Thursday, December 29, 2011


It is the end of the year and most of us would make an account of what we have done in the last of these 365 days. We will smile at some of it and maybe some of  those other things... well, its best we not think of them anymore (Philippians 4:8 KJV). You know, the stuff that we wish we should have said, should have done, could have done, if it were only for not having this or that. Those are called regrets.

For a practicing born again believer, there is no place for any regrets. We have to see them as lessons that will not be repeated. The experience has taught us that given the same opportunity, we will react differently. Emotion will take a back seat to Christian principles, love, and wisdom. These are the things we have practiced to the point of them being habits. This is what we renewed our minds for.

Honestly, having that understanding is half the battle in that spiritual warfare we call the evil nature. Its what used to be our rationality basing on what we see, rather then our faith in God. That justifying in using our emotions for reacting in anger rather then believing to receive our reward because of humility and kindness. That born into desire of being number one rather then being considerate of others. This is the building blocks of those Christian principles. Its the "baby steps" in walking out that faith and allowing God to do His good pleasure which will be for our good.

Placing this in Christian Dating is something that we as single Christians have to do. From women believing men are all dogs because of broken past relationships to men thinking that they are God's gift to women rather then the other way around. Its those asinine, stupid things that have been thought of and said based on asinine stupid experiences. The anger that has been fed when thinking about what you could have said has got to go somewhere. You entertained the thought. The beast was fed. Unless it is rebuked, it will speak and there it will be another regret that was supposed to be for someone else but misplaced due to that blasted evil nature.

It is the only reason there are regrets in the first place. It is the flesh. Its nature is to be fed by any means necessary. Our spiritual battle is walking by faith. We can see the economy going into a recession, but it will not come nigh here because of our faith in Jehovah Jireh (Psalm 91:1-7 AMP). We can see the years pass without a date or seemingly no prospects to be asked on one; nevertheless, God said He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4 AMP). We can see that she has an hourglass figure and looks as if she is really interested in you, but we know that only God sees the true heart of a person (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP). The regret in all three of these statements come when we speak contrary of the faith. Such as:
"Look at this economy! Why did I leave my job to start a business! If I don't start making money soon, I will be living in an old refrigerator box under a bridge somewhere!"
"I only have a few years left before I can have a child! That biological clock is bonging at me morning, noon, and night! When is this going to happen? I don't even care if he is a prince anymore. Just let him be employed and not living with his mother!"
"Yeah, that hourglass shape can all go South in a matter of a few months. Have you seen how she can pack that food away? Really, do you think she is interested in me? I think she's happy that I can pay for her meals!"

As a believer, you have to know the words you speak are action packed power. I believe the verse, be angry and sin not has much to do with it (Ephesians 4:6 AMP). Emotion will have us saying all of the wrong things that we have to ask God for forgiveness and repent for. Look at it from this perspective, God spoke the world into existence. We are made in his image. The angels asked God why He is so mindful of us (Psalm 8:4 AMP). It is because we speak words just like Him to make things happen (Psalm 19:14 AMP). What if the person was very interested in you but because you said something derogatory about yourself (whether it be alone in a mirror or to someone else), for some reason, the person no longer is attracted to you. Could it be the fact that God made you fearfully and wonderfully and you said that you were fat, stupid, dumb, confused, out of sorts, having a senior moment, brain freeze, an idiot, absent minded, clumsy, awkward, weird, or any of the other adjectives that has been regretfully used? 

This new year, instead of making all of those point less resolutions, why not make another life style change. My mother used to tell me, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Who knew those were words taken from the bible and with good reason (Matthew 12:33-35 KJV)? When God finished creating the world and all that was in it, He said it was good and then He rested from all of His good works. Being created in His image, we need to reflect those things. Its what He is looking for. Its what is needed in the church. Not just on Sundays but every single day of our lives. It is what the spouse of your dreams is looking for. It is what you need in a spouse. Its about to be a New Year. Today is a new day. You don't have to wait for 3 more days to make this work for you. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Playing The Innocent Game

Remember when you were a child or you can recall the cuteness of children? It was mostly because of those big eyes trying to absorb all of  the different things life has to offer. Everything is fresh and new and the simplest of things that we take for granted, seeing how a child sees it for the first time, we can't help but to smile. Smile? We take pictures and videos to capture the memories, show them when they are older just to be entertained and sometimes grieve of the innocence lost. ABC's America's Funniest Videos are as successful as they are because of our desire to capture those precious and sometimes hilarious moments.

The hilarity ceases when the child realizes that adults have a soft spot for that innocence. When those wide eyes are used for manipulation, it isn't quite as cute - not when it is recognized initially nor when years have passed and it is brought up in conversation how much planning went into the production of the scam (Proverbs 2:6-19 AMP).

In my place of employment, there are community computers to be used by the elderly residents in the building. The rule is when the grand children or any other family member comes to visit, the resident must accompany the visitor in order for the computer to be used by the visitor. Otherwise we would have anyone off the street come in and do as they pleased. One day, as I was closing the facility, there are usually a few still in the room, I have to announce that I am closing and when they can return the next day. Usually those people would be one or two of the residents. This time however, it was one of the grandchildren with two of his uncles (supposedly). The resident was no where in sight. I asked  the child it was time to leave and reminded him of the rules not having seen those two grown men before - ever. He said that he was trying to teach them how to use to the computer and quickly came up to me so I wouldn't see what they were doing. I wasn't paying too much attention to the child only noticing how the grown men were not listening to me. I came into the room further and the young boy looking to be about 11, talks a little louder repeating himself. I stop ignoring the child because I realize that he had a purpose in distracting me. I look at him as he made his eyes unusually wide and poked his bottom lip out. I almost choked trying not to laugh at his feeble attempts at being cute and innocent. "Get up out of here!" I said with a slight inflection in my voice. It let the child know I wasn't falling for it, and it also caused the "uncles" to immediately stop what they were doing. They saw my expression and could hear their nephew lost the ability with me.

The same wide eyed game is played in dating whether it be a female using her wiles to get the man to think that she is in need of rescuing or a guy who hasn't had sex in so long, his testicles are about to turn blue. As Christians, we are always looking for a way to help the other person in need of whatever it is (Proverbs 3:27 AMP). Don't let that assistance cost you something that cannot be redeemed. By that I mean, getting your heart all involved in the matter (Proverbs 4:23 NIV).

There is an elderly single woman residing at my place of employment. I will call her Patricia. Patricia made it a point to tell her friends that she is interested in getting a husband. Many of the men heard and there wasn't a barrage of them running towards her. In fact, more of them were trying to get away from her range of view. Patricia spotted one gentleman who was relatively new. She made her intentions known. He tried to be as polite as he could be and let the other residents that he dines with tell her that he is not interested in obtaining a relationship much less a wife. They told her to stop chasing him. Eventually she did and he was allowed to dine in peace. We then got another new resident that was very sociable and liked meeting new people. The first evening in the dining room he looked around and was a little disappointed that no one came and sat with him to make friends. The second night he had more of an amicable response. He got to know some of his neighbors and they him. By the third night, before retiring for the evening, he got use to the crowd and even gave Patricia and little back rub before saying his good nights. One of the couples came to me and said that Patricia finally got her man. They described how he rubbed Patricia's shoulders and how he made it a point to tell her specifically to have a good night. She was elated. Before he came, she was getting her hair done now and again. Now she made sure to tell me that she had to have her hair done a certain kind of way and she painted her own nails. She uses lipstick and takes the time to wear a dress as opposed to the sweats she initially wore for weeks on end. She smiled when he came in the room and he sat with the his usual dining companions which happened to include her same friends as well.

I was so pleased for the both of them, until I was told that this man said to a resident, that he was not interested. He was only being friendly and didn't mean to lead Patricia to think anything more then that. He said he was afraid  to come to dinner because she keeps chasing after him. I told the person to stop saying these things to me and had to see the matter for myself. All of my co-workers heard the same information but the residents didn't know this. I watched as the same resident came and continued to have meals with the same crowd including Patricia. As my co-worker would make fun of the matter with Patricia being so desperate, I had to dilute their entertainment to remind them of their age. That man being in his late 70's knew exactly what he was doing by rubbing Patricia's shoulders. You don't get that old and not know how to get a woman interested. He knew that she was looking for a man and at this point in her life was willing to do what ever it took to get him... including, you know what. My co-workers were quiet for a moment. It didn't seem all that cute and innocent anymore. I sort of didn't mean to squash their fun, but it was making me angry that a woman, even at her age, was going to be taken advantage of.

