Monday, July 21, 2014

Putting His Super On Your Superficial

Everybody has a type. We know what floats our boat - well, for the most part anyway. If its not the long hair its the curly locks. If not the lean, strong, silent type then its the muscle bound, wide grin with a sense of humor. We all know what we like and are attracted to. There's nothing the matter with that.

Its funny when certain people don't know they have a type. They never realize it until someone tells them how much the first girlfriend looks like the last one. Or is it that he never got over the first one and the uncanny resemblance is perfect for what he is trying to recapture or trying to get right what he did wrong the first time? Yeah, that's too deep for me. Yeesh!

Remember that guy I told you about a few years ago? He looked like my ex's twin. I saw him at my church and almost swallowed my tongue. I stared at him just to make sure it wasn't my actual ex. It wasn't, but he had the same build, the defined arms, his skin was so clear and chocolate like and...what am I doing?!! I tried to stay as far away from him as I could. I definitely don't need to repeat that in my life. In the name of Jesus, I am a new creation and will not repeat the same mistakes as I had done in the past. No kind of way, never, never, ever again!!!

Okay, how weird was it that he was at the college I graduated from when I happened to be there too? He sat right next to me and we struck up a conversation. Why oh why didn't I just run from the room screaming? I should have! He talked a good game though (so did the serpent). I learned that he's a born again believer and has a daughter he is raising all alone while trying to get his graduate degree. I listened and was sucked right into that vortex. But it wasn't the same, I said to myself. He's funny and we have so much in common. He asked for my number and the best time for him to call me. It was the mannerable thing to ask. Ah, manners!

So when he called, I wasn't thinking that it all could be a test for God to see if I was going to ask Him, trust Him, be mindful of Him as I have said I would do over and over again in prayers when I was looking for a job, wondering why its taking so long for me to find a decent car, and why all men were varying degrees of crap. I was thinking, "Yay! The dry spell is over and I am interesting to someone again! Thank you, Jesus!"

The conversation was riveting. It was so nice to speak to an adult that could have an input on so many different levels. He was drool and I was witty if I do say so myself. He laughed at the right points and I didn't have to explain who certain actors were or what movie they had been in to get to the original point. It wasn't at all exhausting talking to him. It was exciting and refreshing at the same time. Before we knew it, it was morning and we both had jobs to go to in a few hours. He asked if he could call me again that evening at the same time. If I wasn't so swooned by him asking if he could call me again, the answer would have escaped from my mouth before he could finish asking the question.

Ha-Ha, I am about to be asked out on a date! 
This had to be my thought at some point because I don't know what happened to me thinking as a practical woman with responsibilities, children to raise, and goals to complete. I already had enough on my plate and didn't need a relationship to distract me from the original plan. What was I feeling? Feeling? Does giddy feel the same as peace, synonymous with joy, or comparable to righteousness?
But he speaks like he has good sense. How often is that going to come along? 

That night, I got home in plenty of time to spend with my children, fix dinner, check homework, and have them off to bed. I cleaned the dishes, got myself comfortable all right before the time he indicated when he was going to call again. The phone rang. I waited a moment to answer. It was him. He asked about my day. 

Okay, hold on. Who does that anymore? Ask about someone else's day? Usually its all about them or how much more info can he find out to use against you at a later date. We are all about guarding ourselves for that not to happen again. He asked about my day? Com'mon, that's pretty cool.

I kept myself from sighing before giving him a quick response so not to be too boring. He then told me about his in the same manner. We chuckled, you know - all polite and stuff. Then he asked me that all encompassing question that's on most men's minds but they have been trained not to speak of it until well into the relationship when hearts are all involved and arguments have taken place. When the care of the other's feelings aren't paramount and you know you aren't going anywhere because there are smaller people incorporated into the mix. Its when things could be ugly and messy if you get an attitude. Its a question that was so far out of the scope of inappropriate, that I can't come up with a word that describes what I was feeling at the time; however the deafening silence spoke volumes. He asked me that very evening of our second conversation ever in life, never having any history between us other then those hours spent talking on the phone the night before, "what's your favorite sexual position?"

