Monday, May 19, 2014

Understanding Her Anger

Its been a long time since she has been asked on a date, she has been handling the baggage of being rejected in the past and has been patient to be found....well. It took you seemingly forever to grow up and now she doesn't know whether she wants to be bothered with ever being married. Should you just throw up your hands and walk away? Would you throw up your hands if you knew you had treasure in a chest but no key to open the lock (Hebrews 11:6 AMP)? Why would she be different?

I just started thinking about this; listening to women as they express themselves on a myriad of matters. I then had to take that information and put it into perspective based on whether this was coming from a Christian woman knowing that Jesus is Lord and for patience to have her perfect work as opposed to a woman not knowing the Lord and allowing for her flesh to speak for her. What? Don't we all do that? Wouldn't a man do that if he were speaking to a woman he was interested in? Wait! I meant a Christian man whose heart and mind is on the Lord and how he could be pleasing unto Him (Mark 12:30 AMP)? Too much to do? If so, then women will always be confusing to you (1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV).

Guys, you have to humble yourself. Let's be as plain as possible. YOU need help. Marinade in that for a minute. Now, for some reason, women have it in their minds that in order for them to be married, they have
to trick you into believing that you are helping them. Then throughout the marriage they listen to a bunch of sillier women cackling about how she has to keep tricking you in believing every brilliant idea she has, you must think its yours (2 Timothy 3:5-7 AMP). Knowing it isn't, you like the idea that she thinks it is and you walk around with this false sense of her having even more respect for you. Hey...WAKE UP!!! Its a lie!!! What's going to happen is, she is going to get tired of doing that. She is going to see that you know what the truth is and she is going to call you out on it. The love that you used to have for her has dripped away a long time ago and with her allowing for the truth to finally be seen, you both will see the damage this generational lie has actually done.

That's right, generations! How many times have you heard the sermons of generational curses? We all can think of the crap that's happened to our families over the decades. While you heard the sermon and stood over your family or on your knees thanking God for delivering you and yours from all of that mess, only for you to get it dumped right back when allowing for the matters that has been accepted in the church, Its no wonder why she's angry, your stumped, and the pastor says stuff like,"the Lord works in mysterious ways." What are the matters that's been accepted in the church? Well, let's just list them and see if you have welcomed them into your home, life style, preached on, or taught about:

1. To get what you want, make him believe its his idea.
2. Squeeze out a tear and a man's heart will melt.
3. Cook him his favorite meal and then ask for what you want.
4. Make him jealous by letting him believe someone else is interested in you.
5. Get all dolled up and walk around him as if you don't see him until he notices you.
6. Wear his favorite color whether you like it or not.
7. Act as if you are in distress so he can be your hero.
8. Find what his favorite things are so when in conversation you can pretend that you like those things too.
9. Dress down so he knows he can lift you up.
10. Dress up so he knows what you expect from him.

Can you see this? These are the things women have done for years. These are the things mothers have taught their daughters for generations. These things are deceptive. These things allow the enemy to have access to everything in your house and he maintains this access because of every lesson that is given to another generation is laced with deception (Ephesians 4:26-27 KJV). It is no wonder that pretense breeds contempt. Of course, she is going to be angry. She has every reason to be emotional 8 to 12 times a day and not know why. Your peace is going to be troubled. Its supposed to be.

So yeah, she might be a little anxious (she has to work that out) wondering how long its going to take for you to hear God to find her. And you might be wondering what's the matter with you for not be married yet. Just know that just like you got crap to clean up, so does she. That harvest God is looking for has to be without spot or wrinkle (Ephesians 5:26-28 AMP). While there are ministries still teaching some of this foolishness, God is dealing with each us so collectively WE can be pure.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Taking Out The Pacifier Long Enough To Shave

....or taking out the pacifier long enough to put on lipstick. It can go both ways. What would that be? Those who have no business getting married much less even trying to date someone under the guise of trying to get married.

It is a pet peeve of mine, not only because I have children who will eventually wish to be married themselves but I see things in my profession where I cringe thinking of the other person that will have to put up with the behavior of another just because a parent refused to do their job or have the cinchonas to stop babying the baby of the family.

It reminds me of an episode on a sitcom that has since been cancelled. It was called, Just Shoot Me starring Laura San Giacomo (Mia), George Segal (Jack), Wendie Malick (Nina), Enrico Colantoni (Elliot), and David Spade (Finch). In one of the episodes, Elliot had this brother Donnie, played by David Cross, who deliberately acted as if he had this fatal injury causing him to have mental challenges like growing up and being responsible. He blamed his brother for throwing a Frisbee too high in a tree which caused him to fall out of a tree when he tried to retrieve it. He kept this act up because his parents wished for him to go right to work once he graduated high school and he didn't want to. Mia and Elliot are coworkers and was coming to see his family for the first time. Donnie was smitten by Mia and decided to come clean to her so they could date or at the least fool around. The part that was particularly memorable for me was when Jack kept trying to explain a theory of his to Donnie. Donnie, having grown and developed like a normal man, could no longer keep pretending and had to be himself which also revealed what he had been doing for so many years.

Though this is something that has been made fun of here, in real life, its anything but funny. Men have to realize that no woman wishes to take care of children for the rest of their lives. No one wishes to marry someone who has no intentions of doing for themselves (Proverbs 17:25 AMP). Even a man who hopes to rescue a damsel in distress eventually wishes for the damsel not to be distressed anymore. Can a distressed damsel ever have children, manage a household, help her husband? How, when she never learned how to problem solve?

