Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Mean Addict

I know I continually refer to childhood things, but it is those events in our childhood that we remember and has assisted shaping us into being the people that we are. We all remember the groups of the "in" crowd, the geeks, and the athletes. We all had them. But then there was the one crowd that even a movie was based and some of the sitcoms as well, they were the mean girls. These girls wore the best of everything, had the latest gadgets, and if they spoke to you it was to get information, berate what you were wearing, or just be obnoxious. If you don't recall such a group - you might want to look in the mirror when you reminisce. Nevertheless, the mean girls were usually the cheerleaders or majorettes or the group too cool to be weird but didn't have a direction in their lives. Still, they were envied and revered. They didn't bother the athletes too much because they wished to be the dates of most of them or were already dating them. Funny how they influenced the athletes to be mean too. That's a lesson right there.

It would seem strange for a person to be addicted to mean, but there are those of us out there as adults that gravitate to that sort of person. Why do you think that is? It doesn't make sense when also following Jesus to do as He has called us all to do (Matthew 11:29-30 AMP). It is so clear in the gospels for us to love our neighbors as ourselves, to love God with all of our heart, mind, and strength, to pray for those the spitefully use us, and not to pay evil for evil (Romans 12:17, 1 Peter 3:9 KJV). So then with all of that as our arsenal would we then deliberately be attracted to mean?

I asked this question looking at another episode of Bridezillas. Honestly, being an African American female, I just believed for every other race depicted on the show it had to be scripted. It was difficult for me to believe that the men looked over all of that evil and still would make the vows to be faithful and love that woman for the rest of their lives! But when it came to African American women acting like they lost their minds, I watched the friends laugh and say, she wouldn't be acting like this if it weren't for the wedding. So I watched and laughed too until one of them caused for the groom to cry - it then became too real. A black man crying?  That was hard to compute!!! But the show that really had me pinned was in season 9 episodes 3 and 4. Her name is Jeanine. His name is Thomas. Jeanine was literally vile. The groom's family couldn't believe he was still dating her much less going to marry her. The groom's men advised him to run. The father of the groom tried to be silent but couldn't help but to give his son the same advice. Thomas, the groom, reassured his family and the viewing audience that Jeanine isn't usually like this, she really is loving, and what was most important to him, he believed she was just beautiful. By the way, what wasn't  highlighted in that episode was that they already had a child together.

Not to write it being a reason to marry, but it had to weigh heavy on him and no doubt she used that child as ammunition. When it came time for the ceremony, there were no objections. After the ceremony was over, the father of the bride asked the father of the groom to take him back to his hotel. He didn't wish to go to the reception. The father of the groom did as he was asked. When he returned, he told the bride, Jeanine where her father was. She didn't ask for the state of health her father was in, all she saw was that her father wasn't going to do the father/daughter dance. She was livid with the father of the groom and began to rant. The groom saw this and the light came on. He put on his big boy pants and demanded for her to apologize. When Jeanine refused, he gave back the ring and started to discuss the preceding to get the marriage annulled. She wasn't surprised?!! I was!!!

I had a theory as to why anyone would be addicted to a mean person. I originally thought it being their normal. You know, if there was a mean person in the family that was the parent or guardian, it is what a person is use to and is willing to accept because of the weird comfort in remembering that childhood. There is also the possibility of one who feels sorry for the mean person because he/she has no friends, no associates, and even his/her co-workers don't like him/her (Proverbs 18:24 KJV). That one that feels sorry shows a little kindness and the mean person misunderstands kindness for love. He/she draws that person of kindness in and instead of making the situation clear, muddies the water by allowing it to be what the mean person wants it to be (Matthew 7:20 KJV).

FYI, mean people are manipulative and know how to suck on to kindness from where ever they can. It is why they don't have friends. They don't need you. They don't want you. They want what you have and what you can do for them. Yes, show kindness and also keep your boundaries noticeably clear. If the mean person knows that you have a limit, he/she will move on because they are use to rejection.

