Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Perfect Mate For a Loner

One of my favorite shows, odd as it may seem, is Hoarders on A&E. Over the numbers of episodes that I have watched, there is a specific common thread in all of the clients. You would think that common thread is mental illness but that is the result of what the common thread brought. Most often then not it was some sort of trauma which led to them being alone. The few cases that didn't, usually suffered from some sort of loss in the family.

Theoretically, there are exceptions to the rule, in this case, the common thread. One of the exceptions was this couple who met while in college. They never had children and were loners before meeting each other. What they did share was a love for knowledge and books. She was working at the college library or bookstore when they both graduated with PhD's. Even then, they often found themselves engrossed in some sort of book. After reading, they'd come together and discuss what they read. This was their pattern, their habit, their mode of operation. However, as they were narrating this particular episode, they even had to admit being so engrossed in their thirst for knowledge the time they took engulfing information put them in their own world. So much so, they would forget to come together for discussion and eventually no longer felt a need to talk to each other any more.

One day, the husband spoke about how he found a sale on books or a book store was going out of business. He brought all of what he bought to her place of business - on her job. They were both so thrilled. The camera then broke from his narrative to the inside of their home as the viewers hear him say, "that's where it all began." From the ceiling to the floor and wall to wall, book upon books. The shelves were packed. None of them in boxes. For some reason all of the books had to be seen and touched. Organized and sectioned by subject matter, the two were beaming to show such the collection. They believed, at last count, that they had over 30,000 books. The problem was that after over 35 years of marriage, he developed a respiratory problem. He used an oxygen tank most often but the real solution was getting rid of the books. He smiled and graciously refused to part with any of them.

As the tour of the house finished, what was noticed is their own separate worlds also separated them as a married couple. He engulfed himself in a room with thousands of his favorite books while she did the same; and slept with the books rather then each other. She quickly exclaimed, "That doesn't prove that we don't love each other. We don't need sex to prove that." He smiled and nodded in agreement. They were alone in the same house and they could not see that.

Personally, I enjoy peace and quiet (Isaiah 32:17-18 KJV). I find that it is better achieved by being alone. I do my best studying, writing, and drawing when I am alone - but still, it is written, it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18 AMP). While meditating on that verse, I recall when Jesus went to that man that was possessed by many. He was fettered (chained) and alone (Mark 5:1-20 AMP). Was he always that way which caused him to be possessed? Though it is not written, it would make sense. We aren't designed to be alone. I realized this being a stay at home Mom. While my children napped, I craved adult conversation. When my now ex-husband came home, it was like someone released the nob of the winding device attached to me. I talked about everything and followed him around the house until I had nothing more to say. I realized this weeks after. I had to wean myself and find other venues for human correspondence.

Some people fall in love so easily because they have been away from human contact for so long. One ounce of interest has the loner gravitating towards the other. Why? Because of that craving for human contact. The loner has not practiced socializing skills so expressing a common interest is misinterpreted as having chemistry. Once dating, conversation and socialization becomes common and realizing the truth is the result. However, will the loner know how to end the dating process having realized that there is no attraction? Not likely. The loner has never experienced rejection nor has communicated with anyone else who has been rejected; therefore, the relationship becomes stagnate.

The answer to the question if there is a perfect mate for a loner? The answer is, no. With the couple hoarding books, when she saw her mate wasn't willing to give up any books not even for his own health, she stepped up to rid herself of the books she owned for the sake of her husband. As the books were being discarded, it was found that the count was not 30,000 as they originally thought but hundreds of thousands. Once most of her books were gone, then he complied. As I continued to watch this episode, all I could see from him was the epitome of selfishness (Galatians 5:19-21 AMP).

Selfishness is the characteristic of a loner. He has nothing to give to anyone else and doesn't wish to receive either. This does not characterize a Christian. To be alone is a state of mind and not being. As Christians, we are never alone. As we continue with the tasks, which is our purpose in life, we hear the voice of the Good Shepherd. He is pleased. Then that is the time when we are being presented to or being shown a presentation of our spouses to be. The perfect mate has always been there. That perfect mate has been obedient to God, he/she has the fruit of the Holy Spirit and is easily recognized by other believers because of the lifestyle chosen (Galatians 5:16-18 AMP). It is because of our trust in Him, discipline in considering our ways, and allowing for patience to have her perfect work that we are able to be blessed. Loners don't do that; therefore, they can't have that (Galatians 6:7 AMP).

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