While having lunch with a fellow believer and discussing relationships, I was asked if I had read the book about the love languages. I answered that I had not. She then proceeded to tell me vaguely about the material and how much she enjoyed the book. Oddly, I didn't hear one thing she was telling me that remotely mimicked what we know as the truth. I continued to listen to her as she explained what she thought the author was referring to in relationships and dating. It sounded very complicated and something that one would have to really study to make it a part of their life. But that would then mean to relinquish what one knows in Christ...wouldn't it? Going by the explanation given, I wondered.
Though I understand that there are 4 different kinds of love in Christ (agape, phileo, eros, and storge) and each has its place in the various relationships we have with people; however, if we have not developed the one we have for God through Christ (agape), then we are wasting our time trying to redefine what has been written, taught and reiterated for thousands of years. God is love. He doesn't need redefining. Without Him, there is no love. How hard is that to comprehend?
In the area of Christian dating, I find this topic fascinating because we make excuses for what we desire and think its alright in Christ because He has given us liberty to do as we will. True, but it doesn't take away the boundaries that we have as Christians. We still have to maintain specific principles and to not incorporate iniquity in our lives. Confessions we make are to keep our lives clean and to turn from those wicked ways so not to keep doing them thinking we can always confess later. That's a slippery lifestyle and God sees your heart if you think you can get away with it. He will make Himself really real to you and I don't mean in that awesome good kind of way. You know better so
You don't toddle anymore, you can actually walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. Toddling requires redirection because a toddler will eventually fall. But these falls are only valuable lessons for him/her so not to do those same things again. When the toddler knows that he/she can't push up on a friend for support because that friend might move unexpectedly, the toddler then looks for something more supportive, more sturdy, something more stable. We find stability in Christ. The Word tells us not to trust in princes. These are people of nobility otherwise they could not get that sort of title. If we are not to trust in them, who is left? Answer: the One that created you. When we look at an actual baby trying to walk, he/she will inevitably know that his/her parents won't let him/her fall. That baby will use that parent as a cushion, a safety net, the device to climb on top to get from point A to point B .... in essence for everything. This is what we are supposed to be using God for and in the same manner. We count on Him for everything. He will not change - ever!
Now lets look into those love languages. This lesson on love for the purposes of dating cannot be simpler. There are only 2. That's right, its one or the other. He is either going to be for you or against. She is either going to love you in Christ or not. There is no middle ground. The tests are simple when deciding to make this person to be your spouse. There are no back flips, no hiring a private detective, no lie detector tests, and no mind games. All you have to do is what you have been doing in Christ. Pray and worship Him. That's it! Too simple? Here is the break down:
The two love languages are for the Spirit and for the flesh. That's it! If you love one, you hate the other. There is no flipping around or straddling the fence. If you can't make up your mind, that is an answer too. With God it is all or nothing. He says you have to be hot or cold. There is no in between or He will spew you out of his mouth (Revelation 3:11-17 AMP). Believers somehow think this is figuratively and not literal; they would be mistaken. For a visual, when my natural father was upset with me he didn't have to threaten me with a spanking, all he had to say was, "get out of my sight." That was like a smack. After I stopped crying, I busied trying to mend what I destroyed. In those younger years, it was difficult to try to think of all of the possibilities I could use to make my father forgive me. He did, but that time where he was angry seemed so long when it was only an hour. Now multiply that by a billion where your heavenly Father not only doesn't wish to see you but would rather He never make mention of your name. The idea of you makes His stomach turn to where regurgitating is the preference then to utter your name ever again. He tells us if you are ashamed of Him here on earth, He will be ashamed of you in heaven (Luke 9:26 KJV). There's no fixing things once its done.
Galatians 5:19-21 AMP). So how does one calling himself/herself a Christian can justify such behaviors?
In the perspective of Christian dating, one must see as clearly as God does when choosing a mate for the rest of your life. He must love her as Christ loves the church who gave His life up for her (Ephesians 5:25 AMP). She must reverence him keeping him in the position of being the head of her (Ephesians 5:33 AMP). If the love languages are where they are supposed to be (in the hearts of men), then seeing the mirror image of the person you are supposed to be with is easy. Man was created in the image of God. Woman was created from the rib of man. When you look at him/her are you making excuses then settling for the excuses heard or do you see the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus? God is love. He speaks to those who believe all of the time. What language are you listening to?
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