having a rebuttal that doesn't make sense or they just don't wish to admit they are wrong in that respect. When I know they are no longer listening, what else is there to say? I no longer worry over such matters. Jesus told the disciples to knock the dust off and move on (Luke 9:5 AMP). You do realize that the flesh of man was created from dust? So why keep allowing it to have your time rather then having it crucified with its lusts and affections?
Having sexual desires are normal. As a single person, what do you do about it? Do you feed the desire by watching movies of people having sex or the innuendo of sex? Do you preoccupy your time helping someone in need when those desires come about? Do you study the Word of God during that time? If so, what is the verse that you repeat when those fiery darts of temptation try to hit the bull's eye of which you have become once you made that declaration to stay on the straight and narrow (Matthew 7:13 AMP)?
In The Kingdom Living Blog I was going to rename it to be Fiery Extinguisher because I hoped to have enough scripture and lessons for those who came across opposition to be well equipped with enough in their arsenal (Ephesians 6:10-18 AMP). Funny, during those few days with the name change, all of the fans I had - left. Either they couldn't find the blog or they didn't understand the new title. People rarely like change. It forces them to have to make a move where it used to be comfortable. Like it or not, we all grow. Ready or not, Jesus is still coming! Knowing that, should have forced us all to change - for the better!
What I hope we can all visualize and remember is this: in a Christian's life, there is an outer court, an inner court, and the holy of holies. The outer court is for those we see everyday and deal with on a regular basis. The inner court is our family, friends...close relationships. The holy of holies houses the Lord, the Holy Spirit, and your heart. The only other person belonging in there is your spouse....and even then its with the permission of the Lord. If we abide by this rule, there would be less heart ache and people dying of diseases concerning the heart. This is my theory based upon royalty living in a palace. Jesus is the King of kings and Lords of lords. Greater is He that is in me (us) then he that is in the world. If our bodies are a temple and He is living there, aren't we children of a King? So why do we act with such frivolity? Why don't we scrutinize those that are trying to worm their way in to be closer (2 Timothy 3:6 AMP) having the wrong intentions? Are you allowing the desire to takeover or can't you see yourself as royalty with a higher standard?
Now, I ask, as I have continually in this blog, why hasn't this been taught? And if it has, why isn't it heard as often as the fire and brimstone messages? Do believer's need a constant reminder of death or the life we chose all those many years ago (2 Timothy 3 AMP)? So now that we have chosen the best thing in Christ, let's move on with messages that are complimentary to that decision (James 1 AMP). After all, royalty always expects the best.
This is the time of year when some of us single people start making assessments of our lives and wonder if there will ever be the right person to come along or be presented to. Its a time when we are invited to family gatherings to exchange gifts. Its a time when we should be happy, but during those family gatherings, whether you make those self actualizing assessments or not, your family has and will undoubtedly know what's best for you when they think you don't. The questions of if you will ever marry anyone or will Nana ever have any great grand children or did you meet Mrs. Wilson's daughter/son down the road? She/he's back in town and is single too. Or the actual "fix-up" was invited to spend the night just to see what you look like in the morning and how you deal with your day.
Ah, family.... you didn't design them and they won't allow you to redesign them either - no matter how much you plead. Yet, if they were any different then who they are, you would not be the person you are. That's a good thing. Being single at the age you are right now, you don't feel like its all that good, but it is (Philippians 4:11 AMP). You have been created for a time such as this...someone needed you at a crucial moment in their life and you never thought it was a big deal but it was to them. Life has changed for several people because of your existence. My mother told me that when you think no one is looking at you, that's when someone is. Not in that stalker crazy way but in a way where the person is emulating your mannerisms, desiring to be more like you, admiring how you can take a stressful situation and deal calmly with the problem (Matthew 5:16 AMP). Its your own message from God without you even trying.
