Thursday, April 4, 2013

Marrying Your Ex

There is a myriad of reasons why you would think this is a good idea; but let's face it, if God is not a part of that idea, its not a good idea at all (Luke 18:19 AMP). Wait! before you get upset and click onto something else thinking, "this woman doesn't know my situation," keep reading.

Let's make a list as to why someone would do such a thing:
1. The ex is the biological parent to your children.
2. The children will be happy with the family back together.
3. Both of you have grown and changed since the last time you were together.
4. The feelings have not gone away for each other.
5. Your financial, social, and economic status would be better.
6. Other prospects for you are slim.
7. You don't like being alone anymore.
8. Maybe your decision to break up was too impulsive.
9. Forgiveness is the key for reconciliation.
10. Everyone deserves a second chance.

These are the top 10 reasons that come to mind as to why anyone would marry or remarry their ex. Out of all of them, the biggest reason for marrying your ex would be forgiveness. Actually, most of the other reasons can be categorized in with forgiveness as well. Apologies have been made and defenses have been put down. The relationship is mended and this could be the happiest you have ever been. Congratulations!

Now you can stop reading and just go and have a happy life. Go in peace knowing that you made a quality decision and its all good. For the rest, there maybe a little bit more that you might have forgotten with the forgiveness:

1. If you met your ex online, is he/she still meeting anyone else online? Online dates aren't as easy to detect as one going to a club or restaurant. However, if you met your ex in a night club, chances are he/she still has the night club life style in them just like meeting "hook-ups" online. That life isn't real easy to give up without God.

2. About that...how has your ex been living lately? Has he/she also rededicated the lifestyle of Christianity? You see, no matter how much the apologies seem genuine and the efforts of reconciliation sincere, there is no way anything has changed without God having precedence. If there is no ongoing commitment to Him - (with proof), the commitment to you is all superficial (Matthew 12:33 AMP).

3. Does he/she love you? How do you know? Where is the proof? Words are just words...they were spoken the first time you were together. What's changed? Was the ex with someone else when you first broke up. Did he/she speak their love to that person too? Now its you again. Sounds fickle (James 1:5-8 AMP).

A couple reconciled after so many months of separation. The arguing was over small matters and she couldn't see the children viewing the behavior as normal. Not to mention that he liked to do "harmless" flirting just to see if he still "has it". Flirting was a minor flaw to her (Matthew 5:28 AMP). The battle she choose to fight was his ability to minimize why he couldn't get a job. He would much rather meander around the house, watch t.v., and eat the  food the welfare system provided (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP). Little did he realize, the more he deliberately kept from providing for his family, the more she resented him rather then reverencing him (1 Peter 3:1-3 AMP). As Christians, he was quick to let her know how much she was falling short of his expectations. This would either start another argument or her shutting down emotionally, physically, and psychologically to him and the family's needs (Proverbs 14:1 AMP).


During communion time at their church, the pastor taught that before taking communion, husbands and wives should confess their faults to each other (James 5:16 AMP). This is when the minor flaw previously mentioned would come up - his flirtatious ways. Because she never allowed for the topic to be fuel for another argument, his confession was complacent. As if it was no big deal with a hint of sarcasm. So then, it became an argument and served as fodder for the couple to separate (James 1:20 AMP).

Reconciliation came after so many months of counseling and apologies. Once she was convinced that he would do better, she accepted him back. For 10 days the couple was cordial to each other and he even showed some consideration for her feelings. The house was quiet and beginning to function like a normal family...then on the 11th day, he made an announcement. "I'm tired of walking on egg shells. I've got to be a man!" She didn't know why he said that at first until he began to show signs of his undesired behavior that caused them to split up in the first place. The arguing resumed shortly thereafter.

What's the point? There is a reason why your ex is your ex. Tangible proof must be made and on a continuum before allowing even the thought of resuming a relationship. It is commendable to forgive. God is pleased; however, He does not require for you to jump back into the furnace once He gets you out of it (Psalm 34:19 AMP).

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