That same man smiles and still claims to be friendly. I have never seen him rub anyone else's shoulders. I asked the question, with as many widows as there are here that still have their wedding rings on, why didn't he chose one of them to be friendly with and rub on their shoulders? Its just innocent fun whether they are married or not - right?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Just A Few More Questions

I recall listening to a sermon about getting a man interested by wearing his favorite color. Because this was a minister and what I recall in the bible, I listened to the instruction, went to the store and bought all of these clothes of this particular color. Every time I went to church, I had this color on that I would not normally wear. Then I thought about it, is this disrupting my peace? Do I like wearing this color? How much money did I spend buying all of these clothes? Who am I trying to impress and even after I get his attention, will I like what he has to say and what he is about? How long will he be staring at the color I have on before finding out what is in my heart?

In making an assessment of the person you are dating for the purposes of marriage, there has to come a time where you have some pertinent questions to ask. These questions cannot be superficial and it would give some insight to the person's intentions and exactly what is in his/her heart. Again, as unromantic as it may seem, it is after all like an interview. Why waste so much time only to find that you are with the wrong person after emotions are all involved? In an interview, there is a strategic process that Human Resource managers have. They ask questions where the interviewee has to be quick on his/her feet and answer with the first thing that comes to mind. This tactic lets the interviewer know what the interviewee would really do in any given situation that may come about. With improved technology, the very questions that Human Resource strategists have put together to find the best candidate can be found on the internet to be reviewed before the interview and therefore defeats the purpose of getting that first response.

Having been on both sides of the desk, I detest one particular question to ask or to answer. It is the one about if you had to list your weaknesses what are they? As a Christian, the Word tells us to let the weak say I am strong and the poor, say I am rich. So to make a list of what you are weak in, wouldn't it defeat the purpose in stating the obvious? In business, those weaknesses better not be something that is abhorrent to society or distasteful to a business yet there better be a weakness or you will be viewed as too arrogant thinking that you are perfect. So what do you say? Of course something adorable so the interviewer tries to not to say the proverbial, "awww". For instance, one of my answers (years ago) to be a  youth specialist was, "I care too much." It was like administering a cavity without enjoying the candy. Not to mention it became increasing difficult to come up with innovative answers and to listen to the drivel that people came up with.

Truth be known, it was just so much easier in following after the Holy Spirit who knows the heart of all. When I did so, I got matched with the perfect job and had the best employees when doing the hiring. How much more so would this be true if we did the same thing with the mate for life decision? Would God care more or less? Then trust Him!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Decent and In Order

In the dating guide (not yet published), I warn men of women desperate to be married. There are some simple tricks that men can do when Wisdom has taken a back seat to the sight of a tiny waist and brimming cleavage (that is a warning all by itself - 2 in fact). It is for the men to ask his date for something insignificant that every woman should carry in her purse. If it takes her more then a few seconds to give to you what you asked for, either rethink the prospects of her being the one or examine yourself.

In the position I hold currently, I check on the elderly to see if all is well with them. At night there is a system in place to let me know that they are doing fine and there is no need for me to enter into their premises to check. When they have not used the program, it is of their own will but the ones that do, do so for the added security. I have not found any of them on the floor not able to get up or worse; however, my co-worker has. What I have seen is that many live their lives very orderly to the point of their apartments not looking lived in at all. Something out of a magazine. But there are those that have everything all over the place yet you could not tell this by seeing them on a daily basis. They are bathed, coiffed, and speak as if educated. These are the elderly. They raised a generation of people and those raised another generation. Could they have created these habits after they retired or while they raised their children?

I had two friends through the years that I thought I knew, and then when entering their environment, I found if I had known they lived this way from the onset, they would have never been called my friends (Matthew 12:33 AMP). Would you call me superficial or shallow for believing this? If so, put yourself in the environment of a hoarder. With that environment in mind, you see the owner of that hoarding space and he/she sees you. What would your conversation consist of? Can you separate the living conditions from the personality? Would you invite this person to your house to get to know you and your family better? Would you have this person around your children to possibly influence them?

I had to ask myself, why would these two people gravitate towards me? What was it that they found attractive to be friends with me? The easy answer is Christ and be done with it. Now if looking at this on the perspective of a life long mate, would the answer be just as simple when finding traits in the other that is not so attractive? What if the perspective mate is a hoarder? Know that hoarding is a mental abnormality in the individual's understanding, why then would you believe that this person was the one? Did God make the presentation for this person to be your wife knowing that He sees the heart of man and tells us not to be unequally yoked? So, you must then ask Him who sees all, what is in your heart that would make you equal to a hoarder (Genesis 2:15 AMP)?

Now look at the matter from a larger perspective. We know that marriage comes first, then the consideration of the family and how large it should be is also planned - ideally (Habakkuk 2:2 AMP). Granted plans aren't always followed and mistakes have been made over the years; nevertheless, when do such mistakes become a way of life and were all parties in agreement to it? Life, in of itself, has order. We can see this in the first chapters of Genesis as God created the world. With this in mind, why haven't the lessons returned to order instead of said mistakes when raising the next generation? We see the differences in children when both parents are in the home and committed to each other as opposed to living together. We understand why God has order in the family. If we understand this, should there be any man still trying to seek a relationship purposely without the benefits of marriage? If this has happened and eventually after so many years, he decides to do the right thing without getting it right before God, then you have just discovered why the attacks and turmoil has been going on in your life. If there are children from previous relationships that are not being taken care of before embarking on a new relationship, you also have discovered the root of your trouble (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV).

Ladies, you will also be held accountable for accepting the invitation to do anything outside of what you know is right. He cannot say anything that could caused you to do anything without your consent. Having children out of order is forgivable, if you ask for it and not make it a pattern to keep on doing. As a counselor of women who have told me of their lives in the church and the many mistakes they have made over the years (as we all have done); however, God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7 KJV). You can euphemise a decision of poor quality for as long as you are ignorant of the Word afterwards, its amiss because God sees your heart. It is the answer as to why you have not. God is not a man that He should lie nor the son of man that He should repent (Numbers 23:19 AMP). We know where disobedience will lead.

When asking for something simple from your date to take out of her purse, she shouldn't have to dump a barrage of crap out before getting to it or to find that she doesn't have it at all. She should know what is in that tiny space that she carries where ever she goes. If she finds it difficult to retrieve a tissue, lotion, or a mint how do you think she will be able to help you or manage a house?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Boy

The nursery rhyme would ask, what are little boys made of? The answer being snips of snails and puppy dog tails with the proverbial, eww at the end. Did not know what that meant as a child, only really glad that I was not a boy. There is another thing I didn't know nor did I care as a bunch of us little girls chanted this rhyme; what did it make boys feel like?

You see hurt feelings and crying were not things boys that are allowed to do and even today I think it is still frowned on - a little. Boys are raised to be strong leaders and heads of households - only for that to really happen, there should be good role models able to stay long enough to teach them to do the job. Mom, as hard as she tries and some may even think they have successfully done both roles for their sons to go out there and really be men, they have to be honest and ask, how? How does a woman teach a boy to be a man? This is the job she is left to do. Men aren't at home as much as they use to be and being a father hasn't been paramount (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). If we were to allow statistics to control of what we believe, we can see how many men are in jail nowadays as opposed to 20 years ago. We can also see the rise of single parent homes and how many of those homes are headed by women. We can see the rise of the divorce rates and the consensus of people who have declared never to marry in the next generations. Man, boys really are strong if those accounts don't have them wailing in their rooms.

I began this post because I was looking through the blog and saw that I wrote a post entitled, The Girl. I didn't read it through to have material as a counter part but only to make the blog balanced. I thought of the subject matter and knew coming at it couldn't be the same. Having raised four sons (with their father), I have a different perspective then I would have had if I never met them before. I knew they all had to be leaders whether it was heads of state or their own house, they all had to have the desire within them to not be passive - even if they met strong decisive women in their lives. Even then, they cannot be intimidated. How was I going to do this? The only way we all do the things that we do (Proverbs 3:6 KJV).... so far, so good. I continue to stand by faith each and every day, week, month, and year.

