Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Mean Addict

I know I continually refer to childhood things, but it is those events in our childhood that we remember and has assisted shaping us into being the people that we are. We all remember the groups of the "in" crowd, the geeks, and the athletes. We all had them. But then there was the one crowd that even a movie was based and some of the sitcoms as well, they were the mean girls. These girls wore the best of everything, had the latest gadgets, and if they spoke to you it was to get information, berate what you were wearing, or just be obnoxious. If you don't recall such a group - you might want to look in the mirror when you reminisce. Nevertheless, the mean girls were usually the cheerleaders or majorettes or the group too cool to be weird but didn't have a direction in their lives. Still, they were envied and revered. They didn't bother the athletes too much because they wished to be the dates of most of them or were already dating them. Funny how they influenced the athletes to be mean too. That's a lesson right there.

It would seem strange for a person to be addicted to mean, but there are those of us out there as adults that gravitate to that sort of person. Why do you think that is? It doesn't make sense when also following Jesus to do as He has called us all to do (Matthew 11:29-30 AMP). It is so clear in the gospels for us to love our neighbors as ourselves, to love God with all of our heart, mind, and strength, to pray for those the spitefully use us, and not to pay evil for evil (Romans 12:17, 1 Peter 3:9 KJV). So then with all of that as our arsenal would we then deliberately be attracted to mean?

I asked this question looking at another episode of Bridezillas. Honestly, being an African American female, I just believed for every other race depicted on the show it had to be scripted. It was difficult for me to believe that the men looked over all of that evil and still would make the vows to be faithful and love that woman for the rest of their lives! But when it came to African American women acting like they lost their minds, I watched the friends laugh and say, she wouldn't be acting like this if it weren't for the wedding. So I watched and laughed too until one of them caused for the groom to cry - it then became too real. A black man crying?  That was hard to compute!!! But the show that really had me pinned was in season 9 episodes 3 and 4. Her name is Jeanine. His name is Thomas. Jeanine was literally vile. The groom's family couldn't believe he was still dating her much less going to marry her. The groom's men advised him to run. The father of the groom tried to be silent but couldn't help but to give his son the same advice. Thomas, the groom, reassured his family and the viewing audience that Jeanine isn't usually like this, she really is loving, and what was most important to him, he believed she was just beautiful. By the way, what wasn't  highlighted in that episode was that they already had a child together.

Not to write it being a reason to marry, but it had to weigh heavy on him and no doubt she used that child as ammunition. When it came time for the ceremony, there were no objections. After the ceremony was over, the father of the bride asked the father of the groom to take him back to his hotel. He didn't wish to go to the reception. The father of the groom did as he was asked. When he returned, he told the bride, Jeanine where her father was. She didn't ask for the state of health her father was in, all she saw was that her father wasn't going to do the father/daughter dance. She was livid with the father of the groom and began to rant. The groom saw this and the light came on. He put on his big boy pants and demanded for her to apologize. When Jeanine refused, he gave back the ring and started to discuss the preceding to get the marriage annulled. She wasn't surprised?!! I was!!!

I had a theory as to why anyone would be addicted to a mean person. I originally thought it being their normal. You know, if there was a mean person in the family that was the parent or guardian, it is what a person is use to and is willing to accept because of the weird comfort in remembering that childhood. There is also the possibility of one who feels sorry for the mean person because he/she has no friends, no associates, and even his/her co-workers don't like him/her (Proverbs 18:24 KJV). That one that feels sorry shows a little kindness and the mean person misunderstands kindness for love. He/she draws that person of kindness in and instead of making the situation clear, muddies the water by allowing it to be what the mean person wants it to be (Matthew 7:20 KJV).

FYI, mean people are manipulative and know how to suck on to kindness from where ever they can. It is why they don't have friends. They don't need you. They don't want you. They want what you have and what you can do for them. Yes, show kindness and also keep your boundaries noticeably clear. If the mean person knows that you have a limit, he/she will move on because they are use to rejection.

Mean people aren't use to Christians telling them no. They believe that Christians should go over board to do all that is possible for the mean person to be content. Mean people deliberately take advantage of Christians. As a Christian, you absolutely must understand that Jesus never intended for us to be taken advantage of. Even if this mean person uses scripture to get what he/she wants from you,you must be equipped to counteract with scripture as well. It is what Jesus did when he was tempted of the devil (Matthew 4:1-11 KJV). It is why Jesus kicked over the table in the temple (Matthew 21:11-17 KJV). It is how Jesus caused for the Sadducees and Pharisees be at a loss for words (Matthew 22:34-46 KJV). Jesus never allowed to be taken advantage of  - never! He had one purpose to do for all that would believe and that is give His life so we could have one. He gave us the advantage. Can you see the clearly defined boundary?
Mean people professing Christianity must also pick up their own cross (Luke 9:23 KJV). They must be accountable for themselves (Romans 3:19-20 AMP). They have to acknowledge why they are the way that they are and make the necessary changes. It is not the responsibility of the Christian to feel apathetic or empathetic for him/her. If nothing else, we pray for them. We don't have to be close friends with them, date them, or marry them. Recall, Jesus selected the same three people to pray with on the mountain , go travel with on the boat, and be close to when he taught others. I believed all of the disciples had their own personalities that were effective for ministry. They were placed where they could be the most effective. This was not always at the hip of Jesus. Look at it from the perspective of the man being the head of the woman. The oil comes down the head, to the beard and then the rest of the body (Psalm 133:2 AMP). This symbolizes the anointing. Would the punishment work the same way? When the two become one, what affects the head will affect the body - right? When Job was punished for making sacrifices for his children without hearing any confessions from them, he lost his children and all of his worldly possessions (Job 3:25-26 KJV). Do you think this affected his wife at all?

From the mean perspective there was that wealthy man that lived on the side of the road where David was traveling with his army. David asked the man if he could get food and water for his troops. The man refused him (1 Samuel 25:1-21 KJV). David was going to kill the man but if it weren't for the kindness of that man's wife, that man would have had an early demise. The man died anyway and David seized the opportunity to take the woman as a wife (1 Samuel 25:39 KJV). Her kindness was rewarded but after how many years was she tormented with the meanness of her husband.

From the perspective of the man taking on a mean wife (Proverbs 21:19 KJV). Without him keeping the reins as the head of the house and the head of the wife, she will treat him as her son (1 Timothy 3:1-13 KJV). She will berate him, insult him, and continue to do so in public. This will anger God and she will be punished severely. Why? It is written for the wife to revere her husband 1 Peter 3:1-2 AMP. A mean woman cannot do that. If he takes her as his wife, he takes on more then he bargained for.He's thinking a happy wife a happy life, but there is nothing he will be able to do to make a mean woman happy (Proverbs 27:16 AMP). It is a task that she willingly gives over to the Lord - if she is a Christian. The operative words here you would think is a task for the Lord but it is for her to be willing to give it up. Too many people like the person that they are no matter if others like them or not. One is too many in the body of Christ.A mean woman is a terror especially if she is deluded to believe that her personality is an asset....and then she has children. Selah on that.

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