Sunday, September 20, 2009


What caused you to invite that specific woman for a date? Why did he ask you out? If asked, would you have an acceptable answer? I have asked my date what was he thinking when asking me out. I have a number of answers; however, knowing now what I do as opposed to then, none of those answers would be acceptable for a return appearance much less a conversation over the phone. They were charming, smooth and well rehearsed with every intention on getting one thing.

I know what you are thinking, "yeah, but you did go out with them." Again, I know better and much to your chagrin - no I didn't, but that's a completely different post all in of itself . This topic is about recognizing someone who likes to take advantage. Probably a wolf in the making, though not entirely; just as exhausting to deal with.

At my job, there is a woman who is legally blind (this means she can see images though not clearly enough to correct with prescriptive glasses). I answer emergency calls and her alert went off. When I answered her call, she beckoned me to her room to explain that she is blind and her cat must have been playing with  the dangling cord. She will have a talk with her. She chuckled, I didn't. It wasn't yet 6:00 o'clock in the morning. She didn't think I knew she wasn't completely blind nor did she see me when she was admitted into the building and she explained to her family all of the operations in the building at her convenience; pointing things out and saying what she needed from the car she just got out of. There she laid in her bed appearing catatonic and staring at the ceiling. She waved her arms around as if that would enhance her claim to being blind. Having never met me before, I said nothing else and wished her a good day. I knew what she expected of me. She waited to hear it in my voice but the wait was in vain. I could empathize with her being alone and craving some human contact; however, she was looking for pity. She was giving her best performance to create it. Like I wrote, I wished her a good day and left.

With Christian dating people can use whatever tactic they have at their disposal. Sympathy has been well used for unsuspecting babes in Christ. If pity isn't enough then it is laced with scripture and the babe is then reminded what he/she should do as though hearing the word from this person is the Holy Spirit causing guilt to action. It is a manipulative tactic. It is almost wolf like. Wolves devour and leave you limp and heart broken. Pitiful people just use you to the point of exhaustion. They hear the lack of tolerance in your voice and then just move on. The woman claiming to be blind heard this from the very beginning. She won't have another accidental alert on my shift.

Another example of this pity in effect was this guy I met in church as a teenager. He was older than me but a teen too.  His father passed away of sickle cell complications early in his life and he had the trait. Having four brothers, a mother, and step father he played the trait card and actually squeezed out tears for me to hold out my arms to hug him. Usually, at that age, his story would have worked but for some reason (knowing now what I didn't then) it wasn't working and that last ditch effort to squeeze out that tear was more comical than anything. When he saw I wasn't going for it... you had to have been there. He would talk, pause then cry, stop and peer over his shoulder, talk some more, cry, peer over his shoulder to see what I was doing and what was taking me so long to go and hold him. I wasn't falling for those tactics and he knew it, he walked away and we never mentioned it again. That claim that he was dying by using the sickle cell trait card, that was over 30 years ago and he is still walking around to this day.

I dated a guy who told me that I caused so much sexual desire in his loins that his genitals would turn blue. He claimed to be in much pain at night while trying to sleep. Having no insight as to what men go through when excited without any sexual release, I almost felt responsible and if he heard that in my voice he would have had me. Since then I tell that to certain men and they laugh.

Guys don't think that women understand what they are doing, believing women don't use pity to get their needs met as well. Single mothers use their children for pity. When they have overspent their budgets and need their rent paid, they use what they have to. But its a 2 way street. When these tactics are used, they guys expect the favor returned. They result of this relationship is not fulfilling at all.

There is popular term used for older women after young men is cougar. In the 60's, the popular term for the young women going after any man was a sex kitten. Boy, has times changed. Cougars know what they are doing and much like wolves, they devour and leave the leftovers for the scavengers.

The purpose of this blog is to allow you to see that dating isn't just dinner and a movie. Women expect calls back and some men try to get their money's worth especially if they are paying. But God said to owe no man nothing but to love him (Romans 13:8 AMP).

Now let's put some scripture to work letting this be rhema to you, in the name of Jesus.

Abraham looked for sympathy when he lied to King Abimelech about Sarah being his sister and not his wife. The King's kingdom dried up listening and believing the lies. You see the King wasn't left broken but noticeably lacking (Genesis 20:1-9 AMP). What Abraham did to save his own skin was just pitiful.

Saul wouldn't fight his own fight with Goliath but hid in the tent. He looked to David to be sympathetic in his plight. David, using his faith fought and won while Saul struggled with his own mental battles and lost the fight. David lacked nothing because he put his faith to work (1 Samuel 17:11; 32-37 AMP).

Remember Jesus when he saw the man laying on his bed at the healing well. He had been laying there for 38 years and wanted for someone to pity him. He exclaimed that every time the angel came to stir up the waters someone went in ahead of him. Jesus asked do you really want to be healed (John 5:1-9 AMP)? You see Jesus wouldn't allow pity to be around Him. He flipped it back on the man. The same would be true for you. Follow Jesus and flip the script on those who would have you wallow in the mire with them. Don't let it happen. Its one thing to be compassionate and helpful. Its something else when being manipulated and taken advantage of. Watch and pray so you won't become resentful and jaded to the very ones you are to be that beckon of light to (Ephesians 6:18 AMP).

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