In Biblical times a deal was made by exchanging livestock, one's children, or parcels of land. Breaking deals were unheard of because it was a question of integrity and character not just for the one breaking the deal but for the whole family. Breaking a deal was the makings of a full fledged feud...well, that was back then.
Breaking deals have now been done so casually as if expected. Character isn't in question unless large sums of money, land, or any other luxurious possession is attached. With those attachments comes papers to be sued and long court battles until the only ones pleased with the outcome are the attorneys. The plaintiff or the defendant's consolation is the principle of the matter. Last time I checked, principles don't pay bills.
What about relationships? Having the Christian principles in place and knowing that the bending (or eliminating) of the rules has its own consequences (1 John 1:9 AMP), what must happen in order for the deal to be broken? What will it take to call off the wedding, engagement, the dating process? Well, let's name some things. Go through them slowly as if it was information for you to ponder personally. Would you call the whole thing off? Ladies first.
Ladies, this is a generic scenario. A nice loving fellow - he is. Having a good job, seemingly level headed; he has a few skeletons in his closet - but who doesn't? Then he decides to tell you something that is only for you to know. You have already made a non-refundable deposit on the flowers, cake, band, and wedding planner. Is it a deal breaker if he tells any one of these things:
- He use to sell drugs to help make ends meet; though he's given that life up sometime ago. The last time he sold drugs was 3 months ago. It was to help out a friend.
- He whispered to you that he has this favorite sexual position where his knees are bent and you will have to... well, it's something like the Hokey Pokey with a little Twister involved. He would like for you to consider doing this at least 2-3 times a week to satisfy him. Does it sound scary, painful, exciting, or intriguing?
- He makes the announcement that you will have to toss all memorabilia from your childhood and past now that you are making a new life with him. There is no compromise... he has spoken.
- He loves you but he loves his cyber-sex too.
- He has a bottle of red wine with his evening meal, everyday.
That's it ladies. Pretty tame? Do you see a problem with any or all of the situations given? Look down the road a bit with each one - like 10 years down the road. Is there a problem with any of those situations now? Immature women would say, "who knows, you can't tell the future from that little bit of information." Women who are use to seeking God's face knowing that the Holy Spirit will lead you in all truth and show (John 16:13 KJV) you things to come has already sought Wisdom early (Proverbs 8:17 KJV) while they could and can see what others can't (Proverbs 1:28 KJV). Its the Greater One on the inside that is here and there and those mature women have the skills as well. With that in mind and seeing down that 10 year road with any one of those aforementioned scenarios, what do you look like? What is the health of the marriage? See any deal breakers or is it more important not to lose your deposit?
Now gentlemen, being the heads of the household is a myopic view of being heads of state. The embarking upon the responsibility of myopic ism is enormous, but would you plan otherwise if the ducks weren't lined so perfect and straight? This is your generic scenario: She is a beautiful woman who loves the Lord and has shown clear indications of reverencing you on a continuum. She does have some weird ones in her family - but who doesn't? It is not about them. It is you and her and the life you will have together. So what rips through all of that to break the deal?
- She keeps her "nubby" in her purse that she rubs on when she is under pressure. She also sleeps with it at night and only sucks her thumb during that time as well.
- She has you aware, finally of her all consuming hatred for a certain ethnicity. Having some well thought out reasons for the hatred, she refuses to relinquish her views.
- She has a deep seeded fear of not having enough because of her large family and she being the youngest, so she hoards money and explains it to you with tears in her eyes that she will never, ever, ever be without.
- She has kept it quiet for all of these months but you have noticed something strange. She tries to get out of the door before you can open it for her. Though she makes a joke of it, you see her finger tapping the door knob 7 times. When you get the chance to open the door for her, she finds a reason to linger long enough to tap the threshold 7 times. Now you see it is any door - the car, kitchen, cabinet, the slot to the DVD player, it just doesn't matter... or does it?
- She doesn't shave at all. I mean the hair under her arms and on her legs are thicker than yours. You have seen arm pit hair in the summer when she wears sleeveless tops. She says its too time consuming and when its starts to grow back, it itches. She says it has nothing to do with hygiene and you will get use to it in time. Just about to reconcile yourself to the idea, you notice two whiskers making its beginnings on the side of her chin.
There you have it. Ten different scenarios; five each. The guys might think that the women have it easy and the gals don't know what the men have to think about. It is those differences that can makes life irreconcilable... that is, without the Lord.
Women allowing matters to go too far and still making deposits on wedding incidentals while knowing that the toleration level has been reached. When do you say when? Drugs and alcohol is Christianity 101 (Proverbs 31:6 KJV). Headship and domineering are not synonymous to each other. Why do we wait so long before finding out that he could be some sex freak? Remember before accepting that ring, no stone should be left unturned. You don't have to try out the goods to know whether someone is lying or not. If you did try out the goods, you still wouldn't know.
Gentlemen, why would you continue with wedding plans if she has even a modicum of fear? Don't you recall that faith can be the size of a mustard seed (Mark 4:30-32 KJV)? When planted it can grow to house a host of things. If you allow fear to have its way, what kind of damage will it do to a marriage? Remember the characteristics of the devil: steal, kill, and destroy. God operates by faith. Satan operates through fear. What communion does one have with the other (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV)? About the hairy one... when is enough enough? Are you going to change her? How deep seeded are her views? Would you like that added task with all of the other things that God has called you to do? Does it sound easy to deal with? Is that what your help looks like? She sounds like she needs more of your help rather than the other way around.
Deal Breakers can be a test of a woman /man's character and integrity. If he remains in a deal when he sees that it doesn't look good and he should have done a little more research, then the best thing is recoup your losses and get out as quickly as possible. That is the best thing to do in business. In relationships - before marriage, for a man and a woman it is a test of character when you see something wrong and you know the right thing to do is louder than continuing with the relationship (James 4:17 AMP).
Will she be upset when he breaks off the engagement? Sure she will and some may have a fit. But as you look at her go through what she will go through, think how much worse that will be if you had to live with a woman who would behave in such a way for the rest of your life. Let her make her scene and even allow her to keep the ring. A small penalty for a life time of peace (Psalms 34:14 NIV).
And ladies, if you see what he doesn't, call the wedding off and give him his ring. It will make him quiet to know he doesn't have to be in debt. Even if you contemplated and were plotting for him to call the wedding off so you could keep the ring because its so beautiful and all sparkly.... yeah, you know that God sees your heart and that evil plot you just acted on is conjuring its way back atcha! Its just not worth it. Keep the peace (1 Peter 3:11 NIV)!