Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A Point of Discussion

There was an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive (S5:E19 2014), where this elderly man had a trailer home that he barricaded with his treasure of trash he had been collecting for over 30 years. It was found, as it is in most of the episodes, that he became a hoarder after the passing of his father. In the program we also see that he has an elderly fiance that was living with him. A portion of his hoard fell on her giving injury to her leg. She was hospitalized for a time. While in the hospital, his fiance's family agree with him in order for the cohabitation to exist, he would have to do some drastic cleaning. Not willing to give up his hoard, he resolves with the family that he has another property close by and the two of them could live there. Relieved, all of the family agrees. When coming to the property to inspect to see if their mother could live there, they discover that he has used this property to catch the overflow of his hoard. Needless to write that the arguing begins and continues with this man having no foundation for keeping the condition of both homes the way they are. Clearly he has a mental disorder but the elderly woman still wishes to have a relationship with him. He asks for her to tell the family to leave so the 2 of them can work out their differences.

I watched this man get upset with her family and speak softly to his fiance as if he is one way with her but not that way with everyone else. I watched this elderly woman give excuses for this man's behavior and wonder how are the professionals going to get this elderly man to change his ways for him to have a happy life. He agrees to have his property cleaned when the manager gets involved and is made aware of what this man has done to both of the trailer homes. A therapist, an organizer, and the family of his fiance all try to assist this man with cleaning up so his fiance could have a place she can call home. By the end of the program, the only ones that have changed is the therapist. She removed herself from the case getting nowhere with this man. The fiance, now agreeing with her family, and when he tries to speak sweetly to her for him to be able to keep a portable file box wreaking with rodent urine and droppings she emphatically tells him no. I saw that she had to tell him no several times before he relinquished the hold that file box had on him.

I wondered if the therapist gave up and the fiance changed her mind when the group session was in What has happened?
its highest and he said that if worse comes to worse, he and his fiancee could move into a hotel for a week. Did she understand what he wasn't saying? Did she hear that his stuff was more important to him then her no matter that she was injured from it? Did she hear that all she was good for was a romp at a hotel so he could go back to his stuff and not her? Couldn't she understand that he doesn't love her? These are elderly people! Where was the boundary? Where was the common sense? This is the generation that was supposed to be teaching the younger people.

I wasn't as surprised as I would have been some years ago, yet it still serves as a lesson to men as well as to the women. If you see him/her cater to the materials more then to you, take a step back and look at your relationship for what it really is. If you still continue, ask yourself why, do you really love him/her or are you just tired of being alone? If you refuse to see the warning signs, the problem isn't the other person.

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