Friday, September 24, 2010

Gentlemen, Did You Ever Think This Would Happen To You?

I went to a church service that I formerly attended years ago. The people looked so different. Some gained weight while others just looked so old. Some cut their hair really short and others just lost their hair completely. When I stepped into the building there were several that remembered me and extended themselves to give me a hug. Others I expected to give hugs and they avoided me completely. I saw married couples that came to services in separate cars and sat on the opposites sides of the church. The only couple that sat together was my son and his girlfriend and the pastor and his wife. I found it sort of sad as I scoped all of the people I remembered from way back when.

The purpose for me coming back to this ministry was because it was the place where my son and his girlfriend attended. He was going to the military and was asking for prayer from all of the members. They were sending him off with a going away party. I watched this particular couple. I remembered the man from those way back years how he expressed that he had to be married. It was upper most on his mind. He was not going to keep being single. He just isn't the type to do it, he would tell me over and over. He finally found the perfect person for him. After the pleasantries were over, there was a rockie beginning but both were determined to make the best of it. Illness of the both of them, financial turmoil, children from previous relationships and every other thing that could come against the marriage came. There were reportedly many arguments that had the pastor coming and going from home visits to appointments in the office. He was annoying to her and he made no apologies for the harsh words he said to her when she frustrated him.

They sat together during church services, but when the amens were said they couldn't get away from each other fast enough. If he was in front of the church talking to someone, she was in the back or outside. They came in their own cars. When getting to the party, they were on opposite sides of the room. They ate separately. They didn't make eye contact. I made the mistake to ask, why don't they sit together. There was a long pause and I was no longer getting eye contact from the person I asked. "Its just better this way. No one needs to hear about what bill hasn't been paid and what is the next thing about to be shut off." I said nothing else. It just seemed so sad to me.

When does a happy, joy filled relationship become a collaboration of convenience? How is it that both parties agree to marry for what ever the reason and then within a few years, wish the other never existed? What happened? Marriage being a happy occasion even though there is a lot of money involved in preparing for a wedding - it is still a union with the families coming together. There is an agreement and a unit becoming even stronger then before. Not one can reckon with a family in agreement. it is what men hope for. It is their inheritance to have children that behave much like themselves. Men choose wives that agree with the vision so she can raise his children to carry on the vision. Does that still happen or is it archaic now?

Does sex have a place with water, air, food, and shelter? Does sex have such a precedence that it  takes at least one failed marriage to get it right?  Is it thought of, who is more devastated then the other? Does a man think he should have the provision at hand before he incorporates a life in with his meager earnings? What was on a man's mind when you see the newlywed struggling with all aspects of life? Was that his plan when he asked his wife to marry him? Did she know that sex was the only plan he was thinking about and if she did, would she have married him? Why didn't he give her that option? Was he deceiving her (Proverbs 20:17 KJV)? How do you see it? Now how does God see it?

I pose this to you men. You have seen much just as I described above (for some, there could have been more), what have you learned from what you saw? It is said for the younger to tell the older, but if they don't, you should still have a discerning eye to see what isn't being said. I have learned to treat myself better, not to settle for anything less than what I expect, and to always keep my faith strong just by listening to derogatory conversations from the elderly. They're intention wasn't to give me a life's lesson but to just harp and complain (Proverbs 18:20-21 KJV). It is my job to find the good from it - glory be to God, that I did. What good have you learned from this? It is a life lesson - carry it on and go tell someone else.

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