Thursday, February 28, 2013

His Queen Or Daddy's Princess?

When the decision is made to be with the one you love in matrimony, that decision is coupled with leaving Mom and Dad and cleaving to the spouse (Mark 10:7 AMP). When you are all grown up, that is not a hard move to make. However, saying that you are grown up and actually being grown are two different things.

You see, the only reason it is hard for a woman to let go of her parents is because the man who she is attaching herself to has no plan. He is gung-ho on being married and having legal sex to where no one will have an opinion that will mean anything because the vows have been spoken and all of the papers have been signed. But there is the after wards... when the flesh has settled and the pressure to have sex has been relieved, then there are those other things that no one worked out in a plan. Like, who is supposed to get up from the marital bed and make a paycheck? Who is going to make sure that pregnancy isn't the next thing to concern yourself about? When the honeymoon is over, where are you going to live? Is there a joint account or will you both keep your funds separate?

Recently, I asked on FB in a Christian group, what kind of help are the guys looking for? I waited for any man (in the group) to answer the question and as I did, I saw a few women "like" that the question was asked. So we were all waiting. As we did, we started filling in the blanks ourselves. Not what the men were going to answer just what we have seen over the years and where our minds were when we first got married. Divorces have occurred without this question being answered while in the dating process. Women have found themselves in a role that was established for all women eons ago and no one has said anything different. Times have changed. Women have changed. The economy has changed. God is the only one that is the same looking for the same requirements for Him to get that harvest (Matthew 9:37-38 AMP). How is he (the man) supposed to be ready for the harvest? What is the plan? What does he (the man) need help with? Will this change over the years? What is the goal that he is trying to establish? Is that goal long term or short term? Where does he see himself in 20 years, 10, and in the next 5?

Eventually, those questions will have some importance. When they do, its usually when there are children involved and she is feeling trapped. It is the husband's jobs to keep her feeling secure, well loved, and cared for. How can he do this if there was no plan established? How can she feel like she is contributing if she doesn't know where she is most needed? She isn't feeling much like a queen would and therefore will think back to the simpler time when Daddy took care of everything. Bills were paid, there was food on the table, she could go to the store without it being a 2 hour discussion, having her own car wasn't an ordeal, and she knew when she came home, she had a home to come to.

Lately, there are blended families that come together for the sake of finances or caring for an ailing parent. If she has been left with the children, then of course, she will go back home for the support she didn't get from her now estranged husband. However, these days the newly married couple goes to live with Mom and Dad. When the parents get involved with the relationship then the newly married man wants to puff his chest up and try to make himself known as the husband of his wife and the parent's should have no say in what he does in their relationship. This would sound so much more authoritative if only he wasn't standing in her father's house. Yes, he can use the scripture to establish who he is and what the parents become but that is with carrying out the plan as the head of her in his own home. How can you cleave to the spouse in the home of the parent that raised the newly married spouse? It is a good reason to have a plan before making such a drastic life altering move. Otherwise, she is going to ask Daddy for help because she doesn't know how she can be of any help to you.

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