It isn't a cultural thing that has been done over the years with women and the relationships we have with men, but there is a difference with one ethnicity that isn't vocal with what they do to keep their men happy and two others ethnicities, that I know about, practically teach classes on it. I tried to do it and bottom line, its just too hard to keep it up. The more you do it the more you have to and then you have to find out all different kinds of ways so he won't know what you are doing. I was physically exhausted and just stopped. What happened? He expected me to keep doing it. Infact, his montage was, "no matter how I am treating you, you just keeping giving the honey."
I am talking about a man's ego - what did you think I was talking about?
The use of trying to cope with a man by massaging his ego is too much to do especially when you have a child who needs the nurturing of a parent. Why isn't this man well enough to cope with life issues on his own? Who is massaging the woman's ego? Isn't it important that her self esteem be high too? But scripturally these views come from Esther when she made a meal for the King. She continued to make the meal until he was no longer suspicious of her. Some would think she feared for her life; but she fasted and prayed and trusted in God - right? So what message does this tell all women? Watch out, in order for you to keep your man you better do all that you have to or you will wind up like Vashti?
There was actually someone who did teach that very lesson on a "Women's Day" for a church service. I, new in the faith, could not grasp a hold of what was being preached. It was necessary for me to be subservient to a man in order for him to be what God called him to be? But if I maintain this, wouldn't I be forgoing what God intended for us all as sons of God?
The behavior of Esther was after the fall of man. She was a young woman and had not come into her own yet. Vashti had, but lost her position not due to her disobedience but due to her husband listening to King wannabes and being drunk. King Ahaserus was enjoying a 6 month party and drinking when all of his other guests were not. He was not in his right mind. So how then can this be a lesson for women to do if the King wasn't sober minded to begin with?
There are other accounts in the Word where the woman said nothing and did as her husband commanded. God told the children of Israel to stay in Bethlehem. In the Book of Ruth, Naomi's husband decides to pick his family up and leave when hard times came. Naomi goes with him. God also told them not to marry foreign women (those not of the faith) or they would draw them away from God. Didn't his sons do the very thing that God said not to do. But they were only doing as their father had done. As a result, Naomi had no husband or sons. They all died. Should Naomi have said something or continue to keep her husband's ego massaged? When will we see what the Word is really saying?
Men would love to have the women be obedient to them and only speak when spoken to, but that is what parents said to children of the 1950's. Would this also be treatment of women who are bone of their bone and flesh of their flesh? Would he like to be treated in this manner? Yet God told him to love his wife as Christ loves the church. Did Christ speak to people like that? And where does the scripture submit to each other fit in?
When will we all be mature enough to rightly divide the Word rather than trying to get all the benefits without making the commitment of love first? If you are Kingdom minded people, trying to get an adult to be subservient should be the farthest thing from your mind.