Mean people aren't use to Christians telling them no. They believe that Christians should go over board to do all that is possible for the mean person to be content. Mean people deliberately take advantage of Christians. As a Christian, you absolutely must understand that Jesus never intended for us to be taken advantage of. Even if this mean person uses scripture to get what he/she wants from you,you must be equipped to counteract with scripture as well. It is what Jesus did when he was tempted of the devil (Matthew 4:1-11 KJV). It is why Jesus kicked over the table in the temple (Matthew 21:11-17 KJV). It is how Jesus caused for the Sadducees and Pharisees be at a loss for words (Matthew 22:34-46 KJV). Jesus never allowed to be taken advantage of  - never! He had one purpose to do for all that would believe and that is give His life so we could have one. He gave us the advantage. Can you see the clearly defined boundary?
Mean people professing Christianity must also pick up their own cross (Luke 9:23 KJV). They must be accountable for themselves (Romans 3:19-20 AMP). They have to acknowledge why they are the way that they are and make the necessary changes. It is not the responsibility of the Christian to feel apathetic or empathetic for him/her. If nothing else, we pray for them. We don't have to be close friends with them, date them, or marry them. Recall, Jesus selected the same three people to pray with on the mountain , go travel with on the boat, and be close to when he taught others. I believed all of the disciples had their own personalities that were effective for ministry. They were placed where they could be the most effective. This was not always at the hip of Jesus. Look at it from the perspective of the man being the head of the woman. The oil comes down the head, to the beard and then the rest of the body (Psalm 133:2 AMP). This symbolizes the anointing. Would the punishment work the same way? When the two become one, what affects the head will affect the body - right? When Job was punished for making sacrifices for his children without hearing any confessions from them, he lost his children and all of his worldly possessions (Job 3:25-26 KJV). Do you think this affected his wife at all?

From the mean perspective there was that wealthy man that lived on the side of the road where David was traveling with his army. David asked the man if he could get food and water for his troops. The man refused him (1 Samuel 25:1-21 KJV). David was going to kill the man but if it weren't for the kindness of that man's wife, that man would have had an early demise. The man died anyway and David seized the opportunity to take the woman as a wife (1 Samuel 25:39 KJV). Her kindness was rewarded but after how many years was she tormented with the meanness of her husband.

From the perspective of the man taking on a mean wife (Proverbs 21:19 KJV). Without him keeping the reins as the head of the house and the head of the wife, she will treat him as her son (1 Timothy 3:1-13 KJV). She will berate him, insult him, and continue to do so in public. This will anger God and she will be punished severely. Why? It is written for the wife to revere her husband 1 Peter 3:1-2 AMP. A mean woman cannot do that. If he takes her as his wife, he takes on more then he bargained for.He's thinking a happy wife a happy life, but there is nothing he will be able to do to make a mean woman happy (Proverbs 27:16 AMP). It is a task that she willingly gives over to the Lord - if she is a Christian. The operative words here you would think is a task for the Lord but it is for her to be willing to give it up. Too many people like the person that they are no matter if others like them or not. One is too many in the body of Christ.A mean woman is a terror especially if she is deluded to believe that her personality is an asset....and then she has children. Selah on that.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Sex Addict

It doesn't take rocket science to understand where this is coming from (James 1:13-15 AMP). I know we have heard this term, sex addict,  over and over again. Does it have a place in Christianity and should we be sympathetic to those dealing with this condition?

I have vaguely mentioned this addiction before in another entry in this blog; however, to focus on the matter entirely never was a desire to do. It seems obvious, as true believers, where this sort of thinking comes from (Proverbs 23:7 AMP). Nevertheless, thinking as mentioned, is the reason why many of us get into the situations we have been in and calling them mistakes later or crying out to God for deliverance. If we keep sex where it is suppose to be and not be so cavalier about the matter that is exclusively a benefit of marriage, mistakes and labor pangs cries to God are averted.

So to briefly summarize what an addict is, is a person who has allowed an outside substance to take over the chemical makeup and thought processes of the individual's body. From the perspective of the scriptures, it is giving place to the enemy...consciously (Ephesians 4:27 KJV). The decision was made on a continuum and he is residing without paying rent. He is consuming all that has been given freely from God (John 10:10 KJV). It is the debt of sin. The wage is death (Romans 6:23 KJV).

