There comes a time for everyone where the best idea is to share your life that you have framed, disciplined, and structured with someone else. The values, ethics, and morals you have studied and believe you have been steadfast, trusting that God is pleased and so will your intended. It is a personal conviction you have determined to maintain and know
it will be reciprocated in the person you will either propose to or accept the proposal. There are just a few little matters that must be cleared up for the purpose of no misunderstandings later (
1 Corinthians 14:33 AMP). It’s those 3 pesky little questions that can assist in determining if the household will be in harmony or turmoil. Also, if you have ever read any of these entries, you will know that just like a job interview, questions and answers can be memorized. Therefore, it would behoove you to make sure you study the scriptures day and night for good success (
Joshua 1:8 KJV). It is also the very reason it took this long to get these questions in here. Everybody wanted to know what those dating questions were even before they are ready for a commitment, let alone a life altering decision such that marriage is. Nevertheless, here are those questions and the answers you have to determine whether they are fodder for your soul or a reason to call it quits before emotions get involved:
1. They say arguing is healthy in a relationship. It gets the tough topics out there and allows for both parties to see how each other handles conflict whether to appease or fight until the other quits and/or concedes. If you have children in the house (various ages), is it still healthy for the 2 parents to argue? If so, why? If not, why?
Scripture tells us that children are a blessing (Psalms 127:3-5 AMP). The word also tells to raise up a child in the way he will go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6 AMP). When we think of both of these verses, we have to
wonder what happens when dealing with the "terrible twos" or when children are in the adolescent stages of life, trying to gain some independence, and in so doing have made the decision to be disobedient, obnoxious, rude, or worse yet, withdrawn? Personally, I still have to look at the parents and ask what have they done to where the children have to make sense of it, and can't. This would cause the undesirable behavior, yet parents will inevitably answer that they have not done anything wrong because what they have done is normal for them or the new thing trending, or it really isn't something they would agree to change even for the sake of the children.
Social media has shown adult twins introducing the non-parent to the toddler children to see if the child could recognize the parent from the identical twin sibling of the parent. When the child looks confused, both adult twins laugh and think it was all in fun no matter what the child is experiencing on the inside. It is minimized because the parent believes he/she is not causing the child any immediate harm. The same is true for the father, on social media who allowed for the child to know him with a full beard all of the child's short life and then decides to shave it off and give the child a shock. While the child's anguish is evident, the adult laughs again believing that the child is not in immediate danger. This is never thought of as a lasting memory where the child grows with distrust for the parent. nevertheless, it is a kind of training that one doesn't think of (Colossians 3:21 AMP). The same is true when arguing in front of children. By and large, with negative emotions involved, there will be name calling. How would a child feel when one parent calls the other parent a name unbefitting of character and integrity? 50% of each parent makes 100% of the child. If the mother feels that way about her child's father, what does she feel about the child that she made with that man and the same with the man and his baby's Mama? Should it be minimized because the adults don't think it will have any lasting effect on the child? If you believe other wise, read The Bounced Around Grown Children of Divorce here. The molding and shaping of a child's moral structure and character doesn't only come when consciously aware but all of the time when you don't think he/she is looking or hearing what the parent is doing and saying. This is the training parents have been responsible for when having a child to raise.
My mother use to say, "you are a child for a little while. You are an adult for the rest of your life." Most of the time, she made this reference for my siblings and I to enjoy our childhood and stop rushing to grow up. It wasn't until I became an adult and was employed at a senior independent living facility where I witnessed how adult children treat their elderly parents. You could tell which parents went to the PTA meetings, who was available for the bake sales, which one went over the homework with their child, and didn't allow to bend the rules just because. There were too many seniors alone during the holidays and not because they didn't have families. There were too many looking for other residents they could encroach upon due to loneliness. It is the harvest they did not expect. The ones that were enjoying their children and grandchildren put in the work for those children to desire to honor their father and mother for their days will be long (
Exodus 20:12 AMP).
Is it safe to assume that the answer to the first question is evident and obvious? If it wasn't to you, then you have some growing up to do. You also need to remember your own childhood honestly. What things have you minimized and when did you reconcile to forgive something your parents have done? We have all done this. Does it mean for us to repeat those mistakes? Make the next generation better and not confused (Proverbs 4:7 AMP).
Comments