What-tah?!! What happened to the suave, debonair guy I was talking to the night before? Where did he go? I would have never wasted my time if I knew this guy was like that, why would I? With all that I have to do....and then I knew. Who did I listen to when I saw this guy the first time? Why did I continue to listen to him when I was in the college library? What happened to me acknowledging God in all of my ways? I would like to think that God is on my mind all of the time; yet, this man's first 5 minutes on the phone shocked me. Could it have gone another way? Sure could, only in the time when I was getting things together for his call, I was praying. As much as I enjoyed our first conversation and was looking forward to the next one, I know Who my source is and I didn't leave Him out of the equation. The past was a good teacher for me and won't be repeated. I was a little green then, its better now. I hope this helped someone.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Powerful Advertising

There are some things you would think is obvious not to do (Exodus 22:19 AMP). What I forget about is that there is a new generation that has sprouted out from being children into adulthood and have been taught from a media and social network that just weren't there when I was growing up. So some of the things I write, I direct towards them. Everything isn't common sense anymore and some have to pick up the rudimentary basics to realize the do's and don't in Christian dating have been written for our own good .

For instance, it has been told and some older men will let the young girls know today, if you advertise your
body by wearing scantily clad clothes, or taking pictures and posting them on social networks, you cannot be surprised with what sort of guy you get (Galatians 6:7 AMP). He will expect for you to put out the moment he sees you. Why? Because in his mind, he knows he was not the first to answer the advertisement. What ad? The picture you posted on Insta-gram, Facebook, and Twitter. Everything else read after that picture was a commercial. So there he is! Now what are you going to do with him? He is eager to see the goods in person. Why are you displeased with his behavior? Acting like an animal, is he? Yeah, they sort of do that when enticed and there is no conversation, boundaries or commitment established. You see, he has no reason to be disciplined because you have shown that you aren't either. You are equally yoked. Have fun!

I know it doesn't sound pretty. That's the point. You have to see things as practical life skills and use what God has given you for your benefit - His Word (Psalm 146:3 AMP)! Magazines sell because there are marketing geniuses that have established what the public would like to see more of. Smaller businesses have copied that sort of thinking to establish a miniature version of success. Vogue will not put a bum on the front cover of their magazine because they aren't trying to appeal to social workers and human service professionals. They use the biggest icon they can that has the look for a certain style of clothing. When the younger sect sees that cover, they buy the magazine and are sold on all of the ads to purchase the clothing (2 Timothy 3:6 AMP). The strategy worked and the industry is booming because of it. The industry crosses their fingers hoping that the younger generation never loses their ability to be easily manipulated by flashy colors and a famous name.

Look at the advertising in the bible. One of the biggest commercials of the Old Testament, and I have written about it before, is with David and Goliath. David was doing what he was called to do. He was out in the field tending to the sheep. Everyone else was in society listening to the gossip and reading the fliers that would be posted on every tree and door. They knew who Goliath was. He was described in great detail. The children of Israel hoped to never come against the Philistines because they knew they would be wiped out because of what they read on the flier and believed it was the truth. The army didn't have to fight with such a giant as their ally. All he had to do was roar; every other group that the Philistines had come against were turned into slaves or killed.

The time came. Saul knew what he had to do. He stood head and shoulders above all of the people in the village (1 Samuel 9:2;10:23 AMP). He was the king...and still with all of his experience, he didn't want to fight a giant either (1 Samuel 17:11 AMP). Enters David: he was coming to deliver his brothers their lunch and saw there was an uproar in the camp (1 Samuel 17:17-18 AMP). Notice that he inquired as to what was happening. He didn't know about the advertisement. He never knew there was a giant. What did David know about? He knew that he was serving an all powerful God that called Israel His own. Understanding that someone was opposing God is all David heard and he was ready for battle based on that small piece of information (1 Samuel 17:26 AMP). Trying to give David more then that served as waste. He spent time understanding who God is rather then entertaining the fear in a description of a giant who has never did anything for him, whom he has never seen fight, and has called God's children, dogs. David had righteous indignation and rightfully so (1 Samuel 17:34-36 AMP).

Here's the interesting thing about the ad. Goliath never fought anyone. He couldn't. He was not physically nor ergonomically able to wrestle much less battle. His height coupled with his weight made it impossible for him to stay on his feet for any long length of time. His armor only made him all the more heavier (1 Samuel 17:4-6 AMP). He couldn't carry his own shield and sword (1 Samuel 17:7 AMP). They were also huge and needed someone else to carry it for him. He was a walking billboard of fear and those that read the fliers believed it.

