Making It Plain

First impressions…it’s the thing we learn to do when going on a job interview, getting a loan from a bank, meeting his/her parents for the first time, and yes, when we are going on that first date. The things we go through just so the person seeing us initially will believe that you are honest, forthcoming, having integrity, loyalty, with a focused plan for the future. It puts the other person receiving you at ease….well, that’s what we intended, right? But what if…just envision for a moment, the boss from the job interview, the loan officer, the parent of your love interest, or the love interest were in the car with you right in the middle of rush hour and you had 5 minutes to make it to work on time? Or if anyone of the aforementioned were coming to your home unannounced? Or on a day off and your idea of relaxing around the house is to be in your pajamas all day long eating junk food and marinating in your own ilk? Would it matter what impression you made on them then? If so, what’s ...

The title and subject matter for this entry came from a co-worker having the audacity to ask me, "I don't know why you expect something different just because they say they are Christian." I try not to answer people that leave me dumbfounded especially when they profess that we believe in the same God. Let me try to put this in perspective to understand why it is necessary for the purposes of living a single Christian life whether for the purposes of marriage or not. My career is culminated around and smack in the middle of Human Service Professional. This stems from Youth Specialist to Domestic Violence Social Worker, to a Director of a Learning Center and everything in between from the geriatric community to mental wellness of a child. How I treated each and every person initiated from what each person told me about themselves coupled with the answers to my questions. If the person didn't have the same belief system as myself, we tackled their issues one way; but...

This blog originally served as refreshers notes for my children. It then became larger than that when people outside of my family asked me questions about my belief system. The biggest question that posed opposition for me was, why aren't you married, yet? I paused and took a deep breath thinking with all of these entries, the answer would be obvious. A pastor of a well known ministry incorporated in his sermon that when he was dating he asked the Lord what sort of wife he wanted. He had a list of what he expected her to look like because it is what he found he was attracted to ( James 1:11 AMP ). She had to have a certain complexion, tiny in the waist, wide in the hips and shapely legs. Assuming he thought it not necessary to ask that she be a born again believer; it was one of the things he seemed not to mention. When he saw his wife to be, he was at a loss for words. He was so pleased with who he knew was perfect for him. Eventually, the pastor's now wife would begin to prea...

As a Social Worker, I asked a client to tell me what would it take to make her happy? I was looking for something that she could work on about herself to begin her journey from where she is - in a shelter. Her answer was, a factory job. I didn't expect that answer. I must have asked the question wrong. I repeated myself explaining what I meant. She understood the question, she said and therefore repeated her answer. Oh, so we began there. She might not like the journey - nor would you if you choose to continue reading. What do you need to get a job? Now, what do you need to get and keep a good job? Such small words make a huge difference in a sentence also can make some people look hopeful while others roll their eyes to focus more on the first question. I recall it was difficult for me to begin a working career right out of high school if I didn't want to work a food service job. Employers were looking for experience, an education, or at least a specific look that could be an ...

...unless that's what you are attracted to. If so, please disregard and check back next week. For everyone else of the faith, listen closely. A couple of years ago, I wrote an entry entitled, Slim Pick'ns ? The encouragement was pouring out of it for the reader to know, as time marches on and the selection looks less and less, to rejoice. It's the broad way that leads to destruction. Meaning, because there is so much to choose from, if one relationship doesn't work out, you would always be wondering, "what if it was her/him and I missed out on my blessing." Those entertained suggestions would be a lack of faith and if continued to be entertained by them, regret would gain access ( James 1:6 AMP ). With this little bit of explanation, you can see where the destruction comes in and how it can spill over into everything. Now, the side note: do you also see how temptation works? The enemy does his job. You are responsible to do yours ( 1 Peter 1:16 AMP ). A lac...

Everybody has a type. We know what floats our boat - well, for the most part anyway. If its not the long hair its the curly locks. If not the lean, strong, silent type then its the muscle bound, wide grin with a sense of humor. We all know what we like and are attracted to. There's nothing the matter with that. Its funny when certain people don't know they have a type. They never realize it until someone tells them how much the first girlfriend looks like the last one. Or is it that he never got over the first one and the uncanny resemblance is perfect for what he is trying to recapture or trying to get right what he did wrong the first time? Yeah, that's too deep for me. Yeesh! Remember that guy I told you about a few years ago? He looked like my ex's twin. I saw him at my church and almost swallowed my tongue. I stared at him just to make sure it wasn't my actual ex. It wasn't, but he had the same build, the defined arms, his skin was so clear and chocol...

