Saturday, December 7, 2013

The Real Language of Love

While having lunch with a fellow believer and discussing relationships, I was asked if I had read the book about the love languages. I answered that I had not. She then proceeded to tell me vaguely about the material and how much she enjoyed the book. Oddly, I didn't hear one thing she was telling me that remotely mimicked what we know as the truth. I continued to listen to her as she explained what she thought the author was referring to in relationships and dating. It sounded very complicated and something that one would have to really study to make it a part of their life. But that would then mean to relinquish what one knows in Christ...wouldn't it? Going by the explanation given, I wondered.

Though I understand that there are 4 different kinds of love in Christ (agape, phileo, eros, and storge) and each has its place in the various relationships we have with people; however, if we have not developed the one we have for God through Christ (agape), then we are wasting our time trying to redefine what has been written, taught and reiterated for thousands of years. God is love. He doesn't need redefining. Without Him, there is no love. How hard is that to comprehend?

In the area of Christian dating, I find this topic fascinating because we make excuses for what we desire and think its alright in Christ because He has given us liberty to do as we will. True, but it doesn't take away the boundaries that we have as Christians. We still have to maintain specific principles and to not incorporate iniquity in our lives. Confessions we make are to keep our lives clean and to turn from those wicked ways so not to keep doing them thinking we can always confess later. That's a slippery lifestyle and God sees your heart if you think you can get away with it. He will make Himself really real to you and I don't mean in that awesome good kind of way. You know better so
those kid gloves used when you were a baby days are over, seriously!

You don't toddle anymore, you can actually walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. Toddling requires redirection because a toddler will eventually fall. But these falls are only valuable lessons for him/her so not to do those same things again. When the toddler knows that he/she can't push up on a friend for support because that friend might move unexpectedly, the toddler then looks for something more supportive, more sturdy, something more stable. We find stability in Christ. The Word tells us not to trust in princes. These are people of nobility otherwise they could not get that sort of title. If we are not to trust in them, who is left? Answer: the One that created you. When we look at an actual baby trying to walk, he/she will inevitably know that his/her parents won't let him/her fall. That baby will use that parent as a cushion, a safety net, the device to climb on top to get from point A to point B ....  in essence for everything. This is what we are supposed to be using God for and in the same manner. We count on Him for everything. He will not change - ever!

Now lets look into those love languages. This lesson on love for the purposes of dating cannot be simpler. There are only 2. That's right, its one or the other. He is either going to be for you or against. She is either going to love you in Christ or not. There is no middle ground. The tests are simple when deciding to make this person to be your spouse. There are no back flips, no hiring a private detective, no lie detector tests, and no mind games. All you have to do is what you have been doing in Christ. Pray and worship Him. That's it! Too simple? Here is the break down:

The two love languages are for the Spirit and for the flesh. That's it! If you love one, you hate the other. There is no flipping around or straddling the fence. If you can't make up your mind, that is an answer too. With God it is all or nothing. He says you have to be hot or cold. There is no in between or He will spew you out of his mouth (Revelation 3:11-17 AMP). Believers somehow think this is figuratively and not literal; they would be mistaken. For a visual, when my natural father was upset with me he didn't have to threaten me with a spanking, all he had to say was, "get out of my sight." That was like a smack. After I stopped crying, I busied trying to mend what I destroyed. In those younger years, it was difficult to try to think of all of the possibilities I could use to make my father forgive me. He did, but that time where he was angry seemed so long when it was only an hour. Now multiply that by a billion where your heavenly Father not only doesn't wish to see you but would rather He never make mention of your name. The idea of you makes His stomach turn to where regurgitating is the preference then to utter your name ever again. He tells us if you are ashamed of Him here on earth, He will be ashamed of you in heaven (Luke 9:26 KJV). There's no fixing things once its done.

Then there is that love of the flesh when at every opportunity there was no turning from it. This would describe a sinner, so what makes anyone think he/she can still have the privilege of heaven and all it offers when there was no commitment to God while on earth? Describing the love of the flesh is pretty clear in the scriptures (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP). So how does one calling himself/herself a Christian can justify such behaviors?

In the perspective of Christian dating, one must see as clearly as God does when choosing a mate for the rest of your life. He must love her as Christ loves the church who gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). She must reverence him keeping him in the position of being the head of her (Ephesians 5:33 AMP). If the love languages are where they are supposed to be (in the hearts of men), then seeing the mirror image of the person you are supposed to be with is easy. Man was created in the image of God. Woman was created from the rib of man. When you look at him/her are you making excuses then settling for the excuses heard or do you see the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus? God is love. He speaks to those who believe all of the time. What language are you listening to?

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Don't Send a Boy......

...... to do a man's job! Now, I am not going to pretend to know what a man's job is. I do know what a
woman would like to see in her man. Is it what you think or expect? Do you think you can do what is expected? Is it too much for you or any man as far as you are concerned? Just keep reading and compare what you would do with the scripture references.

There are too many grown adult men that don't do what is expected of them and have plenty of excuses for their behavior. A woman will only tolerate so much then the reverence that she is supposed to have for her husband becomes a challenge. What do you do then? Do you start blaming her for the short comings in the marriage or do you start making some re-evaluations of your own life and what you have put your family through (Haggai 1:7 AMP)?

I wrote an entry in this blog entitled, The Position of a Woman. In it I describe how everyone seems to have an opinion of what a woman is supposed to do and if we listened to them all, trying to do all of what everyone wishes, we might as well plan for an early grave. Honestly, it is what I have witnessed in some women and have personally been through. The point of that entry was to let women and any man that ventures into reading the entire article, that a woman taking the position to be a wife, is called to be a help. She is not called to do it all. Even if she isn't married, men in the church holding any sort of position should also be sensitive to the fact that a woman can only do so much. She has to know when to say no and see when she is being taken advantage of. If she doesn't shouldn't the man, holding that sort of position in the church, rise up and say no for her? Is that his place to do...or is that asking too much of him too?

I was inspired to write this piece because of an incident that happened to me last night. I have been hired to care for the elderly at night when they may need further medical assistance and to make sure that the rules of the building are adhered to. If the situation gets too difficult for me to handle, such as too many visitors trying to do what they want and don't feel I should be telling them what to do, I call for assistance. This would usually mean a security guard. If it gets more out of control for the security guard, then he is to call the police. For the most part, it rarely gets to the point of me having to call for security. But its in those times, I am expecting for the guard to handle the matter and for order to return to the building.

One time in particular, I had to deal with family members of a resident that past away. The rule is to let staff know when the family is moving out furniture so assistance is available for them and minimal damage is done to the building. People have their own ideas. So when I try to enforce this rule, they wait and come at a later time when they think no one is watching. I was watching. I called security. The guard at the time was like a boulder with eyes and fingers. He knocked on the apartment door of those that decided to violate the rule. When they saw him,  I don't think there were any words spoken. They immediately got themselves together and left. I don't even know if they came back to get the things they wished to have. But it is what I expect from a guard. He was hired to do his job and his presence did all that he was hired to do and then some.