In terms of Christian dating, you have to consider the source. If you are all googlie-eyed for what you see in a selfie taken in a bathroom, then you deserve what you get (1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP). A selfie doesn't tell you if this person is kind, considerate, loves the Lord, or even knows who the Lord is. Why take those chances? Posting pictures of your butt, you must be advertising for booty-calls. Pouted lips and cleavage, what would a guy be thinking you are posting that ad for? Shots in your undies, what is he thinking now? You are advertising impatience and someone who is just as impatient will be trying to meet you. You won't like the out come of that. Do you think his mind is on Jesus after seeing your bathroom shot? Was yours? Really (2 Timothy 3:1-5 AMP)?!!

Monday, May 19, 2014

Understanding Her Anger

Its been a long time since she has been asked on a date, she has been handling the baggage of being rejected in the past and has been patient to be found....well. It took you seemingly forever to grow up and now she doesn't know whether she wants to be bothered with ever being married. Should you just throw up your hands and walk away? Would you throw up your hands if you knew you had treasure in a chest but no key to open the lock (Hebrews 11:6 AMP)? Why would she be different?

I just started thinking about this; listening to women as they express themselves on a myriad of matters. I then had to take that information and put it into perspective based on whether this was coming from a Christian woman knowing that Jesus is Lord and for patience to have her perfect work as opposed to a woman not knowing the Lord and allowing for her flesh to speak for her. What? Don't we all do that? Wouldn't a man do that if he were speaking to a woman he was interested in? Wait! I meant a Christian man whose heart and mind is on the Lord and how he could be pleasing unto Him (Mark 12:30 AMP)? Too much to do? If so, then women will always be confusing to you (1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV).

Guys, you have to humble yourself. Let's be as plain as possible. YOU need help. Marinade in that for a minute. Now, for some reason, women have it in their minds that in order for them to be married, they have
to trick you into believing that you are helping them. Then throughout the marriage they listen to a bunch of sillier women cackling about how she has to keep tricking you in believing every brilliant idea she has, you must think its yours (2 Timothy 3:5-7 AMP). Knowing it isn't, you like the idea that she thinks it is and you walk around with this false sense of her having even more respect for you. Hey...WAKE UP!!! Its a lie!!! What's going to happen is, she is going to get tired of doing that. She is going to see that you know what the truth is and she is going to call you out on it. The love that you used to have for her has dripped away a long time ago and with her allowing for the truth to finally be seen, you both will see the damage this generational lie has actually done.

That's right, generations! How many times have you heard the sermons of generational curses? We all can think of the crap that's happened to our families over the decades. While you heard the sermon and stood over your family or on your knees thanking God for delivering you and yours from all of that mess, only for you to get it dumped right back when allowing for the matters that has been accepted in the church, Its no wonder why she's angry, your stumped, and the pastor says stuff like,"the Lord works in mysterious ways." What are the matters that's been accepted in the church? Well, let's just list them and see if you have welcomed them into your home, life style, preached on, or taught about:

1. To get what you want, make him believe its his idea.
2. Squeeze out a tear and a man's heart will melt.
3. Cook him his favorite meal and then ask for what you want.
4. Make him jealous by letting him believe someone else is interested in you.
5. Get all dolled up and walk around him as if you don't see him until he notices you.
6. Wear his favorite color whether you like it or not.
7. Act as if you are in distress so he can be your hero.
8. Find what his favorite things are so when in conversation you can pretend that you like those things too.
9. Dress down so he knows he can lift you up.
10. Dress up so he knows what you expect from him.

Can you see this? These are the things women have done for years. These are the things mothers have taught their daughters for generations. These things are deceptive. These things allow the enemy to have access to everything in your house and he maintains this access because of every lesson that is given to another generation is laced with deception (Ephesians 4:26-27 KJV). It is no wonder that pretense breeds contempt. Of course, she is going to be angry. She has every reason to be emotional 8 to 12 times a day and not know why. Your peace is going to be troubled. Its supposed to be.

