Thursday, January 21, 2010

What If

I was watching a couple on some reality T.V. program as he had a discussion with her about marriage. He was interested in her but still had some issues as to where her mind was with their relationship and making a full commitment. So he asked some half hearted proposal; like, "what if I asked you to marry me?" Why would any woman answer that question?

This same question was asked of an older woman but with a man having the same issues as the couple aforementioned on a different show. She looked at him and said, "I dont know, why don't you ask me." He sheepishly smiled and didn't ask.

Now with both of these scenarios I can almost feel the tension of both men and women wondering if they should go ahead and answer the question as it was presented or don't bother asking at all. In both cases the answer would be no, don't answer the question and don't even ask.

When I was 13 this 17 year old guy use to come around my mother's home to see me under the guise of being my brother's friend. My brother knew what he was there for but my mother didn't. This guy would joke around but wouldn't try anything because he knew better than that. He had a tumultuous family life and for the most part my family felt sorry for him allowing him to come over time and again. Personally, he became irritating to me even at the age that I was because though most 13 year olds would have felt so grown up, my thoughts were on other things like growing up. One afternoon he came over to spend time with me. We were on the porch talking when he decided to ask, "you wouldn't be interested in being my girlfriend would you?" I was so surprised never having had the question asked of me but at the same time the way he presented himself and the question. I felt so sorry for him thinking about his family and why he comes over. I even thought that if I said no it would be one more horrid thing in his life that he would have to think about. So I said yes and avoided him the best I could.

Confident men like confident women. There is something about a woman who has a plan for her life and has every intention of getting there. A man sees this someone who has looked in all of that baggage from past relationships and has dealt with it. She is not a burden because of the confidence of knowing who she is in Christ. The same would be true of a confident man (Isaiah 32:17 KJV). He has a good outlook on life with a vision on how to get there. Because the woman was created for the man and her intent is to be a blessing to him, all she has to know is what is that vision he has and she is already in the works of completing what he couldn't do seeing that she is the help meet (Genesis 2:18 AMP).

Now there are those men that like confident women because of what she can do for him without him making an effort to do for himself. He is not confident and has no clue as to what God says about him (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). Though the woman got rid of her baggage, she will have the burden of carrying his load because he didn't take the time to clean up on the inside as well as the outward appearance (Psalm 51:10 KJV). He is looking for a "Mommy" and as ick as that may sound, there are some desperate women to fit the bill only to resent that man within months of the marriage ceremony.

The point is, when a woman hears a "what if" question that is the inquiry of marriage, then it shows the lack of assurance he has in his faith and what God has said to him. If we come boldly before the throne of mercy (Hebrews 4:16 KJV), why then be scared when approaching His creation? If God says this is the one and she says no to a marriage proposal she missed God and you dodged a bullet because she was the one that wasn't listening and what if she continues to play deaf in the relationship? Yes, count it all joy and move on  (James 1:2 KJV). Or as Jesus told His disciples when they were not received into the town they entered to report the good news, "shake the dust off ... (Mark 6:11 NIV)" Remember, flesh was created from the dust (Genesis 2:7 KJV).

Monday, January 18, 2010

Its Just Air

Everyone loves to make a good first impression. We primp and take long looks in the mirror so we don't have anything disgusting hanging out of our noses, no spinach between the teeth and every single hair be in place. We learn to speak eloquently with charm and a hint of wit so not to be obnoxious but to be certain that when we leave a room or the person, there is a lasting affect that we have made - the impression.

That impression, the word itself tells us what we are trying to do. To press an image on the mind of the other. That image we manipulate for it to be a good one. Much like a virtual photoshop. It has been a long time since I have been surprised with what technology can do to a photograph these days. It is what makes marketing a placebo into a multi-million dollar diet pill. A commercial presses the image on your mind for you to need that product. It is what motivational speakers and human resource courses teach us in order to get the job. We have learned so much and are what the bible considers in these last days, intelligent people (Luke 12:55-57 AMP). So why do we miss it when we are dating another person who also learned these same things?