But last night, I had a different guard to explain things to. When I saw him for the first time, I wasn't discouraged that he wasn't going to do what is expected of him. He looked like he was 16 years old. I had to keep in mind that David was a ruddy little fellow that killed a lion and a bear to protect the flock. So when a similar situation happened, I figured he has as much training as the boulder with eyes has. If I follow procedure, he would get into protective mode as he knows to do. He happened to be coming into the building as I was having a discussion with one of the men that didn't wish to abide by the rules. I introduced the guard to the guy and explained that I hoped it wouldn't have to come to this. The guy gets on his cell phone to let his other buddies know what is going down. He walks away although I know its only temporarily. The guard then turns to me with those little boy eyes and says what I was dreading to hear, "What do you want me to do?" I then felt like I was all by myself and had to do what I needed to do. He
was of no assistance and those men knew it too. 

Should a married woman ever feel this way? Shouldn't she be able to depend on her husband to make sure that all is well? It is the reason many women look for men that are at least 6 feet tall. They need, if nothing else, the appearance of a man that could protect her (Psalm 146: 3 AMP). She needs for him to actually do it ideally, but if he looks like that he could stomp a perpetrator to the ground, that's good too....well until she actually needs for him to do it. Yes, that's a faithless woman to have those ideals (2 Corinthians 5:7 AMP). She has to get past what he looks like and do as God does. He sees the heart. How would she be able to do this? She must have the relationship with Him to be more like Him (1 John 4:4 AMP). And so does he.

When does a man know that he is a man? When does he think he can take on the responsibility of what a man can do? Clearly, its not listed in a job application. Employers sometimes need a warm body to fill a position and if he shows up for work, he is doing good in the sight of that employer. This could also be the requirement of some women. As long as he has a job and shows up to the house when he is supposed to for the neighbors to see there is a person looking like a man that lives here, then she can be happy...well, at least temporarily. But when he doesn't do the little things like clean after himself or help with the children or have a handiness about him, is he still considered a man? Can she still respect and reverence him?  

Was Adam a man? God called him to be a man but God also called for him to protect the garden too and he was kicked out of it (Genesis 3:22-24 AMP). Was God looking at his future and speaking to those things that be not as though they were? Can we depict the man qualities in Adam? Is it clear that he still acted like a boy while in the garden of Eden? Adam was created from the dust of the ground. When did he have a chance to learn such attributes? When was he tested on the things that every man is tested with? When was he tempted and did he pass the test to move on to the next level as most men do? Did he ever get that chance? Was there ever a do over for him? Was there ever a chance for him to ask for forgiveness so he could teach his children what not to do (Matthew 3:2 AMP)? No, so men today should see the grace and mercy that has been upon them and not take it for granted.

There are many references in the bible where adult men had no one to emulate and would therefore refer back to childish ways. Abram heard from God yet when given the chance to do wrong, he jumped on it as he did when Sarai reasoned that he must have a child with her concubine (Genesis 16:1-4 AMP). This same Abram in his travels with his wife, tells her to lie and tell those who ask that she is really his sister. Was this for the safety of his family? Was this the instruction God gave him? No, he feared losing his own life (Genesis 12:11-13 AMP).

A drunk king calls for his wife and she decides not to beckon to him. Instead of seeing what the matter is, he hearkens to those afraid in their own marriages because of the acts of this one queen (Esther 1:7-14 AMP). This same king that divorces his wife because of the advice of the princes seeks a new wife by creating a beauty pageant. Why would any man use this example to find his own wife? Just because its in the bible or is it an excuse to have as many women as he desires?

Moses was called to do great things. When he finds what those great things are, he begins to whine and tells God of all of his shortcomings (Exodus 4:1; 10. Moses shows that he is afraid that he won't be able to do what God is telling him. He then makes suggestions of who could do a better job as if God didn't create those others too (Exodus 4:11-14 AMP). Would Moses have had it so hard with Pharaoh if he had just accepted what he was called to do instead of whining?

The prophet Samuel, as a child, heard from God and told his mentor Eli what was going to happen to him and his sons because of their evil ways (1 Samuel 1:22-25 AMP). Hearing these things that Eli knew couldn't have come from any where else didn't decide to tell his sons what he heard. He didn't change any of his behavior to turn the matter around. In his foolishness, he continued to do as he was doing and it was to his demise (1 Samuel 3:11-18 AMP). It was a childish decision.

David could have had any woman he desired but instead went after a woman he knew was already married. Once he had his way with her and she told him that she was pregnant. He reacted in fear. He sent for her husband who was away fighting a war so that if her husband would have sex with her he would think the child she was carrying was his. It didn't happen as David planned so he sent Bathsheba's husband to the front line to be killed (2 Samuel 11:1-15 AMP). When asked a hypothetical using the circumstances described above, David was appalled stating that such a man should be punished severely. When David asked what sort of man would do such a thing. The answered received wasn't what he expected.

Oddly enough, of all the older brothers, David had to be king, God chose him. Not even David's father, Obed saw David in such a position. Yet, it was the relationship David has with God that gets him beyond his own wishes for himself. So how does a young man with so much potential to do well, get to the point of being treacherous as he did with Bathsheba? Why did his mentors or those that had greater influence on him change or were they like that all awhile? David was alone in the field with the sheep and his harp making music in worship and praise to the Lord. He then moved to be under the rule of Saul. Saul was head and shoulders above other men and was chosen to be king as well (1 Samuel 9:1-2 AMP). What happened?

When Saul was chosen to be king, he hid when he knew he was going to be introduced. When he was expected to fight a giant, he was afraid and then relied on young David to do the battle for him. Saul was taller then the men in his village. Where was his courage (1 Samuel 10:21-23 AMP)? He surrounded himself with courageous men. Didn't it rub off (1 Samuel 14:52 AMP)? Why didn't the people see that Saul was a coward? Why did they ask God for this man as opposed to keeping God has their leader?

These are the examples women need to remember when accepting an invitation for a date. They have no reason to ask any relative or girl friend what their opinion is. They have preconceived notions of their own. God is the only one that will tell you the truth having your best interests to heart - no one else.

This same is true for men. These examples are to remind you what not to do. See yourself, pick out life examples in the Word, and then do what is right. There is nothing new in the flesh. Its all old and should have passed away as you come into the knowledge of the truth. The fact is, faith is necessary for that to be in production on a constant; and let's face it, we have had our days we would rather not think about. However, if you acknowledge Him first, those faithless days will decrease more and more. Be the man (or woman) that will make God pleased so you can hear Him say, "thou good and faithful servant, well done."







Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Position Of A Woman

Do we as Christians know what that role is? The role of a woman. Has the clear definition been blurred by taking on so many other positions that her identity has no distinct path anymore? To hear certain pastors preach this role, you would think we never got it right - ever! From not wearing the right thing to keep our man to wearing the thing that attracts every other man. From being too strict with raising the children to not allowing for your children to be your friend. From having a career to assist with the income to being blamed for not being home more often. When does it end? When is it alright just to be the woman God created us to be?

And then when we are happy with the skin we are in, we start dating and out of nowhere he says, he wants 12 children and that wasn't in your plans. Or he likes big butts and yours don't have enough junk. Or he likes for your hair to be natural and you have a perm. Or he would rather live in some third world country and you like the peace where you are. When will there be a place where the both of you can agree without you as a woman having to do back flips for him to be happy. Did you ever think, if you start doing back flips for him in the dating stage, you will constantly be doing back flips - forever?