So yeah, she might be a little anxious (she has to work that out) wondering how long its going to take for you to hear God to find her. And you might be wondering what's the matter with you for not be married yet. Just know that just like you got crap to clean up, so does she. That harvest God is looking for has to be without spot or wrinkle (Ephesians 5:26-28 AMP). While there are ministries still teaching some of this foolishness, God is dealing with each us so collectively WE can be pure.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Taking Out The Pacifier Long Enough To Shave

....or taking out the pacifier long enough to put on lipstick. It can go both ways. What would that be? Those who have no business getting married much less even trying to date someone under the guise of trying to get married.

It is a pet peeve of mine, not only because I have children who will eventually wish to be married themselves but I see things in my profession where I cringe thinking of the other person that will have to put up with the behavior of another just because a parent refused to do their job or have the cinchonas to stop babying the baby of the family.

It reminds me of an episode on a sitcom that has since been cancelled. It was called, Just Shoot Me starring Laura San Giacomo (Mia), George Segal (Jack), Wendie Malick (Nina), Enrico Colantoni (Elliot), and David Spade (Finch). In one of the episodes, Elliot had this brother Donnie, played by David Cross, who deliberately acted as if he had this fatal injury causing him to have mental challenges like growing up and being responsible. He blamed his brother for throwing a Frisbee too high in a tree which caused him to fall out of a tree when he tried to retrieve it. He kept this act up because his parents wished for him to go right to work once he graduated high school and he didn't want to. Mia and Elliot are coworkers and was coming to see his family for the first time. Donnie was smitten by Mia and decided to come clean to her so they could date or at the least fool around. The part that was particularly memorable for me was when Jack kept trying to explain a theory of his to Donnie. Donnie, having grown and developed like a normal man, could no longer keep pretending and had to be himself which also revealed what he had been doing for so many years.

Though this is something that has been made fun of here, in real life, its anything but funny. Men have to realize that no woman wishes to take care of children for the rest of their lives. No one wishes to marry someone who has no intentions of doing for themselves (Proverbs 17:25 AMP). Even a man who hopes to rescue a damsel in distress eventually wishes for the damsel not to be distressed anymore. Can a distressed damsel ever have children, manage a household, help her husband? How, when she never learned how to problem solve?

An 80 year old woman was looking for an apartment complex for her and her son. He had some issues though. He liked to drink and had more then a few DUI's and wasn't looking for any means to get off of the booze. This kept him from keeping a job and doing any normal things a man his age could do. Stuff like, getting an education, married, have children, a pension, or a good outlook on his future. By the way, the man was over 60. He blamed the world for all of his problems and his mother pacified him by resolving what she could. When this woman's daughter heard that her mother was going to be homeless unless she did something quick, the daughter told her mother to come and reside with her. The daughter lived in another part of the country and this meant a big move. As the son was getting ready to move too, the daughter made it clear that the invitation did not include her brother. Now the elderly woman had a decision to make. Was she going to be homeless with her son or was she going to allow her son to be the man he needs to be? Can you imagine the fear of this man having to be on his own for the first time and actually be independent at 60 (Proverbs 29:15 AMP)?

I wrote about a man who was in the church and was single his whole life then announcing at 70 some odd years old that he was finally ready to be married. he made the announcement because he saw a woman in the church that was about his age, still attractive and had means of her own. The woman heard the announcement and winced. She was not interested at all. She had been married before and her husband loved her before he passed away. She knew what love looked like and could not see that in this man ready to be just that - responsible and grown. It wasn't too long before the elderly man also passed away single and alone.

The bottom line is, its not normal. It isn't what God intended. Whether its the parent afraid to be alone and the empty nest is too much to take on or the child not wanting to grow up and be the responsible adult that he/she is supposed to be....something is going to give. Water that doesn't move stinks. A tree that doesn't produce fruit will be bundled with the weeds to be burned. There has to be increase. There has to be some sort of production, some idea coming into being, some creation that will make it a better place for someone else. Its the purpose of people being on the planet. Remember, Jesus cursed the fig tree all the way to the root. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Diminishing The Value

I have been thinking about this blog and if there is anything, any topic, or subject matter that has not been at least touched upon. I know something will eventually come to me, but in that moment my thoughts were circling around those that aren't willing to finish the process by which we are all called to do - administer the good news. Now it is a topic that I think has been completely exhausted but when I am aware of believers venturing forth to do whatever, I can almost hear the complaints years down the road even before they get there.

I am beginning to understand why ministers go all the way around the mulberry bush just to say the simplest message. They are trying to keep the listener interested in order for them to heed the warning which has been preached over and over again. I understand it, but that doesn't make me like it.