Frankly, I had to approach the matter as a challenge. Boys were a little scary to me before I had them. As a child I saw them do the most disgusting things. If they weren't having a gagged farting contest, then they were finding ways to see if they could get a look up a girl's dress (never understood that one). They had problems bathing, brushing their teeth, wearing clean clothes, and eating like a normal human being. It was a boy's idea to walk around with underwear that he has had on all week and his idea of freshening them up is turning them inside out to wear for another week! The bad thing is, he never learned to get the skid marks out of the other side of the underwear before turning them inside out. Come on let's all say it together - ew! If they weren't hawking the mucous from beyond their sinus cavity and seeing how far they can fling it, they were picking their nose and finding that it can be a tasty treat. [Wince] No, this is where you say it - ew and arrrgh!

And then they grow up to be men. Only thing is just because they have a difference in their age, wears big boy pants, and can shave, doesn't automatically mean they are men. They aren't men because they have a job, can have sex, reproduce, and can spell responsibility. Boys don't turn to men because their voices change, they have learned to manipulate women with their words, or because they finally learned to use a washing machine regularly on their own. Men are called men simply because they practice that it really isn't all about themselves (Ephesians 2:1-3 KJV). Men are disciplined to assist with others in spite of the temporary discomfort that they may experience (Ephesians 5:1-10 KJV). If that definition causes you to frown it is because you don't recognize it in yourself.

In being employed in the geriatric community, I expected so much Wisdom to be dripping off of the walls and the people would see me as a young girl trying to give me instruction as to what not to do in order for my life to be better then the lives they had. That didn't happen; nevertheless, God is good and what they think they didn't tell me, I learned while listening to their everyday conversation. As recently as last night, the elevator was stuck and a man was inside of it. I spoke to him several times to keep him calm while the technicians worked on it. He wasn't frantic just impatient at being cooped inside. After a few minutes he said that he was feeling faint and it was getting too hot for him to breathe. I told him that there was a fan going on and there was plenty of air in the elevator. He then suggested that I call the technicians for the doors to be pried open. I explained that the elevator was stuck between the floors and that it would be to his peril if they opened the doors now. He then asked for me to call the fire department to break the doors open. I said to him then the elevator would be inoperable for anyone to use. He was quiet at first and then showed that he just didn't care. He wanted what he wanted no matter the cost of inconvenience it would cause on anyone else.

A man married and had child after child with his wife but had no job to support his family. When asked why, he said it was hard for him to find employment because the white man has all of the jobs. In another conversation with someone else, he was asked the same question. He said when he was younger his mother made him quit sports to work and his social skills aren't what they could be. In another explanation, he stated he had issues with authority figures. Still, he had another explanation, this Christian, proclaiming born again believer said, it was better to be poor. After so many years, it was found that he just didn't want to. He  preferred for someone to care for him. The light came on when his children grew and he saw the respect that they had for other men who supported their families (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV).

Lastly, a man after living his young life sowing wild oats, his middle age life in any sort of way he chose decided that in his golden years he is ready to marry. He looked around the church to see what would be the prize candidate for him. There were no takers chomping at the bit even when he made his decision public, though the congregants applauded for him finally taking the leap. When he set his eyes on a particular woman around his age and he knew was a widow for an appropriate time, he began to make advances towards her in hopes that she would accept him. Instead, she rejected him and constantly avoided him (2 Timothy 3:1-7 AMP). Her reaction didn't have him look at any other prospects. I wondered if he took account of his life with God.

Those three accounts are much like wearing the week old underwear and flinging the hawked up mucous. The snips of snails and puppy dog tails would be a welcomed change. It is  just unappealing to women but for some they believe all of the good men must already be married or dead. So they settle for what is out there and are dissatisfied with what they literally have to do- work hard for a happy marriage.

I saw a newscast some years ago where a man fell in an open sewer drain. The water had filled so high and the current was strong. It was just before winter and the man was doing all he could to hold on. The fire department was called and they had to figure out a strategy in how to save this man's life. They had to be quick about it so hypothermia wouldn't set in and they also had to make sure he wouldn't panic with his rescuer by dragging them both to their death. While they were trying to figure this out, a passerby saw the ordeal and jumped into the swift current. He swam through all of it, got the man that was about to go under and be swept out to the ocean. He grabbed the man and swam back to the sewer edge where the firemen formed a human latter to get the drowning man to safety. When they reached back to get the rescuer, the current pulled him in and he drowned. Someone caught all of this on their cell phone and sold the rights to use the footage. Who are the men (John 15:12-14 KJV)? Which are the boys?

There is a carnal way of thinking that children have. They can't help themselves. They need to have all of their needs met because they haven't learned to focus on anyone else but themselves. They haven't learned how to share and to be a help anyone else. They haven't learned to care if someone doesn't have it as good. Some don't get these lessons soon enough so they continue with looking to get their own needs met and are quickly categorized as selfish, thoughtless, arrogant, intimidating, or just not a nice person to be around (Romans 8:5-9 KJV). These children that grow up to look like men will get their counterparts to be just like they are. Still think farting contests are funny? Still think that taking a bath and brushing your teeth aren't necessary on the weekends? How appealing is that to find in a woman? Snips of snails and puppy dog tails are looking better and better.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Playing House

I think it was one of the games I least liked playing when I was a child. The boys never wanted to play it and so the girls in the neighborhood had to be the man in the family too. It seemed so silly and I suppose we all felt a little weird in playing the role by which we truly had no clue... not even in pretending how to be something that none of us had a desire to be -men. Of all of the games we played, house didn't seem too long to get started and be over with just as quick.

Lately, I've been watching a lot of reality shows and court t.v. where Judge Judy Sheinlin says that people in making asinine mistakes and playing house without the benefit of marriage keeps her in business. Though she seems annoyed at having to resolve the mess of others, she says she has been doing it for the past 16 years. Joint accounts, mortgages, taking a break from one another, having a protection order out for one but a week or two later he is welcome to the shared bed, dating and then dating his best friend, having a child by one and then his brother, giving money to each other when the relationship is good but when it isn't it turns into a loan, battling it out online in the social networks and then calling it slander...I see why Judge Judy can keep a job. Still, putting it in the perspective of Christianity, can you see why the entertainment industry is doing so well? Trouble is cheap and people like to watch. Its like a continual car accident. But who likes to be in one? Who plans to be in an accident over and over again? If the answer is no one, then how come Judge Judy isn't in the unemployment line? Is everyone with domestic problems secular?

I was just noticing case after case when the two people living together break up and want to separate assets, the judge asks for some history as to why the couple is no longer together. One almost always says that the other one was cheating. Cheating? What do they mean? Is it cheating when one expects for the other to be exclusive yet both are cheating each other of the same monogamy without the benefit of making it more permanent? The laws of attraction are still in effect. If crazy attracts crazy and quality attracts quality, wouldn't cheaters attract cheaters? Do we cheat God out of the union of two believers when we decide to live together and keep Him out of the union (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP)? Can believers apply biblical principles to practices that are not biblical (2 Corinthians 6:14 AMP)? Does the phrase, making an honest woman of her mean that she was dishonest before she got married? If this is true, why then would anyone be surprised if he or she had an extramarital affair in a monogamous relationship without marriage? And then when you made an honest woman of her, did you repent for making her a dishonest woman in the first place?

A woman saw me in the library working on a manuscript. She saw the title of it was a dating guide and seemed very interested seeing that it was bible based. She asked, "do you have something in there about living together without marriage too?" At the time, I didn't. I wasn't even thinking about it because I figured that was Christianity 101 and no one needed for me to go over some stuff that we already knew. But just like God had to have it written for us not to participate in bestiality (something you would think is obvious not to do), I suppose there has to be some basic principles in the guide that some refuse to let go of as well.

When I married, I figured it was the right thing to do and what little I knew of the scriptures, at least this thing I would have done right (1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV). Eh, not living in the wish-I-could-have-would-have-should-haves, learning more of God's Word and what we all should do is why I write. I wish that none would perish but all come into the knowledge of the truth (2 Peter 3:8-10 KJV). Gone are the days about me getting angry as to why what I am writing to you what wasn't preached. There are a myriad of things that can be said now that was taboo to say back then. Playing House for people of adult chronological age is just a means to have sex without the effort and discipline that going through the interview of dating and being engaged entails. Playing House is also a means of casting away your confidence (Hebrews 10:35 KJV). Playing House is showing that you don't believe God will do what He said He would do (Proverbs 10:24 KJV). It is an outward appearance of having such little faith.