I listened to a pastor describe the volunteers in the church. He wasn't saying anything different that I haven't heard so many times before. He was hoping at the next event, he wouldn't see the same people doing all of the work. He asked the congregation to be more giving of their time and volunteer for increased attendance as well as beautifying the building. The congregation seemed to agree; however, after 2 events the volunteer status dwindled back to the same small loyal group members. They smiled only too pleased to be of assistance. There were about 5 (maybe 7, at the most). All of them had more then 3 positions in various parts of the church doing the best job they could possibly do. The pastors and their wives always made mention of them from time to time and thanked God for them. Their thanks and occasional praise didn't put food on their table. It didn't keep their spouse from being angry from not having him/her there at home. Their thanks didn't keep their children from missing them. It didn't finish the laundry, check the homework, cook dinner, vacuum the floors, clean behind the toilet, balance the checkbook, or wait for the cable guy to finally show up. Did God honor their service? Was He pleased with all that they were doing seemingly for the ministry? Did the time they were sacrificing line up with being obedient? If so, who was she being obedient to (1 Peter 3:2 AMP) ?

Most loyal volunteers in ministry are women. We can't help ourselves when it comes to being of assistance to others. Its a part of our general make up. It is why so many of us have such a need to be married so we can put all of those skills to good use. Give her a house, she will make it a home. Give her a bag of groceries, she will make it into a meal. Give her yards of fabric and she will make an outfit. Its what we do (and more). Only, there are those that will take advantage of those skills - yes, even in ministry.

The dissatisfaction of others cannot be our obligation to make them satisfied. We, as mothers, might take on that role to keep our children happy, but we know there is a limit to that or they will become spoiled (for lack of a better word) believing that the world owes them something. Children learn from disappointments, oddly enough. So why then do we not remember this in ministry, on our jobs, and yes, even when dating?

There is this word that faith filled women don't use as often as they should. This word that keeps peace and shows to those that take advantage, you love yourself. This word shows you don't have some identity crisis and aren't desperate in showing to others how much you really love the Lord. This one simple word that keeps children from bickering trying to get their own way and keeps your house running like the well oiled machine that it used to be. This one word pushes away the mysticism of comfort food nullifying stress and puts God back in the position of being the head of you. What's that one word? That very special word that keeps you from doing all of those back flips hoping that eventually he'll ask you to marry him. Oddly enough, that one word is, no.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Criminal Background - Check!

What would make a person hire a private investigator or have a criminal background check on the one he/she is dating? Does it make sense, even in these days and times? What would this background check prove? What would the photographs that the private investigator obtained prove? What if nothing was found? Is the person now trustworthy? Will he/she ever cheat? Will the dating process for the purposes of marriage continue? Will you be less insecure (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV)?

Because of the way people are, our past experiences, and/or the lessons from those who have had
worse experiences, we have become jaded with the care free wonderfulness a relationship can bring. Two people in agreement with ethics, values, morals, a Christian lifestyle Monday through Sunday (24/7), how to raise children, where to live, who will be at home and who will be making the income, house work, yard work, the budget, vacations, etc. Why wouldn't it be wonderful? It was destined by God - right?

I have to be honest. I used to be relieved when finding that anyone can get a criminal background check on anyone else. Having listened to so many women talk about their boyfriends and husbands in the strangest way, to have such the tool should have been some sort of relief for them as well. Nevertheless, the same question asked earlier remains unanswered. Just because the papers say there is no criminal activity, does it prove their moral code is in tact or that the criminal hasn't been caught yet? How would you know?

A pastor advised the singles in his congregation to not only get a criminal check of the person he/she is dating but also a credit check. His reasoning was, why work so hard to get your life together only to get married to someone who didn't do the work? Again, what will the history prove? Someone who never makes large purchases and pays everything in cash will not have a high credit rating. This would be "bad" credit to mortgage lenders. What would you do then?

Putting this in perspective of real Christian dating, God hears the prayers of the righteous (James 5:16 KJV). We have faith and trust Him. He will lead us in the paths of righteousness for His names' sake (Psalm 23:3 KJV). Because of these things, He will not couple someone whose heart and mind is stayed on Him with someone who is pretending (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). We already know that which is hidden will be brought to light (1 Corinthians 4:5 KJV). If you could do it all yourself, then you are already perfect and should be translated on home. For the rest of us still striving for perfection, still keeping ourselves humble, still hearing from the Comforter, and still waiting for patience to have her perfect work, God is in control. We should receive peace from that instead of being anxious allowing all sorts of thoughts to take over, giving place to an enemy that has been waiting for the opportunity.

If you have been practicing the things that Jesus told us to do (Matthew 6:33 KJV), when meeting "the one", your flesh isn't stirred. Why? Because it has been diligently crucified with its lusts and affections (Galatians 5:24 KJV). The words spoken to each other will be reminiscent of the things you have prayed about. Your interests are similar. Your ideals match each other's. Your long termed future outlook is refreshing to the other's perspective. It is essentially an outward manifestation of God's delight in you.

I implore you to trust in Him before meeting "the one". You won't want to find out why you needed this crucial element later in life.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Make Love

This is a term I find impossible to do - make love. The world coined this term and has equated it with sex. As true believers, we know one has nothing to do with the other; therefore, why even use it? What's the purpose? Confusing? Keep reading so we can be on the same path - a clear, plain one.

The bible clearly defines several times what Love is. The Word then, because of what we believe (Jesus is Lord), we know that He (Love) is the greater one housed in each of us. Understanding this, the bible then teaches of how to incorporate who and what He is into our lives. Jesus tells us of the greater commandments (Matthew 22:37-40 AMP). Paul defines Love in terms that can best be applied into our daily lives (1 Corinthians 13:3-9 AMP). James makes reference to specific oppositional actions that tell us the love of God couldn't possibly be in such a person (James 2:8-12 AMP). With those directives and instructions, clearly we could not have the ability to make such a thing that created and has the blue prints of who we are (Jeremiah 1:5 AMP). Its foolish to think otherwise or continue to use the phrase even in the most romantic of situations.

Of those 3 scriptural references, I would like to expound on the last one; being that an action could mean that the Love of God could possibly not be in a person. It brings to mind a popular song from the 80's. Its from the singing group (oddly enough), Foreigner. A part of the lyrics is,
I want to know what Love is. 
I want you to show me. 
I wanna feel what Love is. 
I know you can show me.
Did the writer know what he/she was asking? Did the singer believe what the song really means? Who was he singing to? Is his reference scriptural or emotional? Does he wish for God to show him or is he appealing to a woman for sex? It was the 80's. Most of us would probably believe the latter having sung that song several times myself. For the purposes of dating, the love of God must be detected before asking or accepting an invitation for a date. How can this be done without going out for conversation and to see how one behaves socially? Simple.

If you practice the principles often enough, it becomes your regular routine. You don't have to think about it anymore. Waking up to prepare for the day is normal. To choose not to gossip because it stirs up strife is elementary (Proverbs 17:9 AMP). Not to have pre-marital sex is obvious (1 Corinthians 6:18 AMP). Being considerate of others is like breathing. All of these things show how much love takes precedence. If you were to see a person who does not exemplify these very basic things, would you still ask/accept an invitation for a date with that person? Of course not.

Recognizing Love is what allows the next level to happen. The next level being, the very first date. What next level did you think I was referring to - hm?

Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Birds and The Bees

Would a teenager today know what an adult is referring to if asked, "let's talk about the birds and the bees?" More then likely the two would be on different journeys. The topic of sex was brought on through this subject matter for the purposes of discretion, respect, keeping private matters private, and knowing that intimacy is only between those two people. At the same time, going about the subject in the nature genre was an open door for asking a barrage of questions, confusion, and complete frustration for the female because menstruation, in particular, is no where near a bird, bee, flower, or tree.