Have you ever seen a baby being fed strained food and the baby refuses to eat the vegetables? A mother knows what the baby needs in order to be healthy. An inexperienced mother will do what she needs to stop hearing the baby fuss. So she will feed the baby the sweet peaches and milk. I watched my mother feed my little sister. My sister liked the sweet fruit as well. My mother would load the spoon up with the main dinner item and then dip the tip of the spoon in the fruit. My sister didn't know the difference. She tasted the sweet which made the peas and the rest of the meal bearable. However, as she grew and able to feed herself, the little tricks stopped. She was given an understanding, had some barriers to face with taste but knew what she had to do and eventually did it. It was for her benefit.

Its what ministers know when delivering a message. If the minister doesn't have the experience to do this, then he/she needs to be schooled before getting up to speak. An experienced minister knows that there are more then just babies sitting in the congregation and we aren't all fussing for the sweet stuff. Many of us hope for the meat of the Word.

Anyway, I preface all of that for you to understand why I don't always hard hit with the topic at hand even though many times I would like to. This blog is about Christian dating. First the word Christian, then the dating part. There isn't one without the other. You can't have the white picket fence and ideal relationship without the other. It doesn't happen. You can't make it happen. It won't happen. No matter how much you try. There is no good without God. That's it!

In dating and seeing all of those things that irritate you normally, they won't go away later. Its God being good. He is telling you to walk away and you have an out to do it gracefully while the emotion hasn't been involved. If she talks all of the time, listen to her words. Are they encouraging, helpful, seeing the best side of things or does she gossip, nag, and repeat herself over and over again. This will continue and it won't stop. Would you like to put up with that for 10 or more years from now?

Alright, you can see what might happen if you don't listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd (John 10:26-28 AMP). So tell me why would a believer rush into things like having sex before finding out crucial matters in a relationship? Are you tired of hearing God warn you? Is it your way of stifling the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19 AMP)? When it is all said and done, are you going back to fussing for the peaches and milk rather then the meat? Because you know when you practice what you want rather then the voice of the Good Shepherd, your Spiritual senses will become dull (Hebrews 5:8-14 AMP). You will have to be schooled again because you acted as if you didn't know better. You gave the enemy place and so he will do what is in his nature to do - steal, kill, and destroy.

There are too many of us that know better and are trying to find some kind of loop hole to where we can have the whole meal and the sweet too. Here is where the rubber meets the road. Its what separates the sheep from the goats...the wheat from the tares... the true believer from the novice. The believer eats for strength to do what he/she is called to do. We don't have time to fuss and complain with what we want. We have an assignment and time is running out. There is no falling for grace to keep picking us back up again. We know better so we do better. I don't have the time to sit through a message about what married people need to be doing when there wasn't a message on love and to practice that first. I don't need to hear about how much I should be giving when love wasn't the foundation of me giving in the first place. There is no point in reading about this topic if you haven't rooted yourself in the basic principles of!

I can't imagine anyone reading this entry and not knowing what is meant by stifling the Holy Spirit or not knowing there is still an enemy out and about, or trying to reason that practicing the love principle is having sex. If that is you, I have been writing this blog for almost 5 years. Go back to the archives and begin there. There is no shame in starting from the beginning. Don't pretend that you understand when there is so much to learn about being a Christian. Dating is secondary. Practice putting God first.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

He Gets a Pass?

How does that work? Please explain it to me so I can be as meek and humble as you are (Matthew 11:29 AMP). Isn't that the reason you gave him a pass? I mean, you are trying your level best to live accordingly and he has been on you like he'll keel over and die if he doesn't get his next "love" fix. So why does he get a pass to go off and do what he does with someone else but is still engaged to be married to you?

Boys will be boys is a subject matter I wrote about in this very blog some years ago. In it, we actually wrestle with the foolishness that a woman desires to have a boy in a relationship. She needs a man. Boys aren't responsible or disciplined. Just look at a bunch of teens. Every freaking thing is funny and they think their exploits are original and cool. My point being, to hit it and quit it is something a boy is expected to do. He doesn't care. A woman seeing those characteristics won't stick around to see what the end results might bring. She already knows - move on!

