The Root of Hurt Feelings *
I don't think any of us asks where these raw feelings come from because we are so absorbed into trying to make ourselves feel better at all costs. This act of feeling better can be through shopping, writing, playing video games, blaming others, and/or using addictive substances to escape or numb the pain. If we survive, and only time could tell, we recall it not fondly but vaguely use it as wisdom to teach the younger generation to be cautious rather than guarding their hearts....and that would be wrong.
Now wait! Before you suck your teeth and sign off as another religious cliche, keep reading. If nothing else, I have tried my best to be as frank and as honest as I can be for the Word of God to be applicable as He intended it to be. The truth being, you can read the letters of the bible all you know how, you can memorize each scripture and verse to impress whomever; but unless you believe it and then use what you believe, its just another textbook. You HAVE to believe the Word of God more then the diagnosis of a doctor, more then the diagnostic the mechanic gave about your car, more then the logistics the realtor gave about property you are interested in. Recall how you studied, invested, and were so engrossed with the information. Then you took what you learned and put it to use...didn't you? So why haven't you done the same thing with the Word? If you had, the remainder of this entry would be extremely obvious - don't you think?
Alright, let's put some Word on the matter. Remember when we discussed about keeping our keys? I wrote about it here. here, and here. Remember when you were supposed to be memorizing the verses because it is your major source in keeping your keys? I wrote about that too: here, here. So if you did those things, you would know about righteousness. You would also know that that which you have been called to do is a service unto God not man. Ponder that for a moment before continuing.
I had been attending a particular ministry for years. There came a time where I was struggling in my personal life and sought counseling. I didn't receive the counseling I would have given and became disillusioned with the ministry. I no longer attended as I was. One of the congregants who I had befriended for years called and convinced me aggressively to come to the ministry's convention. I didn't have a car at the time and used that as an excuse. She said she would come and pick me up for morning services. I agreed. That Sunday morning, I got up, bathed, and dressed for service. I waited and when the time passed that I knew she would normally be there, I called her. She was running late and said she would be at my residence momentarily. I was feeling a little stressed because I detested coming to church late. I went outside to wait. She didn't live that far from me. As I walked out in the sun, I noticed some clouds and a few showers. I stepped back in to get my umbrella and hurried back outside. In those few seconds that I wasn't outside my neighbor tells me that my ride came and drove right back out. I looked down the street and it was her. She was driving away. I thanked my neighbor and called her from my cell phone. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Where are you going?
Her: I told you to be ready. I don't want to be late.
Me: Are you kidding me? I went to get my umbrella!
Her: Fine, I'm on my way back to get you (sucked her teeth).
When she came back and I got in her car, I was fussed at all of the way to the church. After church services, she wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. Seriously? I guess some people can bounce like that. I hadn't learned that skill as of yet and I didn't wish to discuss it. My feelings were hurt and she having known me for more then 5 years, didn't bother to acknowledge that nor did she find a reason to apologize.
Why would my feelings be hurt? Should I just shake it off and go to dinner with this person? I asked others from a hypothetical perspective. They were very vague with their opinions. Could it have been because they knew it was rude and they could have hurt as well yet knowing with Christ we are to forgive and let live. What if it were the opposite sex that you are dealing with? Are your feelings warranted for being hurt then? Why? Why not?
An African American Christian woman decided to volunteer her time in reading to the blind some years ago. At the end of a long Summer, the group changes and moves on to other tasks while a new group takes over reading to the blind. In so doing, the going out group decides to have a going away pot-luck party. That evening the people come together and place the dish they brought on the buffet table ready to be served. As they sit at the table one of the senior volunteers ask the African American woman if she could bring the rice to the table for everyone to begin serving themselves as the serving bowl is being passed. This woman, being closer to the buffet didn't have issue with that; but no sooner could she sit down did someone ask for something else and then another thing. She didn't realize at the time because her mind had been focused on serving others so what she was doing was being of service. Only...after about 5 different bowls or plates that had been passed, she had not yet sat down to get any food for herself. She stopped and looked around at all of her colleagues that she worked with the entire season as they talked among themselves and making comment about each dish. No one noticed that the African American woman wasn't sitting or enjoying the meal. They continued expecting for the other dishes to keep flowing seeing she was up and closest to the buffet. She sat down, and then they noticed...that no one else was serving the food. I guess I should mention that everyone else was Caucasian and Christian. Are hurt feelings warranted? Should anyone been sensitive to the Holy Spirit or was it just the African American women's test to bare? What if you were with your fiance and he/she didn't understand why you would be upset with such blatant thoughtlessness?
A pastor told the congregation that he was not above serving or getting his hands dirty for the good of the ministry. After all, the foundation of being in ministry is serving in love. To get the ball rolling in this outwardly gesture, he told all of the ministerial staff that once a month when there is a group of new members, the pastor was going to hold a breakfast especially for them and the ministerial staff was to serve the new members. The congregation smiled at this new rule. Seeing the congregation was much too large for the ceremonial feet washing after communion, I suppose this was the next best thing...I guess. (IDK). Anyway, the ministers smiled in the beginning. Some of them wore aprons and even changed out of their Sunday best clothes. The smiles grew dim after a couple of months. Then before the year was out, the breakfasts became a thing of the past. What happened? Weren't there any more new members? Didn't they like having breakfast after service? Or did the ministry protest at having to do such menial work? If you were dating one of those ministers who no longer wished to serve the people in that fashion, what would your next move be? If he/she didn't wish to serve, how then would he/she be sufficient help or a loving mate in a marriage? If a new congregant was offended because the breakfast was eliminated due to a lack of participation, is his/her hurt feelings warranted? Why is this any different then the scenarios written above?