I recall when I had the "talk". My Dad told my Mom that it was time. I think it was around when they were teaching me about the finer things in life - like the ballet. As we watched the dancers, I asked, "why didn't someone tell that man that he's all bunched up in the front? See how nice and smooth all of the ladies are? Why didn't he tuck better?" I was referring to  his private parts not realizing that was the problem. I asked a lot of questions. When my mother was given that task, a day she was apparently dreading from the moment the doctor said, "Mrs. Brown, you have a daughter." She looked at me as if I was going to be punished. "Come here", she said. To wit my reply, "what did I do?" When I found out that it was to talk, the time it took for me to be relieved, half of it was over. The part I heard....well...yeah, I had questions. Scores of them. But Mom was gritting her teeth and I knew better. Mom is a do-as-I-say-because-I-told-you-to kind of parent. You don't have to know why. She did what Dad told her, but I had no clue what she was talking about.

These days parents have to guard that their children don't hear too much too soon (Proverbs 22:6 KJV). Just when you think the controls on the cable, internet, and phone ought to do it, a teacher decides to show the very movie you said your child can't watch. Think it won't happen? It happened to me and my 8 year old son. Where was the permission slip? Where was the rule of the PG-13 rating? What happened to common sense? What happened to the educator/parent partnership agreement (Psalm 146:3 KJV)? The parent can over ride the educator but the educator can't over ride the parent! Who is in control here?

Alright, it is a memory best served in the Kingdom Living blog and not here. For this entry, the topic of nature is necessary to remember when dating. I implore you to watch a few nature shows. When you do, keep in mind what seemed to be a pause when God created woman. Not a hesitation. Just a knowing that something else is needed. God looked at all He created: the heavens, the earth, the provision of trees, herbs, a garden, and water. The animals had all they needed. Man had a place to lie down to rest, something to do, food, and....one other thing he needs.

Now before we get there, recall all that man already has. Now look at the nature shows again. Here, I will help you with a few pictures: See the male lion. Most of the animals fear him. He is the king of the jungle. Large with a muscular build. Elaborate mane and a roar that sends chills down the spines of all mammals. Now check out the female lion. Smaller, not as muscular. No mane. The color of her fur is sort of a diluted version of the male's in comparison. Interesting?

See the birds. The cardinal is a large bright red bird preparing a nest. The tremendous eagle with the contrasting black and white plumage with a bright yellow beak. His nest is high into the cliffs of the mountains and nearly weighing a ton. That had to be a lot of work to put together. What about the peacock? The vibrant colors and enormous fan of display; his assets to be used to woo the hen of his desire. Did you catch that? I described males. Large, vibrant colors, and doing all that is necessary to attract the weaker, less colorful, and seemingly pitiful in comparison. This should absolutely tell you something.

Now see where Adam was living again. Read the description (Genesis 2:8-14 AMP). Notice the surplus and the strength he needed to do all that God told him to do. Doesn't that sound familiar to what was described with all of the animals? So why are women then working so hard to get his attention? Why do we need to have so much makeup and so many new clothes to get the attention of a man who has no more interest if you wore a burlap bag?


Oh sorry, you thought this would be about sex, didn't you? How can you even think about that when you don't have the rudimentary principles together? Get the relationship with God through Christ first and then prioritize everything else. He has so much to do before meeting you - so stop rushing it. Go smell a rose or something.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Everything That Shines Isn't Always Pure

Writing in these blogs have been therapeutic. As things happen and I react to them (or not), I tend to replay the matter later in my mind thinking whether I could have done or said it in a better way. If so, I write about it. Suffice to state, I have done a lot of writing!

Recently, I was thinking about Christians and the things that some have have written as we wait or prepare for the Lord (Matthew 25:1-13 AMP). Well, it is what we are supposed to be doing as singles. Yet, instead I read things like: " I am tired of the dating scene. If Mr. Right comes along, he'll have to find me." And the reply to that comment was, "you can't just stay at home. You can't quit. You have to get out there so he can find you." Then the other conceded her comment and agreed with the reply.

You'd think that response is exclusive to women? You would be mistaken. Another Christian site that
was launched April of this year, began by posting attractive pictures of single men in the area. The response was almost immediate. Women were commenting in droves hoping that the gorgeous toothy grins would IM them. Instead, this one guy, rather plain looking fellow from some third world country, is asking the ladies who made the comments to quickly make friends with him. Where is the pictured owner? Why haven't any of the attractive single men that posted pictures of themselves responded to any of the number of women that were obviously interested in them? What is the matter with the plain guy? Why is he responding to all of these women as if he was the one who posted a picture and described himself ( 2 Timothy 3:6 AMP)? Oh, its a scam and he is the owner and the only guy on the page. Talk about desperate - yeesh!

Its interesting in Proverbs that the Lord takes the time to describe what it takes for silver to be made pure (Proverbs 25:4-5 AMP). First the raw material is discovered before being excavated. Then it must be put under intense heat. Once it reaches its boiling point, all of the impurities rises to the surface. This is called the dross. The dross is used for cheaper products. But the pure material isn't finished. It continues in this intense heat until nothing else floats to the top. Then it is formed into the planned item, whether that be a sword, pot, or piece of jewelry. Because of the process and purity the value of the product is already determined. 

Funny, when it comes to other expensive, rich , and flavorful things like food, there is still a process. Milk sits in order for cream to rise to the top. With the cream, the best cheese, butter, and buttermilk is produced. When cheese is made, it is placed on a shelf to age. The waiting process is determined and even then, it is tested (taste) before deciding if it is ready for packing, shipment, and to the market.

Coal is placed under pressure (as well as other stones) in order to change into a diamond. Even then the raw material must go to an experienced jeweler to be cut and buffed to be considered precious and valuable. The raw material in the wrong hands can change the outcome of the finished product. An apprentice practices on imitation pieces before being allowed to handle the real thing. He is only called a jeweler after years and years of study. The title isn't given as easy as getting a certificate from a vocational school or university.

What's the point? I would think it to be obvious. Yes, you have grown and believe to be mature. Yes, you can feel your loins speaking to you, "its time....yoo-whoo, IT'S TIME!!!" Yes, all of your friends are dating and you seem to be the only one still dealing with the questions of being single, going to events alone, and everybody having that perfect-match-for-you-blind-date situation. Its not at all the fun it use to be. Still, God is good and created you for a time such as this (Esther 4:14 AMP). Know and please understand, there is an art to this time of waiting. The pressure is on because of the purity in you that can do the most good after the pressure is off. As strange as this may sound, embrace it. Count it all joy (James 1:2-8 AMP). Minister to your spirit from the Word because of these trying times. For when it is over, you will come forth as pure gold (Job 23:10 AMP).

Compare these two men from the Word: Joseph had enormous pressure with his brothers plotting his death (Genesis 37:18-20 AMP); yet, in the end, he became Emperor. Solomon was the son of David. His humble prayer caused him to be the richest man in all of the land yet, when given a directive, he disobeyed God (1 Kings 11:1-6 AMP). Pressure is needed. The wait is necessary. Be thankful in ALL things (1 Thessalonians 5:18 AMP). Your time to shine is very near.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Mercy Date

Sympathy, empathy, passion, and compassion; these are feelings or emotions we have not only as Christians but as people. People believe, as Christians, we received an extra dose and they will try to use these emotions against us. Having the idea to do such a thing is evil. Entertaining such evil and making plans, even within one's mind, gives residence to the enemy (Proverbs 24:1-3 KJV). As true believers, you have to be aware of such devices (Proverbs 10:23 KJV).

