Dear John/Jane, Its Not You....

There comes a time in a relationship (before marriage) where one has to be true to oneself. God tells us what we should and shouldn't do. Whether we hear Him or even listen to His voice is a matter we will contend with sooner or later. The Word tells us that the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and show us things that are to come (John 16:13 KJV). Some call those things, red flags. How many do you have to see before calling the whole thing off?

Seriously, I get it. Its been a long time between relationships and that nagging thought that this one could be your last chance, is like carrying a boulder on your back. Nevertheless, would God do that to you? Would He have you worried or anxious over such silly matters as this one being the last chance with over 6 billion people on the planet (Luke 12:24-26 AMP)? Of course not. And why are you worrying over such things when you have so many other matters to contend with. What about your assignment and that career that you are anointed to do better then anyone else? What about caring for the family you already have rather then thinking about your age and whether you will have any children or not. You do understand that God can't take care of it until you stop making it your god. That's what worrying is - idol worship (Luke 12:28-30 AMP).

And while we are on the subject, how much time have you spent with God since that relationship started? God is the One that has kept you all of this time and now that he/she has come along, you neglect the only support that's been with you when no one else cared or understood (1 Corinthians 7:32-37 AMP)? Humongous red flag! Has this person ever talked you out of your regular routine of prayer and worship? If yes, that's another one waving in your face. Has this person ever have you in a compromising position? Have you ever had to make decisions that made you rethink your morals, values, and ethics because of this person? Have you ever minimized a matter because he/she thought you were making it bigger then it really is? Have you really overlooked every last one of these warning signs? Really?

Alright, lets go in a different direction. Do you think you are too far in to call it quits? What's too far in? You've already met the family? The engagement has been on way too long? Wedding plans have been made? Money has been spent? What is too far gone? The tuxedo and gowns have been fitted and purchased? The flowers are ordered? The hall is booked and none of that money is refundable? So what!!?

Money can be made again (Matthew 6:23-24 AMP). You have come too far seeking joy and peace to let them all go now just to save face. Pride goes before a fall. Get rid of the pride now before a fall takes place. There is no need to be foolish and ruin someone else's life. That's something to consider. If you have doubts now, know that those doubts will only get worse as the marriage continues and it will be noticeable to the other person. Meantime, the one that was meant for each of you is wandering around asking God what happened. Think about that for a moment: the Holy Spirit leads us in a specific direction if we are willing. There we are completing that task assigned and every once in awhile someone screws up, but another shows and gives some instruction - a little correction and we are back on track again. We have a goal. Our latter is greater then our former (Haggai 2:9 AMP). Then someone gets enticed with muscles or large breasts; listening to instruction isn't as clear anymore because the flesh has resurrected. That well oiled machine isn't working as well anymore because someone is out of place not doing the assigned task. In a factory, the product is coming down an assembly line to be checked and packaged. The checkers are there doing what they are supposed to. The packers are there waiting for the checked items to package. Only, there are no boxes to put them in. The packers can only save a few of the bottles and the rest go crashing to the floor. Who missed getting the boxes in place? Where are the boxes? How will management meet the assigned date to have the inventory complete when the product is not in the boxes as planned?

This is the same analogy as the 10 virgins waiting for the bridegroom (Matthew 25:1-13 AMP). Five were prepared and the other five weren't. Why do you think that could be? Could one have been entertaining the desires of another? Could one have been doing something outside from the assignment given? Could one have been searching on their own for a mate? Could one have been worrying about how long the process would take? Does all of that grieve the Holy Spirit? Does all of that cause the enemy to steal that anointing that has been given to you for the purposes of the Lord's arrival? That information isn't given. What is stated is that the Lord tells those five virgins on the outside, "I don't know you." That is one scary statement.

Its an important leap - matrimony is. You have to know that you know that this person is the one. If there is any doubt that God has not delivered you from, make the letter to let the other person off as easy as possible. Of course it will hurt, but better now then later when emotions, history, and regrets are in place. It is a nasty scene no matter how cordial one tries to be when a divorce is in the works. Children aren't as resilient as one would hope. Maturity takes a back seat when assets are being divided. And let's not go into there being someone else. Its like added fuel to embers. What can be considered is how God hates divorce. There is no getting around that one. While it has been going on like a person waking in the morning and brushing his teeth, divorce is never as simple as all of that. Even when the papers have been signed and the lawyers have been paid, the pain continues for years after depending on the heart of the other and in whom his/her trusts has been placed.


So before taking that long walk down the aisle, don't wait for the first argument before realizing that you have had rose colored glasses on all of this time and then rip them off by saying something insensitive like, 

No one liked you when we were dating and now I know why

or My parents warned me about you

or Don't say something that your divorce attorney can't work out 

Those nasty words after you have been warned repeatedly by the Holy Spirit will only get you in further trouble with God. You are talking about His child that you no longer desire to be married to. The very one you pleaded with God to have. The very one you hoped would be impressed even with all of your faults. The very one you said is your soul mate and would love forever. Yes, that one.

Be honest with yourself instead of trying to please everyone else. Yes, some will be upset with you and they will get over it - eventually. Don't keep waiting until the last minute. Acknowledge Him and repent for neglecting Him. God will forgive you and then tell you what to do to clean up this mess before going any further. Those that are already married and living in regret - its so much more complicated then what you have read here (view some resolve here). Those of you who are single - take that last statement as another warning. If its forever and you have peace about it - its God and proceed as planned. To all else - you know what you have to do.