There are some things you would think is obvious not to do ( Exodus 22:19 AMP ). What I forget about is that there is a new generation that has sprouted out from being children into adulthood and have been taught from a media and social network that just weren't there when I was growing up. So some of the things I write, I direct towards them. Everything isn't common sense anymore and some have to pick up the rudimentary basics to realize the do's and don't in Christian dating have been written for our own good . For instance, it has been told and some older men will let the young girls know today, if you advertise your body by wearing scantily clad clothes, or taking pictures and posting them on social networks, you cannot be surprised with what sort of guy you get ( Galatians 6:7 AMP ). He will expect for you to put out the moment he sees you. Why? Because in his mind, he knows he was not the first to answer the advertisement. What ad? The picture you posted on Inst...

How does that work? Please explain it to me so I can be as meek and humble as you are ( Matthew 11:29 AMP ). Isn't that the reason you gave him a pass? I mean, you are trying your level best to live accordingly and he has been on you like he'll keel over and die if he doesn't get his next "love" fix. So why does he get a pass to go off and do what he does with someone else but is still engaged to be married to you? Boys will be boys is a subject matter I wrote about in this very blog some years ago. In it, we actually wrestle with the foolishness that a woman desires to have a boy in a relationship. She needs a man. Boys aren't responsible or disciplined. Just look at a bunch of teens. Every freaking thing is funny and they think their exploits are original and cool. My point being, to hit it and quit it is something a boy is expected to do. He doesn't care. A woman seeing those characteristics won't stick around to see what the end results might ...

One lesson that has been driven home for me over the years is to never settle for less than what you are believing for. Would that also be true for a life long mate and can women have those standards as well? You better believe we can and yes, it is most important for any life altering decision! Do you think if you don't lower your expectations, you will never be married? Puh-leeze, there are plenty of scallywags and dregs of society that are more than willing to take you for everything you have. Some take longer then others. In order to have that sort of future, go ahead without God. Crap will find you. You become a magnet for it. There is a  hoity-toity minister that announced every time she asks God for something she gets it. She then told us all that she wishes to be married and asked God for a husband. Don't get me started on the kind of faith she was using to make that announcement rather then keeping her request between her and God. Anyway, she concluded with that s...

People enter into relationships for all sorts of reasons. From being lonely to doing whatever is necessary to annoying relatives at the ready to sound off about being single. The empathy is for the unsuspecting individual in such an a relationship believing its all for the right reasons. For them, the truth that sets them free might initially be devastating. Take, for instance, the beautiful woman that has been dumped several times and has now landed a man that has everything she has ever hoped for. She thanks God for blessing her yet she has some misgivings because of the many times when she thought she was in a committed relationship only to find her intended with someone else or has been cheating on her for months. This time, with this new man she orchestrates to seal the deal with a pregnancy. There, now he's not going anywhere because he has an heir to all of the money and he will love her forever for giving him a legacy to carry out the family name. We turn the page and...

While having lunch with a fellow believer and discussing relationships, I was asked if I had read the book about the love languages. I answered that I had not. She then proceeded to tell me vaguely about the material and how much she enjoyed the book. Oddly, I didn't hear one thing she was telling me that remotely mimicked what we know as the truth. I continued to listen to her as she explained what she thought the author was referring to in relationships and dating. It sounded very complicated and something that one would have to really study to make it a part of their life. But that would then mean to relinquish what one knows in Christ...wouldn't it? Going by the explanation given, I wondered. Though I understand that there are 4 different kinds of love in Christ (agape, phileo, eros, and storge) and each has its place in the various relationships we have with people; however, if we have not developed the one we have for God through Christ (agape), then we are wasting our...

Hi, I have opened a facebook page called Making It Plain. If you would like to discuss some of the topics that you have read here, come and join the group and get in on some of the discussions. If you don't get a complete blessing from the discussion, you might meet your Boaz/Ruth. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Come on....you are definitely welcome! UPDATE: The facebook page referred to has since been removed. If interested to reactivate the page, please comment or send an email. Thank you.

As much as one would love to be married, it isn't something to be entered into lightly. Love and being together for forever is wonderful (as long as it is with the person you are supposed to be with); nevertheless, there are many factors that loom over unsuspecting, ignorant, and/or immature couples. Why unsuspecting? Because when in love and the relationship is new, the mindset that everything else will just simply fall into place with little to no effort is the common denominator ( James 2:20 AMP ). Why ignorant? Anything that is not researched is done impulsively. While some think it is the spice of life to do so, it is also what keeps peace at bey. Peace is the necessary ingredient for Kingdom Living. So that "free spirit" kind of thinking needs some discipline and training. Why immature? Not necessarily immature in age but in the matters concerning God. It is the reason for this entry. Once sound information is received, it is difficult to make any decisions based ...