An 80 year old woman was looking for an apartment complex for her and her son. He had some issues though. He liked to drink and had more then a few DUI's and wasn't looking for any means to get off of the booze. This kept him from keeping a job and doing any normal things a man his age could do. Stuff like, getting an education, married, have children, a pension, or a good outlook on his future. By the way, the man was over 60. He blamed the world for all of his problems and his mother pacified him by resolving what she could. When this woman's daughter heard that her mother was going to be homeless unless she did something quick, the daughter told her mother to come and reside with her. The daughter lived in another part of the country and this meant a big move. As the son was getting ready to move too, the daughter made it clear that the invitation did not include her brother. Now the elderly woman had a decision to make. Was she going to be homeless with her son or was she going to allow her son to be the man he needs to be? Can you imagine the fear of this man having to be on his own for the first time and actually be independent at 60 (Proverbs 29:15 AMP)?

I wrote about a man who was in the church and was single his whole life then announcing at 70 some odd years old that he was finally ready to be married. he made the announcement because he saw a woman in the church that was about his age, still attractive and had means of her own. The woman heard the announcement and winced. She was not interested at all. She had been married before and her husband loved her before he passed away. She knew what love looked like and could not see that in this man ready to be just that - responsible and grown. It wasn't too long before the elderly man also passed away single and alone.

The bottom line is, its not normal. It isn't what God intended. Whether its the parent afraid to be alone and the empty nest is too much to take on or the child not wanting to grow up and be the responsible adult that he/she is supposed to be....something is going to give. Water that doesn't move stinks. A tree that doesn't produce fruit will be bundled with the weeds to be burned. There has to be increase. There has to be some sort of production, some idea coming into being, some creation that will make it a better place for someone else. Its the purpose of people being on the planet. Remember, Jesus cursed the fig tree all the way to the root. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Diminishing The Value

I have been thinking about this blog and if there is anything, any topic, or subject matter that has not been at least touched upon. I know something will eventually come to me, but in that moment my thoughts were circling around those that aren't willing to finish the process by which we are all called to do - administer the good news. Now it is a topic that I think has been completely exhausted but when I am aware of believers venturing forth to do whatever, I can almost hear the complaints years down the road even before they get there.

I am beginning to understand why ministers go all the way around the mulberry bush just to say the simplest message. They are trying to keep the listener interested in order for them to heed the warning which has been preached over and over again. I understand it, but that doesn't make me like it.

Have you ever seen a baby being fed strained food and the baby refuses to eat the vegetables? A mother knows what the baby needs in order to be healthy. An inexperienced mother will do what she needs to stop hearing the baby fuss. So she will feed the baby the sweet peaches and milk. I watched my mother feed my little sister. My sister liked the sweet fruit as well. My mother would load the spoon up with the main dinner item and then dip the tip of the spoon in the fruit. My sister didn't know the difference. She tasted the sweet which made the peas and the rest of the meal bearable. However, as she grew and able to feed herself, the little tricks stopped. She was given an understanding, had some barriers to face with taste but knew what she had to do and eventually did it. It was for her benefit.

Its what ministers know when delivering a message. If the minister doesn't have the experience to do this, then he/she needs to be schooled before getting up to speak. An experienced minister knows that there are more then just babies sitting in the congregation and we aren't all fussing for the sweet stuff. Many of us hope for the meat of the Word.

Anyway, I preface all of that for you to understand why I don't always hard hit with the topic at hand even though many times I would like to. This blog is about Christian dating. First the word Christian, then the dating part. There isn't one without the other. You can't have the white picket fence and ideal relationship without the other. It doesn't happen. You can't make it happen. It won't happen. No matter how much you try. There is no good without God. That's it!

In dating and seeing all of those things that irritate you normally, they won't go away later. Its God being good. He is telling you to walk away and you have an out to do it gracefully while the emotion hasn't been involved. If she talks all of the time, listen to her words. Are they encouraging, helpful, seeing the best side of things or does she gossip, nag, and repeat herself over and over again. This will continue and it won't stop. Would you like to put up with that for 10 or more years from now?

Alright, you can see what might happen if you don't listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd (John 10:26-28 AMP). So tell me why would a believer rush into things like having sex before finding out crucial matters in a relationship? Are you tired of hearing God warn you? Is it your way of stifling the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19 AMP)? When it is all said and done, are you going back to fussing for the peaches and milk rather then the meat? Because you know when you practice what you want rather then the voice of the Good Shepherd, your Spiritual senses will become dull (Hebrews 5:8-14 AMP). You will have to be schooled again because you acted as if you didn't know better. You gave the enemy place and so he will do what is in his nature to do - steal, kill, and destroy.

There are too many of us that know better and are trying to find some kind of loop hole to where we can have the whole meal and the sweet too. Here is where the rubber meets the road. Its what separates the sheep from the goats...the wheat from the tares... the true believer from the novice. The believer eats for strength to do what he/she is called to do. We don't have time to fuss and complain with what we want. We have an assignment and time is running out. There is no falling for grace to keep picking us back up again. We know better so we do better. I don't have the time to sit through a message about what married people need to be doing when there wasn't a message on love and to practice that first. I don't need to hear about how much I should be giving when love wasn't the foundation of me giving in the first place. There is no point in reading about this topic if you haven't rooted yourself in the basic principles of!

I can't imagine anyone reading this entry and not knowing what is meant by stifling the Holy Spirit or not knowing there is still an enemy out and about, or trying to reason that practicing the love principle is having sex. If that is you, I have been writing this blog for almost 5 years. Go back to the archives and begin there. There is no shame in starting from the beginning. Don't pretend that you understand when there is so much to learn about being a Christian. Dating is secondary. Practice putting God first.