Where Beauty Fades, Real Attraction Begins

This blog originally served as refreshers notes for my children. It then became larger than that when people outside of my family asked me questions about my belief system. The biggest question that posed opposition for me was, why aren't you married, yet? I paused and took a deep breath thinking with all of these entries, the answer would be obvious.

A pastor of a well known ministry incorporated in his sermon that when he was dating he asked the Lord what sort of wife he wanted. He had a list of what he expected her to look like because it is what he found he was attracted to (James 1:11 AMP). She had to have a certain complexion, tiny in the waist, wide in the hips and shapely legs. Assuming he thought it not necessary to ask that she be a born again believer; it was one of the things he seemed not to mention. When he saw his wife to be, he was at a loss for words. He was so pleased with who he knew was perfect for him. Eventually, the pastor's now wife would begin to preach and she also mentioned the times when she was dating and came upon her husband. She said he was so shy, she had to approach him to let him know that she was interested. In putting these 2 pieces together and using it to make sense of another sermon he had after they got married, made me think about the scripture that is the title of this entry; He said that he was concerned that his wife would lose the attributes that she had when they got married so he wrote a contract that she agreed to sign. They both agreed to stay in shape and when one of them started to look like they were gaining some weight the other would let them know to do something about it. This was an agreement they chose to share with the congregation.

Time passes, as it does; the couple had children and the pastor's wife continued to honor the contract. However, the pastor started to look a little portly (as they say to spare a man's ego). I know he did not like it when his wife gave him a nudge about his weight gain. It would seem fodder for an argument. Why do you think that is when it was him that initiated the contract in the first place?

Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt

A man decided to interrupt his lady's live vlog to let her followers know that she doesn't shave under her arms. She was wearing a black camisole at the time and allowed her male counter part to lift her arm up to show she did not shave. She did not fight him, argue, or make an expression of annoyance because he was ruining her video with his antics. When he paused for her to recover from what should have been embarrassing, she said, "while you have all of these jokes, tell them why you don't have a job. Tell them why I have been footing the bills and you can't help with any of it. While you are trying to make me feel some kind of way, how do you feel about not being financially responsible?" He was no longer in the frame of the video but the audio allowed for the viewers to hear him say, "uh...ok,....alright, it'll be alright." The video ended. Still, if one were to assume that the couple is married and Christian, that's the answer for her tolerating him and his antics. But in the regard of the man, why would he be so comfortable as to remain in a situation and then pour fuel on what was already a combustible dynamic? Do you think she had that come back off the cuff or was it locked and loaded for a long time hoping and waiting for him to come to his senses knowing that she didn't get into the relationship to take care of a full grown man? 

What are we, as believers, willing to endure after the beauty fades?

There is an episode of a romantic comedy from the 90's, entitled, Mad About You, starring Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser. The couple are married and the program is based on their lives juggling, career, family, and friends, but still having time for each other. There was one episode where Reiser's character's father was in the hospital with a cardiac problem. Reiser's character's mother was fit to be tied trying to make everything right because she didn't know what else to do. When the couple came to the hospital to visit Reiser's father, they noticed every time the mother came in the room the heart monitor of his father began to beep as if he was about to go into cardiac arrest. Reiser's character looked at his father to see if he was alright. The father answers, "yes, of course. Stop worrying." The mother comes back in the room with a pitcher of water or something trying to make her husband as comfortable as possible and the father's heart monitor goes up again when she does. She is looking for cups to give her husband of 30 years some water. His eyes are on her and asks for her to sit. She can't. Meantime, Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser's characters keep seeing the heart monitor beeping like crazy and they are mumbling to each other, "she's going to kill him." They tried to explain what was happening to his mother because they were concerned that she might be the reason for his ill health. When the father got wind of it, he said (paraphrasing), "of course my heart races when I see her. Look at her. This is how I know she was my wife. She still makes me feel as I did when I first met her." 

Before I could think, is that too much to ask for? Or that's what I would like to have, the thought came:

That's T.V. No one lives like that! Marriage is hard, You have so much to contend with.

Today, I know otherwise. Why would we not ask for the best there is to offer (Philippians 4:19 AMP)? It is God's intentions for that to be. When it doesn't happen it's because we stood in the way and thought better for ourselves rather than the One that created you. The children of Israel did that too when they asked for a king when the King of all kings was leading and guiding them. We know how that turned out, right? A pastor once said in a sermon about something or another, that when we ask God about something for ourselves, that's one thing but when we are asking about incorporating someone else, that's something completely different because you are incorporating someone else's personality and will into the situation. But the Word tells us, how can two walk together unless they agree? Why would you ask God about someone you did not know or was already having disagreement?

Know that when we aren't so enamored by the outward appearance, we have to see the real reason as to why we have established a relationship with this person. We have to do that internal assessment and come clean. People have a myriad of reasons as to why to incorporate their lives with someone else. Let them be the right reasons because if he or she loses that outward appearance, do you have what it is necessary to keep the relationship viable or is it you that no longer look as good as you use to (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP)?

In the 3 examples above, you can see when asking for something that the flesh would enjoy, you can't be surprised when the one that has to work hard in keeping it together is the one that did the asking. In the 2nd example, the beauty faded for him and she sought the attention of social media yet harbored resentment for having to contend with what was left after the money is gone and the financial burden is on her. It's the final example that even though both of the people of the couple are elderly, she is concerned with making her husband comfortable and he loves her so much, his health is of little concern to him. Which seem to be the enjoyable life to you? What do you think God would have in store for you? Remember, what so ever a man soweth....