Playing House is childish and I suppose while in the midst of a fledgling relationship, it would seem to be a good idea. After all, people do believe that you don't know a person until you live with them. Funny thing about that statement, it isn't the truth. Once you put all of your trust in God, He will direct you to where you should go and will do so with the best outcome ever. If we aren't watchful, our emotions and feelings will have us do all sorts of things that has nothing to do with our hearts at all. Because our loins are crying out to get that sex any way we can, the voice of the Good Shepherd becomes a whisper, if that at all. Then when two or three children come from that decision of playing house, wishing for a time machine with lots of regret are thoughts to be battled. Can you see why there is a need for discipline? Can you see why children don't have the skills to do that as of yet? Can you see where playing house only benefits your enemy who would have your life miserable if not snuffed out altogether? Put away with the childish things already.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Moral of The Story

In a previous post entitled, Recognize The Wolf, I made a reference not only to the story but the illustration I drew. I originally drew the subject matter as a sort of an abstract of what a movie poster could look like. There was a purpose for every aspect of the piece from it being black and white to only showing half of their faces. The cabin looked small like a wood shed and the smoke that came between the two characters is as poignant as the characters themselves. People who enjoy looking at art would have spotted these things and it is one of the reasons why the piece does so well in my gallery.

For the purpose of this blog; however, I draw (pun intended) your attention not to the illustration but the story itself. As an adult, I thought about the nonsense of anyone not recognizing a threat when it comes upon him/her much like not being able to recognize the difference between a family member and a stranger. Could it happen? Why didn't any of the characters in Superman or Batman recognize Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne? Did they want to or was it easier to believe that there was some fictitious character coming to save the day rather then men who made it their cause to fight against wrong? Nevertheless, it is Red Riding Hood that is told over and over again to children without giving them the actual moral of the story beyond not talking to strangers. Sadly, that would be an epiphany for some.

Children have a tendency to do so much talking because they don't know any better to keep what goes on in the house, in the house. Many times it is better for children to tell someone some things that they trust but for the most part how Mommy and Daddy wrestles in the bed when the think Johnny is asleep, is something that should stay in the house. Children are innocent like that. There is a cuteness about them because they have not learned the difference yet, much like kittens and puppies. Regretfully, it is that same cuteness (innocence) that predators look for as well and because of that, we make sure that our children grow up faster then we did giving them all sorts of information that we didn't have for their own safety. Then we, as parents, become concerned whether they will be jaded or will the shape of their personality be so much different rather then what we would like for them to be. It's six in one hand and half a dozen in the other. We trust in God and their safety wins... most of the time. There are those parents who are determined to allow their children to have the childhood they had. Do remember those black and white movies where the dialogue was fast and so much of it? I recall as a child, I could watch those movies over and over again. Now with the improvements on technology, I find myself not having the patience to hear so much talking. Even with the movies I liked so much, I'd look at the screen with an expression wondering, "did they always talk so fast? Why won't he shut up?"

I can understand when God blesses us, we would like for everyone to know. I have been there thinking that my fellow believers in Christ would understand having been there themselves and wish me well or at the least rejoice with me. It don't always happen that way. Look at Joseph. He told of a good dream God gave him to his blood brothers. These were the boys he grew up with! They plotted to kill him because of a dream (Genesis 37:5 AMP)! Really?!! Wouldn't that teach us all to not talk so much especially to those that don't hardly tell you anything (of their own blessings).

For the purposes of Christian dating, the warning signs flash clearly but when the package is wrapped so pretty, we tend not to see the flags waving right in front of our faces. Why did Red Riding Hood speak to an animal that would not normally have a voice to speak? Why did Eve (Genesis 3:1-6)? Why did Red tell the wolf so much about her and her grandmother? Why didn't she recognize that the one in the bed wasn't who she came to see? I believe when we talk so much we miss out on information that can be obtained by just looking or listening. The wolf had plenty to go on. Red gave him all he needed know. Even when he chased her and she got to her grandmother's house safely, I think she was still talking about her experience about the wolf in the woods and didn't look to see what her grandmother was doing, wearing, feeling, or how she sounded. It wasn't until her own life was in peril did she see what was so plain to everyone else hearing the story or looking at the illustrations (James 1:19 AMP).

Scriptures state for the older to tell the younger in order not to repeat the same mistakes as our forefathers; nevertheless, the blessings that the Lord placed on his people were documented on the staffs that the leaders carried with them. It was the blessings that were read and spoken to repeat, not the mistakes. When the Word tells us to stir up the gift, all they needed to do was read all of the blessings that were written on the staff. Moses held up the staff as a symbolic statement in reminding God of His Word. God tells us to state our case to Him and remind Him of His Word (Isaiah 43:26 AMP). Let Him hear of the blessings that He has given you. God is pleased at the prosperity of His servants. Don't let your story be the one that never wants to be repeated. Goodness, walking around talking to strangers and with animals that don't have a voice. That just sounds too much like crazy! Speak good things. Do good works. Just be good, so you can attract the same.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Come Correct

I was having a discussion with a woman who is about 20 years older then me. She is so interested in meeting someone and was asking me who in the community seems lonely and would like to meet someone as well. Granted she is a believer of God but her maturity level is a little lacking. I told her of a man that has watched her from time to time and could be interested in her. He is around when she volunteers for projects and I believe it was just to see how she handles herself in social settings. She was so excited to know that there was someone that was even looking. She asked for me to describe him. Being employed in an elderly community, the description of him being elderly with white hair and looking like this or that was not much different from every other man residing here... though, oddly enough, it satisfied her.

She paused for a moment and her elated expression changed. She said, "so why hasn't he come to speak to me?" Why would she think I had the answer to this? She knows what she does that would turn off a guy. I am not with her when he decides to come and see what she is doing. She thought again and I was in silence as she allowed the wheels of her mind to resolve this matter. I asked, if she was happy and I don't know why I did. She said that she lost the love of her life a little over a year ago and everyday she looks at his picture and has a good cry.  Really? I asked her, "so how much longer do you plan to keep doing that?" It took her a moment to answer seeing that she incorporated this grieving process in her everyday routine, "so you think he can see that I still mourn for this man?" How do I know, I thought but this satisfied her to do differently then she was doing. The next day, she told me that she put the photograph away and announced that she was finished with the grieving.

Men don't talk about having intuition, but they do pick up on stuff without having to say a word. There could be a woman that he is attracted to but men have to have more of a connection to have a relationship. Some men don't wait for that and they forge ahead to get to the sex. They find later, they wish they hadn't. It is another good reason why fornication should be avoided (1 Corinthians 6:17-19 KJV). A woman desperate to be married can coif, make it up, and lace it with a bow and he will still recognize it as desperate having no attraction to her at all. Men do have insight! Men do have intuition! Men do see past their sexual organs?!!

Yeah, that was a hard pill to swallow for me too. Seriously, I was watching the Million Dollar Matchmaker's Patti Stanger . Her philosophy to the men was, the woman that makes you have an erection is the one for you. That kind of theorizing has no place with Christian principles. As embarrassed as the men were the first season by the second season they were alright with it. Much like the saying that all men are dogs. How offensive - right? Yet, it became a mantra to where men all over the country began to bark as a sign that they were in the house. Really?!! To be called a dog is alright with you? I am offended as a woman and a mother who has raised four sons. Think about that. For a man to be called a dog is as offensive as a woman being called a bitch. It isn't cool in a music video, it isn't a hip reference for a best friend, and it will never be alright to the mature believer looking to be pleasing in the sight of God (Hebrews 13:21 AMP).

In another building of the same elderly community, I was needed to fulfill a position, temporarily. The residents there were getting me caught up on the different personalities and what to look out for. An elderly thin man came up to me. He was pleasant and doing his best to be charming but not overbearing. I smiled and as he walked away, the women let me know that man would chase anything in a skirt. I just found him to be lonely and immediately thought of the resident that was grieving over the passing of the love of her life. The only thing that separated these two people from meeting each other is a parking lot and the willingness to take a walk. They would seem ideal for each other. Why haven't they met?