A couple of weeks ago, a man took his life. I didn't know him very well but I saw him all of the time. He had a girlfriend and she loved him dearly. He was an elderly man but you couldn't tell by looking at him. He kept himself physically fit and looked as if he was middle aged. Retired, he didn't waste a moment just lazing around. He swam everyday and traveled extensively. Just returning back from the tropics he noticed a tremor he had was getting worse. He lost his balance once and decided to go see a doctor to find if there was anything wrong with him. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. The next day, his remains were discovered. The question that I have heard when someone has made a decision to leave this world is, how could a person be so selfish? There is a myriad of answers that has nothing to do with what God thinks of the matter. Can a person, who loves the Lord, be so depressed about his/her circumstances that leaving this world is the answer (John 10:27 AMP)? There is no way to answer that when you put Jesus in the equation....and because of that, the first question is answered.
You see, its this time of year when we are not the focus. We are supposed to be thinking of others, if not during this season - when? If being at home alone is depressing, go out and be elsewhere. If going to the family gathering to answer the same questions is something to dread, don't go. If watching couples skating, holding hands and kissing when you don't have anyone to hold makes you feel melancholy, find something else to do. Can't think of anything? Go to a crisis center and answer phone calls of others feeling the same way or are worse off then you. Pray for them (James 5:16 AMP). Go to a soup kitchen and serve passing out bread or dishing out some soup. Go to the children's hospital and give some gifts or read a story to children who are less fortunate then you (James 1:27 AMP). Just as many complaints one can give, there are so many reasons not to. Complaints come from focusing on one'self most of the time (Philippians 2:14 AMP). There are 24 hours in a day - place most of that time on someone else (2 Corinthians 9:7 AMP). If that didn't shake "the blahs" off, do what was previously suggested for more then an hour, and again the next day. Just be more aware of others and what you can do for them.
What does this have to do with being single? Everything. You aren't just single, you are a Christian. We strive to be more like Christ. If He spent His day thinking of Himself, we wouldn't be called Christians. We would be sinners on our way to hell.
Why was this entry entitled from the lyric of a Christmas carol? I was in a restaurant last week and the holiday music was wafting through the establishment. I heard this song and was humming it in my mind and had to stop because I recognized that the singer changed the words to the song. I stopped humming and listened to the rest of the course just in case I got something wrong. Nope, she changed it. The song I remember without checking the lyrics on google, went something like this:
Hark, the herald angels sing,
Glory to the new born King.
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and sinner reconciled.
Joyful all ye nations rise,
Joyful are the triumphant skies,
With angelic host proclaim,
Christ is born in Bethlehem.
Hark, the herald angels sing, Glory to, the new born King!
What the singer changed was glory to the new born King to Jesus Christ is born. I suppose one could think its practically the same thing and shouldn't mean that much. So why change it? If this subtle change is acceptable, what else will be changed? The bible was taken out of the public school system. The children changed and everyone noticed that. Who said, that the bibles should be put back? Everyone. Did it happen yet? Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior. It is the one time when the spirit is around the world in full strength. People can't help but to smile. Be aware of those subtle changes around you. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Notice more then yourself and pray. Always be vigilant in your prayers. Always.
...unless that's what you are attracted to. If so, please disregard and check back next week. For everyone else of the faith, listen closely.
A couple of years ago, I wrote an entry entitled, Slim Pick'ns?. The encouragement was pouring out of it for the reader to know, as time marches on and the selection looks less and less, to rejoice. Its the broad way that leads to destruction. Meaning, because there is so much to choose from, if one relationship doesn't work out, you would always be wondering, "what if it was her/him and I missed out on my blessing." Those entertained suggestions would be a lack of faith and if continued to be entertained by them, regret would gain access (James 1:6 AMP). With this little bit of explanation, you can see where the destruction comes in and how it can spill over into everything. Now, the side note: do you also see how temptation works? The enemy does his job. You are responsible to do yours (1 Peter 1:16 AMP). A lack of faith will give the enemy access to all of your treasure. Do you see that (Luke 11:21-26 AMP)?
