Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Heart of Oakie-Doke

The last entry of this blog had the definition of Oakie-Doke and all it entails. Please have a quick read to understand completely what the reference means.

Recently, I was thinking about that verse with Abraham when he was leaving his parents' home and venturing forth with the direction of God at the helm, only Lot, his nephew, never got the memo and he came along as well (Genesis 12:1-5 AMP). The thought that was troubling was if Lot was married when he decided to leave with his uncle. The Word doesn't tell that he had anyone with him but it does clearly define that Lot had a family when leaving Sodom and Gomorrah. Or did the Word make those clarifications because of where the hearts of his family would rather have been (Genesis 19:1-16 AMP)?

The Word tells us to guard our hearts for out of them come the issue of life (Proverbs 4:23 AMP). We have the understanding when dating that we should be open and honest with the one we hope to be our intended. We tell of our childhood, our hopes, the fears we need to conquer, and sometimes the little quirky things we expect will only make us more endearing to the one that seems to be specifically chosen for that life long commitment - marriage. The truth is, sometimes it just doesn't work out like that; so then the secrets come to light after the vows. Apparently, someone didn't listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd.

Secrets, tricks, lies, and all sorts of drama that we as Christians would rather not be around, could have been something that was a struggle for Abram. He knew it was time to leave when God sent angels to speak to him. The towns people noticed that there were new men they hadn't "been with" yet at the Abram's. They came like a riot to see who they were. Lot offered his own daughters for these people to leave, but they demanded for the men. How can a man keep his family righteous when the environment is drenched in evil?

Abram decided to pack but before doing so, he had a conversation with God about saving the city of Sodom if there was at least 10 men that are righteous. That had to be hard to understand that the only righteous in the land are those under your roof. When they all were ready to leave, the instruction was clear. They needed to keep their eyes forward, heading for the land that God promised to them. This is where my understanding came that Lot met his wife in the city of Sodom. How did she become so attached so soon? Why be attached to a place where debauchery was as common as soap and water?

Picture it, the family of Abraham and Lot with their caravan of all of their possessions leaving Sodom and Gomorrah when Lot's wife just couldn't do it. She had to take one more look remembering the times she had doing all sorts of ungodly things. She had to be yearning for that person she was with before Lot or the one Lot didn't know about. As she turned to inhale that sigh, it was her last breath as she turned into a pillar of salt. Did Lot gasp? Did he hesitate with the instruction as he walked past with what use to be his wife? The Word doesn't mention his emotions. The Word does make mention of the emotions of his daughters. They also thought of the men from Sodom and how they might not meet any man at all. They believed they were going to have lives of spinsterhood and therefore reasoned within themselves that their only chance to have children is with their father - Lot. This sort of thinking is why they left Sodom. Why didn't they also think that if it was right, would they have to get their father drunk to do what was on their minds to do? Isn't it interesting that after their act with their father, Abraham and Lot could not get along and needed to separate... much like what he had to do when leaving his kinfolk in the beginning. Arguing doesn't promote righteousness.

Can you see Christian dating in this biblical story? First, let's look at the man. Whether Lot had a wife or not, why didn't he have a house of his own? The answer for today could be that's what that culture did back then. Fine, but would such a thing still apply? Should he still be residing with his parents? Has he ever had his own home? Should the economy ever be a factor to go back home and if it is acceptable, should he be dating while still there? Is it inconsiderate for a man to be dating and expecting for his date to be accommodating when it comes to his financial struggles? Should dating be the last thing on his mind when his finances aren't enough for him to be independent?

