Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Scared?

My purpose for writing this blog in particular came about when I realized how I had been manipulated into deciding major events in my life based on what I believed the Lord would have me to do. Than I read the Word for myself and found otherwise (2 Timothy 2:15-16 KJV). In reading some of the entries, my voice may have sounded anything else but cheerful and calm. Reason being, in recalling specific times, I felt the need to convey as much as possible in hopes that none of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ would ever have to go through what I have been through. I am hoping that the way is paved with so much clarity, there is no doubt that you are doing exactly what God has called you to do and no one could ever convince you otherwise (Ephesians 4;13-15 KJV).

With that in mind, I also realize that with the Holy Spirit guiding me to write what I do, I am learning of where I have some cleaning to do in my own prayer closet. For instance, this past Memorial Day weekend, I went out to dinner with some friends of mine after church services. Still, in the state of waiting patiently for what God has me waiting for, I listened to all of the things in the lives of those I have sat to eat with; but before the conversation I was satisfied with what I was doing and what God said to me about my future. When they finished, they looked for me to tell of what is new and wonderful that I am doing, my answer was,"eh", with a shrug. There the four of us were sitting at a table waiting for our food and being quite content at being single, one even asked was I expecting for a mate soon. I smiled having no intention of really answering the question because in opening that can, I knew from where I came and where the answer could possibly lead. I tried to make a joke of it so we could just move on to another topic.

Later, I thought about what was asked of me and how pleased I am whenever I use my keys to open the door to my two bedroom apartment. My children are grown and I really am enjoying being single. I even recall actually being giddy to have a full size bed to myself. Two of us at our luncheon did agree about being content as single women and the only time it really gets difficult is when going to the movies and seeing couples going in or coming from the theatre arm in arm or holding hands. There are those times where we miss that romantic connection, but it doesn't last. And there's the real question. Why doesn't it last? Is it because we recall past mistakes and made the promise that if God got us out of it, we would never repeat that mess again? Is it because we don't trust ourselves to do what we are really called to do as the help that men need? Is it because we don't believe we are worthy of that romance or have we lost all hope believing that romance is all superficial and won't last anyway?

God has called us all to guard our hearts (men too) for out of them comes the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23 KJV). Getting all emotionally involved in a relationship is actually throwing that warning to the wayside believing the other person is being just as passionate and life will be that way forever. Then we grow up and see how there wasn't a plan in the relationship and many things that were left for someone else to do, just didn't get done. Bills have to be paid. Children come. They have that pesky tendency to want to eat. Shelter must be maintained and romance becomes a distant memory. Honestly, when all of those responsibilities start making their own demands, that distant memory with all of its broken promises, produces resentment. Paul calls it trouble (1 Corinthians 7:26-40 KJV). When that resentment is not recognized or realized where it came from, another failed marriage becomes the suggestion of resolve.

Its just scary to start that all over again when you know where you have been and where it could go. You have no control of the behavior and thoughts of another individual. You might think that he/she is on the same page as you are but if they didn't pray or they did entertain a thought out of character or decided to let you know he/she "played" you just to get married - what do you do then? If I hadn't been there myself, I have heard people tell me their horror stories. There is no way I could allow myself to forget what they said or what I did to get myself into something that would be all the more difficult to get out of. Never, never, never, will I ever do that again.

The dust settles and you are quiet (1 Kings 19:12 KJV). It is in these times that the Lord will speak, "what about being his help?" This question makes you take that search inwardly beyond the past mistakes and the broken promises that men have said and you have forgiven them. Past the feelings of neglect from your childhood that has long been dealt with. Past the expectations you have for God to meet you with (Philippians 4:19 KJV). Can you look beyond you to help someone else? You received the training when you volunteered in all of those auxiliaries. You looked past you when you gave money to help the poor (Proverbs 22:9 KJV). You looked past you when visiting and ministered to the prisoners in jail (Psalm 69:33 KJV). You looked past you when you took the time to minister to the orphans and widows (1 Timothy 5:2-4 AMP). Should it be any different when God has called you to minister to this one person for the rest of your life?

What if he doesn't love me? What if he finds someone better? What if he cheats on me? What if he doesn't support me? What if he uses me? What if I make a mistake? What if he is no longer attracted to me? Truly in that respect, helping the poor, ministering to prisoners, orphans, and widows is much easier. Also in that respect, it should tell you where your maturity level in Christ is. Those questions that might scare you lets you know that you have no business contemplating any prospects of marriage as of yet. The what if's, to those that have been there and done that, should be the challenge for you to use the Word and allow God to see that the trying of your heart proves you are ready. To every one of those questions there is an answer. If you have the answer (based on the Word), there is no fear.

Note: You will see, I have not put any verse behind any of those what ifs. By now, you should already know scripture and verse for each one. God is good.

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