You have taken the time to study the Word and repeat a variety of verses that would serve you in everyday application. That which you desired came about, some didn't, and created an obstacle against what you expected. You learned to do as the Word tells you and examined yourself. In so doing, you saw your spots and /or wrinkles in your armor, garment, mind, and/or spirit and did some crucial housekeeping so that you could be found blameless in that day. That process is pleasing to God. You can sense that (Haggai 1:5-7 KJV). Nevertheless; tests, temptations, and trials still come to prove your faith much like bacon being cured, cheese age, wine ferments, and silver is only pure after dross has been pulled from it. We hope to come out as fine gold. When following Jesus, He tells us that it is easy. We take comfort with this understanding.

Yet we have an enemy that is described metaphorically like a roaring lion and also keeping in mind that the serpent (representing the enemy) in the Garden of Eden was described as being crafty and subtle (Genesis 3:1 AMP). It sounds like two completely different character traits with the same goal in mind steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10 AMP).

It is imperative that when reading this entry there is a clear comprehension. I write because I understand the concept of the title to this as well as why any believer would do such a thing as so not to hurt anyone's feelings. However, if you were to picture the true intention of....let's use a pedophile, your actions would be very different. He/she is the way that he/she is not because it is the innocence of the child that the offender is attracted to. The attraction is the ignorance the child has in not recognizing the true intentions of the heart. The innocence is the end result of what is stolen. In making or accepting a mercy date, you represent the child having your compassion be manipulated so you can ask or accept a date. A mercy date can be like such the perp after a potential victim using the so called character traits of a Christian. Having asked enough questions around co-workers and friends, a woman can entice a Christian man with a frown or sob story making it his burden to turn her frown around. Her purpose is to use such tactics for a date to assist in getting her out of that mood. The date could be as innocent as a cup of coffee and a doughnut, yet it is still a date and quite possibly the beginnings of a spiritual trial. A child with understanding fools the perpetrator and he/she is caught... and so I write.

It is not the responsibility of any Christian (other then a trained Counselor upon request) to create or stimulate a positive reaction with someone who decides not to be. Being our brother's keeper can only go so far. We cannot make someone say the right words, do the right thing, or eat the proper foods to maintain optimum health. The burden is not ours. Jesus already carried it. He has to be their Savior as well. So have a conversation, go to social gatherings, witness to those without but also maintain boundaries for others not to cross.

In witnessing, the Word tells us that we will not necessarily be the one that will win the soul over right at that given moment. Someone might need to break the fallow ground (symbolizing the hard heart). Another will sow the seed (representing introduction to salvation)). Someone else waters the seed (representing administering the Word). Someone else pulls the weeds (representing checking up on the baby Christian to see if all is well). Someone else sees if enough sun has been shining on the sapling (represents the necessity of mentors) for proper growth (1 Corinthians 3:5-10 KJV). A mercy date doesn't represent any of these things. A mercy date is the manipulative maneuvers of the enemy. Recognize the device and stay clear.

If you are not watchful, an initial mercy date can turn into a proposal (Luke 21:36 AMP). Maybe it is what you were hoping for; yet, when the intention is not based from Love, will the outcome fare well (Isaiah 47:10-112 KJV)?


Thursday, May 30, 2013

You Can't Tell by Looking

The cliche the world use to say was, "why buy the cow if the milk is free?" This seemingly answered the question to women who wished to marry but didn't have the discipline or desire not to give the goods so casually. The word, casually here would mean without a commitment.

When did it change about women saving it until marriage? How did desperation become greater then patience? Could it be the pressure of family, friends, or hearing the label spinster one too many times? Which ever the reason, trying out the goods with casual sex or cohabitation without marriage is no longer the surprise it use to be ...and the reference is not to sinners or the world.

In watching a favorite detective show, one of the characters; wealthy in his own mind, continued to elude the detective of evidence needed to convict him. His crimes were seducing young pre-teen girls in giving him massages and finishing with a "happy ending". When the task was complete, he would pay them off with a $100.00 dollar bill. Being as young as they were, they were happy to receive the money and didn't think they had been violated or molested. One of the matters that tripped up the villainous character was the detectives (adults) making derogatory comments about the size of his genitals. It was the only time the character showed emotion. He practically beat his jail mate to a pulp because of the remarks from the detectives. His emotional outburst gave them insight as to why he targeted such innocence. I couldn't help but to see the reason for cohabitation and casual sex for the Christian in a completely different light based on that villainous, fictitious character. Can you see it?

Men and women have needs. God created us this way. God's resolve is for man not to be alone (Genesis 2:18 AMP). When Adam saw woman, he immediately made the union proper by calling her bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. He made her one with him simply by saying it. He solidified her as his one and only (Genesis 2:23 AMP). Yes, we know that there was no one else but her. The point being, he spoke out what he desired, much like what God did in creating the earth.

God created men with variation. Different ethnicity, different skin colors, different eye colors, sizes of hands, feet, body types, genitalia, and personalities. Many men have taken on the task of finding a woman based on what he sees. Why hasn't there been lessons reiterating to men over and over about him taking on such the endeavor just doesn't work. Men know this but instead of going to the one who created her, he devises to make her believe its advantageous for both to cohabitate. This way, they will see how "the fit" is for the both of them. Here is the funny: it's sin, it's wrong, and it never works (Galatians 5;16-26 AMP)! Nevertheless, it has been going on for generations. I am going to let you in on the reason why. It is because of desperation. You see there are women afraid of being spinsters or afraid to have to raise their fatherless children alone or just needing the security of a man (any man) in the home. Then there is this particular man who has had sexual experiences that haven't fared well for him. He finds out that size really does matter and some of them voice loudly their dissatisfaction. So instead of allowing his wounds to heal by Jehovah-Rohi, he decides to go about it in his own way and be hurt continuously until he stumbles upon a woman just as desperate and who will accept anything just so she doesn't have to be alone (Proverbs 2:16 AMP). He doesn't satisfy her physical needs either but he does fill the void in her life - no matter how temporary it may be. She isn't exactly his type but his loins are no longer screaming at him and for a little while the relationship benefits each other. Even if they decide to marry, the relationship is still strained because of the laws that have been put into place when discipline has not been exercised. Paul wrote it correctly that man should marry if he cannot contain himself but he will have trouble (1 Corinthians 7:28 AMP). This is not taught either and should be on a regular basis. It would keep single people disciplined until they know exactly what they are getting into.

You see, checking out the goods first before marriage isn't erased all of sudden because it was decided to make an honest woman out of her - as they use to say (marriage). You have violated a portion of your faith. If God said this is the one for you, why then would it be necessary to have sex first to see if God knew exactly what you needed. Let's settle something right now so this would never be an issue. The thing about only certain people of a particular nationality are more well endowed then others...yeah, that's not true. You have men of all nationalities that are created in variation just the way God intended. Testing out the goods whether he is well endowed or not, will not make him a stupendous lover. Have you not heard about pre-ejaculating? And with women, guys just because she has a tiny waist and the perfect hips doesn't mean she will be rocking the sheets everyday and night just for you. Sampling the goods could be like dress to impress. Let the faking begin so we can get the wedding on, could be on the mind of whom you are sampling.Trusting God is the only way you will find the genuine sincerity of the other (Isaiah 26:3 AMP).