Now lets incorporate the subject of sex with the addiction. In order for sex to take over it has to be fed. Where is the source of this feeding frenzy? What decisions were made in order for the individual to sit down and allow for the body to be out sourced like that? Is there a pornography shop visited on a regular basis? Is there a secret stash in the residence? When online, is the research for general audiences or are there spam and cookies that pop up the moment the PC is turned on. Again, this is the decision of the individual to allow the beast to be fed.

I often wondered and actually wrote about as to why in the 23rd Psalm would Jesus prepare a table for us in the presence of our enemies? Why would He do that? What communion hath light with darkness? Why would Peace have a table setting for us in front of the lack of peace? It made no sense to me. But then I recall the growth of us. By faith we were made whole. By faith when Jesus said, it is done, we have to believe it is so for us to get what He came to give us. So when He has made the preparation, we must be in the growth stages and could still be fighting to gain victory over this or that. The flesh is our enemy. It has a carnal nature which has enmity with God (Romans 8:6-8 KJV). We are to crucify it with its lusts and affections (Galatians 5:24 KJV). The only way that can be done is through Christ. He said to pick up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23 KJV). That cross is where the flesh lies. It must die.

To those who believe they have a sexual addiction and know Jesus as Lord: no, you cannot have both. Either Jesus is Lord or your addiction is lord over you. It is still a decision. The world tells you that you will always be addicted but it can be managed. The Word says you are delivered if you believe to receive that there is a savior that can deliver you from it all (Mark 11:23 KJV). You decide. Who's will must be done (Matthew 6:10 KJV)?

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Kind You Don't Take Home To Momma

The title of this blog is a portion to the lyrics from Rick James' Super Freak song. I thought about this after seeing an excerpt from one of my favorite authors show, Michelle McKinney Hammond. It was her best friend speaking and he made mention of this song. I thought about what he said, and was led in a different direction showing me how I thought what I was doing in raising my sons was the right thing to do when actually it showed fear. I had to repent, turn from those ways, and write to allow you to see where changes need to be made.
Nevertheless, here is the video in its entirety. It is a blessing to view:


I told my sons that a man can fool a woman and a woman can fool a man but a man can't fool another man and a woman can't fool another woman. It is what my mother taught me. I believed this for such a long time and then I was fooled by another woman (1 Timothy 4:6-8 AMP). How? She was older and had been around the block a few times with the kind of ilk I wasn't raised around. Every person that professes Christianity just isn't there yet even with the label, minister, preacher, pastor, deacon, prophet, apostle, and/or bishop (1 John 4:1-3 AMP). One has to stay quiet and see what is the fruit produced. I believed when one received the aforementioned title, that was fruit (Matthew 7:16 AMP). I was mistakened. Its just a title that the person either convinced or also fooled the label giver into giving it to him or her. There is no way of telling a person is a con-artist (or a wolf) unless there is a relationship with the only One that sees the heart of that person (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP). As parents, we would like to protect our children from predators that come to do anything but give our child a happy and peaceful life, but the truth of the matter is - if our children are mature enough to marry they better be mature enough to have the relationship with God through Christ Jesus (John 14:6 AMP). There is no getting around that. I had to relinquish myself from the role of overseer to all trying to influence my children. It isn't my job and frankly I am glad to give it up. Its just too tiring to try to make my child(ren) understand to do different other then what he/she desires to do as adults.  

A pastor's son desired to date a woman that was clearly not church material - as we know it to be. She came with flashy clothes, long nails, tons of make up, and a hair color that was not fitting of what one would call moderate. The pastor's son adored her though; however, within a few weeks, she slowly began to change to fit in with the church ladies and before long, she was wearing the church lady suits, changed her hair color, scraped more than half of her make up off and toned down her demeanor. She looked like all of the other church ladies and thought her boyfriend, the pastor's son, would be pleased. He said nothing. He showed no expression if whether he liked it or not. She assumed that he would seeing he is a pastor's son and all. It wasn't long before she was no longer seen at church services anymore. A few months later, the pastor's son brought another woman to church. She wore a short tight skirt, long nails, lots of make up, smacked gum, and was deeply infatuated with her new boyfriend.

