Monday, July 9, 2012

The Kind You Don't Take Home To Momma

The title of this blog is a portion to the lyrics from Rick James' Super Freak song. I thought about this after seeing an excerpt from one of my favorite authors show, Michelle McKinney Hammond. It was her best friend speaking and he made mention of this song. I thought about what he said, and was led in a different direction showing me how I thought what I was doing in raising my sons was the right thing to do when actually it showed fear. I had to repent, turn from those ways, and write to allow you to see where changes need to be made.
Nevertheless, here is the video in its entirety. It is a blessing to view:

I told my sons that a man can fool a woman and a woman can fool a man but a man can't fool another man and a woman can't fool another woman. It is what my mother taught me. I believed this for such a long time and then I was fooled by another woman (1 Timothy 4:6-8 AMP). How? She was older and had been around the block a few times with the kind of ilk I wasn't raised around. Every person that professes Christianity just isn't there yet even with the label, minister, preacher, pastor, deacon, prophet, apostle, and/or bishop (1 John 4:1-3 AMP). One has to stay quiet and see what is the fruit produced. I believed when one received the aforementioned title, that was fruit (Matthew 7:16 AMP). I was mistakened. Its just a title that the person either convinced or also fooled the label giver into giving it to him or her. There is no way of telling a person is a con-artist (or a wolf) unless there is a relationship with the only One that sees the heart of that person (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP). As parents, we would like to protect our children from predators that come to do anything but give our child a happy and peaceful life, but the truth of the matter is - if our children are mature enough to marry they better be mature enough to have the relationship with God through Christ Jesus (John 14:6 AMP). There is no getting around that. I had to relinquish myself from the role of overseer to all trying to influence my children. It isn't my job and frankly I am glad to give it up. Its just too tiring to try to make my child(ren) understand to do different other then what he/she desires to do as adults.  

A pastor's son desired to date a woman that was clearly not church material - as we know it to be. She came with flashy clothes, long nails, tons of make up, and a hair color that was not fitting of what one would call moderate. The pastor's son adored her though; however, within a few weeks, she slowly began to change to fit in with the church ladies and before long, she was wearing the church lady suits, changed her hair color, scraped more than half of her make up off and toned down her demeanor. She looked like all of the other church ladies and thought her boyfriend, the pastor's son, would be pleased. He said nothing. He showed no expression if whether he liked it or not. She assumed that he would seeing he is a pastor's son and all. It wasn't long before she was no longer seen at church services anymore. A few months later, the pastor's son brought another woman to church. She wore a short tight skirt, long nails, lots of make up, smacked gum, and was deeply infatuated with her new boyfriend.

The point is, the pastor's son knows the importance of salvation and why one should keep one's self assembled with like believers; at the same time, because he sees the importance of this, it doesn't mean he is crying for help for church folk to intervene where there is no need. God sees the heart of this man and that woman. If God didn't see the need to change either of them, what right do we have as believers to do something that God didn't do? The pastor's son has the right to be attracted to whom he desires (Proverbs 10:24 AMP). Whether believers want to make the assessments of it being right or wrong it is something they have to wrestle within themselves. The pastor's son didn't ask for it. The woman he brought didn't ask for it. And for the individual believer to take the matter into their own hands and use the excuse that the Lord lead him/her to speak in order to make outwardly changes for someone else, is a lie. God can turn the heart of a king, but He needed you to change the dress of this woman? Let the lie go.

Another pastor from a different ministry taught his son to bring his prospects for the woman he chooses to marry home for his parents to interrogate to see if she is a good fit for their family and ministry. The pastor explained his reasoning to the congregants and why this is good to protect the ministry from predators - even if its in the woman's family. It sounded good when it was all explained, but with closer examination and comparing the reasoning with the Word, I had to wonder, where is the faith (Job 3:25 AMP)? Aside from the desires that the son has that his father or mother will never know about, there has to be an element of trust for the pastor to have the ministry that God gave him in the first place (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). If all of a sudden God is going to allow for someone or something to come and make a mockery of what He has built is the thought of such a pastor - then it is time for the congregants to take their faith filled selves elsewhere. If the son asked God for a wife to do such things that only a husband and wife know about but the pastor is only concerned with the dynasty of the ministry, then he sets his son up to have a miserable life. How can he cling to a wife that knows nothing of his desires but his parents are pleased with her?

The Word tells us to depart from the parents and cling to the spouse (Mark 10:7 AMP). This is increasingly difficult when the parent has issues with intimacy. Such issues that he/she teaches his/her children to have the same issues. There was a young man that was interested in dating for the purposes of marriage. He found a young woman who seemed to match him in ever aspect of their lives. It wasn't long before the two were married. The young man told his young bride after the first few weeks of marriage, there were certain things he was not willing to do in bed to satisfy her because his mother told him that those things are just nasty (Hebrews 13:4 AMP). This was news to his bride and disturbing at the same time. She is married! There was no room for discussion because not only was her husband emphatic, he brought his mother into the marriage by the way he announced what he was willing and not willing to do. Because his mother said not to do it, that grown, married man refused to do it. How is he suppose to cling to his wife when he still holds the psychological apron strings of his mother? When first married, intimacy is pretty standard. The couple gets use to one another and each others likes and dislikes are reviewed. But God, if allowed, sees also these things and being unequally yoked also includes the marriage bed. It is the reason why dating should take the length that it does for him to actually find a wife (in abstinence). There are many women in this world but a wife is a daunting task better sought by the Lord. All women cannot be wife material even with the ring on and vows spoken. She may not have the heart to do what her husband requires of her. Many people have intimacy issues because of what their parents have taught them, what the parents have done to them, and some have traumatic unresolved issues that has nothing to do with their parents, while others have built and will state they don't like sex. This is baggage of a different sort and as much as parents think they know, some stuff even gets passed them. It takes the Lord to rifle through all of the baggage for that man to receive the unmerited favor that is attached to the last part of that verse. Just to getting married doesn't give him the favor that verse refers to (Proverbs 18:22 AMP).
God has told us over and over again in His Word, trust in no man (Psalm 52:7, Psalm 118:8, Psalms 146:3, Proverbs 25:19, Proverbs 29:25, Isaiah 2:22, Isaiah 31:1Micah 7:5 AMP). This, oddly enough also includes your parents. I know, I know, no one really wants to hear such a thing especially when it has been drilled into your ears that no one will love you like your mother; but there is One who will and more so (Proverbs 18:24 AMP). If your mother gets married or is remarried or her husband (or your father) asks her to do something that is in opposition of what you want - if she is a God fearing woman, she is going to do what her husband has asked of her. Where does that leave you? Feeling hurt that she didn't take your side or do you understand why she did what she did? The point being, God is there even when she can't be. Put your trust in Him and your Kingdom will continually stand even in the midst of the storm. Trust in anyone else, and it is like shooting dice - sometimes you come up with snake eyes! Selah ya'll.

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