Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A Point of Discussion

There was an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive (S5:E19 2014), where this elderly man had a trailer home that he barricaded with his treasure of trash he had been collecting for over 30 years. It was found, as it is in most of the episodes, that he became a hoarder after the passing of his father. In the program we also see that he has an elderly fiance that was living with him. A portion of his hoard fell on her giving injury to her leg. She was hospitalized for a time. While in the hospital, his fiance's family agree with him in order for the cohabitation to exist, he would have to do some drastic cleaning. Not willing to give up his hoard, he resolves with the family that he has another property close by and the two of them could live there. Relieved, all of the family agrees. When coming to the property to inspect to see if their mother could live there, they discover that he has used this property to catch the overflow of his hoard. Needless to write that the arguing begins and continues with this man having no foundation for keeping the condition of both homes the way they are. Clearly he has a mental disorder but the elderly woman still wishes to have a relationship with him. He asks for her to tell the family to leave so the 2 of them can work out their differences.

I watched this man get upset with her family and speak softly to his fiance as if he is one way with her but not that way with everyone else. I watched this elderly woman give excuses for this man's behavior and wonder how are the professionals going to get this elderly man to change his ways for him to have a happy life. He agrees to have his property cleaned when the manager gets involved and is made aware of what this man has done to both of the trailer homes. A therapist, an organizer, and the family of his fiance all try to assist this man with cleaning up so his fiance could have a place she can call home. By the end of the program, the only ones that have changed is the therapist. She removed herself from the case getting nowhere with this man. The fiance, now agreeing with her family, and when he tries to speak sweetly to her for him to be able to keep a portable file box wreaking with rodent urine and droppings she emphatically tells him no. I saw that she had to tell him no several times before he relinquished the hold that file box had on him.

I wondered if the therapist gave up and the fiance changed her mind when the group session was in What has happened?
its highest and he said that if worse comes to worse, he and his fiancee could move into a hotel for a week. Did she understand what he wasn't saying? Did she hear that his stuff was more important to him then her no matter that she was injured from it? Did she hear that all she was good for was a romp at a hotel so he could go back to his stuff and not her? Couldn't she understand that he doesn't love her? These are elderly people! Where was the boundary? Where was the common sense? This is the generation that was supposed to be teaching the younger people.

I wasn't as surprised as I would have been some years ago, yet it still serves as a lesson to men as well as to the women. If you see him/her cater to the materials more then to you, take a step back and look at your relationship for what it really is. If you still continue, ask yourself why, do you really love him/her or are you just tired of being alone? If you refuse to see the warning signs, the problem isn't the other person.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The Headless Monster

Back in the day, Hollywood would come out with a thriller movie every now and again. It had to be something that the audience wouldn't expect for it to be considered a success. Success would be the proverbial jump, twitch or scream at the very moment that the monster appeared. Thrilling wouldn't be something I would call it. It used to be a horror flick yet somewhere down the road, certain people liked that feeling; therefore horror, which doesn't sound pleasant at all, turned into a thrill - er. Returning to the same movie for another scream or word of mouth for others to see the monster is what caused for more to be produced. So the every once in awhile became more frequent until the market was exhausted with so many monsters and creepy characters, no one was thrilled, freaked out, or even curious. It went from a strange oddity to just plain bad acting. The interest was gone. The market waited for a new generation to come.

The new generation came with its own pack of goodies. Mothers were single raising children all by themselves. Fathers were enjoying the single life, in prison, or dead. What parent wasted their time in teaching their children about monsters and things that bumped in the night (Proverbs 22:6 AMP)? We had real monsters in society and if you heard a bump in the night it wasn't the imagination anymore. Call the police if in a better part of town, if not get your gun! Goodness, we were starring in or own horror feature!

What to do? What to do? Well some of us pulled up our boot straps and got cracking with doing what we had to do to keep food on the table and a roof overhead. This might mean leaving the children alone or dropping off at a daycare or friend's house for most of the day. Others got going in finding a man so they could feel protected and/or have some male influence at home for the children. Those men were liking having a place with the only responsibility is being there (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). There were just a few that resorted to shaking it off and getting back in church...and even then some of them had the previously mentioned ulterior motives. Don't you see? It was the monster being formed (2 Timothy 3:1-7 AMP).

Just visualize it. Its a bright sunny day with the birds chirping and the sound of a dog barking in the
background. Someone bellowed a greeting to Mrs. Nichols who was getting her mail. Such a nice old lady. She waved back. There was an assembly of children laughing and playing down the road a ways. They walk home together from school. It was a half day. They all live in the same area and as they walked further down the road, one says, "later" another says, "bye." and someone else says, "see you tomorrow" as each gets to their house skips up the stairs and is welcomed with a smile and a hug from a parent. The last 2 children of the group walk slower and their smiles fade knowing that the house that no one goes to because of its creepy appearance, is coming for them. The 2 children wish not to be seen entering the edifice either. So they act as if they are going elsewhere by cutting through the alley and entering the house from the back. The trees are over grown making it darker then most of the homes even while its sunny out and the birds chirp, it all grows dim for them. Carefully they unlock the door and slowly open to creep inside. There is no hiding the inevitable creak and then...dum-dum-dah!


It was a cameo appearance from the monster. She knocked down, cut, punched with her words and with a hug patched one of the bruises. No blood shed...people would talk. They would know. The children barely mumble as they know what to do. They have heard it 1000 times before. Its not until the door closes (funny no one hears the creak then) and the car drives down the street does the heart stop beating so fast for the fun to resume....well, at least for 8-10 more hours.

Entertaining, yet the question still prevails: what does all of this have to do with Christian dating? It is a warning to men with good intentions to be aware of women who have had lives before they decided to do the right thing. The right thing can never come about without the love of God (1 John 4:8 AMP). The love of God cannot be readily obtained without acceptance of Jesus as the Lord and Savior of our lives. There is pretense, using feminine wiles, and even pity to get that white picket fence and the story book happily ever after; nevertheless, without knowledge and understanding, a man could be headed for the thriller of his life with a woman who is used to having her own way. She cannot submit because she has been trained that submission is a sign of weakness. As a result there is constant turmoil unless one is at the ready to appease. If neither is willing to, then prepare for the inevitable divorce, or infidelity, or whatever havoc the children can get themselves into. Because if the head or the body can't get along, how can anything else function accordingly?

This also warns women. Yes, we all make mistakes but we don't keep making them. After the first time, there should be a point where we look at where we were, where we are going and how to get there. What was the distraction? How did temptation rear its head and why was it so hard to refuse (1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP)? Once this assessment has taken place for ourselves, better decision making skills have a chance and fewer mistakes are made. Otherwise, the headless monster is....you!

Don't you see? Without the relationship with God, man is walking aimlessly hoping to attach onto someone who has it all together. Usually these are those who never had a father or a responsible man in the home. Without the relationship with God, she will find no purpose for a man but for appearance sake. Without the relationship with God the battle of wills continue and this isn't found out usually until the vows have been spoken and all of the bells and whistles have been put away. In Christian dating, you don't just ask if the other is saved or not, you ask what do they know about Jesus. If they proceed to sing the hymnal, that's your cue to get up, wish them a good day, and walk away.