The point is, the pastor's son knows the importance of salvation and why one should keep one's self assembled with like believers; at the same time, because he sees the importance of this, it doesn't mean he is crying for help for church folk to intervene where there is no need. God sees the heart of this man and that woman. If God didn't see the need to change either of them, what right do we have as believers to do something that God didn't do? The pastor's son has the right to be attracted to whom he desires (Proverbs 10:24 AMP). Whether believers want to make the assessments of it being right or wrong it is something they have to wrestle within themselves. The pastor's son didn't ask for it. The woman he brought didn't ask for it. And for the individual believer to take the matter into their own hands and use the excuse that the Lord lead him/her to speak in order to make outwardly changes for someone else, is a lie. God can turn the heart of a king, but He needed you to change the dress of this woman? Let the lie go.

Another pastor from a different ministry taught his son to bring his prospects for the woman he chooses to marry home for his parents to interrogate to see if she is a good fit for their family and ministry. The pastor explained his reasoning to the congregants and why this is good to protect the ministry from predators - even if its in the woman's family. It sounded good when it was all explained, but with closer examination and comparing the reasoning with the Word, I had to wonder, where is the faith (Job 3:25 AMP)? Aside from the desires that the son has that his father or mother will never know about, there has to be an element of trust for the pastor to have the ministry that God gave him in the first place (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). If all of a sudden God is going to allow for someone or something to come and make a mockery of what He has built is the thought of such a pastor - then it is time for the congregants to take their faith filled selves elsewhere. If the son asked God for a wife to do such things that only a husband and wife know about but the pastor is only concerned with the dynasty of the ministry, then he sets his son up to have a miserable life. How can he cling to a wife that knows nothing of his desires but his parents are pleased with her?

The Word tells us to depart from the parents and cling to the spouse (Mark 10:7 AMP). This is increasingly difficult when the parent has issues with intimacy. Such issues that he/she teaches his/her children to have the same issues. There was a young man that was interested in dating for the purposes of marriage. He found a young woman who seemed to match him in ever aspect of their lives. It wasn't long before the two were married. The young man told his young bride after the first few weeks of marriage, there were certain things he was not willing to do in bed to satisfy her because his mother told him that those things are just nasty (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). This was news to his bride and disturbing at the same time. She is married! There was no room for discussion because not only was her husband emphatic, he brought his mother into the marriage by the way he announced what he was willing and not willing to do. Because his mother said not to do it, that grown, married man refused to do it. How is he suppose to cling to his wife when he still holds the psychological apron strings of his mother? When first married, intimacy is pretty standard. The couple gets use to one another and each others likes and dislikes are reviewed. But God, if allowed, sees also these things and being unequally yoked also includes the marriage bed. It is the reason why dating should take the length that it does for him to actually find a wife (in abstinence). There are many women in this world but a wife is a daunting task better sought by the Lord. All women cannot be wife material even with the ring on and vows spoken. She may not have the heart to do what her husband requires of her. Many people have intimacy issues because of what their parents have taught them, what the parents have done to them, and some have traumatic unresolved issues that has nothing to do with their parents, while others have built and will state they don't like sex. This is baggage of a different sort and as much as parents think they know, some stuff even gets passed them. It takes the Lord to rifle through all of the baggage for that man to receive the unmerited favor that is attached to the last part of that verse. Just to getting married doesn't give him the favor that verse refers to (Proverbs 18:22 AMP).
God has told us over and over again in His Word, trust in no man (Psalm 52:7, Psalm 118:8, Psalms 146:3, Proverbs 25:19, Proverbs 29:25, Isaiah 2:22, Isaiah 31:1Micah 7:5 AMP). This, oddly enough also includes your parents. I know, I know, no one really wants to hear such a thing especially when it has been drilled into your ears that no one will love you like your mother; but there is One who will and more so (Proverbs 18:24 AMP). If your mother gets married or is remarried or her husband (or your father) asks her to do something that is in opposition of what you want - if she is a God fearing woman, she is going to do what her husband has asked of her. Where does that leave you? Feeling hurt that she didn't take your side or do you understand why she did what she did? The point being, God is there even when she can't be. Put your trust in Him and your Kingdom will continually stand even in the midst of the storm. Trust in anyone else, and it is like shooting dice - sometimes you come up with snake eyes! Selah ya'll.



