Monday, January 18, 2010

Its Just Air

Everyone loves to make a good first impression. We primp and take long looks in the mirror so we don't have anything disgusting hanging out of our noses, no spinach between the teeth and every single hair be in place. We learn to speak eloquently with charm and a hint of wit so not to be obnoxious but to be certain that when we leave a room or the person, there is a lasting affect that we have made - the impression.

That impression, the word itself tells us what we are trying to do. To press an image on the mind of the other. That image we manipulate for it to be a good one. Much like a virtual photoshop. It has been a long time since I have been surprised with what technology can do to a photograph these days. It is what makes marketing a placebo into a multi-million dollar diet pill. A commercial presses the image on your mind for you to need that product. It is what motivational speakers and human resource courses teach us in order to get the job. We have learned so much and are what the bible considers in these last days, intelligent people (Luke 12:55-57 AMP). So why do we miss it when we are dating another person who also learned these same things?

I dated a guy years ago that did a few push ups before he rang my door bell for our date. I saw him on the porch and didn't know what he was doing until well into the relationship when the need to impress me wasn't as pressing. He thought it was funny as he said it to me; and I have to admit, I laughed for a moment too thinking it was endearing for him to work so hard to keep my attention. However, he didn't think it necessary to keep himself in the best condition as the relationship went on. Why?

I find it bothersome when a man wakes in the morning and what is a pressing matter for him to do is get himself a bowl of cereal and watch the morning cartoons. I suppose this wouldn't matter if he had been working all week and it is his day of rest; but if this is his mode of operation on a daily basis, this is a quick way to maintain a state of poverty (Proverbs 6:9-11 AMP). This would also be true of a man who waits to marry and then decides he is going to be a house husband (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). I don't know of many women who are alright with that prospect, yet these days it isn't as unusual as one might think it to be. What would be the tale tell signs of this characteristic when one is dating for the purpose of marriage?

I know of a man who worked hard to bring home his paycheck and thought it would be less stress on his wife if he would do the gorcery shopping. When he got home, she looked at what he bought and burst into tears because he bought food as if he were a bachelor. She also went into the drama of crying because she didn't know of any other way to tell him to give her the money so she can do the household duties of a wife. He couldn't stand for her to cry so he did whatever she asked. She later thought she discovered a means to control her husband and began to tell other women to do the same thing. I tried it once. It works but it took too much time and was too hard to think of something sad to start the water works, besides I don't like sowing seeds of drama in my life. Its just easier to ask.

The point is, dating should be as easy as anything else Jesus gave for us to have an abundant life. Taking the time to do all of those things we would do to get a job should be simplified for Christians - in getting the job as well as for dating. All of the special hygenic things we toil after should be habitual and something we would never leave the house without doing anyway. If you would rather be a house husband then one who provides for his wife and household then be honest! If you would rather be overly dramatic for your date to think that you will be the weak typ always in distress, then be honest! If you only bathe once a week and don't find it necessary to shave (mens faces - women's pits), then be that way during the dating process! I use to hire people for jobs and found it quite disturbing when I saw the applicant behaving one way on the interview and completely different on the job. I applaud the one who had the idea of a 90 trial period just to see if the applicant will work out. If only we had such the idea before marriage.... if only, if only.....wait, isn't that what dating is for?

That guy I was dating who did the push ups, it was like he pumped a bunch of air in his arms like some cartoon just for the temporary act of being something he wasn't. The distressed woman with all of the drama was probably a vision to behold when she was dating her husband. That house husband who finds it more important to have the right cereal in the morning rather than being at a regular 9-5 was more than likely someone who was a stickler for time and money when dating the woman who would be alright taking care of him. To me, none of those situations seem like happy ones from the initial date and the outcome wasn't either. God has given us all an inner witness. You know when there is just an air about him/her that doesn't sit quite right with you. Don't disregard it. Don't minimize it. Don't ratinalize or reason with it. Know what it is and always recall the verse, a little leavening leavens the whole lump (Galatians 5:9 AMP).

When we try to impress the other person for a job or a date, know the image you would rather them see is the one God gave you (Genesis 1:25-27 KJV).

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