I dated a guy years ago that did a few push ups before he rang my door bell for our date. I saw him on the porch and didn't know what he was doing until well into the relationship when the need to impress me wasn't as pressing. He thought it was funny as he said it to me; and I have to admit, I laughed for a moment too thinking it was endearing for him to work so hard to keep my attention. However, he didn't think it necessary to keep himself in the best condition as the relationship went on. Why?

I find it bothersome when a man wakes in the morning and what is a pressing matter for him to do is get himself a bowl of cereal and watch the morning cartoons. I suppose this wouldn't matter if he had been working all week and it is his day of rest; but if this is his mode of operation on a daily basis, this is a quick way to maintain a state of poverty (Proverbs 6:9-11 AMP). This would also be true of a man who waits to marry and then decides he is going to be a house husband (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). I don't know of many women who are alright with that prospect, yet these days it isn't as unusual as one might think it to be. What would be the tale tell signs of this characteristic when one is dating for the purpose of marriage?

I know of a man who worked hard to bring home his paycheck and thought it would be less stress on his wife if he would do the gorcery shopping. When he got home, she looked at what he bought and burst into tears because he bought food as if he were a bachelor. She also went into the drama of crying because she didn't know of any other way to tell him to give her the money so she can do the household duties of a wife. He couldn't stand for her to cry so he did whatever she asked. She later thought she discovered a means to control her husband and began to tell other women to do the same thing. I tried it once. It works but it took too much time and was too hard to think of something sad to start the water works, besides I don't like sowing seeds of drama in my life. Its just easier to ask.

The point is, dating should be as easy as anything else Jesus gave for us to have an abundant life. Taking the time to do all of those things we would do to get a job should be simplified for Christians - in getting the job as well as for dating. All of the special hygenic things we toil after should be habitual and something we would never leave the house without doing anyway. If you would rather be a house husband then one who provides for his wife and household then be honest! If you would rather be overly dramatic for your date to think that you will be the weak typ always in distress, then be honest! If you only bathe once a week and don't find it necessary to shave (mens faces - women's pits), then be that way during the dating process! I use to hire people for jobs and found it quite disturbing when I saw the applicant behaving one way on the interview and completely different on the job. I applaud the one who had the idea of a 90 trial period just to see if the applicant will work out. If only we had such the idea before marriage.... if only, if only.....wait, isn't that what dating is for?

That guy I was dating who did the push ups, it was like he pumped a bunch of air in his arms like some cartoon just for the temporary act of being something he wasn't. The distressed woman with all of the drama was probably a vision to behold when she was dating her husband. That house husband who finds it more important to have the right cereal in the morning rather than being at a regular 9-5 was more than likely someone who was a stickler for time and money when dating the woman who would be alright taking care of him. To me, none of those situations seem like happy ones from the initial date and the outcome wasn't either. God has given us all an inner witness. You know when there is just an air about him/her that doesn't sit quite right with you. Don't disregard it. Don't minimize it. Don't ratinalize or reason with it. Know what it is and always recall the verse, a little leavening leavens the whole lump (Galatians 5:9 AMP).

When we try to impress the other person for a job or a date, know the image you would rather them see is the one God gave you (Genesis 1:25-27 KJV).

Friday, January 15, 2010

Who Bought The Cow When the Milk is Free?

It is the question the world has which reasonably makes sense when marriage is the factor as opposed to having pre-marital sex. Reasonably? Yes, we can reason to do whatever and when found in trouble still in complete ignorance and destainable foolishness, justify the reason for doing it. Also notice that past tense was used for having the question because the use of the cow and milk analogy is archaic along with the one about purchasing a car without test driving it or buying a house without having the walk through and the like. Why? Because it isn't difficult to find sex as it once was. Men use to enjoy the chase  and while still running he comes to the realization of his own foolishness. One use to believe this realization was his manhood. Why use to? Well, manhood is defined in different ways now and because in 7 years he will wonder if he still "has it." The "it" is called the "itch" and these days, women have it too.