Some years ago, getting a little impatient myself, I went scrolled through a selection of men in my age group with a certain status created on a Christian website. Thrilled wasn't exactly the reaction with what was left. Disappointment is putting it mildly therefore, I went to look in other age groups where it didn't used to be a big deal. What I mean is, back in my 30's, the gentlemen being a few years older was a good thing. 20 years older wasn't that bad. The cut off age would come when the selection started to look like the winos at the local convenience store and wondering how this or that guy got on the website? Missing teeth and a bit scraggly was someone else's blessing, cup of tea, or boat floater. It wasn't mine. The cut off limit back then was 10 - 15 years older. That quickly changed to 5-8 years and now....I am smack in the middle of the group I was avoiding. Time marches on whether you are ready or not and being a cougar isn't appealing.
In another entry, I wrote about a man who seemed to be interested, came up to me and gave me his phone number. I wasn't attracted to him, though politely, I accepted his phone number. He was pleasant enough, he just looked like some of those men on that website. Weeks later, I was approached by another man, looking the same way as the previous man written about in that entry. And then it happened again. Was there a convention in town? They all looked the same but were completely different men. I was getting a bit discouraged; nevertheless, did some reflecting to see what it is I had to change or was it a test where some of us don't recognize and eventually give in because that's all that out there. Yeesh, its a scary thought but not unforeseen because it has the making of desperation all over it.
In an entry entitled Grumpy Old Men, there are scenarios for the reader to see that people who are supposed to get better with age like a fine wine - don't, if they don't care to. They have to make some sort of effort. Too many people getting to a certain age and believing they have a right to be thoughtless and inconsiderate was a goal. I seriously doubt if anyone finds those kinds of qualities endearing. Still, some change for the sake of the date and when the vows have been taken, the real leach comes out of hiding. This entry is to assist in avoiding that horror show.
So with that picture in mind, when going out on a date with this potential person to marry: the guy believes she is the one that God presented to him like the way He did with Adam and the woman. The woman on the date should be knowing this as well. There, that's the first thing agreed upon. If you don't have at least that, what are you doing? Answer: getting in trouble! Back to the couple in agreement, now the title of this entry is avoiding the skeezers and geezers. How are you going to do that? Well, did you pray before the date? Do you have a plan with the questions that you are going to ask? Were the answers what you expected or at least, interesting? If yes, good - you are well on your way in establishing a good, loving relationship with this person. If not, (sigh) please click on the highlighted portions and get to studying. Dating is not your biggest problem.
It is normal to ask a man, if he hasn't already told you, what it was that attracted him to you. Some might speak in a riddle thinking he is cute, a poem, or directly. Whichever the way he chooses, the intention is still the same: flattery and distraction. Now let that settle for a moment, knowing who you are in Christ.
First, this is for the ladies, though the guys are welcome to continue on reading. Second, I know this is going to mess up many of men and the rap they have been using for years; nevertheless, if you continue to read this, you will realize how much sense it makes and why neither you or him has been getting anywhere with your relationship.
Flattery is what we all like to hear and while they are talking, depending on whether you are mature enough, we look into their eyes and for mannerisms to see if the guy with all of his lovely language is being sincere or is his plan less then honorable (Matthew 7:17-19 AMP). Distraction takes the focus off of the good intentions, if there were any. If what is on your mind is to date for the purposes of marriage without having to compromise your principles, a smooth talker can change all of that (Psalms 55:21 AMP). How? There are those who are starved for affection and attention. All it takes is the tiniest of compliment to turn the head - and that's not good.
A young man asked about a young woman who was raised by her single mother with no brothers. It was like a wolf stalking his prey. By asking about this young woman to anyone who knew her, he was doing what many evangelists and pastors have suggested for single people to do (Proverbs 7:4-5 AMP). However, if she isn't mature and has some sort of identity crisis, she would be one of many that fall victim to the "booty call" - the wolf's answer to her quiet shrieking need for attention and affection. This kind of interaction is quick, satisfying (temporarily), having little to no concern for the casualties (children being influenced) in its quake (Mark 9:42 AMP). With this same need by so many and because of the mistakes from the previous generation, this guy could juggle 2-3 of them just by using flattery for distraction.
