Monday, September 6, 2010

Stir Up The Gift...Not The Dust

In the dating process, we will eventually come to a point of wondering why continue with dating this particular person. Naturally we make assessments. Spiritually, by which we walk, we seek peace with God. This would be the mature thing to do; however, there are those times where we think this is our personal sitcom acting as if we are doing them a favor by even spending our time with the person we are dating. This is arrogance and in that state where arrogance takes over. The conversation changes where questions that arise to ask might very well be suggestions much like the first woman dealt with while residing in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:1-13 KJV).

The suggestions, whether you consider the Garden of Eden or in what is asked on a date, is indicative of not trusting in God. So watch and pray before speaking (Mark 14:38 KJV). Yes, that's right, this is a warning! You have no idea what hornets nest you will be swatting at when asking such probing matter that has either been forgiven and/or forgotten about.

First, let's deal with what you are thinking in order for any suggestive matter to be squashed before the wrong thing is said. I suppose it is natural to see what kind of temperament the person has so you won't be surprised later. So when asking questions about past relationships from the other person, do you hope to see the truth about who this person really is? Will there be follow up questions about the past? And are you willing to answer the same questions about failed relationships? Afterwards, will you be satisfied? Can you then assess who is at fault with the demise of that past relationship? Based on the information that you received from all of that probing matter can you foresee what not to do or are you reconsidering if the person is for you? Can you see where the trust issue you have in God just burrowed a hole in a relationship had you not entertained the suggestive matter?

A woman who had been through an emotional divorce decided not to date for quite sometime. She concentrated on raising her children and obtained a degree. While in the midst of her career, she met a man who seemed to be interested in her. They spoke briefly and then decided to date. She was so pleased with his behavior and how he treated her she reconsidered the possibility of marriage. Both are Christians and maturity level of their faith is about equal. They truly enjoyed each other's company. In their conversations over a given period of time, he found that she wasn't very experienced with having too many relationships and found it unusual in this day and age. It also intrigued him that such a woman with high standards didn't stay married. He began asking more questions about her previous relationship. The dates which were usually amusing and a highlight of her day, were now losing its flavor with all of the questions he came at her with. She started not to accept his phone calls and if she happened to see him coming her way in a market or mall, she avoided him completely.

Why would this happen? Why didn't she find it appealing with him trying to know all he could about her? Is there enough information in the scenario? Do we really have to know the questions he asked? Isn't it enough that she had an emotional divorce and had to reconsider ever to get married again. Wasn't that enough? Why wasn't it enough for him?

If it were you asking the questions, what would you do with the answers? Would you compare the answers with your past relationships or to see if this person would do the same thing with you? Would you be as forth coming with answers when the questions are directed to you? And now can the person be as judgmental as you are with the answers you received (Luke 6:37 KJV)?

What skeletons do you have in your closet? Let's dig all that mess up. What will we find? Did you clean up before starting a relationship?

I believe if we were to look at this phrase of skeletons in a closet from the perspective of a Christian we would see things differently. We know that there is a prayer closet we go to, to pray and speak to God about matters that we would not tell anyone else. We confess our faults there and then when we come out it is with a better understanding, revelation knowledge or just feeling better having been able to vent some things that only God could hear. We close the closet not thinking of those matters anymore. They were confessed, forgiven, and placed in a sea never to relive again. But what if, someone was able to go to that closet and see all of the stuff that was confessed? All of those sins and fleshly desires that were thought of, said, or acted upon? All of those things that you wished you never did in your life time? None of which you would like for your mother to know about... hm? What if God left them there for others to discover? Well, isn't that what we are asking when we try to probe in matters that the other is not willing to talk about?

While you are pondering on that, let's re-examine the purpose of going on a date. I have stated many times that as unromantic as it may sound, a date is an interview. There is no other reason two Christian people date other than for the purpose of marriage.  The interview is usually clouded with other things like baubles, compliments, dinners and a movie; but for all intents and purposes the conversation should lead along the lines to whether both heard the same thing from God and are both in agreement. That's it! The rest is gravy. Anything else comes with hearing the gifts that each have in enhancing the other person's life. She comes to help him with his vision and he provides her with all she needs to do the task. She has honed in on her skills (whether domestic or in a career) and it all works together to get the task done. How did this all get screwed up?

Its that pesky dust by which the flesh was created. Once we get the will to walk in the Spirit, the screwing up process ceases. (2 Timothy 1:5-7 AMP)

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