The villainous character in the detective show, mentioned earlier, clearly has no faith in anything but of his own ability. His reaction to what the detectives said about the size of his genitals gave them insight as to why he violated pre-teen girls. They are innocent. They wouldn't have any reason to say anything derogatory about this man because they don't know or have experienced anything else. They are babies, needing guidance - the right guidance. Faith works the same way. You see, size does matter. A mature person in Christ is someone whose faith is colossal as opposed to a baby Christian. The two would be unequally yoked if placed together. While a baby Christian is working out why the flesh is hard to overcome, the mature Christian relies on God for everything. God created all, knows all, and has seen all (Proverbs 3:13:22 AMP). Why then do we trust in our own limited abilities to choose something that is supposed to last for the rest of our lives? Truly, it makes no sense. 



Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Unspoken Plan of Parenthood

There is this idea that once married, children are the next thing on the list. Why would a couple do such a thing? The inexperienced answer would be, because God said to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28 AMP). Yes, He did; yet, with over 6 billion people on the planet, should the answer still be the same and is that the correct answer to the question?

Just because people would like to get married, not all people should be parents. Many times it is forced upon them whether they are ready to or not. Once the baby is here though, there is no store to take him/her back to because he/she was the wrong size, color, shape, or just isn't working for you right now. The crying, late feedings, changing diapers, teething, potty training, new clothes, doctor visits, shots, weaning is going to happen and that is just in the first 12 months. The changing of the wife's body, attitude, and tolerance of her husband's once cute antics will change as well. There are no more late nights with your friends. No more impulse spending. No more buying the latest gadgets and fad items. Those days are gone. Oh, you are going to think you can still do that and will probably try. But when baby needs a new pair of shoes, and the light bill is due, you are going to rethink buying the newest phone or computer doo-flicky thing. It is no joke, without a plan raising a child is HARD work!

Yesterday, my eldest son graduated from medical school. I was so pleased with him I didn't know what to say. When people said, you did good, I didn't know how to react to that. I hadn't really thought about it until then and I said the first thing that came to mind, "yay, all of the screaming, beatings and dodging CPS worked!" I was joking, of course yet in watching him walk across the stage and receive his diploma, I didn't cry as I did when he graduated junior high school, high school and when he received his undergraduate degree. I smiled vaguely thinking what he had to go through to get here. This morning, the same thought was on my mind. I remembered when carrying him and his twin brother. There wasn't a whole lot of people supporting me and their father. We struggled and fought along the way. There were many spectators, nay-sayers, those with their opinions, the ones believing they had constructive criticism.....and those are the ones that are in the family! I had people trying to raise my child thinking they could do a better job, changing the rules in MY house, and teaching my children lessons that adults don't know. The obstacles placed in my way just to do the simplest of things before and after the divorce were incredible. I battled to finish college just for them to have a better life and to see that it could be done. I made enormous mistakes in raising them and in spite of me and all of those that stood in the way....he still made it! To those that had their foot on his throat whether he knew it or not, to those that knew he needed a helping hand but watched hoping he would fail, to the bullies, the scoffers, the name callers, the back biters, the holier then thou pretenders..., HEY! How do you like him now? HE MADE IT!!!


Parents never plan for the worse things to happen and when it does - it is always a surprise but rarely a lesson. College monies are sometimes thought about but life insurance is a sensitive matter like drawing up a will. The ideal is that the child will outlive the parent. Funny, when drawing up a business plan to get a loan, all of the workings of that business are thought of. From unforeseen problems to researching other businesses to see what they did to make it. Why take planing for a child so lightly? It doesn't just happen and when broken, no amount of bubble gum or super glue will fix them (Proverbs 3:6 AMP).

What will you do when their feelings get hurt from the bullies and name callers? What will you do when you find out that the bully is the teacher and the one calling names is the god parent? How do you remove your child from a situation that will change his healthy way of thinking? What if the situation is his home life with you? The world says that rebellion is just a stage of a teen's life, is that also true for one who is believing that Jesus is Lord and the Prince of Peace? Do all children come into this world as sinners and because one house serves the Lord and the other doesn't, that the outcome would be the same? What will be different with your child? How will you avoid outside influences? How will you keep your child from hurt, harm, or danger? What is the plan and how will you carry it out (Proverbs 22:6 AMP)?

This morning, I sat at the edge of my bed thinking about the lives of my children. Thinking about yesterday and when all of the parents of all of the other graduates sat there and tried to be dignified. The suits of doctors, lawyers, judges and such. Their child walked across the stage and a mere smattering of applause had sufficed. The graduate smiled for the picture and it was done.  I watched my son go towards the podium to have his name announced. I could have also sat there and lightly touched my hands together as if it meant nothing. As if it was just another milestone that was crossed with many others he would face. I suppose I could have acted like my son had the money in his hip pocket and there weren't any financial hardships along the way....but that would have been a lie. Growing up, I missed out on some of his school functions to take mid-term exams. He split his two front teeth slipping on the icy streets of Detroit. There are crazy people in the family!  He could have got killed driving my car back from his job at 3:00 o'clock in the morning. There are crazy people on his job! He rode public transportation in Detroit! There are crazy people all over the place! When the announcer, Assistant Dean of Student Affairs, said my first born son's name,  I yelled. I cheered. I watched him walk across that stage receiving that document. That squared piece of paper representing those sleepless nights, blood shot eyes, chewed up pencils, and wondering what could possibly come next (Psalm 25:5, John 16:13 AMP). Yeah, finally, I took a deep breath, sat at the edge of my bed this morning and cried. Thank You Jesus, in spite of me, I thank You!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Heart of Oakie-Doke

The last entry of this blog had the definition of Oakie-Doke and all it entails. Please have a quick read to understand completely what the reference means.

Recently, I was thinking about that verse with Abraham when he was leaving his parents' home and venturing forth with the direction of God at the helm, only Lot, his nephew, never got the memo and he came along as well (Genesis 12:1-5 AMP). The thought that was troubling was if Lot was married when he decided to leave with his uncle. The Word doesn't tell that he had anyone with him but it does clearly define that Lot had a family when leaving Sodom and Gomorrah. Or did the Word make those clarifications because of where the hearts of his family would rather have been (Genesis 19:1-16 AMP)?

The Word tells us to guard our hearts for out of them come the issue of life (Proverbs 4:23 AMP). We have the understanding when dating that we should be open and honest with the one we hope to be our intended. We tell of our childhood, our hopes, the fears we need to conquer, and sometimes the little quirky things we expect will only make us more endearing to the one that seems to be specifically chosen for that life long commitment - marriage. The truth is, sometimes it just doesn't work out like that; so then the secrets come to light after the vows. Apparently, someone didn't listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd.

Secrets, tricks, lies, and all sorts of drama that we as Christians would rather not be around, could have been something that was a struggle for Abram. He knew it was time to leave when God sent angels to speak to him. The towns people noticed that there were new men they hadn't "been with" yet at the Abram's. They came like a riot to see who they were. Lot offered his own daughters for these people to leave, but they demanded for the men. How can a man keep his family righteous when the environment is drenched in evil?

Abram decided to pack but before doing so, he had a conversation with God about saving the city of Sodom if there was at least 10 men that are righteous. That had to be hard to understand that the only righteous in the land are those under your roof. When they all were ready to leave, the instruction was clear. They needed to keep their eyes forward, heading for the land that God promised to them. This is where my understanding came that Lot met his wife in the city of Sodom. How did she become so attached so soon? Why be attached to a place where debauchery was as common as soap and water?

