Tuesday, July 3, 2012

If You Are Single...

...don't seek to be married. If you are married, don't seek to be single. This is what is written in the bible. In order for Paul to be inspired to write this means that people in biblical times were having the same issues that we are now (1 Corinthians 7:27 MSG).

To be clear, the married people are finding fault when coming into realization of the marital vows. At this time the honeymoon is over and the normal routine of going to a job, paying bills, along with getting adjusted to a new personality that agrees with the routine or opposes it. That adjustment can also cause the person to smile at the quirky habits of the new spouse or find those habits irritating. If the new spouse is not sensitive to how his/her spouse is feeling, temptation to look elsewhere, regret in rushing into the marriage, or shutting down communication entirely is inevitable. Know that any of the three things listed is solely because of the lack of acknowledging God in all that you do to be directed on the right path (Proverbs 3:6 KJV). Remember He cannot tempt man to do evil; therefore, evil was allowed to present itself and then further entertained. More on that later. Yeah, marriage is an institution. You can plan to make it a happy one or an insane asylum.

It can be better being single but it is up to the individual. As a single individual its easier to accomplish the tasks given without having to concern yourself with another individual or be the deterrent when someone else is trying to get things done. An insecure person has a barrage of questions or wonders if you desire someone else. This causes a lack of peace having to convince him/her otherwise or not saying anything allowing the insecurity to fester like a cancer (Hebrews 12:14-17 AMP).

This is the information I gave to my children. If your loins speak louder than God or speak louder than practical common sense, then marry. It is written, it isn't a sin and it is better to marry then it is to burn (1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV). The problem is, that if your loins speak louder than God, you won't be able to hear when He tells you about this person. The warning signs and safe guards that would normally be in place have been breached. Your Kingdom, as it were, is without defenses. This is the trouble Paul was referring to (1 Corinthians 7:28 KJV).

Often I wondered why Paul would write such a thing, especially when God said it is not good for man to be alone. Answer: The hearts of men, being what they are, can change at any given moment. There had to be some sort of resolve. I don't believe Paul was rewriting the Old Testament in opposition to what God had already said. I believe there were issues with getting married too soon and finding after the fact when real life factors kick in and maturity has to be recognized (or lack thereof). Then one starts to regret getting married so quickly without having all of the necessities in place. Tingly feelings and butterflies don't make car notes disappear. Some men are surprised to find that their new brides willingly gave up their jobs to be housewives. No matter how good the sex can be, it won't pay the bills. These things have to be discussed to exhaustion during the dating process. Real life factors in the joint savings and checking accounts, who spends what and how much, having the keys to each others vehicle, moving out one's personal effects to move in someone else's crap, opinions and critiques on hygiene, dressing habits, and manners. These seem like tiny matters when physical chemistry is at its peak. The truth of the matter is, familiarity is just around the corner and is patient for its time to move in. It is coming. What will you do to envelope the transition? Does it have place? Will you welcome it? Will your new spouse do the same or fight it tooth and nail?

People love the feeling of being in love. When the relationship isn't fresh and new, then that wonderful chemistry dissipates. Its like some weird addiction trying to get those feelings again. It is the reason I believe people try to do role playing in their relationships. They call it spicing things up. Oddly, the role plays are always portrayals of characters that are single and out for some torrid affair. Isn't that strange to you? Why does one have to go through so much to get what was given by God for free? That honestly does sound like hard work. Its just that I still don't expect for marriages to be like that if sanctioned by God. It can't be. Life isn't like that when we put our trust in Him (Isaiah 26:3 KJV). If two people believe this way while single, why when coming together that it changes? It doesn't make sense (Amos 3:3 KJV).

There is a program entitled BMR (Black Men Revealed). It is a group of African American Men talking about their past and current relationships with women. The married men didn't say much. They looked at the younger (not by much) and listened to their antics as to why they aren't married and have no desire to be. They try to make their lives seem desirable, yet to the viewer (like me), the single men sounded pathetic. Their philosophies as to why they won't date women their age anymore sounded irrational. One stated that women in their thirties no longer think as they did when they were in high school. Their ideals are fixed to one thing and one thing only and they are trying to make their man be the same way. He continued to state that he likes his freedom. He likes to do as he pleases and not have to be accountable to anyone. He further stated that his ideal woman is Asian and in her early 20's. It was almost comical with his two pinky rings, his blinged out crucifix and diamond bracelets. He was trying so hard not to look like Cool Daddy Pimp from back in the day - but failed miserably. There was a married pastor that watched and waited patiently for him to speak. When he did he said what many of the viewers were probably thinking, "...some men shouldn't be married." What was really odd when all was said and done on the show and I was interested in the names of the men, even when some were comedians who I have seen before, the names revealed were only the first name and the profession. How strange with the title of the show being what it is and the full names of the those speaking well hidden.

In another entry, I wrote about an elderly man that had been single his entire adult life. He wasn't interested in getting married. When he did, he announced it to the church and was particularly looking at the widow woman of his desire. She had been without a husband for a few years and wasn't interested in marrying again. The church members all supposed that the widow woman would be thrilled at the prospects of this man, instead she grimaced at the idea. And his desire to pursue her fizzled. In the entry I wrote why this woman would find his announcement distasteful. It would be as if a man who has been driving a Corvette all of his life now decided to purchase a mini van. For what? He clearly didn't wish to assist anyone else but himself and a bag of groceries or his date. He couldn't give a ride to a family, a woman and her child, a friend and his sister. The Corvette isn't equipped with that kind of seating. The buyer of such a car knows this. The purchase is deliberate. This is the same with a man that stays single his entire life and when he finally decides to mature and marry, is it at a time where he still has some vitality to do anything for his wife or did he get married so he wouldn't be alone in his golden years? Just recently, the elderly man I was referring to went home to be with the Lord. He moved in with family members because of the concern of his ability to function at his age. It was more then likely on his mind as well. His family found him at the bottom of the basement stair well. He had been there for quite sometime - and alone. Selah.

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