What mistakes from the previous generation? The ones when we were told to be in the house before the street lights came on, but thought we were grown enough to do whatever we wanted to do....and then 9 months later have all kinds of excuses for not wanting to take care of those responsibilities (Proverbs 10:17 AMP). Nevertheless, instead of learning that valuable and exhausting lesson, either from personal experience, a parent's re-evaluating what didn't work the first time, or seeking counseling, the young woman is now focusing on getting married to have a father figure for the unplanned child. That never happens because there are more wolves then there are decent guys in the land of Oakie Doke and unbeknownst to her - she has turned into one of them (a she-wolf). She continues to be distracted having another unplanned pregnancy for that child to be starved for attention and affection as well. Meaning, she is raising more of them to be like her...and they aren't all female. "Everyone makes mistakes," is the slogan of the world; however, after the 3rd, 5th, and 7th child all having different fathers and no one pays child support - its no longer considered a mistake but a choice of lifestyle (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). You see, flattery does get you somewhere, just not where you thought you would be.
On the flip side, I have to refer to my Lord and Savior. From the Old Testament, the prophetic Word keeps appearing about the coming of the Messiah and what He is going to do. The people are anticipating His coming. Their preparation is keeping the 10 Commandments in hopes that they are righteous enough for Him. When He comes (The New Testament), those who are aware come baring gifts. As He grows from a boy to a man, the gifts don't stop coming and the Word tells us what catches His eye. He notices the best efforts and its faith that gets His attention (Luke 8:43-48 AMP). The affection He has for people never ceases and it is noticeable every time He comes to see us (Matthew 9:23-25 AMP). He speaks kindly and has thought provoking words that changes us from the inside out (John 4:1-42 AMP). When He leaves its only for a moment so we can build our faith as He did so we can be more like Him (John 16:7 AMP). Why would we need to be more like Him? So we are recognized when He comes for His bride.
Look at this from a smaller scale, before the fall of man. There was no sin. It is the place we are trying to get to again. This place is heaven; nevertheless, in the garden of Eden, God and Adam corresponded. When it was all said and done, there was a presentation made - woman. The fall happened after the presentation and then God asked, "where are you?" Something happened that separated the correspondence - sin. Jesus came so we could have that correspondence again. For it is written, no one can come to the Father but through the Son. This lesson is not bashed over our heads to be submissive nor is it needed to be used as a fear tactic to be a Christian nor used as bribe for us to do as He would have us to do. This is what man has done to it. God is good and loves us. The lesson is clear for us to decide what we are going to do with our lives. Once the decision is made (life), the understanding is next, which leads to the abundance He came to give (John 10:10 AMP).
Now, if we take the method Jesus used - the mistake slogan can fall by the way side. In Christ, there is no identity crisis. We have much to do and are about our Father's business. Because of this, the intentions are always good and honorable. Flattering words become annoying because the flesh has been crucified with its lusts and affections (Galatians 5:24 AMP). We know we are loved and receive attention through Him because our worship and praise are reciprocated. He delights in the prosperity of His servants because our faith is constantly working. Why? We know its impossible to please Him without it.
So you see there is a difference between gushing over someone and being wooed. Gushing feeds the flesh and temporarily sustains the lust and greedy appetite. Wooing draws the Spirit and plants your feet to walk on a plain path. Gushing will eventually leave you alone and desperate. Wooing will keep you filled and builds you up to be strong and mature. Your eyes must be open to these tactics or you will be prey to temptation that is waiting for a fall - again.
I like people. I like to help people in whatever way I can but only to a point where it is not damaging to me or to them. What I mean is there comes a time where people will have to do some things for themselves. One must know when that time is because it is natural for some to take advantage. To allow that is not helpful to them and it would be exhausting to me. Yet, I still love what I do.