So how do we turn this around, make a 180, or flip the script?
Believe to receive is what the Word says to do.
Now wait! Before you suck your teeth and sign off as another religious cliche, keep reading. If nothing else, I have tried my best to be as frank and as honest as I can be for the Word of God to be applicable as He intended it to be. The truth being, you can read the letters of the bible all you know how, you can memorize each scripture and verse to impress whomever; but unless you believe it and then use what you believe, its just another textbook. You HAVE to believe the Word of God more then the diagnosis of a doctor, more then the diagnostic the mechanic gave about your car, more then the logistics the realtor gave about property you are interested in. Recall how you studied, invested, and were so engrossed with the information. Then you took what you learned and put it to use...didn't you? So why haven't you done the same thing with the Word? If you had, the remainder of this entry would be extremely obvious - don't you think?
Alright, let's put some Word on the matter. Remember when we discussed about keeping our keys? I wrote about it here. here, and here. Remember when you were supposed to be memorizing the verses because it is your major source in keeping your keys? I wrote about that too: here, here. So if you did those things, you would know about righteousness. You would also know that that which you have been called to do is a service unto God not man. Ponder that for a moment before continuing.
I had been attending a particular ministry for years. There came a time where I was struggling in my personal life and sought counseling. I didn't receive the counseling I would have given and became disillusioned with the ministry. I no longer attended as I was. One of the congregants who I had befriended for years called and convinced me aggressively to come to the ministry's convention. I didn't have a car at the time and used that as an excuse. She said she would come and pick me up for morning services. I agreed. That Sunday morning, I got up, bathed, and dressed for service. I waited and when the time passed that I knew she would normally be there, I called her. She was running late and said she would be at my residence momentarily. I was feeling a little stressed because I detested coming to church late. I went outside to wait. She didn't live that far from me. As I walked out in the sun, I noticed some clouds and a few showers. I stepped back in to get my umbrella and hurried back outside. In those few seconds that I wasn't outside my neighbor tells me that my ride came and drove right back out. I looked down the street and it was her. She was driving away. I thanked my neighbor and called her from my cell phone. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Where are you going?
Her: I told you to be ready. I don't want to be late.
Me: Are you kidding me? I went to get my umbrella!
Her: Fine, I'm on my way back to get you (sucked her teeth).
When she came back and I got in her car, I was fussed at all of the way to the church. After church services, she wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. Seriously? I guess some people can bounce like that. I hadn't learned that skill as of yet and I didn't wish to discuss it. My feelings were hurt and she having known me for more then 5 years, didn't bother to acknowledge that nor did she find a reason to apologize.
Why would my feelings be hurt? Should I just shake it off and go to dinner with this person? I asked others from a hypothetical perspective. They were very vague with their opinions. Could it have been because they knew it was rude and they could have hurt as well yet knowing with Christ we are to forgive and let live. What if it were the opposite sex that you are dealing with? Are your feelings warranted for being hurt then? Why? Why not?
An African American Christian woman decided to volunteer her time in reading to the blind some years ago. At the end of a long Summer, the group changes and moves on to other tasks while a new group takes over reading to the blind. In so doing, the going out group decides to have a going away pot-luck party. That evening the people come together and place the dish they brought on the buffet table ready to be served. As they sit at the table one of the senior volunteers ask the African American woman if she could bring the rice to the table for everyone to begin serving themselves as the serving bowl is being passed. This woman, being closer to the buffet didn't have issue with that; but no sooner could she sit down did someone ask for something else and then another thing. She didn't realize at the time because her mind had been focused on serving others so what she was doing was being of service. Only...after about 5 different bowls or plates that had been passed, she had not yet sat down to get any food for herself. She stopped and looked around at all of her colleagues that she worked with the entire season as they talked among themselves and making comment about each dish. No one noticed that the African American woman wasn't sitting or enjoying the meal. They continued expecting for the other dishes to keep flowing seeing she was up and closest to the buffet. She sat down, and then they noticed...that no one else was serving the food. I guess I should mention that everyone else was Caucasian and Christian. Are hurt feelings warranted? Should anyone been sensitive to the Holy Spirit or was it just the African American women's test to bare? What if you were with your fiance and he/she didn't understand why you would be upset with such blatant thoughtlessness?
A pastor told the congregation that he was not above serving or getting his hands dirty for the good of the ministry. After all, the foundation of being in ministry is serving in love. To get the ball rolling in this outwardly gesture, he told all of the ministerial staff that once a month when there is a group of new members, the pastor was going to hold a breakfast especially for them and the ministerial staff was to serve the new members. The congregation smiled at this new rule. Seeing the congregation was much too large for the ceremonial feet washing after communion, I suppose this was the next best thing...I guess. (IDK). Anyway, the ministers smiled in the beginning. Some of them wore aprons and even changed out of their Sunday best clothes. The smiles grew dim after a couple of months. Then before the year was out, the breakfasts became a thing of the past. What happened? Weren't there any more new members? Didn't they like having breakfast after service? Or did the ministry protest at having to do such menial work? If you were dating one of those ministers who no longer wished to serve the people in that fashion, what would your next move be? If he/she didn't wish to serve, how then would he/she be sufficient help or a loving mate in a marriage? If a new congregant was offended because the breakfast was eliminated due to a lack of participation, is his/her hurt feelings warranted? Why is this any different then the scenarios written above?
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