Friday, July 6, 2012

The Games People Play

There is this chemistry that people talk about when one is attracted to another. Once the chemistry is acknowledged, then the conversation begins. Its pretty difficult having a decent conversation with all of the smiling going on and trying your very best not to mess this one up. Being too cute maybe nauseating to spectators but your not trying to impress them. Right now, at that very moment, no one else exists but that person whom you seem not to be able to take your eyes off of. The butterflies...they are a fluttering. Your head...feels a little light. Your feet....not even touching the ground. The actuality of it...you are delusional! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

There is no need to jump into some Junior High School puppy love crap. That silliness described above is what the secular world falls into and then regret months (if not years with children) later. This entry is to make sure you are fully aware of the mind games that are played on a constant to get you in the bed, in trouble, in sin, and without a doubt out of the place God intended for you to be.

Now, before I continue I must preface that I don't write for women to have a heads up on the men and this is not a man bashing blog for me to get out all of my frustrations, though there are excerpts in here for that because men do...do what they do; nevertheless, there are some really rank women out there as well. I love my brothers in Christ and wouldn't have them hurt either. For this reason (and the love I have for my Lord and Savior) I continue to write.

I wrote a scenario with a question in a Christian group on Facebook. First, to the women and then a separate one to the men. The women latched on the question and had the answer in no time. I know men read it as well because there were other questions following that one where men commented. When it came time for the men to answer, there was no response. I waited for over 3 weeks and kept that question alive just to see if anyone missed it. Still, nothing. Granted, their question could be considered a little more difficult but there is a good reason for that. Men, being the heads of the house and the head of the woman should have much more on the ball. If we really would like to be honest, the only help men should be asking a woman for is companionship, sex, and having children. These things he cannot do alone (Genesis 2:18 KJV). So the difficulty of the question would require much study in having a refreshed relationship (repentance, prayer, worship, thanksgiving, and communion on a regular basis) with God (James 4:8 KJV). But wouldn't that be true with anything and when the decision appears to be difficult? With the men, not answering proved a certain level of maturity in Christ. It actually frustrated me hoping each day that there would be someone who would venture forth and comment. After two weeks, I added a comment myself and asked if the question was loaded. Meaning, if answered, it would make women think one thing and therefore, there would definitely be a rebuttal of which would have them in a quandary. But by not answering, it allowed women to see that all of the words that the men have been saying on the webpage, were just that - words.

I then put the same question for the men on a secular site but tried to keep it in the Christianity venue. For whatever the reason the first portion of the question which gave the direction for Christian men didn't attach itself and caused for there to be a vulgar secular answer, which caused the moderators of the group to remove the question entirely.

Here's the question I gave to the women:

There is this man that's been interested in you for quite sometime. He owns a beautiful home, drives a luxury car and has a nice six figure income. He has concentrated on his career and it has paid well. He whisks you off to some exotic place in his private jet and proposes to you at this marvelous bistro. You are overwhelmed. The diamond ring has to be at least 7 carats. He has been nothing but the perfect gentleman in your eyes. He is waiting for an answer. Just before you make that resounding, "thank you Jesus", you recall in that dating process how he said he was tired of going to church and is thinking of keeping his Sundays to himself. Now, what is your answer to his proposal and why?

Here's the question I gave to the men:

She is absolutely, unequivocally, the one. No shadow of a doubt. You definitely like what you see and how she carries herself makes you the envy of every single man in the church. In the dating process, the two of you attend an outdoor church function. Its a warm, sunny day and everything is perfect. She reaches around someone for a napkin off the table and you get a glimpse of a spanking brand new tattoo at the small of her back. It reads: Juicy To The Touch. Having never touched her before because of your Christian moral convictions of which she agrees to, what do you do? Is it a topic for discussion? Did she have to ask you first before getting this tattoo? Do you have any rights to ask? Have you changed your mind about her? Why do you think this way?

Yes, the women answered their question without hesitation. The universal chime was that if he doesn't have time for God, he won't have time for me. That was the truth and I was so pleased with their answer. Granted, that answer in of itself requires another blog entry because there are those that would not understand that. All he has to say is, "and that way I will have more time for you baby," and she will be fine with that. But God is love (1 John 4:8 KJV). If he doesn't have time for love, then he cannot love his wife as Christ loves the church who gave His life for her (Ephesians 5:25 KJV). He has to know love in order to love anyone. Spending time with love is giving him the knowledge and steps to express it with her. With that answer in place, you can understand how disappointing it was to see men not answering their question? One gentleman asked if he could post the question elsewhere because he thought it was humorous. I gave him the permission under the stipulation that he let me know what answers he got from them. I haven't heard a reply back from that either. So I waited another few days until I just couldn't anymore. I answered the question for them hoping to get a response that way:

Alright gentlemen, I am going to make an attempt in answering the question: If God has told you she is the one, then she is. If her tattoo has you in a quandary as to why God would have her as the one equal to you, that should cause you go to Him in prayer. Apparently you must have done something that would cause for you to be equal with a woman who would do such a thing. Finally, without a ring, you have no rights to ask her anything she does with her body. Until those vows, her body is her's not yours. I love my brothers in Christ. It is why I write the blogs that I do. Wasn't trying to trip anyone up. 
From that, I actually got an answer. I was a little surprised but pleased that there was a response at all

Wait, so in dating u need to wait to be married to ask questions about her body?????? I disagree!!!

