Thursday, February 4, 2010

You Complete Me

It is an enormous responsibility in becoming a parent. Caring for a child that God has entrusted you with in every aspect of his/her life for that child to grow to be healthy, productive, and a successful adult (Proverbs 22:6 KJV). If all parents had this in mind, would the state of the world be what it is? Is that responsibility too overwhelming to think about? Then why would one believe that a child could mend a relationship?

Relationships have their own dynamics. If one cog, like a machine is out of place the answer isn't to throw a wrench at it for it to work again. To make a good relationship one believes it is hard work. Its simply not true. Hard work comes from other places and has filtered  its way into the dynamics through blame, self gratification, and other behavior not conducive to holiness; but let's unfold this tapestry one seam at a time.

The reason I started off with children  is that they don't know any better unless they are taught. Contrary to a liberal parent's belief, children crave structure (Proverbs 29:15 KJV). They need guidance, direction, and in most cases - redirection. Parents make mistakes along the way using personal experience rather than treating the child as an individual. For instance, thinking that the child should do as the parent use to back in the day or directing the child to be interested in the same things as the parent. Parents should appologize for such mistakes. Taking the time to apologize what has been done wrong to the child by the parent teaches the child humility, leadership, and to not be afraid of being imperfect. Through the guidance and practice to keep rules, the child learns to problem solve, be sociable, nurturing, diligence, and many other commendable qualities to obtain the goal of raising a productive adult.

This now productive adult uses these skills to be independent. He/she must also learn new things that are age appropriate and to embrace their own personal style. This should only enhance what he/she already knows. Eventually, the decision is made to incorporate someone else into what the productive adult has established. This incorporation doesn't alter the productivity of said adult but again enhances the production even more - completion completed to the point of more than enough. So answer then why would someone start off a relationship by telling the other, you complete me?

If you really look at that statement from the perspective described above having someone to complete someone else isn't at all romantic. It is that enormous responsibility of raising a child only this one is full grown, didn't come from your loins, already shaves (whether it be a chin or arm pits), and has the skills of a 13 year old (if that). He/she is looking for you to guide, boost the ego, raise the self esteem, provide stability, add structure, and discipline when necessary. Would an adult admit to that coming in? Of course not, yet the relationship becomes burdensome because of it.

I often wondered why is it the wife's responsibility to boost the man's ego? My ex use to ask me to help him lay floor tile when we were renovating our home. But when there, he told me not to touch anything. He expected me to stand and watch him work. Just be there in case he needed help. We were both in the same house. There wasn't an east wing, it was ranch style - all on the same floor! Why did I have to be in the room with him? It was frustrating sitting there not doing anything so I went to another room. He then got frustrated because I wasn't there watching the excitement of glue and vinyl square application. What was he looking for from me? Praise? The way I felt, if I began praising the work he was doing for the comfort of us all, it would have been sarcastic. Couldn't I have bit the bullet and do what he needed from me? Sure, I could. Could he have seen that with me working in another part of the house the rennovation would be completed all the more sooner? Sure he could. How is this so clear now? Right now neither is seeking to gratify self. He is my ex for a reason. Love was not there like it should be in every aspect of a believer's life let alone in a marriage (1 Corinthians 13:1-8 AMP).

Women have taught the younger to build their men up so the man can feel good about himself. I wonder, how long will she have to do that? And when she has sons to build up, will she have to continue building up her husband too? This teaching, no doubt, comes from Esther. Esther was told by her Uncle Mordeccai to feed the king before making her request (Esther 5:4; 5:8 AMP). When he is full he will be more compliant with what she asks. In this day and age, it still works to load a man with carbs until all he do is roll over  to a flat surface to sleep because he is so content, but just before falling into la-la land, you ask can I buy a red Lincoln MKX? He says yes, and when he wakes up 5 hours later, he has no regrets - right? But then again there is whole generation of women who cannot cook. What should they do? Those women use sex. Right at the point of the mind blowing orgasm, he says, "yes, you can have all I own." Then he goes to sleep to awaken to find he has nothing. Be sober minded, didn't Jacob cook a meal for Esau (Genesis 25:28-34 AMP)? Wasn't there resentment after the meal was consumed? How many times did Esther feed the king before making her request? What did Delilah do to get Sampson to give up his secrets (Judges 16:18-20 KJV)? Did he have regrets later? Should all of that be necessary?

There are those who are dysfunctional. Reason being, there is a void that conventional means cannot fill. There is an abundant life offered that fills ever aspect of one's being. This practice completes a person without it being a burden on anyone else who doesn't have the wherewithal to shoulder the responsibility. Jesus said it is done. Three small words having an enormous impact and responsibility that only He can do. No woman should be looking to build up a man; but see if the structure has already been built on a sure foundation. If he cannot stand because he believes that is what she is there for then the both of them will fall. The sure foundation is love (1 Corinthians 13:3-10 AMP). If neither of them have this love that has been practiced in their single life, they will not have it when entering into a relationship. When trouble comes they will look to blame the other or seek a means to protect himself and herself which will result in a divorce. The world calls it irreconcilable differences. God calls it evil (Galatians 5:16-21 AMP).

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