Picture it, the family of Abraham and Lot with their caravan of all of their possessions leaving Sodom and Gomorrah when Lot's wife just couldn't do it. She had to take one more look remembering the times she had doing all sorts of ungodly things. She had to be yearning for that person she was with before Lot or the one Lot didn't know about. As she turned to inhale that sigh, it was her last breath as she turned into a pillar of salt. Did Lot gasp? Did he hesitate with the instruction as he walked past with what use to be his wife? The Word doesn't mention his emotions. The Word does make mention of the emotions of his daughters. They also thought of the men from Sodom and how they might not meet any man at all. They believed they were going to have lives of spinsterhood and therefore reasoned within themselves that their only chance to have children is with their father - Lot. This sort of thinking is why they left Sodom. Why didn't they also think that if it was right, would they have to get their father drunk to do what was on their minds to do? Isn't it interesting that after their act with their father, Abraham and Lot could not get along and needed to separate... much like what he had to do when leaving his kinfolk in the beginning. Arguing doesn't promote righteousness.

Can you see Christian dating in this biblical story? First, let's look at the man. Whether Lot had a wife or not, why didn't he have a house of his own? The answer for today could be that's what that culture did back then. Fine, but would such a thing still apply? Should he still be residing with his parents? Has he ever had his own home? Should the economy ever be a factor to go back home and if it is acceptable, should he be dating while still there? Is it inconsiderate for a man to be dating and expecting for his date to be accommodating when it comes to his financial struggles? Should dating be the last thing on his mind when his finances aren't enough for him to be independent?

This was a question in a Christian group on Facebook. The members became quite animated in expressing their opinions. Interestingly enough, the women were very accommodating and the few that weren't, the one or two men that ventured forth to comment, were brash and ridiculed those women that would not tolerate dating someone with meager means. Would that I could keep race from this question; however, all of those commenting were African American. The next day, the question, with all of the colorful comments, was deleted. An article was posted in its stead....one I found even more interesting showing the ethnicity of men answering the same question:

Some of the Comments that I got when I posted this picture YESTERDAY along with the Stat were very disturbing. First of all the Status was about MEN who ALLOW women to take care of them, that’s what the stat was about. But the BLACK men (and a few Black Women) protested and made comments like “carry eac h other” and partnership and side by side. It’s interesting that NO Black Men seemed to AGREE with the stat. It is SAD because men of other cultures get the whole concept of “provision” as do women. In most wealthy white households studied, the WOMEN stayed at home and the men worked and this formula allowed the families to function in a healthy way and amass wealth. True Story: I conducted a Panel discussion with 8 black men and one Hispanic man on the panel, the question was asked what does a woman need to “bring to the table” to be with you. Every Black Man said something along the lines of “good credit, degrees, a good job, certain amount of income” ect. The HISPANIC man said “she doesn’t have to bring anything because it is MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF HER”. I asked the same question to a group of White men who had similar responses across the Board. But, black men seemed to be “offended” by yesterday’s status posting suggesting that they should not have to “carry” a woman. Well, yes a woman should be ABLE to carry herself…but she should not HAVE to and she certainly shouldn’t be carrying a MAN. The point of the stat was to encourage women to stop carrying men financially. ESPECIALLY ones that they are not MARRIED TO. Let and REQUIRE that a MAN be a MAN. Sadly it seems that quite a few men (and women) don’t know what a real man “looks like” or what his responsibilities are as leader and head of a family. Let’s get back to balance and structure in relationships. Not with the expectation ladies, that we NEED to be taken care of, but that we CAN be taken care of by a man who knows what it means to be a MAN and is willing to STEP UP. If we weren’t laying down with males who aren’t MEN, we wouldn’t have so many FATHERS who aren’t DADS ! Everything with a penis ain’t a man. Get yourself a “definition”, write it down…and then live by it in your choice of who and who NOT to have sex with.
A female eagle will TEST a male eagle by dropping a branch HER weight to see if he can CATCH it, prior to mating. A female ROBIN will not mate with a MALE robin until he builds her a NEST…yet as GROWN women, with human logical minds, we won’t REQUIRE the same thing of a man. We are not talking about “digging for gold” we are talking about “walking in your role”. Walking in your role as a man and your role as a woman who deserves the Security, Protection and Provision that real men provide. Accept it or not,it’s your choice ladies, but at LEAST it he should be READY, WILLING and ABLE to provide it when needed. 

Written by Black Women Who Want More (a group on facebook)

Place the above article in perspective. This writer was not writing with Christian principles in mind; however, the premise of a man being a man and knowing what his role is as the head of the woman and priest of the home still is heard in what the writer wrote. The comments the men made in the article are similar to the comments the men said in the Christian group. That shouldn't be.

In a previous post entitled, His Queen or Daddy's Princess, the reference was to the woman and where her heart is. Was she ready and equipped to be the wife he hopes her to be or does she miss all of the conveniences Daddy brought without any effort at all? Lot's wife was not thinking of the blessing her husband is to her but the life she had in Sodom. Though it is more popular to know that boys will be boys, women don't have a cliche behaving in the same manner....oh wait, there is one called not trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and the one about can't make a wife out of a whore. Huh, it doesn't sound nearly as nice does it?





Interactive Banter on Facebook

Hi, I have opened a facebook page called Making It Plain. If you would like to discuss some of the topics that you have read here, come and join the group and get in on some of the discussions. If you don't get a complete blessing from the discussion, you might meet your Boaz/Ruth. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Come on....you are definitely welcome!

UPDATE: The facebook page referred to has since been removed. If interested to reactivate the page, please comment or send an email. Thank you.



Monday, April 8, 2013

Moving Out Of "Oakie-Doke"

Any type of move is a transition of not only body but mind and spirit. It takes planning and organization for this to happen successfully. Moving without all aspects in place leaves room for confusion, chaos, and anxiety. We already know, that's not of God. The Word tells us to write the vision down and make it plain. This sounds like a directive, instruction, and a rule to live by. Only a fool would disregard it (Proverbs 1:7 KJV).

What is "Oakie-Doke"? "Oakie-Doke" is a place where you were raised as a child. It can be a place that your parents started off with a young family because it is all they could afford at the time. It is a place where one would call a "comfort zone" and won't take a step for fear rather then for growth. Whether it is your mama's basement or an oppressive place of employment - it could very well be your obstacle impeding you from obtaining the blessings of the Lord. For Abraham, it was his family's home. God told him to move away from there (Genesis 12:1 KJV). His family were a group of liars and thieves. For God to be an influence on Abraham without interference and for Abraham to receive the full blessing, he had to heed to the instruction to move.

He did what God told him and took Lot with him (Genesis 12:4 AMP). Could Abraham still receive the blessing even though the "Oakie-Doke" he was supposed to be free from came with him? Let's see. Abraham developed a relationship with God. What happened to that relationship with Lot being around? Scriptures tells us that Abraham reacted to situations in fear. Because of that reaction the words he used were lies. This continued until he realized that he had to separate from Lot as well. When he was completely removed from "Oakie-Doke", his relationship with God resumed and Abraham could grow into what he was called to be - the father of many nations (Genesis 13:14 AMP).

So the obvious question for this blog would be, what does this have to do with Christian singles or Christian dating? Answer: Everything.