It got me to think. I met someone where the attraction was so strong that it seemed like we saw each other all of the time, yet he never made the move to introduce himself. I thought it was strange but I never made a move and introduced myself to him. I was taught otherwise. Dr. Creflo Dollar, Senior Pastor of Changing Your World International Ministries, said when he met his wife, he was elated but heard she was seeing someone else at the time. He saw her on campus but still never approached her. He went on with what God called him to do on the college campus. She, Taffi, came to one of his meetings and walked up to him afterward saying, "I am interested in you" and walked away (according to him). They were dating shortly after she approached him. Selah, right? Women don't approach men because of the scripture that he will find his good thing and when the woman sought her love in the Song of Solomon, the villagers beat her (Song of Solomon 5:1-8 AMP). Hey, a brick doesn't have to be thrown at me to allow for patience to have her perfect work. Still, there has to be an attraction of some sort for one to make a move towards the other - right? So then, it being the last days, with the church being the way it is... is there any sort of attraction that would have Jesus chomping at the bit to get to

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Raising Your Standards

This is not a women's lib or feminism post. We already know, as believers, where women stand and what we must do to keep the integrity of that position. Is there a double standard as to what women can do if one would compare that standard to the world? With life being my choice, what the world does is superfluous to me. However, having to live amongst those who might still have those sort of beliefs or some who have not come into the complete knowledge of the truth, the temptation of wanting more then what has already been handed to me can sometimes show itself (2 Timothy 3:6-8 AMP). Recall when the serpent caused the woman to question who she was - already a god (Genesis 3:1-7 KJV).

It is why I am writing this post. Yes, it is addressed to women, but there are some single men who have daughters that still need to learn these same lessons. When I was dating in my 20's, the Christian men enjoyed using the scripture that the woman is subservient to the man. It was them constantly reminding that she has to be obedient and it seemed there was no getting around that. In fact, I do recall being so frustrated with this discovery and not having any ammunition to hit back (Ephesians 6:10-12 AMP). I had to sit there in silence or say something that had absolutely nothing to do with the subject at hand or nothing to do with the Word. It was mostly in retaliation and because the guy relished in that frustration, I didn't choose to date, receive calls, or speak to him any longer. He might have been testing to see if I was wife material. I am glad I was not his good thing.

Later, I knew I was going to have to deal with that frustration and where it was coming from (Haggai 1:5-7 AMP). Was it the ideals of the world? Was it because the men that were testing me really weren't the men I should have been dating and therefore my peace was disturbed? Or was it that I needed to be more mature in the things of God before I could date for the purposes of marriage? I took it before the Lord and started to meditate on the Word more then I ever had before.

Mature men of God have a certain standard already knowing what they are looking for in a wife.Their discussion with the One that created him (because he is mature) could have been one where he listens and agrees with what he heard or one with a list of all the things he likes. He could be looking for someone with the right kind of measurements or the right kinds of numbers in her savings account. He has some idea what help he needs for the tasks that he is assigned to do. He believes he is mature or he could actually be, and that's where women come in to envelope the standard he hopes that she has, or she can raise her standard making him meet it or move on.

I listened to my now grown sons with what they wish for in a wife. After giving them life lessons based on the Word of God, I was fascinated with how they interpreted those lessons coupled with the influences of other sermons and people that they admire. I was surprised to hear at least two of the four speak about subservience. When I mentioned the women of back in day and how they ran around the dining area during church dinners trying to serve their men and making sure their husbands were satisfied before they could sit and eat themselves, I hadn't finished my statement before I heard them resound how much they liked that and couldn't wait before they could have wives to do that for them too. Appalled was not the word for what I was feeling about what they were saying. I blamed myself for not removing them from such spectacles without explanation when they were younger. I knew I had to do some damage control. I explained the way things used to be and why women did that in the church back then. The look on their faces could only be described as eyes glazed over. There was only one way to break them free from the bondage they were going to put someone's daughter through. I took out the Word of God.

The scripture they were clinging to with both fists as tight as they could, like some neanderthal, was the one about wives submit to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22 KJV). I read it aloud and they all nodded. I paused and read the scripture just before that one. Though they frowned, it was undeniable having been raised in church, it could not be disputed (Ephesians 5:21 KJV). Because of the two being one and mature in Christ to be in agreement, the two must submit to each other. If there are two opinions that are in conflict, then she must submit to what her husband decides to do (Ephesians 5:23 KJV). There is no frustration because she raised her standard for him to be so close to God in order for love to abound. He is not only looking out for his own well being but is considerate of her first (and she is considerate of him).

You see, it is time out for the desperation to be with someone who doesn't meet the minimum standard of being a Christian with some sort of signs and no remnant of wolf fur showing through. Just because he claims to be a born again believer doesn't mean that he is. Just because he can quote scripture doesn't mean he believes what he is saying. Just because you see him in the pew every Sunday doesn't mean he believes what is being said to him. When a man knows that you aren't desperate because you have become confident with who you are in Christ, he will either move on because you require more then he is (unequally yoked) or know he will have to prove who he is in Christ. This is the place where you would like to be. He isn't compromising your principles or moral code by giving you an ultimatum to prove your love for him and you don't have to be scared that he will find love else where. Think about it this way, the serpent would have never had a chance influencing Eve if she had studied what had been said to her. She didn't have the materials, the ammunition, or the instruction to do so. You do. Look how good God is.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Love Never Fails

This subject one would think to be obvious because we have heard this scripture since Sunday School; nevertheless, the point of repetition is so that we never forget, apply it our own lives, and then be a blessing to someone else.

Is it a wonder why God would have us walk in Love  in all that we do so that we can live that abundant life... seeing that it never fails. Just think if we truly had the mind set of what would Jesus do in every aspect of our lives, then once having the answer and carry it out, I think we would finally have all that we could ever hope to desire in our lives and in the next generation to come. The problem is, crap happens!

There are too many things that would influence us or tempt us to do something other then walking in Love. For instance, our everyday language is actually obscene if we were to grade it on a Love scale. Just think about it for a moment and forgive me for stepping on anyone's toes, but I am going have to start with ministers and work my way down. I was listening to a message this morning and understood exactly what he was referring to, only he was stating what we see and what we see is not always uplifting or anything to rejoice about. We can look at 10 minutes of the daily news and become so depressed if we allowed ourselves to be. So why then would ministers say what we would rather not happen. Recall the Old Testament when God created the world. He said...He said...He said... then He saw (Genesis 1 AMP). If we then are made in His image why would a preacher, a teacher, an apostle, a prophet, or anyone believing that Jesus is Lord say such things that we all would rather not be? I question, in those lessons, is that Love and is God pleased when we know to speak to those things that be not as though they were (Romans 4:17 GNT)? Are we going to be held accountable with the words of our mouths (Psalm 19:14 KJV). Do we speak with loving kindest, positive and uplifting (Matthew 12:34 KJV)?

Understanding that we learn when we assemble ourselves together to do better then what we were doing before, but then it seems once we reach a certain level of maturity, we start to plateau and ask, is that all there is? What I am wondering is, its up to us to seek that which we are called to do outside of the messages we hear every Sunday. I have found what seems to be thought provoking for one could be error for another. How can this be when we belong to one body? Just like soft cereal and milk is a joy to a toddler to eat but to a man he may be looking for a steak and cheese omelette. Soft cereal would not sustain him for the tasks that he has to do throughout the day. Wouldn't spiritual food be even more sustaining given the right portions to those who can eat strong meat and to those on the milk of the Word (Hebrews 5:11-15 AMP)?

Bishop T.D. Jakes said at one time when he heard a congregant state that he wanted to have what Bishop Jakes has. Dr. Creflo Dollar claimed a man saying the same thing to him. I thought it funny that their answers were identical. "You don't know what I have been  through to get what I have. If you want this, then you have to go through something to get it." I contemplated ever having said that again, but then thought, I am not them and I wouldn't have the same issues they had. In fact, what God has for me could be so much better then what they have. Yet how would I know this if I am ever looking to see if what the Jones' have? In recalling Elijah and Elisha in wanting the mantle Elijah had before being taken home, how could this apply today (2 Kings 2 AMP)? Would we desire the anointing of another person after receiving Christ as our Lord and Savior? Would we ask for a well known minister to lay hands on us to receive  the blessing before he goes home to be with the Lord or would this be error? It all being in Christ and having each of our own tasks to do in life, why would I wish for what someone else has if that person doesn't have the skills and talents that I have and I not having theirs?

