Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Marry A Woman Like Your Mother?

Exactly where is that written? I have heard fathers say this to their sons, but if we are to be set free with the truth (John 8:32 AMP) - we can only be so with the Word. In the bible,  Solomon's mother talks to him about women and what types there are in the  three chapters of Proverbs. She doesn't tell him to marry a woman just like her. David tells Solomon about women throughout the book of Proverbs, and he doesn't tell him to marry a woman like his mother. So where did this come from? Could it be fear based? (Proverbs 6:20-25 NIV)

Well, if you realize the way people think and why certain folk do what they do, you can see where fear is laced in where it does not belong. A man marries a woman who has certain qualifications to meet his needs. While some are completely satisfied with the "Suzy Homemaker" type for the purposes of raising children who are well rounded and healthy, other men enjoy having the proverbial "eye candy" to be envied. Then there are those who aspire to have it all - Suzy Homemaker and the eye candy (I wrote a blog on a woman being schizophrenic for her man - it fits here) all in one. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way because with children comes weight gain and when he can't have what he wants, he tends to look elsewhere - but that's an entirely different blog altogether. I am focused on a man trying to find his mother in a wife. Now when you read it that way (or even say it again and again), you can hear how sickening that sounds.

I have my ideas where this disgusting concept came from and it has a lot to do with those intellectual types that decided to agree with Sigmund Freud. He with his theories of the id, ego, and super ego also had a theory about the Oedipus complex. When put in a textbook and giving it the label of theory it becomes more plausible and less disgusting - I suppose. However, if looking at it from where fear got its place, we can see that if men look for women like their mothers, they are less likely to be left alone, have someone there who is nurturing and cares more about him than he does himself. This will please his mother and keeps peace in the house. The problem arises when he doesn't know why he is not sexually attracted to her but stays married for the sake of the children. He doesn't know why he doesn't have a desire to go home like he use to being over thirty and feeling like a "little boy" staying out all night with the fellas. Mom should.... I mean, the wife should understand.

I was watching Maury Povich and knowing that there was going to be some overly dramatic display of domestic turmoil, I watch trying to understand why don't these people get it. Many times I have signed off the show believing that these people must be paid to do this, but when I see a man cry or a woman discover that the lie detector showed her husband made a mistake by marrying her, there is no actor living or passed away that could make that expression and cry on cue the way these people have. It was still a quandary as to why would the same, if not worse, family situation keep existing. Many of the guests come on the show and say they have been watching Maury Povich for years, yet as guests are requesting the same thing that so many others did before him/her. Was it an aspiration or is it seen as a normal thing to have such horrific drama in a marriage or relationship? Maury's show has evolved from being a variety of topics one may be interested in to just getting the results to a DNA test or lie detector findings. In an interview Mr. Povich's replies consisted of where the ratings held the most fascination - hence the reason for the migration. From a man screaming, why doesn't his wife keep her legs closed to another beginning her confession with, "you know I love you - right?" Why not ask, where did it go so wrong? And then you see the spawned woman get up and bend over her once beloved man and point her finger in his face scolding him as if he were a bad boy. Who wants to make up to that and have sex later? Really? Ew?

Even if it was fine for boys to grow up thinking they were going to marry a woman like their mother, once upon a time - this is a new day and a completely different age (Proverbs 5 NIV). Too many mothers are single and struggle trying to teach their sons to be men. They just can't do it. Women are not men! As many women that would argue with what they did to raise successful sons all by themselves, let's see what the sons struggled with in trying to keep their masculinity in tact. For men these days to marry women like their mothers would mean they would have to be uncomfortable in their own houses and eventually leave for their wives to be truly like their mothers - single and alone. Its like seeing the handwriting on the wall that there will be a few divorces before the realization in maturity for him to know he was better off marrying the one that he was attracted to for the similarities in interests rather than the similarities in his childhood.

Mothers have their role in every man's life where he remembers her reassurance about the big exam in school or his first speech in front of so many people. He can recall coming home to the wonderful smells from the kitchen and all of his clothes neatly folded in his drawer and ironed in his closet but she will never know him like his wife - never, ever! Men have to realize that when it comes to his wife there are just some things he desires that his mother doesn't need to know about. Its a man thing. A man cannot get the help he desires if he focuses on marrying a woman just like Mom (Proverbs 7:1-5 NIV). Selah guys!

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