Friday, July 6, 2012

The Games People Play

There is this chemistry that people talk about when one is attracted to another. Once the chemistry is acknowledged, then the conversation begins. Its pretty difficult having a decent conversation with all of the smiling going on and trying your very best not to mess this one up. Being too cute maybe nauseating to spectators but your not trying to impress them. Right now, at that very moment, no one else exists but that person whom you seem not to be able to take your eyes off of. The butterflies...they are a fluttering. Your head...feels a little light. Your feet....not even touching the ground. The actuality of it...you are delusional! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

There is no need to jump into some Junior High School puppy love crap. That silliness described above is what the secular world falls into and then regret months (if not years with children) later. This entry is to make sure you are fully aware of the mind games that are played on a constant to get you in the bed, in trouble, in sin, and without a doubt out of the place God intended for you to be.

Now, before I continue I must preface that I don't write for women to have a heads up on the men and this is not a man bashing blog for me to get out all of my frustrations, though there are excerpts in here for that because men do...do what they do; nevertheless, there are some really rank women out there as well. I love my brothers in Christ and wouldn't have them hurt either. For this reason (and the love I have for my Lord and Savior) I continue to write.

I wrote a scenario with a question in a Christian group on Facebook. First, to the women and then a separate one to the men. The women latched on the question and had the answer in no time. I know men read it as well because there were other questions following that one where men commented. When it came time for the men to answer, there was no response. I waited for over 3 weeks and kept that question alive just to see if anyone missed it. Still, nothing. Granted, their question could be considered a little more difficult but there is a good reason for that. Men, being the heads of the house and the head of the woman should have much more on the ball. If we really would like to be honest, the only help men should be asking a woman for is companionship, sex, and having children. These things he cannot do alone (Genesis 2:18 KJV). So the difficulty of the question would require much study in having a refreshed relationship (repentance, prayer, worship, thanksgiving, and communion on a regular basis) with God (James 4:8 KJV). But wouldn't that be true with anything and when the decision appears to be difficult? With the men, not answering proved a certain level of maturity in Christ. It actually frustrated me hoping each day that there would be someone who would venture forth and comment. After two weeks, I added a comment myself and asked if the question was loaded. Meaning, if answered, it would make women think one thing and therefore, there would definitely be a rebuttal of which would have them in a quandary. But by not answering, it allowed women to see that all of the words that the men have been saying on the webpage, were just that - words.

I then put the same question for the men on a secular site but tried to keep it in the Christianity venue. For whatever the reason the first portion of the question which gave the direction for Christian men didn't attach itself and caused for there to be a vulgar secular answer, which caused the moderators of the group to remove the question entirely.

Here's the question I gave to the women:

There is this man that's been interested in you for quite sometime. He owns a beautiful home, drives a luxury car and has a nice six figure income. He has concentrated on his career and it has paid well. He whisks you off to some exotic place in his private jet and proposes to you at this marvelous bistro. You are overwhelmed. The diamond ring has to be at least 7 carats. He has been nothing but the perfect gentleman in your eyes. He is waiting for an answer. Just before you make that resounding, "thank you Jesus", you recall in that dating process how he said he was tired of going to church and is thinking of keeping his Sundays to himself. Now, what is your answer to his proposal and why?

Here's the question I gave to the men:

She is absolutely, unequivocally, the one. No shadow of a doubt. You definitely like what you see and how she carries herself makes you the envy of every single man in the church. In the dating process, the two of you attend an outdoor church function. Its a warm, sunny day and everything is perfect. She reaches around someone for a napkin off the table and you get a glimpse of a spanking brand new tattoo at the small of her back. It reads: Juicy To The Touch. Having never touched her before because of your Christian moral convictions of which she agrees to, what do you do? Is it a topic for discussion? Did she have to ask you first before getting this tattoo? Do you have any rights to ask? Have you changed your mind about her? Why do you think this way?

