Thursday, May 30, 2013

You Can't Tell by Looking

The cliche the world use to say was, "why buy the cow if the milk is free?" This seemingly answered the question to women who wished to marry but didn't have the discipline or desire not to give the goods so casually. The word, casually here would mean without a commitment.

When did it change about women saving it until marriage? How did desperation become greater then patience? Could it be the pressure of family, friends, or hearing the label spinster one too many times? Which ever the reason, trying out the goods with casual sex or cohabitation without marriage is no longer the surprise it use to be ...and the reference is not to sinners or the world.

In watching a favorite detective show, one of the characters; wealthy in his own mind, continued to elude the detective of evidence needed to convict him. His crimes were seducing young pre-teen girls in giving him massages and finishing with a "happy ending". When the task was complete, he would pay them off with a $100.00 dollar bill. Being as young as they were, they were happy to receive the money and didn't think they had been violated or molested. One of the matters that tripped up the villainous character was the detectives (adults) making derogatory comments about the size of his genitals. It was the only time the character showed emotion. He practically beat his jail mate to a pulp because of the remarks from the detectives. His emotional outburst gave them insight as to why he targeted such innocence. I couldn't help but to see the reason for cohabitation and casual sex for the Christian in a completely different light based on that villainous, fictitious character. Can you see it?

Men and women have needs. God created us this way. God's resolve is for man not to be alone (Genesis 2:18 AMP). When Adam saw woman, he immediately made the union proper by calling her bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. He made her one with him simply by saying it. He solidified her as his one and only (Genesis 2:23 AMP). Yes, we know that there was no one else but her. The point being, he spoke out what he desired, much like what God did in creating the earth.

God created men with variation. Different ethnicity, different skin colors, different eye colors, sizes of hands, feet, body types, genitalia, and personalities. Many men have taken on the task of finding a woman based on what he sees. Why hasn't there been lessons reiterating to men over and over about him taking on such the endeavor just doesn't work. Men know this but instead of going to the one who created her, he devises to make her believe its advantageous for both to cohabitate. This way, they will see how "the fit" is for the both of them. Here is the funny: it's sin, it's wrong, and it never works (Galatians 5;16-26 AMP)! Nevertheless, it has been going on for generations. I am going to let you in on the reason why. It is because of desperation. You see there are women afraid of being spinsters or afraid to have to raise their fatherless children alone or just needing the security of a man (any man) in the home. Then there is this particular man who has had sexual experiences that haven't fared well for him. He finds out that size really does matter and some of them voice loudly their dissatisfaction. So instead of allowing his wounds to heal by Jehovah-Rohi, he decides to go about it in his own way and be hurt continuously until he stumbles upon a woman just as desperate and who will accept anything just so she doesn't have to be alone (Proverbs 2:16 AMP). He doesn't satisfy her physical needs either but he does fill the void in her life - no matter how temporary it may be. She isn't exactly his type but his loins are no longer screaming at him and for a little while the relationship benefits each other. Even if they decide to marry, the relationship is still strained because of the laws that have been put into place when discipline has not been exercised. Paul wrote it correctly that man should marry if he cannot contain himself but he will have trouble (1 Corinthians 7:28 AMP). This is not taught either and should be on a regular basis. It would keep single people disciplined until they know exactly what they are getting into.

You see, checking out the goods first before marriage isn't erased all of sudden because it was decided to make an honest woman out of her - as they use to say (marriage). You have violated a portion of your faith. If God said this is the one for you, why then would it be necessary to have sex first to see if God knew exactly what you needed. Let's settle something right now so this would never be an issue. The thing about only certain people of a particular nationality are more well endowed then others...yeah, that's not true. You have men of all nationalities that are created in variation just the way God intended. Testing out the goods whether he is well endowed or not, will not make him a stupendous lover. Have you not heard about pre-ejaculating? And with women, guys just because she has a tiny waist and the perfect hips doesn't mean she will be rocking the sheets everyday and night just for you. Sampling the goods could be like dress to impress. Let the faking begin so we can get the wedding on, could be on the mind of whom you are sampling.Trusting God is the only way you will find the genuine sincerity of the other (Isaiah 26:3 AMP).

The villainous character in the detective show, mentioned earlier, clearly has no faith in anything but of his own ability. His reaction to what the detectives said about the size of his genitals gave them insight as to why he violated pre-teen girls. They are innocent. They wouldn't have any reason to say anything derogatory about this man because they don't know or have experienced anything else. They are babies, needing guidance - the right guidance. Faith works the same way. You see, size does matter. A mature person in Christ is someone whose faith is colossal as opposed to a baby Christian. The two would be unequally yoked if placed together. While a baby Christian is working out why the flesh is hard to overcome, the mature Christian relies on God for everything. God created all, knows all, and has seen all (Proverbs 3:13:22 AMP). Why then do we trust in our own limited abilities to choose something that is supposed to last for the rest of our lives? Truly, it makes no sense. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Unspoken Plan of Parenthood

There is this idea that once married, children are the next thing on the list. Why would a couple do such a thing? The inexperienced answer would be, because God said to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28 AMP). Yes, He did; yet, with over 6 billion people on the planet, should the answer still be the same and is that the correct answer to the question?

