Monday, March 5, 2012

I Made My Bed, Now...

I was watching this movie where Michael Keaton was the star. I don't know the title of the movie, I didn't watch it all the way through because one of the lines had me thinking about this blog. You see, Michael Keaton's character was married and has one 8 year old son. Keaton has a career as a musician but has other interests as well, one of them being hockey. His son was in a little league hockey team and that night was the big game. Keaton told his son he would be there after the band rehearsed. The band went into over time. The hockey game didn't. When Keaton got home, his wife, played by Kelly Preston, was visibly upset. Though Keaton had no excuse for being late, he went through the gestures while Preston complained. It was apparent that they had a bargain between them that Keaton would never promise their son what he couldn't deliver no matter how hard it was not to make the promise. It was the strange thing she said that made me assume the aforementioned. She said (paraphrasing), "I understand when you make promises to me and flake out or ditch me. I have come to love you anyway. It doesn't bother me - obviously because I married you. But our son doesn't deserve that. He didn't ask for that." I thought, what an odd thing for her to say. Keaton's character looked quite taken aback by her words, still it was odd. For a born again believer, walking in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Ephesians 2:3 KJV), those words, had to be a punishment for both, the deliverer of the message as well as the one listening to it.

I was married once and have learned so much that I wished I knew before walking down the aisle. It is why I write this blog. I write the things that I continue to learn and don't hear messages in the church about them. It seems the happiest of marriages are those that stay to themselves and quiet of the matter. I watch them too. One of the things I recall in mine was the little quirks of my ex-spouse that I looked over while we were dating. I figured they were little things and there was a bigger picture that we had to concentrate on. I had no idea of scriptures like, its the little foxes that spoil the vine (Song of Solomon 2:15 KJV) and the one about the blessings of the Lord makes us rich and there are no sorrows in it (Proverbs 10:22 AMP). Those quirky things soon became irritating...and then we had children. I could have complained to all that would listen, but who did this to me? Plus, he had to deal with me, which I would gather was no easy feat. There we were with children to raise and still trying to get our own way. It was the eventual demise of the marriage and the innocent bystanders watched and absorbed it all.

When having children, there is a decision to do as it is written in the Word: train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6 AMP). The obvious act would then be taking the children to church services. The thing is, children listen and watch the very things we hope would be overlooked or they would soon forget. When we make up our minds to take them to church it is with the understanding that we, as adults are also doing what the message teaches. We aren't Sunday Christians and sinners the rest of the week. You see, that's training children too. Making promises and not keeping them is a training too. Lying to neighbors, the police, and anyone else to get out of a responsibility is a training too. Being neurotic about your weight and needing to have chocolate once a month is a training too. Being a side kick parent when the job is 24/7 is a training too. Though there is much more we have seen, lived through, and done ourselves, you can now understand that the generational curses that many speak on in the pulpit can be avoided by just not doing those quirky things we euphemise as bad habits.

That movie I mentioned earlier with Michael Keaton and Kelly Preston, when she made that statement about their son not choosing to have those things happen to him that Keaton's character was doing, I had to disagree. The writer of the script may have thought that would be a poignant thing to say to make Keaton's character wake up to what he was doing as a father, but the challenge here is for all women to see her power before accepting the ring. The woman is making the decision not only for herself to be in a situation for the rest of her life -ideally, but for her children to live through that decision. Is it the best thing for the children to not only see those habits as quirky but to also repeat them? Will those habits they take on be to their benefit? Will you be the one saying that he is a good father when he treats their mother like crap? Does he really represent all that Jesus said a husband should be (Ephesians 5:25-29 AMP)? If he does, it is the only reason why he would deserve children.

What does this have to do with Christian dating? A better question, what doesn't it have to do with it? Wait for the presentation God did with Adam. If you can't wait, then go and find her - which sounds like hard work. That man will have to go through a barrage of women to get to one that even comes close to what he is looking for. If you can't wait ladies, then go tell him that you are interested in him. When those two come together, you get what you get because being disciplined for patience to do what she does seemed impossible (James 1:4 KJV). There is a reason God has us to wait. We must learn what is necessary for the union to be a happy one and one that is pleasing to God. Without that wait, children would be the collateral damage. Quiet as it is kept, they truly did not ask for that.

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