Yes, the women answered their question without hesitation. The universal chime was that if he doesn't have time for God, he won't have time for me. That was the truth and I was so pleased with their answer. Granted, that answer in of itself requires another blog entry because there are those that would not understand that. All he has to say is, "and that way I will have more time for you baby," and she will be fine with that. But God is love (1 John 4:8 KJV). If he doesn't have time for love, then he cannot love his wife as Christ loves the church who gave His life for her (Ephesians 5:25 KJV). He has to know love in order to love anyone. Spending time with love is giving him the knowledge and steps to express it with her. With that answer in place, you can understand how disappointing it was to see men not answering their question? One gentleman asked if he could post the question elsewhere because he thought it was humorous. I gave him the permission under the stipulation that he let me know what answers he got from them. I haven't heard a reply back from that either. So I waited another few days until I just couldn't anymore. I answered the question for them hoping to get a response that way:

Alright gentlemen, I am going to make an attempt in answering the question: If God has told you she is the one, then she is. If her tattoo has you in a quandary as to why God would have her as the one equal to you, that should cause you go to Him in prayer. Apparently you must have done something that would cause for you to be equal with a woman who would do such a thing. Finally, without a ring, you have no rights to ask her anything she does with her body. Until those vows, her body is her's not yours. I love my brothers in Christ. It is why I write the blogs that I do. Wasn't trying to trip anyone up. 
From that, I actually got an answer. I was a little surprised but pleased that there was a response at all

Wait, so in dating u need to wait to be married to ask questions about her body?????? I disagree!!!

I then responded to his answer.

How can you ask a woman that you have not proposed to about something that does not belong to you? 
">I didn't get any answers after that, though I continued to ask questions and used scenarios to see what the answers would be. Only the answers wouldn't be for me, but for the most part for them to see what is in their hearts. I guess some people would rather not know. But why?

The tactics I use I learned from reading the Word. I found when I learn something new, I would be tested on those things. I don't like being tested especially when I have not studied and when the outcome is that I have used old ways when they should have been passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). So, when I hear a sermon and then see a different minister preach the same thing, I realize that God is working on something in the body (the church) and we have to be on our toes to be aware of what is coming next. For some it is taking the love of money out of our hearts (1 Timothy 6:10 KJV). For others it is building the faith for us to be more mature to receive the full blessing of the Lord. Many times, we are our own worse enemy. It is the reason why God will never give the wealth to anyone else as He gave to Solomon. Solomon did not have the technology that we have now and without that, he still got his ego ahead of himself so much that he felt he didn't have to be obedient to God anymore (1 Kings 11:3 KJV). Why else do you think he married so many foreign women when God clearly told him not to do it?

I recall when I was first asked the question about salvation it wasn't at all appealing to me. My response was, "I like me the way I am." I suppose people aren't so willing to remove those dark places from their hearts because they are use to them. They are in as much saying that they like the state they are in. What would happen if a thief no longer has the skills to steal, a liar tells more truths then lies, a convicted murder has become reformed and turns over a new leaf? What happens? You should know. At one point or another, this describes you and I (Colossians 3:1-14 AMP). My introduction to salvation was full of fear not to go to hell and in so doing I had to give up all of my worldly possessions. It is what another girl a year older then me had to do. I was 12. I didn't like that idea and for the most part, I just didn't believe what was being said, though it scared me tremendously, was the truth.

It is one of those elements that certain people use to take advantage of one another. It is what's used to manipulate the young people, silly girls into situations, and getting the unsuspecting married sooner then planned. Nevertheless, no matter the evil that others conspire to do, it is the believer's responsibility to keep the whole armor of God on. His/her weaponry is knowing what the Word of God says and to eradicate where ever the fear is placed to control and take advantage. It is essentially spiritual warfare. If our hearts and minds are stayed on Him, there is no room for fear (1 John 4:18 AMP). Babies don't have this skill. This is the reason for intercessory prayer. Intercessory prayer is for the babes in Christ and some children that won't let go of bad habits. They must continue to assemble themselves with believers so they can learn what is new to rid themselves of the old (Hebrews 10:25 AMP).

