Thursday, August 14, 2014

Not Your Type?

Is there such a thing for a Christian to have a type? You know what I mean? We follow Christ. He tells us that we walk in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 AMP). Its impossible to please God without faith and the definition of such a thing is believing before we have the evidence of it (Hebrew 11:6 AMP). It would then have to come down to, what are you believing God for? Are you asking for what you can have with the outward appearance or the true heart and soul of a person from the inward which only God can see (1 Samuel 16:7 AMP)?

As I have written before, I look at detective and court shows. When the evidence is compiled, the detectives look at patterns and things that are common about the suspect. When they see that the victims all have the same build, hair color, and social status, they derive that the culprit has a type. This information keeps them from other factors that could be distracting in catching the suspect. There is a purpose in what they are doing. What's our purpose in having a type?

The latest thing for some young women, and its been this way for awhile, is the man has to have money and its not bad if he were over 6 feet. I recall when I was in high school and heard this description for the first time, it was a little baffling as I waited for other criteria that could be rewarded with her company. Nope, that was it!!! In my community there were also those that specifically looked for lighter complected men with curly hair while others liked the darker complexion but he had to have bowed legs. Why, I would ask. And she would reply, "Because its just sexy." Really? Eh, whatever floats your boat.

I was thinking if I had one - a type. Should I compare the guys I liked when I was in high school, or
after I got my divorce? How would I know? I dated my ex when I was a teenager and married him in my early 20's. We stayed married for awhile and I haven't really dated since the divorce. So what would be my type and how could I find this out? My father has a light complexion and curly to straight hair. He was educated, plan oriented, and calm for the most part. Would I compare the person I am interested in to my dad? We have been doing this for years. Is it because of our psychological education or are we really attracted to our parents in some ick, disgusting way that we would marry people like them? My ex was dark complected with a fly by the seat of his pants behavior for planning. What was I thinking?

Actually, I got tired of hearing women complain of the men they chose to be with. The men got what they wanted but the women sounded as if they got gypped. I didn't want that to be me. If a man can marry eye candy why can't a woman and be just as happy about it? I like a firm, chiseled jaw line and broad shoulders with defined arms. Let's see this in a celebrity. What's my type? Morris Chestnut, Shemar Moore, or Boris Kodjoe comes to mind. Nice, attractive looking men but I just couldn't get around not knowing the person. How could I pick out a type without finding who the person is? I can't, in fact its kind of disgusting thinking anyone could marry a person based upon the outward appearance.

I was reminded of this attractive man (even if in his own mind) that married a woman I assume he believed was gorgeous. They weren't married for very long. You see, shortly after the nuptials, she became pregnant. When she had the baby, the husband was upset because the baby wasn't as cute as the couple. He believed that she cheated on him and needed to have a DNA test to see if his wife was telling him the truth. He is the father. Shocked, I assume, he couldn't understand what happened. She finally revealed that early on she had plastic surgery so she could feel good about herself. He sued her for a divorce. His reasoning: he married her under false pretenses. I never heard of such a thing! How could he? She was the same person he courted, the same person he spoke sweet nothings to, the same person he devoted himself to when they spoke their vows in front of friends, family, and God. So why didn't any of those things matter when he sees a picture of her former self. She wasn't his type? But she, why?

A different case where a man marries his high school sweetheart. They have children and for the most part they seem happy. One morning, while his wife was in the bathroom, he knocks on the door for her to let him in. She was on the toilet and asked for him to wait. He didn't think he needed to seeing they were married and shouldn't have any secrets. Because she took too long to open the door, he took a hammer and destroyed the door handle, washed his hands and left with the door and his wife's mouth hanging wide open. This was the beginnings of several violent events that she had no clue he was like when they married and it eventually took a toll on the marriage. They divorced. Fast forward: He gets remarried. Never believing he ever had a problem, his wife soon discovers that her husband isn't what he claimed to be. One day her husband locked his keys in the car and couldn't get into the house. He calls his wife to come home from whatever she was doing to open the door so he could get the extra set of keys. Having been exasperated with her husband in the past, she tells him, he has to do the best with whatever he has until she gets there. She planned to finish what she set out to do for the day. Instead of him waiting, he finds a hammer in the back of his truck and breaks off the handle to the front door of their house to retrieve the extra set of keys. The door and his wife's mouth was left hung open. He definitely has a type because he's still alive!

I wonder, when friends and family decide to be that special match maker because they believe they know the type that would just be perfect, let me warn you, unless you know every nuance of your friend, family member, or co-worker, please keep your self proclaimed skills to yourself. There is only One that knows who is perfect for each and every one of us. He is the creator of all and knows all. When you change, and you will because we all do, God knows who the person will be that can adapt to those changes and who won't fare too well. Rest assured, He can be changing that person even as you are reading this and you didn't need to be around experiencing the transformation or maybe its you being transformed (Romans 8:28 AMP). I know He's not through with me yet.

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