Just because people would like to get married, not all people should be parents. Many times it is forced upon them whether they are ready to or not. Once the baby is here though, there is no store to take him/her back to because he/she was the wrong size, color, shape, or just isn't working for you right now. The crying, late feedings, changing diapers, teething, potty training, new clothes, doctor visits, shots, weaning is going to happen and that is just in the first 12 months. The changing of the wife's body, attitude, and tolerance of her husband's once cute antics will change as well. There are no more late nights with your friends. No more impulse spending. No more buying the latest gadgets and fad items. Those days are gone. Oh, you are going to think you can still do that and will probably try. But when baby needs a new pair of shoes, and the light bill is due, you are going to rethink buying the newest phone or computer doo-flicky thing. It is no joke, without a plan raising a child is HARD work!

Yesterday, my eldest son graduated from medical school. I was so pleased with him I didn't know what to say. When people said, you did good, I didn't know how to react to that. I hadn't really thought about it until then and I said the first thing that came to mind, "yay, all of the screaming, beatings and dodging CPS worked!" I was joking, of course yet in watching him walk across the stage and receive his diploma, I didn't cry as I did when he graduated junior high school, high school and when he received his undergraduate degree. I smiled vaguely thinking what he had to go through to get here. This morning, the same thought was on my mind. I remembered when carrying him and his twin brother. There wasn't a whole lot of people supporting me and their father. We struggled and fought along the way. There were many spectators, nay-sayers, those with their opinions, the ones believing they had constructive criticism.....and those are the ones that are in the family! I had people trying to raise my child thinking they could do a better job, changing the rules in MY house, and teaching my children lessons that adults don't know. The obstacles placed in my way just to do the simplest of things before and after the divorce were incredible. I battled to finish college just for them to have a better life and to see that it could be done. I made enormous mistakes in raising them and in spite of me and all of those that stood in the way....he still made it! To those that had their foot on his throat whether he knew it or not, to those that knew he needed a helping hand but watched hoping he would fail, to the bullies, the scoffers, the name callers, the back biters, the holier then thou pretenders..., HEY! How do you like him now? HE MADE IT!!!

Parents never plan for the worse things to happen and when it does - it is always a surprise but rarely a lesson. College monies are sometimes thought about but life insurance is a sensitive matter like drawing up a will. The ideal is that the child will outlive the parent. Funny, when drawing up a business plan to get a loan, all of the workings of that business are thought of. From unforeseen problems to researching other businesses to see what they did to make it. Why take planing for a child so lightly? It doesn't just happen and when broken, no amount of bubble gum or super glue will fix them (Proverbs 3:6 AMP).

What will you do when their feelings get hurt from the bullies and name callers? What will you do when you find out that the bully is the teacher and the one calling names is the god parent? How do you remove your child from a situation that will change his healthy way of thinking? What if the situation is his home life with you? The world says that rebellion is just a stage of a teen's life, is that also true for one who is believing that Jesus is Lord and the Prince of Peace? Do all children come into this world as sinners and because one house serves the Lord and the other doesn't, that the outcome would be the same? What will be different with your child? How will you avoid outside influences? How will you keep your child from hurt, harm, or danger? What is the plan and how will you carry it out (Proverbs 22:6 AMP)?

This morning, I sat at the edge of my bed thinking about the lives of my children. Thinking about yesterday and when all of the parents of all of the other graduates sat there and tried to be dignified. The suits of doctors, lawyers, judges and such. Their child walked across the stage and a mere smattering of applause had sufficed. The graduate smiled for the picture and it was done.  I watched my son go towards the podium to have his name announced. I could have also sat there and lightly touched my hands together as if it meant nothing. As if it was just another milestone that was crossed with many others he would face. I suppose I could have acted like my son had the money in his hip pocket and there weren't any financial hardships along the way....but that would have been a lie. Growing up, I missed out on some of his school functions to take mid-term exams. He split his two front teeth slipping on the icy streets of Detroit. There are crazy people in the family!  He could have got killed driving my car back from his job at 3:00 o'clock in the morning. There are crazy people on his job! He rode public transportation in Detroit! There are crazy people all over the place! When the announcer, Assistant Dean of Student Affairs, said my first born son's name,  I yelled. I cheered. I watched him walk across that stage receiving that document. That squared piece of paper representing those sleepless nights, blood shot eyes, chewed up pencils, and wondering what could possibly come next (Psalm 25:5, John 16:13 AMP). Yeah, finally, I took a deep breath, sat at the edge of my bed this morning and cried. Thank You Jesus, in spite of me, I thank You!