Thursday, December 29, 2011


It is the end of the year and most of us would make an account of what we have done in the last of these 365 days. We will smile at some of it and maybe some of  those other things... well, its best we not think of them anymore (Philippians 4:8 KJV). You know, the stuff that we wish we should have said, should have done, could have done, if it were only for not having this or that. Those are called regrets.

For a practicing born again believer, there is no place for any regrets. We have to see them as lessons that will not be repeated. The experience has taught us that given the same opportunity, we will react differently. Emotion will take a back seat to Christian principles, love, and wisdom. These are the things we have practiced to the point of them being habits. This is what we renewed our minds for.

Honestly, having that understanding is half the battle in that spiritual warfare we call the evil nature. Its what used to be our rationality basing on what we see, rather then our faith in God. That justifying in using our emotions for reacting in anger rather then believing to receive our reward because of humility and kindness. That born into desire of being number one rather then being considerate of others. This is the building blocks of those Christian principles. Its the "baby steps" in walking out that faith and allowing God to do His good pleasure which will be for our good.

Placing this in Christian Dating is something that we as single Christians have to do. From women believing men are all dogs because of broken past relationships to men thinking that they are God's gift to women rather then the other way around. Its those asinine, stupid things that have been thought of and said based on asinine stupid experiences. The anger that has been fed when thinking about what you could have said has got to go somewhere. You entertained the thought. The beast was fed. Unless it is rebuked, it will speak and there it will be another regret that was supposed to be for someone else but misplaced due to that blasted evil nature.

It is the only reason there are regrets in the first place. It is the flesh. Its nature is to be fed by any means necessary. Our spiritual battle is walking by faith. We can see the economy going into a recession, but it will not come nigh here because of our faith in Jehovah Jireh (Psalm 91:1-7 AMP). We can see the years pass without a date or seemingly no prospects to be asked on one; nevertheless, God said He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4 AMP). We can see that she has an hourglass figure and looks as if she is really interested in you, but we know that only God sees the true heart of a person (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP). The regret in all three of these statements come when we speak contrary of the faith. Such as:
"Look at this economy! Why did I leave my job to start a business! If I don't start making money soon, I will be living in an old refrigerator box under a bridge somewhere!"
"I only have a few years left before I can have a child! That biological clock is bonging at me morning, noon, and night! When is this going to happen? I don't even care if he is a prince anymore. Just let him be employed and not living with his mother!"
"Yeah, that hourglass shape can all go South in a matter of a few months. Have you seen how she can pack that food away? Really, do you think she is interested in me? I think she's happy that I can pay for her meals!"

As a believer, you have to know the words you speak are action packed power. I believe the verse, be angry and sin not has much to do with it (Ephesians 4:6 AMP). Emotion will have us saying all of the wrong things that we have to ask God for forgiveness and repent for. Look at it from this perspective, God spoke the world into existence. We are made in his image. The angels asked God why He is so mindful of us (Psalm 8:4 AMP). It is because we speak words just like Him to make things happen (Psalm 19:14 AMP). What if the person was very interested in you but because you said something derogatory about yourself (whether it be alone in a mirror or to someone else), for some reason, the person no longer is attracted to you. Could it be the fact that God made you fearfully and wonderfully and you said that you were fat, stupid, dumb, confused, out of sorts, having a senior moment, brain freeze, an idiot, absent minded, clumsy, awkward, weird, or any of the other adjectives that has been regretfully used? 

This new year, instead of making all of those point less resolutions, why not make another life style change. My mother used to tell me, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Who knew those were words taken from the bible and with good reason (Matthew 12:33-35 KJV)? When God finished creating the world and all that was in it, He said it was good and then He rested from all of His good works. Being created in His image, we need to reflect those things. Its what He is looking for. Its what is needed in the church. Not just on Sundays but every single day of our lives. It is what the spouse of your dreams is looking for. It is what you need in a spouse. Its about to be a New Year. Today is a new day. You don't have to wait for 3 more days to make this work for you. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Playing The Innocent Game

Remember when you were a child or you can recall the cuteness of children? It was mostly because of those big eyes trying to absorb all of  the different things life has to offer. Everything is fresh and new and the simplest of things that we take for granted, seeing how a child sees it for the first time, we can't help but to smile. Smile? We take pictures and videos to capture the memories, show them when they are older just to be entertained and sometimes grieve of the innocence lost. ABC's America's Funniest Videos are as successful as they are because of our desire to capture those precious and sometimes hilarious moments.

The hilarity ceases when the child realizes that adults have a soft spot for that innocence. When those wide eyes are used for manipulation, it isn't quite as cute - not when it is recognized initially nor when years have passed and it is brought up in conversation how much planning went into the production of the scam (Proverbs 2:6-19 AMP).