What does this have to do with being single? I suppose everything. I can understand the mistakes I made in relationships and I truly wish for the next generation not to go through what I been through; therefore writing serves this purpose. I recall listening to sermons that had nothing to do with Christ but I based all that I knew on them and had obstacles to face because of that decision.  It took my own studies to find out otherwise. There are people that prey on those who are sold out to Christ and if you are not watchful, it will be years before you realize what has happened. It is said, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Find it in the Word. If you don't know why there is something trying to kill you because of who you are in Christ, then you can become incapacitated to do what you are assigned to do. Succumbing to temptation only to result in disease and/or addiction, and ultimately regret takes time to get back on the course before temptation showed up (James 1:12 KJV). It is why God has us to walk in Love and it being what we can hang all of the prophets and the law on. Nothing else is more important then this (Matthew 22:36-40 KJV).

So while you intend to embark on dating for the purposes of marriage, keep in mind the relationship with God that you diligently drew nigh to (Hebrews 7:19 KJV). Know that there is no man or woman who can take the place of who He is in your life. For the person you intend to marry should agree with you in this respect (and with Him, in all others). Both of you will recognize Him in the other. This is how you know he/she is the one. It is also a precursor for you to understand why there is divorce. Divorce is an undisputed record of a failed relationship. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16 AMP). God is love (1 John 4:8 AMP). Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8 AMP).

Monday, September 26, 2011

Struggling and Wrestling

There is an irritating ignorance that seems to try and lurk arround explaining how normal it is to struggle when first getting married. I suppose if you stand on the principles of the world, then you can bandwagon down that journey of bumps, jagged edges, and hardships. Personally, I choose to follow Jesus.

The funny thing is when choosing to follow our Lord and Savior, we are all in agreement within the confines of the church building (right?); however, when using the same MO (modus operandi) for life in solving the equations the world dishes out, some tried to resurrect that which has passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP).

It is considered to be natural to have struggles and concerns when newly married. Reason being, because of having to cope with another personality, the differences of opinion with daily tasks (being raised in two different households), and the presumption the other will change in a given period of time (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV). This makes sense; yet, with the belief system that the old has passed away and all things have become anew it is of no use to the discipline follower of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).

In following Jesus, one of the things practiced is walking in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16-17 KJV). In walking in the Spirit, our once blind eyes have a better understanding. We use love in everything done and with constant practice of both of these principles comes maturation, promotion, and reward. For some, it is getting the better position on a job, others will receive financial compensation for past troubles, and the faithful few will receive the spouse that was requested and had patiently waited for (James 1:4 KJV).

You see, because of the Holy Spirit and the practice of the walk, both individuals making their requests known to God would have been diligent in obedience. Because of that diligence, God blessed them and in so doing, continually keeping the relationship with Him, they have become more like Him (more like God). When God then makes the presentation of her to him, he is pleased because of her diligent walk with Him. She is pleased because she can recognize the One she kept a relationship with in him. This is then continued when the two become one. There is no one getting to know an unknown personality because it is the same as yours which is His (God). No struggle because of the constant agreement. No hardships because the plan had already been carried out before the marriage. When the two become one there is a strengthening of that same plan. One will put a thousand to flight...remember?

Now wrestling is different. I personally find the sport of wrestling, disgusting. I saw the high school wrestling teams before in their little flimsy outfits trying to get their opponent out of the circle and/or pin his shoulders back in one hold or another. They are sweating all over the other one with an armpit in the other's face or the head in the butt of the other guy - ick! If I ever found myself in such a position, I would immediately break all of the rules. Sweat dripping? Armpit hair? My hair locked between someone's thighs? Pinning shoulders to a mat would be the least of his troubles. Nevertheless, in the Spirit, wrestling is expected in a Christian's life - no doubt, no argument here. However, the wrestling is a task that is not necessarily on going and actually I don't expect it in a marriage not unless each individual (notice the separation of the twain in that description) comes with their own emotional baggage. That sounds like the natural lingo again.

First, let's get beyond this natural stuff - or didn't we already do that by walking in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 KJV)? So why wouldn't our language be faith filled rather than tickling our own ears with natural lingo - worldly principles? Tighten the slack on casual talk (another blog entirely). We don't have to speak Elizabethan, but we do have to speak that which is pleasing to God. With that in mind, do you see how wrestling is a means for the Christian still trying to gain maturity in the things of God? Recall what Jesus said we could have if we sought the Kingdom Life (Matthew 6:33 KJV). Now, study righteousness. You will see that the wrestling that you have accepted is only required based on what you have just learned and recently applied.

I could write it here but it would be like me serving food that you cannot recognize as being nourishing. I recall the 23rd Psalm where the Lord prepared a table in the presence of mine enemies. I asked God in prayer over and over again, why? Why would He have me to eat in the presence of my enemies? Would they be flesh and blood? The Word says, no (Ephesians 6:12 KJV). Would they be at the ready to take my plate and food from me? The Word says, its possible (Luke 11:21-23 KJV). Would they be able to defeat me? The Word says if I allow them place (Ephesians 4:27 KJV). So how do I rid myself from them to have the peaceful, abundant life that has been promised to me? The Word tells us that too (Joshua 1:7-9 KJV)!

Monday, September 12, 2011


My son got married a few weeks ago and it was bitter sweet. I was a little upset because I thought he didn't take heed to any of my warnings especially when he showed me things that proved the warnings were correct. I kept praying not so much for him to find someone else but for him to gain the Wisdom he needed. I was vigilante about it. He came to visit with me. We had a nice conversation about relationships and I saw that he was frustrated because he wished to honor me by being obedient but he also wished to marry of his choosing. He began listing all of the things I had taught him for years and all  that he obtained from what I taught him. I couldn't dispute any of it. I had to keep the peace and give him my blessing. He did good (as my father would say).

I also recall him telling me that his bride has this gift that what ever contest she enters or whatsoever her heart's desire she gets. He thought it was amazing that she had this gift because it has not failed yet. He called it luck but I knew better and so I began to watch to understand what he was referring to. The only thing I found different in her demeanor is that she is very attentive to her parent and godparents. She watches the expression on their faces and meets whatever the need they have if she can. It was one of those qualities I heard my son mention as well.

Is this what God meant by honoring your mother and father that thy days may be long (Exodus 20:12 KJV)? And does those long days mean long life or something else? I see children practically raising themselves these days and have children to raise not knowing what to do. What will be the length of their days and the generation they are fumbling to raise (Proverbs 22:6 KJV)? I know that with my parents I was obedient to them no matter what. Even if it was something I would have not liked to do, because they said to do it, I did it. My thought processes are they have been here longer then I have. They would know more then I do. Granted, as an adult, I ask questions to seek why they wish for this or that because I also have a better understanding and it is what my heavenly Father wishes for me to do with Him as well.

If we look at this as a farmer sowing seed, to do as the Word tells us to do, it is good seed into good ground (Mark 4:26-32 KJV). With that being done, the end product has to be good as well. Have you ever seen a seed sown into fallow ground? The seed does not grow because the ground is too hard to nourish the seed (Mark 4:3-8 KJV). This would also be true for someone who is stubborn or determined to do what he/she wants with or without reason. What would the end product be out of that relationship? How about good ground but the seed is diseased or broken? Would that be the same as being unequally yoked? That's like someone trying to fix the other by marriage or making a baby to fix the relationship.

To give honor where honor is due I hear spoken in ministry many times. However, is this a once a year sort of thing or is it something throughout the person's lifetime. I hear it once or twice a year during birthdays and pastor's anniversaries in church. What happens with this honor on a daily basis? Would daily tasks of this fare well with your length of days? Would God be pleased with your faith being at work with this task (Hebrews 11:6 KJV)? Does it have any significance in the relationship you desire to have or is it considered as the treasure you are building in heaven? Selah.

My son and new daughter-in-law (his bride) have a long and good life ahead of them. I used the word bittersweet earlier because he is my son and I didn't think time would forge ahead as fast as it did. It is also sweet to see the end product of good seed and good ground. He has honored his father, me and God. I thank You, Father for teaching me that my days and my children's days are long (Proverbs 13:22 KJV).