Moving out of "Oakie-Doke" is something every woman dating should notice of the man that she is interested in. She, who is accepting the date is also accepting the calling to be a wife. A wife is her husband's help. Help with what? Have you ever tried to help someone who didn't desire help or didn't appreciate it?

Kenneth Copeland, television evangelist and founder of a very popular Christian program, Believer's Voice of Victory, told of a time when he was asked if he could pray for a man for healing. Rev. Copeland agreed. He began to pray to God along with others but then paused. He tried to start again but stopped and then asked the man needing the healing, if he believed that he could be healed? The man said, according to Rev. Copeland, something to the effect of hoping that God's will for him is to be healed. Before they went any further, Rev. Copeland had to teach the man about healing, God's will for healing, and that it could be his if only he would believe. Once this man understood the basics, then and only then could the prayers be effective (Luke 4:18-19 AMP).

What does the potential husband believe? What if the wife becomes ill? Does he believe he could pray healing for his wife or does he believe it is God's will for his wife to be sick? There are ministries that believe sickness is God's way of teaching believers a lesson. This twisted way of thinking can be someone's "Oakie-Doke". Its time to move and grow up into where God intends for the real abundant life to begin. But if you stay and reside where truth is manipulated for control, then drips and dribbles of His mercy is all you get - if that (Hebrews 5:11-14 AMP). What do you believe?

Michal said that she loved David. When Saul, her father, knew of this, he allowed for David to marry her (1 Samuel 18:20 AMP). When they were moving into a place of their own, Michal brought idols with her. She knew that David was not an idol worshiper. How would we know this? Because she hid the idols under her bed. David worshiped the Lord - all day and every day. Do you think it would have been a second thought not to marry Michal if he knew that she didn't love the Lord too? Michal showed her true self when she watched David worship the Lord from a window (2 Samuel 6:16 AMP). She was embarrassed and let David know how she felt. In reading this passage, I could picture the calm of David all while his wife seemingly was reprimanding him for acting like a commoner when she is of royal status and her husband. Then David spoke. It wasn't a long dissertation but just a few words to let her know the righteous indignation that he, being the head of her and God being the head of him won't ever be separated because of her insecurities (2 Samuel 6:20-21 AMP). Now this isn't what he actually said, but how I envisioned it. My point being, she brought "Oakie-Doke" with her because it was what she saw as her comfort. David did not see Saul's short comings. Saul was Michal's father. If he had issues to sort, how much more would his children having been taught by him?

Man said when he was presented with a wife that she must cleave to the spouse and separate from the parents. There was a movie that premiered on the Life Time Channel based on a book by Bishop T.D. Jakes entitled, Not Easily Broken starring Morris Chestnut and Taraji P. Henson. As much as Morris' character loved his wife played by Taraji, he was willing to let her and his marriage go because she invited her mother, played by Jennifer Lewis, to reside in the marital home. She brought her "Oakie-Doke" with her. No matter how much he could have demanded for his mother-in-law to leave, the heart of his wife had to be in the right place. That place would not be with her mother but with her husband. It wasn't until she told her mother to leave, could the marriage be repaired.

The wife has to keep prayerful to hear God's voice, so does he and even more so because man was created first. Remember, he is the one responsible for the household. Naomi didn't tell Elimelech to move (Ruth 1:1-5 AMP). It was his decision. That's why he received the consequence. As I have told my children, marriage is not a joke or to be considered lightly. Hearts and souls are involved and God says each one is precious. So when the call to move is upon you, remember your lessons and know who and where you are being called to.




Thursday, April 4, 2013

Marrying Your Ex

There is a myriad of reasons why you would think this is a good idea; but let's face it, if God is not a part of that idea, its not a good idea at all (Luke 18:19 AMP). Wait! before you get upset and click onto something else thinking, "this woman doesn't know my situation," keep reading.

Let's make a list as to why someone would do such a thing:
1. The ex is the biological parent to your children.
2. The children will be happy with the family back together.
3. Both of you have grown and changed since the last time you were together.
4. The feelings have not gone away for each other.
5. Your financial, social, and economic status would be better.
6. Other prospects for you are slim.
7. You don't like being alone anymore.
8. Maybe your decision to break up was too impulsive.
9. Forgiveness is the key for reconciliation.
10. Everyone deserves a second chance.

These are the top 10 reasons that come to mind as to why anyone would marry or remarry their ex. Out of all of them, the biggest reason for marrying your ex would be forgiveness. Actually, most of the other reasons can be categorized in with forgiveness as well. Apologies have been made and defenses have been put down. The relationship is mended and this could be the happiest you have ever been. Congratulations!

Now you can stop reading and just go and have a happy life. Go in peace knowing that you made a quality decision and its all good. For the rest, there maybe a little bit more that you might have forgotten with the forgiveness:

1. If you met your ex online, is he/she still meeting anyone else online? Online dates aren't as easy to detect as one going to a club or restaurant. However, if you met your ex in a night club, chances are he/she still has the night club life style in them just like meeting "hook-ups" online. That life isn't real easy to give up without God.

2. About that...how has your ex been living lately? Has he/she also rededicated the lifestyle of Christianity? You see, no matter how much the apologies seem genuine and the efforts of reconciliation sincere, there is no way anything has changed without God having precedence. If there is no ongoing commitment to Him - (with proof), the commitment to you is all superficial (Matthew 12:33 AMP).

3. Does he/she love you? How do you know? Where is the proof? Words are just words...they were spoken the first time you were together. What's changed? Was the ex with someone else when you first broke up. Did he/she speak their love to that person too? Now its you again. Sounds fickle (James 1:5-8 AMP).

A couple reconciled after so many months of separation. The arguing was over small matters and she couldn't see the children viewing the behavior as normal. Not to mention that he liked to do "harmless" flirting just to see if he still "has it". Flirting was a minor flaw to her (Matthew 5:28 AMP). The battle she choose to fight was his ability to minimize why he couldn't get a job. He would much rather meander around the house, watch t.v., and eat the  food the welfare system provided (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). Little did he realize, the more he deliberately kept from providing for his family, the more she resented him rather then reverencing him (1 Peter 3:1-3 AMP). As Christians, he was quick to let her know how much she was falling short of his expectations. This would either start another argument or her shutting down emotionally, physically, and psychologically to him and the family's needs (Proverbs 14:1 AMP).


During communion time at their church, the pastor taught that before taking communion, husbands and wives should confess their faults to each other (James 5:16 AMP). This is when the minor flaw previously mentioned would come up - his flirtatious ways. Because she never allowed for the topic to be fuel for another argument, his confession was complacent. As if it was no big deal with a hint of sarcasm. So then, it became an argument and served as fodder for the couple to separate (James 1:20 AMP).

Reconciliation came after so many months of counseling and apologies. Once she was convinced that he would do better, she accepted him back. For 10 days the couple was cordial to each other and he even showed some consideration for her feelings. The house was quiet and beginning to function like a normal family...then on the 11th day, he made an announcement. "I'm tired of walking on egg shells. I've got to be a man!" She didn't know why he said that at first until he began to show signs of his undesired behavior that caused them to split up in the first place. The arguing resumed shortly thereafter.

What's the point? There is a reason why your ex is your ex. Tangible proof must be made and on a continuum before allowing even the thought of resuming a relationship. It is commendable to forgive. God is pleased; however, He does not require for you to jump back into the furnace once He gets you out of it (Psalm 34:19 AMP).