This was a question in a Christian group on Facebook. The members became quite animated in expressing their opinions. Interestingly enough, the women were very accommodating and the few that weren't, the one or two men that ventured forth to comment, were brash and ridiculed those women that would not tolerate dating someone with meager means. Would that I could keep race from this question; however, all of those commenting were African American. The next day, the question, with all of the colorful comments, was deleted. An article was posted in its stead....one I found even more interesting showing the ethnicity of men answering the same question:

Some of the Comments that I got when I posted this picture YESTERDAY along with the Stat were very disturbing. First of all the Status was about MEN who ALLOW women to take care of them, that’s what the stat was about. But the BLACK men (and a few Black Women) protested and made comments like “carry eac h other” and partnership and side by side. It’s interesting that NO Black Men seemed to AGREE with the stat. It is SAD because men of other cultures get the whole concept of “provision” as do women. In most wealthy white households studied, the WOMEN stayed at home and the men worked and this formula allowed the families to function in a healthy way and amass wealth. True Story: I conducted a Panel discussion with 8 black men and one Hispanic man on the panel, the question was asked what does a woman need to “bring to the table” to be with you. Every Black Man said something along the lines of “good credit, degrees, a good job, certain amount of income” ect. The HISPANIC man said “she doesn’t have to bring anything because it is MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF HER”. I asked the same question to a group of White men who had similar responses across the Board. But, black men seemed to be “offended” by yesterday’s status posting suggesting that they should not have to “carry” a woman. Well, yes a woman should be ABLE to carry herself…but she should not HAVE to and she certainly shouldn’t be carrying a MAN. The point of the stat was to encourage women to stop carrying men financially. ESPECIALLY ones that they are not MARRIED TO. Let and REQUIRE that a MAN be a MAN. Sadly it seems that quite a few men (and women) don’t know what a real man “looks like” or what his responsibilities are as leader and head of a family. Let’s get back to balance and structure in relationships. Not with the expectation ladies, that we NEED to be taken care of, but that we CAN be taken care of by a man who knows what it means to be a MAN and is willing to STEP UP. If we weren’t laying down with males who aren’t MEN, we wouldn’t have so many FATHERS who aren’t DADS ! Everything with a penis ain’t a man. Get yourself a “definition”, write it down…and then live by it in your choice of who and who NOT to have sex with.
A female eagle will TEST a male eagle by dropping a branch HER weight to see if he can CATCH it, prior to mating. A female ROBIN will not mate with a MALE robin until he builds her a NEST…yet as GROWN women, with human logical minds, we won’t REQUIRE the same thing of a man. We are not talking about “digging for gold” we are talking about “walking in your role”. Walking in your role as a man and your role as a woman who deserves the Security, Protection and Provision that real men provide. Accept it or not,it’s your choice ladies, but at LEAST it he should be READY, WILLING and ABLE to provide it when needed. 

Written by Black Women Who Want More (a group on facebook)

Place the above article in perspective. This writer was not writing with Christian principles in mind; however, the premise of a man being a man and knowing what his role is as the head of the woman and priest of the home still is heard in what the writer wrote. The comments the men made in the article are similar to the comments the men said in the Christian group. That shouldn't be.

In a previous post entitled, His Queen or Daddy's Princess, the reference was to the woman and where her heart is. Was she ready and equipped to be the wife he hopes her to be or does she miss all of the conveniences Daddy brought without any effort at all? Lot's wife was not thinking of the blessing her husband is to her but the life she had in Sodom. Though it is more popular to know that boys will be boys, women don't have a cliche behaving in the same manner....oh wait, there is one called not trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and the one about can't make a wife out of a whore. Huh, it doesn't sound nearly as nice does it?


Stacey said...

This was very insightful. You brought a different perspective with Lots wife. Sadly, Lot's wife represents many women who have not been delivered of their past. Unfortunately, they bring into their present and future, the very thing that destroyed their past.
I believe this is why many of our sisters settle for boys, instead of men, because they themselves do not fully understand their worth and who they are and why they were created. Without this revelation, many will not fulfill their purpose.
Thank you for this post and I pray many will read it and grasp the revelation.

Lenora said...

Thank you Stacey and I hope you don't mind that I link your blog to my favorites list. Come again anytime. Your comments are appreciated. :)