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Warning Signs

A huge sign of independence for any teenager is finally being able to legally drive. The training is a little pamphlet and some getting use to being on the road with other drivers. We are made aware that everyone isn't as conscientious as we are; nevertheless, it doesn't detour (pun intended) from getting on the road and experiencing that freedom, even in later years when we are use to it. We know to never disregard the traffic signs. They were put there for a reason. Seeing other people do their own thing knowing that if the police doesn't get them with a traffic violation then the sign which warned of a slippery road ahead, or yielding because animals are crossing, or  just slowing down because there is a stop sign ahead will be their deterrent.Would that also be true with everyday life and in this case, with dating in the Christian genre?

You must first practice that which He has given you so that you can hear clearly and know to test it all (1 John 4:1-3 AMP). With the warning signs, dating is not much different from driving. When the signs are clear as the nose on your face, it is to your benefit not to disregard them. When a man keeps losing his keys and other small items that anyone else would have thought of a plan not to keep the same undesirable behavior, it is a warning sign of what he believes is precious to him and what isn't. When asking a woman for something every woman should have in her purse and it takes her forever in a day to find it, this is a warning sign that there are other personal matters in her life that are in disarray. Why then would we see both of these things as frivolous and disregard them? Could it be that the signs you are hiding could be considered much worse or is it that you believe this is your only prospect in so long you would like to hang on for dear life or is that behavior normal and you don't see the sign at all?

Some signs when driving are harder to detect then others. It could be because of an obstacle like a tree was covering it, but in life there has to be a relationship with God for Him to tell you what you cannot clearly see for yourself. For instance, for quite awhile I had a number of friends in church where we would go to various social functions after ward and may even meet up with each other for lunch or volunteer in the same auxiliary. Every now and again, we might meet up at one or the other's place of residence. When we did, most of the time it was not a surprise because their home was like a mirror image of who the person portrayed themselves to be. Every once in awhile, there was the odd person, that had a drop or two or drama left in their life or someone who didn't talk much because they were trying all they could to fit in. When going to their homes, it was always a problem with excusing the mess - even when knowing that company was coming over. One time, I happened to notice one of the congregants opening the restaurant door with the tail of her shirt instead of her hand. I didn't see this as anything out of the normal (these days) but when it came time for me to use the facilities in her home. The smell wasn't as bad as the garbage and mess all over the place. I literally had to step over things just to get to the toilet. She handed me a roll of tissue to dry my hands after washing them. Would a man interested in dating this woman see this as a warning sign or would loving her change all of this? God's love changed us all from sinners to ambassadors of Christ. In answering this, does it trouble you?

When God gave Adam the duty to protect the garden and in the Song of Solomon (6:3 AMP), the man describes his lover as a garden, though symbolic, I can't help but to put the two together. Would you not see that a man protecting the garden would be the same as protecting the woman he intends to marry - his future wife. And if he takes on this duty and does it well, would you not only see this at how well he would protect his family? How can you tell these things on a date? I look at the smallest of things because of the verse, it is the small foxes that spoil the vine (Song of Solomon 2:15 KJV). If on a date and he does not guide her to the inside of the sidewalk, is he considering her safety? There use to be a time, (I suppose I recall this because I saw my father do this with my mother and when ever he took me places, he always did the same to me) where this was seen often in movies and television. It is a sad state of affairs if television and movies are dictating the good/bad behavior.

With the Holy Spirit being our guide, leading to do what we are all called to do, our first task is to walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 KJV). In so doing, we get closer to God to find out what Love is (1 Corinthians 13:2-8 AMP). We then behave more like Him having made the decision of life, we live according to this decision. A huge warning sign is knowing who the tree is by the fruit it bears (Matthew 7:16 AMP). We have been described as trees planted by the rivers of water (Psalm 1:3 KJV); therefore, if we date a tree that shows fruit of anything not conducive of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26 KJV), this gives you clear indication of what you will do next. If you are more infatuated by what you see then what you know in Christ Jesus, you cannot blame anyone but yourself when the outcome of your decision is less then abundance.

The sign ahead indicates that the road is slippery and there has been a slow drizzle all day. Do you drive as you would normally drive or is there the tiniest bit of caution especially in the curves of the road and with oncoming traffic. If so, why are you more watchful in driving then you are in dating?

A minister advised the congregants of a Christian single gathering that each person interested in dating should test the intended of their temper and create a situation to see if the other would get angry or jealous. I continued to listen to the lesson but could not agree with the purpose of it. Clearly there had to be scripture to back it for it to be the truth. Second, when the other finds that it was all a set up, wouldn't it be clear not to date the master mind of the set up. Why? Because it is evident that he/she does not hear from God and/or willfully disobeys Him. It also a warning sign to pray for that minister giving that advice. This showed me proof of it being the last days (1 John 4:1 KJV).

As God shows me things, He shows them to us all. To any of those who still think God isn't talking to you, you are deluding yourself. He gives us all warning signs. How many times have you ever began a statement, "something told me to...? It was God. The warning sign was clear. The only obstacle that kept you from paying attention to it, was you. There has to come a time where we cannot keep using excuses and blaming the other for the way our life is. I had a car accident early one morning in between seasons where it is still dark outside. I drove through an intersection when the light had just turned amber. I didn't see the driver skip pass the changing of the light. When I accelerated ahead, I was so startled when the front of my car was hit. Where did she come from, I thought. Why didn't I see her? By the time we got off the road and started to exchange information, she had already blamed me. I was still wondering where did she come from and why I couldn't see her before the accident happened. I looked at her car and she didn't have her headlights on. I mentioned it to her. She turned and saw her lights were off. She stated, "I tuned them off when I got out of the car." Would that it be true only she left the engine on and her drivers side door open. Who does that? Clearly a sign.

Monday, August 8, 2011

He Doesn't Talk

A friend of mine came to visit me a few nights ago. We are both single and was talking about going to the mall for some window shopping (something I particularly detest). She was trying to convince me and in some kind of way, the conversation steered around to back in the day, when we use to date and the looks men give that can make a woman weak in the knees. We both had our stories about when the best thing to do was run like Joesph from Potiphar's wife. We laughed describing how we were shaking just to get away from them and not being able to understand why we were so shaken up by them.

She left after we talked for more then three hours and had not gone anywhere to shop. We didn't look at any television and had dinner right there in my apartment. It was different for me. We usually would go out and about somewhere meeting other people from our church or just going to see a movie. It was just refreshing for the both of us sitting there and talking. I hadn't done that in so long.

I also started to think if there were people that were starving for that kind of adult conversation. I recall being a housewife and raising a family, I was so glad when I got a phone call from any adult just to have someone to have adult conversation with. It solidified the scripture for me that it was not good for man to be alone. I also thought about those who were punished in solitary confinement. They had to either start talking to themselves or needed therapy not to become mentally ill. People that are elderly need to have some human contact or they begin to lose their purpose for living and fall into a deep depression. Having been employed in the geriatric community, I have seen this too many times.

I just wondered about men  who have seen as many times as I have, where they are depicted in the media as the part of the human population that doesn't like to communicate and talk about their feelings. For a man to be sensitive, he must be in touch with his feminine side. What kind of bull is that? If any man is living that sort of lie, that in order for him to be any sort of man, he has to be sullen, mysterious, and a woman has to do back flips just to find out what his day consisted of - you are already in need of some therapy. Recall my Christian brothers, we do not comply to the things of this world. If this is the way they have decided to be - let them. You must separate yourself.

Now if you decide that you are in compliance to what the Word tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to wrath (James 1:19 AMP) - then I have no qualms with you. Nevertheless, if this becomes your mantra for the rest of your life without also including, if you abide in Him and the Word abides in you then you can have whatsoever you say (John 15:7 KJV) or the verse where you are to speak good things (Matthew 12:33-35 KJV) - then you can't complain with what you get.

I can appreciate a quiet man even though the world says a quiet man can be sneaky.  I would however find it difficult to befriend such a man when it is necessary to talk to get to know him or to even ask someone for a date. Being shy is not apart of Christianity and while the younger generation might find that appealing because of ignorance, to a well versed woman, it leaves a bad taste.

