I am using this title to stimulate interest, to be honest, and for the subject matter. It is something that is not usually taught in a large forum of people and practically non-existent in church. Which leads "baby" Christians to do what they see others do that are not in the faith. It makes that Spiritual walk all the more difficult to maintain when "world" values are in place.
I don't quite have a handle on why it isn't something talked about in ministry other than old stodgy feelings of embarrassment, different positions that can be difficult to talk about, or the idea if you put a carpet over the pile of mess it will all go away. Its hard to pretend a lump isn't under the carpet when one keeps tripping over it. Just deal with it already!
I am going to make this as plain as I possibly can, in the name of Jesus. If there is no minister that will lay out the ground rules about sex, at least you can talk to each other and pray about the matter. The Holy Spirit will lead and guide you into all truth (John 16:13 KJV). Being honest about this subject will help to avoid so many misunderstandings and arguments later. Its not so much about the sexual past history (that is, unless it is a big deal to you) because God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9 KJV). Getting all the skinny on whom was in his/her bed before you can get down to the real nitty-gritty of the matter between the two of you, would take the Wisdom of God to uncrack that egg and make sense of all of that scrambled mess. Let it be done.
There are matters that he/she has desires to do and because of what was considered not to be spoken of has caused people to be in extra-marital affairs with strangers who will do those unspoken things - for a price. This is why the conversation has to be between the two people considering marriage before asking a minister a bunch of things that he/she has no clue what you are either trying to say or hoping the minister can mentally decipher what you are afraid to talk about with your intended. Yeah, I thought ministers who counsel would have such insight by the Holy Spirit on matters that I wouldn't even have to ask - unfortunately, all ministers don't have that sort of gift and some are just there to get a paycheck or hear something they can talk about with the other clergy (1 Corinthians 12:27-31 KJV). Is that being cynical? No, a minister actually said this while in the middle of a sermon. I was surprised.
The truth is, sex is an extremely intimate part of a marriage and it is something that has no business to be spoken of amongst colleagues, friends, neighbors, and anyone else one tries to get an opinion from. Trying to get a percentage of how many times a couple has sex per week is childish. Asking men what do they do to keep from pre-ejaculating is lunacy. Trying to make sense of why women, who have been married for so many years, joke about their sex lives amongst each other rather than talking with their husbands would only hurt your own mind.
When a man asks another man about his sexual prowess or lack thereof, he has allowed someone else into his bedroom. He has given information to someone else who may or may not keep that information to himself. What makes you think that he didn't or may still have the same problem? Why would he not make a move on the wife of said man who now knows that she must not be satisfied and could be looking for satisfaction elsewhere? The women that joke about their sex lives are not doing what the Word tells them to do in reverencing their husbands (Ephesians 5:33 KJV). Because he isn't there listening to what she is saying, she still represents the basis of Christianity. Have nothing to do with the gathering of these women. They will not only influence poor behavior in your marriage but will also ask questions about your intimate life with your husband as well. You might feel obligated to answer them because they befriended you.
The Old Testament tells us that there is safety in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14 KJV). The purpose of this verse is that if you ask enough professional people on a matter there will be a certain number of those counselors that will agree. That number of agreement is your answer. Then there is the New Testament where Jesus tells us to follow Him that His burden is easy and yoke is light (Matthew 11:29-30 NIV). He tells us that seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness is all of the answer we need (Matthew 6:33 KJV). Also if we ask for Wisdom, He gives it liberally and upbraids it not (James 1:5 KJV). It is a matter of where your faith is. How can you measure this? Well, if the idea of talking to your perspective mate about sex and the desires you have in the marital bed causes you anguish and fear - then it is best for you to go through talking to a multitude of counselors; which, by the way sounds grueling and will definitely get you out of the shy mode concerning sexual matters. On the other hand, if you already know why the Word tells us to put your trust in no man and can take it before the Lord knowing that He hears your prayers, then get busy in doing that before having that sit down with your intended.
The statistics for years is that men enjoy sex more then women, that women would rather talk and cuddle before and after intimacy, and that men use sex as his demonstration of how much he loves her. Knowing that we are not of the world and not live by their rules, why then would we believe these numbers. Who took this survey? Who did they ask? How many people did they ask? How much of the survey is assumption because of the number of actual people asked? What was the socio-economic status of these people? All of these are factors to consider when believing if the numbers are real or not.
Now for the nitty-gritty. The truth is we have all lived a certain kind of way before coming into the knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:3-5 KJV). We all found things that we liked and have held off until marriage believing it is the right thing to do in the sight of God. This is not in dispute. What is disputable are the things we learned and believe we like while having that certain life style that has passed away, making all things a new (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). So when he/she says what they find stimulating, please do not make a disgusted expression. Be patient and listen. You might have a question or two as to why and where did you learn that from. Can you see the reason for that prayer before having this discussion? Let's see, shall I list all of the sexual positions and link images for you to gain an idea of it or can you go put on your big boy pants or big girl panties on and purchase a book to gain some insight? Sounds too scary to do? Remember there are always those many, many counselors or you can just wait until your faith gets there.
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