There is no need in defining the "itch"; it is, after all the ways of the world having no parts of Christianity. Christians have said such things though now, it being closer to the coming of Christ, has been said in smaller circles. Or when coercion of an unwilling participant to have sex just to satisfy said itch; and again, these days men aren't always the one doing the aggressing. Still back to the subject matter,  when you think about the question having better knowledge of the truth, it sounds stupid. Like saying dunderhead 15 times. That word starts not to make sense anymore. Who buys a cow when the milk is free?

Who? the farmer, that's who. If the milk is good but he has to go elsewhere besides his home to get it, why not buy the cow and get all the milk he desires? The farmer knows what to do with the cow and at the right time when to breed and then he uses the cow for food. You see there is a better analogy here once you realize who the farmer is.

Scripture discusses the farmer when sowing seed (James 5:7 AMP). He doesn't watch the seed. He knows that the good seed has been sown in good ground and at the due time will reap a good crop (Matthew 13:1-18 NIV). The faith used for this is through studying, experience, observation, and it being his profession. God is the farmer. We are good ground. The seed is the Word. Come on people!

The next time or when the time comes where the unrestrained individual starts rubbing or pulling on you and asking, "what are you saving it for?" Remember what you have been saved from. The farmer bought the cow (Galatians 3:13 AMP).

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I wrote a chapter in a manuscript still yet to be published entitled Beauty Fades. The title comes from a verse in scripture where one might interpret that the fading of beauty is what comes with age and that beauty doesn't refer to men. That, I would think, is a gross misinterpretation of the Word and I am aim (by the wisdom given to me liberally) to make it as clear as I can for us all to be delivered from repeating error.

I called this entry substance because it is what we hope for by faith. It is our expectation for the eventual manisfestation of answered prayers. The substance we hope for we believe, is for good knowing that the answers to our prayer from God is yea and amen. That means He would be in agreement with us - again, it being good, right? Why then don't we get those prayers answered immediately? Could it be that we are not ready for it or that it isn't ready for us?

ABC has a new sitcom this year called Cougar Town staring Courtney Cox, a divorcee forty something year old woman with a teenaged son. She tormentsd her neighbor across the street from her, a forty something year old playboy who enjoys bedding  different young women and sending them on their way the next morning. Courtney's character realizes what he does and on one episode tells him what he does is disgusting because he doesn't know any of the women but if he did take the time he wouldn't do what he does to them. He scoffed at her but took what she said to heart. The next woman he bedded he allowed her to stay for breakfast and listened to her while he read the newspaper. He found her words to be drivel and regretted trying to be personable with her. The regret went as far as him excusing himself from the table, going to the front door, stepping out of the house to scream OMG (without the abbreviation)! He found that as beautiful  as the young woman was, she had no substance. This was true of all of  the women he was dating (actually, having sex with)). Eventually, he realized the women he was able to get was because he was just like them - without substance. Who prays for this? Who asks for a gorgeous man or beautiful woman for a spouse? When does one get passed the ourward appearance?

I wrote a blog entitled, Who Are We Supposed To Trust? In it I use purchasing an apple as an analogy. The apple was red, large, and looked very juicy. The tiny black pin dots meant the slight imperfections of the fruit, or so I thought. When biting into it, it had the texture of a sponge. With all of the spraying to increase the esthetics of its shelf life, the nutritional value - its substance, was lost. Do people do this with themselves too?

The Word tells us that bodily exercise profits little (1 Timothy 4:8 KJV), yet there is some profit to it. I will grant that we must be physically attracted to one another before even making a move; however, once the move has been made and we find no substancer there, are we obligated to stay evenb when no vows have been spoken? Should a man who like to eat be with someone who can't and refuses to learn to cook? Should an ambitious woman continue to date a man who is satisfied witha GED and cleaning offices at night? Should a single pastor marry a woman who dreams of being a socialite? While all of this can go either way, where is the substance that was hoped for? Is it there? How much time does it take to find that? Be watchful; stay alert!