In drawing closer to God, I find that there are times where He can be quiet as well. Those times used to be so disturbing to me. What? After I went through all of that trying to learn how to draw near and now...NOW, He gets quiet?!! I have learned with all that He has given to me, it is those quiet times when tests come. What teacher speaks when the student is taking a test? I have come to learn to appreciate the quiet. I am more apt to pass more tests.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sex At The Broadway

Recently I wrote a blog: Sex In The City. I figure I touched on a subject matter that was relevant in the church and should be addressed because of the interest it generates. Not because of the things of the world having slogans that sex sells, its for the knowledge of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. If there is no new knowledge on a subject matter then we tend to use what we already know to do and that is the old man that has since passed away.

I am writing this sort of part 2 to the previous blog because I still think I was vague about the subject matter. Coming from a different perspective, seeing that people digests information in all sorts of ways, I figure clarity can't help itself but to be seen. No confusion or misconception as to what is meant by this or that
(1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV). And in order for the clarity to be all that it needs to be, you know I have to use the Word of God.

In the faith life style that I have chosen for myself, I have noticed that women don't have venues and retreats for other women to learn about maintaining or even creating a good marriage. I do understand the reasoning behind it but I don't think that women do - not completely (Titus 2:1-4 KJV). What I have learned that there are people that go to church for a myriad of reasons. Some for the fullness of God while others come to be seen in their Sunday best, and still others are establishing business contacts. Then you have those that are there in desperation to find a husband. When the single men are more then aware of the women around them, because men don't have the same issues with having a forum to maintain a good marriage, they keep away from those man eaters. There are women then look and see which married woman is happy and which one isn't. Then they decide how to approach the dissatisfied man or the man that can easily be tempted. Yes, there are women that can see a happy marriage and will try her level best to come to get what she can. To keep the happy marriage a secret, single Christian women miss out on the marriage forums. Why? Clearly because of fear. However ladies, let me inform you: If God has spoken to you about this need your fear will be the very thing that will come upon you (Job 3:25 KJV). Be obedient!

We all know that the broad is the way to destruction and narrow is the way to life (Matthew 7:13-14 KJV). I have discovered this in my personal life trying to maintain a specific career when I have so many other interests. I had to make a decision as to what I was going to do so not to be confused with doing too many things and coming out with nothing. This is also true with sex in the marriage. We know that testing all sorts of partners isn't the way to go, as tempting as that might be for some: clearly this is a broad perspective of thinking and we have established where broad way will take you. This would also be the same in dating so many different people. People have feelings and believe that being Christian, hurting one another is the last thing thought of; however, this is why I focus on the dating aspect not to be so romantic. With romance, hearts get involved. It establishes gaining control of your emotions and a perspective on what is seen internally rather then the outward appearance.

Now in the discussion you would have with "the one" there will come a point where sex will have to be the main topic. This is only after agreement has been made with other matters. Why? Because sex is not the all and be all. You might think that sex is because its been so long since you have had it and all you can think about at times. That is a warning for you to have a talk with Jesus. When sex is a thought entertained for long periods of time, your ability to stay focused is compromised. Decisions are made with regret following soon afterward. It is why Paul wrote that though it isn't a sin to marry because of sex, you will have trouble. Therefore, it is necessary that you maintain that relationship with our Lord and Savior before having such a discussion. About those other matters, while we are here, let's make that list available as well:
1. Interests - should be alike or correspond with the other. Such as enjoying investing while the other enjoys numeric equations.
2. Maturity in Christ - you cannot be with a baby Christian still having to fight with some carnal tendencies, that is, not unless you are having the same fight. Bottom line, babies shouldn't marry anyway.
3. Future Goals - she has to know that she was created for him and not the other way around; therefore, his goals are a perfect match with what God intended for her life.
4. Money Matters - who can budget better. What investments have been made? What were the mistakes and who made them? The answers decide who could manage money better.
5. Family - where does the importance lie? Is there a need to stay close to a parent and why? Should there be  a place for the parent to come and stay with the married couple and why? Will the couple leave the city where the parents reside and why or why not? Extended family and children that come into a second marriage - where are the boundaries drawn?

This is a small list yet it is large enough to establish a much narrower path rather then being surprised with the dictatorship a marriage can turn into regret and resentment to soon follow and be apart of the union (Ephesians 4:27 KJV).

As far as sex goes, there are entirely too many ways this subject can turn. I understand that there are therapists that have written a number of books on the matter and believing that it can be a neutral ground to start on, would be error. If the therapist is not grounded in the Word of God, its a book you would rather not open. With that being written, lets dive into some of the things that we have been exposed to and believe that it is still alright to do as long as there is a willing participant. In this list, I am going to use the Word of God and then I will correspond the Word with the finding of those who specialize in the subject. The reason I can do this is because I sought it in the truth first.

Baring in mind that the marriage bed is undefiled, as written in the Word, we must have that word defined to gain a clear understanding. This word means not to have its purity of excellence debased. Knowing this we can then move on.
1. Role Playing In this there are usually two people meeting for the first time and neither party is married to each other. I have heard couples do this over and over and each time the roles being played is that they are strangers to each other or single. Knowing how God is and what He expects from us, I ask why would you introduce this sort of thing in a holy union that He has put together? Therapists won't agree with this. They will undoubtedly use the two consenting adults approach and be done with the matter stating that one cannot be too rigid in the faith. I pose to you: what happens when one of the two gets bored with role playing. Would the other stop or does it continue else where with someone else (extra-maritally)? Know that an introducing something into the marriage will take pre-counseling and prayer with both in agreement through out the marriage. It is not something to enter into lightly.
2. Anal Sex (penetration and oral) With the marriage bed being undefiled, I would not write not to do such a thing. I would, however show what could happen to the woman and man if this is where the interest is going. Here is a link describing some of the health risks if using this position as a common practice. With this knowledge, one must ask would you toss the dice in hopes that none of these things could possibly happen? If you are still considering it, then answer, how much do you really love your intended spouse?
3. An Open Marriage (Swinging) You realize as a Christian that this can only come to ruin. Who can forget Sarah's idea of how she tried to fashion God's words to mean something that it didn't. Abraham knew well and good exactly what God meant. He didn't misinterpret anything else. He could have set Sarah straight and comforted her not to think anything else that was crazy, but instead he couldn't wait to make her words come true. When he did, regret was waiting for him to make a place in his home.
4. Pornography (film, magazines, and books) This is a venue that can stir up all sorts of feelings as can get the imagination going to do things that you would have never thought of before. Its exciting and a means to do almost everyday if not two to three times a day. But for a moment think, why would this be so exciting? Are any of those people in the images that you are gaping at married? Are they playing a role of marriage? Why aren't there ever married people in porn and if there are, why aren't they ever exclusive for each other? Would it make porn boring? Why do you think that is? Why did Ted Bundy on death row confess where his obsession began? Why would either of you introduce this in your marriage?
5. Phone Sex When one of the two has the sort of position where traveling is necessary and the other cannot travel with the spouse due to family obligations, employment restraints, or other responsibilities, the resolve is to have sex on the phone. How wise would this be? Is the other satisfied with what was stirred up over the phone and away from home? Could this create an open invitation for the other to look around thinking about what was said over the phone. Or in the perfect world where the two are committed to each other, as he/she comes in the door expecting to get in real life what was said only to find an exhausted spouse not looking to do anything but to go to wise is it?
6. Sex in Public Places It is the marriage bed that is not corrupt. Would that include for the marriage bed to be placed outside? Who does that? So then it would be fine to have sex in a public place if both people are married and consent to it? What would the police think? If they find you because a call was placed, would you then tell them, "Officers, its not what you think. We are married." You then show the officers your marriage license, you all have a chuckle at the lewd and lascivious behavior and they go back to their squad car leaving you to it? Recall laws were made of the land based on scripture. People that marry do so to gain honor, respectability, and to establish well behaved balanced families. Behavior contrary to this is rebellion and are usually incarcerated.

This should make of an interesting discussion. I must warn you, just as there are those in church services desperate to be married, this discussion is no different then seeing those wolves. There has to be a time with the Lord so that He can give you the insight you need to hear the things that the other one isn't telling you.  Be not deceived with what one looks like. Don't be fooled with sexual enticement about the subject matter. There are too many people extremely dissatisfied with whom they have joined together because of this very topic. Unless you don't mind being apart of that statistic, disregard the warnings that you have just read. Contrary to popular belief, people don't really sing and dance on that sort of broad way.

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled is a previous entry I wrote and couples with this entry quite well. I hope all of your questions and the desires you have to be married have been answered. If not, pray and email me.  :)