In my place of employment, there are community computers to be used by the elderly residents in the building. The rule is when the grand children or any other family member comes to visit, the resident must accompany the visitor in order for the computer to be used by the visitor. Otherwise we would have anyone off the street come in and do as they pleased. One day, as I was closing the facility, there are usually a few still in the room, I have to announce that I am closing and when they can return the next day. Usually those people would be one or two of the residents. This time however, it was one of the grandchildren with two of his uncles (supposedly). The resident was no where in sight. I asked  the child it was time to leave and reminded him of the rules not having seen those two grown men before - ever. He said that he was trying to teach them how to use to the computer and quickly came up to me so I wouldn't see what they were doing. I wasn't paying too much attention to the child only noticing how the grown men were not listening to me. I came into the room further and the young boy looking to be about 11, talks a little louder repeating himself. I stop ignoring the child because I realize that he had a purpose in distracting me. I look at him as he made his eyes unusually wide and poked his bottom lip out. I almost choked trying not to laugh at his feeble attempts at being cute and innocent. "Get up out of here!" I said with a slight inflection in my voice. It let the child know I wasn't falling for it, and it also caused the "uncles" to immediately stop what they were doing. They saw my expression and could hear their nephew lost the ability with me.

The same wide eyed game is played in dating whether it be a female using her wiles to get the man to think that she is in need of rescuing or a guy who hasn't had sex in so long, his testicles are about to turn blue. As Christians, we are always looking for a way to help the other person in need of whatever it is (Proverbs 3:27 AMP). Don't let that assistance cost you something that cannot be redeemed. By that I mean, getting your heart all involved in the matter (Proverbs 4:23 NIV).

There is an elderly single woman residing at my place of employment. I will call her Patricia. Patricia made it a point to tell her friends that she is interested in getting a husband. Many of the men heard and there wasn't a barrage of them running towards her. In fact, more of them were trying to get away from her range of view. Patricia spotted one gentleman who was relatively new. She made her intentions known. He tried to be as polite as he could be and let the other residents that he dines with tell her that he is not interested in obtaining a relationship much less a wife. They told her to stop chasing him. Eventually she did and he was allowed to dine in peace. We then got another new resident that was very sociable and liked meeting new people. The first evening in the dining room he looked around and was a little disappointed that no one came and sat with him to make friends. The second night he had more of an amicable response. He got to know some of his neighbors and they him. By the third night, before retiring for the evening, he got use to the crowd and even gave Patricia and little back rub before saying his good nights. One of the couples came to me and said that Patricia finally got her man. They described how he rubbed Patricia's shoulders and how he made it a point to tell her specifically to have a good night. She was elated. Before he came, she was getting her hair done now and again. Now she made sure to tell me that she had to have her hair done a certain kind of way and she painted her own nails. She uses lipstick and takes the time to wear a dress as opposed to the sweats she initially wore for weeks on end. She smiled when he came in the room and he sat with the his usual dining companions which happened to include her same friends as well.

I was so pleased for the both of them, until I was told that this man said to a resident, that he was not interested. He was only being friendly and didn't mean to lead Patricia to think anything more then that. He said he was afraid  to come to dinner because she keeps chasing after him. I told the person to stop saying these things to me and had to see the matter for myself. All of my co-workers heard the same information but the residents didn't know this. I watched as the same resident came and continued to have meals with the same crowd including Patricia. As my co-worker would make fun of the matter with Patricia being so desperate, I had to dilute their entertainment to remind them of their age. That man being in his late 70's knew exactly what he was doing by rubbing Patricia's shoulders. You don't get that old and not know how to get a woman interested. He knew that she was looking for a man and at this point in her life was willing to do what ever it took to get him... including, you know what. My co-workers were quiet for a moment. It didn't seem all that cute and innocent anymore. I sort of didn't mean to squash their fun, but it was making me angry that a woman, even at her age, was going to be taken advantage of.

That same man smiles and still claims to be friendly. I have never seen him rub anyone else's shoulders. I asked the question, with as many widows as there are here that still have their wedding rings on, why didn't he chose one of them to be friendly with and rub on their shoulders? Its just innocent fun whether they are married or not - right?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Just A Few More Questions

I recall listening to a sermon about getting a man interested by wearing his favorite color. Because this was a minister and what I recall in the bible, I listened to the instruction, went to the store and bought all of these clothes of this particular color. Every time I went to church, I had this color on that I would not normally wear. Then I thought about it, is this disrupting my peace? Do I like wearing this color? How much money did I spend buying all of these clothes? Who am I trying to impress and even after I get his attention, will I like what he has to say and what he is about? How long will he be staring at the color I have on before finding out what is in my heart?

In making an assessment of the person you are dating for the purposes of marriage, there has to come a time where you have some pertinent questions to ask. These questions cannot be superficial and it would give some insight to the person's intentions and exactly what is in his/her heart. Again, as unromantic as it may seem, it is after all like an interview. Why waste so much time only to find that you are with the wrong person after emotions are all involved? In an interview, there is a strategic process that Human Resource managers have. They ask questions where the interviewee has to be quick on his/her feet and answer with the first thing that comes to mind. This tactic lets the interviewer know what the interviewee would really do in any given situation that may come about. With improved technology, the very questions that Human Resource strategists have put together to find the best candidate can be found on the internet to be reviewed before the interview and therefore defeats the purpose of getting that first response.