Mind games are essentially old habits and seem to be at constant play in the arena of Christian dating. When accepting or inviting the person of your desire on a date, one must have already prayed. In so doing, there would be agreement in Christ. There is no need to try to create a game plan because the leading of the Holy Spirit is in control of the situation (John 16:13 KJV). When man tries to take over that's when games begin, strategical maneuvers causing the other to rethink what he/she knows is right. This is how the serpent got over on the woman in the garden of Eden. She relied on her own understanding. Recall that did not prove to be beneficial. Then there are those that see dating as a challenge, a means to conquer one after the other. This is not exclusive to men. These days women have developed such tactics as well. Be warned. When biological clocks tick louder then the voice of God and desperation sets in to do whatever is necessary to get married, including to entice for purposes of getting pregnant. Pregnancy is a cheap way to get a commitment without the vows and ceremony. Like it or not, a man is committed to supporting that child for at least 18 years. She gets the relationship though it isn't the fairy tale she was hoping to have. It isn't an ideal one in the sight of the church or God, but many have settled to at least have that.

I have written about the games people play in dating before. No matter how many times the topic comes up in discussion, the solution is always the same. If a game is what has to be done in order for a person to invite another on a date or accept the invitation, then the that person needs to reassess somethings that are harbored in the heart. All believers of Christ aren't automatically ready to date. If they aren't ready for dating they definitely aren't ready for marriage. Those that still believe that marriage is hard work are those that weren't ready to be married but did so anyway. How would it be hard work when we have been called to rest? Was there a stipulation on rest (Hebrews 4:1-5 NIV)?

People play games to control others. It is a tactic of warfare. Your best defense is to know the Word of God for yourself and make it applicable to your life. Will days be lonely because of what you know in Christ? How, when He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrew 13:5 KJV)? Will there be naysayers because you can no longer be fooled? Of course. Are there any regrets because of Who you know and what you have learned (2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV)? Never ever!!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

If You Are Single...

...don't seek to be married. If you are married, don't seek to be single. This is what is written in the bible. In order for Paul to be inspired to write this means that people in biblical times were having the same issues that we are now (1 Corinthians 7:27 MSG).

To be clear, the married people are finding fault when coming into realization of the marital vows. At this time the honeymoon is over and the normal routine of going to a job, paying bills, along with getting adjusted to a new personality that agrees with the routine or opposes it. That adjustment can also cause the person to smile at the quirky habits of the new spouse or find those habits irritating. If the new spouse is not sensitive to how his/her spouse is feeling, temptation to look elsewhere, regret in rushing into the marriage, or shutting down communication entirely is inevitable. Know that any of the three things listed is solely because of the lack of acknowledging God in all that you do to be directed on the right path (Proverbs 3:6 KJV). Remember He cannot tempt man to do evil; therefore, evil was allowed to present itself and then further entertained. More on that later. Yeah, marriage is an institution. You can plan to make it a happy one or an insane asylum.

It can be better being single but it is up to the individual. As a single individual its easier to accomplish the tasks given without having to concern yourself with another individual or be the deterrent when someone else is trying to get things done. An insecure person has a barrage of questions or wonders if you desire someone else. This causes a lack of peace having to convince him/her otherwise or not saying anything allowing the insecurity to fester like a cancer (Hebrews 12:14-17 AMP).

This is the information I gave to my children. If your loins speak louder than God or speak louder than practical common sense, then marry. It is written, it isn't a sin and it is better to marry then it is to burn (1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV). The problem is, that if your loins speak louder than God, you won't be able to hear when He tells you about this person. The warning signs and safe guards that would normally be in place have been breached. Your Kingdom, as it were, is without defenses. This is the trouble Paul was referring to (1 Corinthians 7:28 KJV).