I frown when I hear women giving their fiances, boyfriends, and in some cases husbands a pass. Their reason being that in a relationship, one must take the good along with the bad (2 Corinthians 6:13-15 AMP). That in a relationship, no one is perfect (Hebrews 6:1 AMP). In a relationship, communication and honesty is key and it is better that he tells her what he did then for her to find out through other means (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). Hm, while it all sounds as if its good because we have heard it so many times before, all I really hear is insecurity and a reason for her to get a pass too. Know that the shoe doesn't fit as neat and comfortable when he has to give her a pass. As much as it isn't accepted, there is still a double standard. He can speak and act like its okay but on the inside you are a definite whore in his eyes. He will plot for you to leave him because of your infidelity. There maybe some exceptions, but seriously seek marital counseling to make sure
all is actually well.

Why is that? Why aren't men as forgiving as women? Why do we accept so much crap knowing its painful to deal with but there are children involved, a mortgage to keep up with, and what would be the plan if you leave? Did I answer that question with a question? Is it because men bounce back (financially) faster then a woman can...even these days when women have more to work with now then ever before? Are men not as forgiving because their relationship with God isn't as strong or is it their faith that is at fault?

I have my own theories. You see we know that without faith its impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6 AMP). We have exhausted what characteristics to look for in a mate in so many entries in this blog. We have discussed all of the pitfalls to look for when he/she is gorgeous, there is still a loop hole created and available just for you to be safe (Psalm 91:1-8 AMP). Even compromising our standards have been studied and thoroughly divided (Proverbs 25:26 AMP). So what could it be now? Where has this element of getting a  "pass" been? Answer: Tucked away right under your nose.

Its that small element that can guide a ship to its destination or be completely destroyed. That small tool that causes cursing and blessing. That one tiny device that will make a man believe you love him and one fault will cause you to hate the day he was born. It is the power of your tongue (James 3:1-10 AMP).

You see, I have been wondering how long men were going keep embracing the idea that they are dogs. Why would this be considered a good thing to them? I recall a young man not only liked the idea but changed the spelling of the word. It wasn't long before being a dog was more like being a DAWG. I guess the misspelling of that word made it cool. But you are still calling him what it animal - albeit domestic, its still an animal. Nevertheless, a generation of DAWGS grew up just long enough to do what the actual animal does. Have you seen a female dog in heat? They attract at least 8 other male dogs and are walking the streets until exhausted. During their walk, they stop every few steps and take turns mounting her. This continues until her cycle is over. Now back to that generation doing what animals do. As they have mounted women who have accepted them and their flaws, seed has been sown and now miniature replicas of these DAWGS have been produced. Others have grown and written music calling now some of their female counter parts bitches.
Aren't bitches female dogs? Well, who likes to be called a bitch? It used to be fighting words when I was a teen. Then it changed to being a bee-yatch. Was that better? I suppose....its not something to fight about anymore. Friends now call each other their bitches and the guys call each other their dawgs. Alright, now there's more then one generation growing and procreating where being a bitch and a dog is acceptable.

Oh, now it makes sense. Seeing we speak to those things that be not as though they were, we have called it into existence (Romans 4:17, Mark 11:24, Hebrews 11:1AMP) . Well of course the guys can have a pass for mounting her then. It was his duty with her being in heat and all. Selah.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Your Standards

One lesson that has been driven home for me over the years is to never settle for less than what you are believing for. Would that also be true for a life long mate and can women have those standards as well? You better believe we can and yes, it is most important for any life altering decision! Do you think if you don't lower your expectations, you will never be married? Puh-leeze, there are plenty of scallywags and dregs of society that are more than willing to take you for everything you have. Some take longer then others. In order to have that sort of future, go ahead without God. Crap will find you. You become a magnet for it.

There is a hoity-toity minister that announced every time she asks God for something she gets it. She then told us all that she wishes to be married and asked God for a husband. Don't get me started on the kind of faith she was using to make that announcement rather then keeping her request between her and God. Anyway, she concluded with that she expects to be married or engaged within the year. The year came and left. I wondered if anyone taunted her about that announcement she made. There were no prospects insight or maybe she was keeping the prospect her own personal secret ... or wishes she kept her announcement her own personal secret. Nevertheless, we learned a couple of lessons whether she was a willing participant in teaching them to us or not. One, keep your big mouth shut! Two, did she meet her Mr. Right, but didn't like what she saw? Remember, she is hoity-toity. What does that look like in a man? Ew or yum?