I then responded to his answer.

How can you ask a woman that you have not proposed to about something that does not belong to you? 
">I didn't get any answers after that, though I continued to ask questions and used scenarios to see what the answers would be. Only the answers wouldn't be for me, but for the most part for them to see what is in their hearts. I guess some people would rather not know. But why?

The tactics I use I learned from reading the Word. I found when I learn something new, I would be tested on those things. I don't like being tested especially when I have not studied and when the outcome is that I have used old ways when they should have been passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). So, when I hear a sermon and then see a different minister preach the same thing, I realize that God is working on something in the body (the church) and we have to be on our toes to be aware of what is coming next. For some it is taking the love of money out of our hearts (1 Timothy 6:10 KJV). For others it is building the faith for us to be more mature to receive the full blessing of the Lord. Many times, we are our own worse enemy. It is the reason why God will never give the wealth to anyone else as He gave to Solomon. Solomon did not have the technology that we have now and without that, he still got his ego ahead of himself so much that he felt he didn't have to be obedient to God anymore (1 Kings 11:3 KJV). Why else do you think he married so many foreign women when God clearly told him not to do it?

I recall when I was first asked the question about salvation it wasn't at all appealing to me. My response was, "I like me the way I am." I suppose people aren't so willing to remove those dark places from their hearts because they are use to them. They are in as much saying that they like the state they are in. What would happen if a thief no longer has the skills to steal, a liar tells more truths then lies, a convicted murder has become reformed and turns over a new leaf? What happens? You should know. At one point or another, this describes you and I (Colossians 3:1-14 AMP). My introduction to salvation was full of fear not to go to hell and in so doing I had to give up all of my worldly possessions. It is what another girl a year older then me had to do. I was 12. I didn't like that idea and for the most part, I just didn't believe what was being said, though it scared me tremendously, was the truth.

It is one of those elements that certain people use to take advantage of one another. It is what's used to manipulate the young people, silly girls into situations, and getting the unsuspecting married sooner then planned. Nevertheless, no matter the evil that others conspire to do, it is the believer's responsibility to keep the whole armor of God on. His/her weaponry is knowing what the Word of God says and to eradicate where ever the fear is placed to control and take advantage. It is essentially spiritual warfare. If our hearts and minds are stayed on Him, there is no room for fear (1 John 4:18 AMP). Babies don't have this skill. This is the reason for intercessory prayer. Intercessory prayer is for the babes in Christ and some children that won't let go of bad habits. They must continue to assemble themselves with believers so they can learn what is new to rid themselves of the old (Hebrews 10:25 AMP).

Mind games are essentially old habits and seem to be at constant play in the arena of Christian dating. When accepting or inviting the person of your desire on a date, one must have already prayed. In so doing, there would be agreement in Christ. There is no need to try to create a game plan because the leading of the Holy Spirit is in control of the situation (John 16:13 KJV). When man tries to take over that's when games begin, strategical maneuvers causing the other to rethink what he/she knows is right. This is how the serpent got over on the woman in the garden of Eden. She relied on her own understanding. Recall that did not prove to be beneficial. Then there are those that see dating as a challenge, a means to conquer one after the other. This is not exclusive to men. These days women have developed such tactics as well. Be warned. When biological clocks tick louder then the voice of God and desperation sets in to do whatever is necessary to get married, including to entice for purposes of getting pregnant. Pregnancy is a cheap way to get a commitment without the vows and ceremony. Like it or not, a man is committed to supporting that child for at least 18 years. She gets the relationship though it isn't the fairy tale she was hoping to have. It isn't an ideal one in the sight of the church or God, but many have settled to at least have that.

I have written about the games people play in dating before. No matter how many times the topic comes up in discussion, the solution is always the same. If a game is what has to be done in order for a person to invite another on a date or accept the invitation, then the that person needs to reassess somethings that are harbored in the heart. All believers of Christ aren't automatically ready to date. If they aren't ready for dating they definitely aren't ready for marriage. Those that still believe that marriage is hard work are those that weren't ready to be married but did so anyway. How would it be hard work when we have been called to rest? Was there a stipulation on rest (Hebrews 4:1-5 NIV)?

People play games to control others. It is a tactic of warfare. Your best defense is to know the Word of God for yourself and make it applicable to your life. Will days be lonely because of what you know in Christ? How, when He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrew 13:5 KJV)? Will there be naysayers because you can no longer be fooled? Of course. Are there any regrets because of Who you know and what you have learned (2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV)? Never ever!!!

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