Often I wondered why Paul would write such a thing, especially when God said it is not good for man to be alone. Answer: The hearts of men, being what they are, can change at any given moment. There had to be some sort of resolve. I don't believe Paul was rewriting the Old Testament in opposition to what God had already said. I believe there were issues with getting married too soon and finding after the fact when real life factors kick in and maturity has to be recognized (or lack thereof). Then one starts to regret getting married so quickly without having all of the necessities in place. Tingly feelings and butterflies don't make car notes disappear. Some men are surprised to find that their new brides willingly gave up their jobs to be housewives. No matter how good the sex can be, it won't pay the bills. These things have to be discussed to exhaustion during the dating process. Real life factors in the joint savings and checking accounts, who spends what and how much, having the keys to each others vehicle, moving out one's personal effects to move in someone else's crap, opinions and critiques on hygiene, dressing habits, and manners. These seem like tiny matters when physical chemistry is at its peak. The truth of the matter is, familiarity is just around the corner and is patient for its time to move in. It is coming. What will you do to envelope the transition? Does it have place? Will you welcome it? Will your new spouse do the same or fight it tooth and nail?

People love the feeling of being in love. When the relationship isn't fresh and new, then that wonderful chemistry dissipates. Its like some weird addiction trying to get those feelings again. It is the reason I believe people try to do role playing in their relationships. They call it spicing things up. Oddly, the role plays are always portrayals of characters that are single and out for some torrid affair. Isn't that strange to you? Why does one have to go through so much to get what was given by God for free? That honestly does sound like hard work. Its just that I still don't expect for marriages to be like that if sanctioned by God. It can't be. Life isn't like that when we put our trust in Him (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). If two people believe this way while single, why when coming together that it changes? It doesn't make sense (Amos 3:3 KJV).

There is a program entitled BMR (Black Men Revealed). It is a group of African American Men talking about their past and current relationships with women. The married men didn't say much. They looked at the younger (not by much) and listened to their antics as to why they aren't married and have no desire to be. They try to make their lives seem desirable, yet to the viewer (like me), the single men sounded pathetic. Their philosophies as to why they won't date women their age anymore sounded irrational. One stated that women in their thirties no longer think as they did when they were in high school. Their ideals are fixed to one thing and one thing only and they are trying to make their man be the same way. He continued to state that he likes his freedom. He likes to do as he pleases and not have to be accountable to anyone. He further stated that his ideal woman is Asian and in her early 20's. It was almost comical with his two pinky rings, his blinged out crucifix and diamond bracelets. He was trying so hard not to look like Cool Daddy Pimp from back in the day - but failed miserably. There was a married pastor that watched and waited patiently for him to speak. When he did he said what many of the viewers were probably thinking, "...some men shouldn't be married." What was really odd when all was said and done on the show and I was interested in the names of the men, even when some were comedians who I have seen before, the names revealed were only the first name and the profession. How strange with the title of the show being what it is and the full names of the those speaking well hidden.

In another entry, I wrote about an elderly man that had been single his entire adult life. He wasn't interested in getting married. When he did, he announced it to the church and was particularly looking at the widow woman of his desire. She had been without a husband for a few years and wasn't interested in marrying again. The church members all supposed that the widow woman would be thrilled at the prospects of this man, instead she grimaced at the idea. And his desire to pursue her fizzled. In the entry I wrote why this woman would find his announcement distasteful. It would be as if a man who has been driving a Corvette all of his life now decided to purchase a mini van. For what? He clearly didn't wish to assist anyone else but himself and a bag of groceries or his date. He couldn't give a ride to a family, a woman and her child, a friend and his sister. The Corvette isn't equipped with that kind of seating. The buyer of such a car knows this. The purchase is deliberate. This is the same with a man that stays single his entire life and when he finally decides to mature and marry, is it at a time where he still has some vitality to do anything for his wife or did he get married so he wouldn't be alone in his golden years? Just recently, the elderly man I was referring to went home to be with the Lord. He moved in with family members because of the concern of his ability to function at his age. It was more then likely on his mind as well. His family found him at the bottom of the basement stair well. He had been there for quite sometime - and alone. Selah.