Years past, I have been waffling with the idea of being remarried. I have enjoyed being single and I actually like my own company. There is no drama unless I watch one in a movie. I keep my peace when issues arise in the work place and when I pray about the matter to God, there is no back lash or recollection of my past or anything of the like. When I put something in the refrigerator, its there when I look for it. The toilet seat is always down. My bed is made in the morning and the sheets are clean when I get into it. What's not to like about being single (Philippians 4:11 AMP)? Hearing compliments, a hug when you need one, conversation, and reciprocating power and strength right when you need a suddenly. So there is the waffle. In order to come to God with your request in giving up the single life, you must know that you know, it is no longer a desire for you ever to be single again. Go over my list again. Add in some of your own things. Is that more appealing to you then sharing every aspect of your life with someone else? Make your own pros and cons list. One for being married and the other for remaining single. Which list makes you smile more?

I wrote an entry entitled, Slim Pick'ns. Its one that is quite popular. In it I describe, mostly for women, how as we get older the selection of men being of a certain quality also begin to get less and less. While some women start to panic and think if she doesn't get someone soon she will be a spinster, I try to put the reader at ease. Its what we wish for. We hope that the selection gets narrower and narrower so that when we choose, its easy and mistakes are few. However, while we are waiting, which may seem like its taking FOREVER, notice a few things about yourself. The standards that you have placed for this person to be, can you meet them? Do you have rock hard abs and a tight tushie? Are your nipples pointed to the South or North? How intelligent are you? Are you pulling in 6 figures? What about the car your driving? Is it up to date or at least clean? Are you going bald? What do your toenails look like? If he puts the toilet seat down, do you use all of the towels or have your dainties dripping everywhere? Though some of these questions sound shallow, be honest. You do look to see if he/she does or has any of them, don't you?

And so when we answer these things and find that we have some cleaning of our own habits to get rid of, are we willing to do that? Is this where the settling comes from? We can't get the best that God has to offer us, because of ....US? Do we lower our standards to what we can tolerate yet it becomes intolerable as the years pass? Is that what has happened? You've essentially stopped fighting the good fight? Too hard to conceive? Think about it.

We like to think of getting this Boaz eventually if we maintain the faith. Or guys getting this dutiful and faithful Ruth if he does all that Boaz did. Look at what you are hoping for in real terms rather then the romantic ones. First, its the Old Testament and people were under a different dispensation. The curse was alive and in operation. Second, Ruth was a Moabite. She had not learned all of the ways of the Jewish faith. She was still being taught and along the way, she would have done anything to be remarried. Notice how she lied when asked where she should be in the field. Boaz said stay close to the maidens (Ruth 2:8 AMP). Naomi said stay close to the maidens (Ruth 2:22 AMP). Ruth said she was told to stay close to the men (Ruth (2:21 AMP). There are other places where Ruth takes liberties but it can be argued otherwise. This reference, however is clear. Boaz then had to finagle to get Ruth (Ruth 3:12-13 AMP). There was an order of things by which the marriage had to take place within the family. For Boaz to get his way, he had to be deceptive (Ruth 4:1-11 AMP). Do you see the common thread in Ruth and Boaz? Where was God mentioned in any of that? Did it all come out well in the end? I suppose so...look how many years it took before Jesus was born (Ruth 4:17-22 AMP). Should it have to be that long before the blessing can be in operation? The fairy tale aspect of it sounds wonderful and we don't think of it as a fairy tale because it is the Word of God. Nevertheless, if you don't see the matter in real terms, you cannot be set free (John 8:32 AMP).

Giving up the good fight is delving back into habits that should have been dead (1 Timothy 6:12 AMP). Ruth lied. Boaz was deceptive. The enemy is the father of lies (John 8:43-45 AMP). Why give him place? What happened to faith after asking God? Impatient? That's not good.

If you have high standards, that's wonderful. God's standards are also high for us to meet them so we can see Him more clearly everyday (Matthew 7:12-14 AMP). Now we place those sorts of standards on our potential mates because we mimic our heavenly Father. Again, this is good. God is pleased. But here is where the separation comes in. God teaches us how to get there. Have you prayed for your mate on a daily basis? Have you prayed for yourself on a daily basis? Your answer shows where your standards are. Selah.