Having been on both sides of the desk, I detest one particular question to ask or to answer. It is the one about if you had to list your weaknesses what are they? As a Christian, the Word tells us to let the weak say I am strong and the poor, say I am rich. So to make a list of what you are weak in, wouldn't it defeat the purpose in stating the obvious? In business, those weaknesses better not be something that is abhorrent to society or distasteful to a business yet there better be a weakness or you will be viewed as too arrogant thinking that you are perfect. So what do you say? Of course something adorable so the interviewer tries to not to say the proverbial, "awww". For instance, one of my answers (years ago) to be a  youth specialist was, "I care too much." It was like administering a cavity without enjoying the candy. Not to mention it became increasing difficult to come up with innovative answers and to listen to the drivel that people came up with.

Truth be known, it was just so much easier in following after the Holy Spirit who knows the heart of all. When I did so, I got matched with the perfect job and had the best employees when doing the hiring. How much more so would this be true if we did the same thing with the mate for life decision? Would God care more or less? Then trust Him!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Decent and In Order

In the dating guide (not yet published), I warn men of women desperate to be married. There are some simple tricks that men can do when Wisdom has taken a back seat to the sight of a tiny waist and brimming cleavage (that is a warning all by itself - 2 in fact). It is for the men to ask his date for something insignificant that every woman should carry in her purse. If it takes her more then a few seconds to give to you what you asked for, either rethink the prospects of her being the one or examine yourself.

In the position I hold currently, I check on the elderly to see if all is well with them. At night there is a system in place to let me know that they are doing fine and there is no need for me to enter into their premises to check. When they have not used the program, it is of their own will but the ones that do, do so for the added security. I have not found any of them on the floor not able to get up or worse; however, my co-worker has. What I have seen is that many live their lives very orderly to the point of their apartments not looking lived in at all. Something out of a magazine. But there are those that have everything all over the place yet you could not tell this by seeing them on a daily basis. They are bathed, coiffed, and speak as if educated. These are the elderly. They raised a generation of people and those raised another generation. Could they have created these habits after they retired or while they raised their children?

I had two friends through the years that I thought I knew, and then when entering their environment, I found if I had known they lived this way from the onset, they would have never been called my friends (Matthew 12:33 AMP). Would you call me superficial or shallow for believing this? If so, put yourself in the environment of a hoarder. With that environment in mind, you see the owner of that hoarding space and he/she sees you. What would your conversation consist of? Can you separate the living conditions from the personality? Would you invite this person to your house to get to know you and your family better? Would you have this person around your children to possibly influence them?

I had to ask myself, why would these two people gravitate towards me? What was it that they found attractive to be friends with me? The easy answer is Christ and be done with it. Now if looking at this on the perspective of a life long mate, would the answer be just as simple when finding traits in the other that is not so attractive? What if the perspective mate is a hoarder? Know that hoarding is a mental abnormality in the individual's understanding, why then would you believe that this person was the one? Did God make the presentation for this person to be your wife knowing that He sees the heart of man and tells us not to be unequally yoked? So, you must then ask Him who sees all, what is in your heart that would make you equal to a hoarder (Genesis 2:15 AMP)?

Now look at the matter from a larger perspective. We know that marriage comes first, then the consideration of the family and how large it should be is also planned - ideally (Habakkuk 2:2 AMP). Granted plans aren't always followed and mistakes have been made over the years; nevertheless, when do such mistakes become a way of life and were all parties in agreement to it? Life, in of itself, has order. We can see this in the first chapters of Genesis as God created the world. With this in mind, why haven't the lessons returned to order instead of said mistakes when raising the next generation? We see the differences in children when both parents are in the home and committed to each other as opposed to living together. We understand why God has order in the family. If we understand this, should there be any man still trying to seek a relationship purposely without the benefits of marriage? If this has happened and eventually after so many years, he decides to do the right thing without getting it right before God, then you have just discovered why the attacks and turmoil has been going on in your life. If there are children from previous relationships that are not being taken care of before embarking on a new relationship, you also have discovered the root of your trouble (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV).

Ladies, you will also be held accountable for accepting the invitation to do anything outside of what you know is right. He cannot say anything that could caused you to do anything without your consent. Having children out of order is forgivable, if you ask for it and not make it a pattern to keep on doing. As a counselor of women who have told me of their lives in the church and the many mistakes they have made over the years (as we all have done); however, God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7 KJV). You can euphemise a decision of poor quality for as long as you are ignorant of the Word afterwards, its amiss because God sees your heart. It is the answer as to why you have not. God is not a man that He should lie nor the son of man that He should repent (Numbers 23:19 AMP). We know where disobedience will lead.

When asking for something simple from your date to take out of her purse, she shouldn't have to dump a barrage of crap out before getting to it or to find that she doesn't have it at all. She should know what is in that tiny space that she carries where ever she goes. If she finds it difficult to retrieve a tissue, lotion, or a mint how do you think she will be able to help you or manage a house?