Friday, May 25, 2012

The Glue To A Marriage

There are a number of things I try to do in this blog to assist people in gaining better insight in the Word of God. If nothing else, I hope people would try to pick up their bibles again and find the scripture to refute what I have been writing. Not for the purpose of arguing, rather to start enjoying the love God has set before you in those wonderful pages. There are also some entries in this blog written especially for the pastors, preachers, evangelists, prophets, and apostles where they received a Word from God to minister to His people but instead of the entire message, the congregation received a number of "rabbit trails" that misconstrued the true intent of the sermon and caused the members to be in error venturing off the given path (Psalm 119:105 AMP).


The error I recall here was while I was dating for the purposes of marriage and after we failed in the marriage. While dating, there was a pastor that preached over and over again that the glue to a marriage is sex. The men in the church would stir a little agreeing with the pastor but could be having a little issue with their perspective wives on the matter. Knowing where the pastor was coming from because of his past, I couldn't fault him for having this understanding. But that understanding was for him and not for the rest of the people having a completely different personality and the way others cope with their own issues (Romans 12:4 AMP). Nevertheless, being young, naive and relying on "the man of God" knowing more about the matter then myself, I trusted what he said and continued by which I was instructed. Never mind the sheer exhaustion of caring for a young family from 6:00 a.m until 1:00 the next morning (depending on how new the infant - sometimes longer), still having to do household duties, with the checking of homework, going to school functions for the older children, and having to type papers for the spouse that is allowed to finish school, and then mustering up enough energy to do your marital duties only to pass out and do it all over again the next weekday.  And there you have it...the marriage is together like a gnat stuck on fly paper.

The other bit of error I recall after the marriage were the differences between men and women. One being, in the message, was that women equate love with emotion while men see love as having to do with sex. This message was in a completely different ministry and yet the stir was about the same. Only I perceived the stir independently because the congregation was more mature then the one in the last ministry and I believe they knew better. The pastor had to urge the men to agree with him. They reluctantly grunted. I was fascinated trying to put the message within the context of all of the other sermons I received as well as where in the scriptures was he going to get this instruction from. He went on describing personal experiences, testimonials, and what he had observed. Know that when there is a message of this sort, you must also use a filter. It is with the Word that you gain truth not by someone else's personal experiences. If you don't believe me, try to do what someone else did in order to get the same blessing. It doesn't work. It will never work. You aren't that person and as God used him/her in that very instance, you would not handle the matter in the same way because you do not think the same, you weren't raised the same, you don't have the same education, nor the same ideals. The Word is the only truth you can use without stumbling (John 14:17 AMP).

It isn't really difficult to figure out once you start studying the Word of God for yourself (Joshua 1:8 AMP). In fact, it is so simple, I am apprehensive in writing it because of the many failed marriages over the years when all that was needed was the common factor we were raised with since Sunday School. Without this common factor, we could not be Christian. Without this common factor, we would do what the world does in such matters. We would have the same thoughts as the world. If a marriage has too many difficulties to deal with, the answer the world has is to get a divorce and divide all of the assets right down the middle. How did that idea get in the church (James 4:4 AMP)? Could it be that common factor missing in the union of those two people? How could they have it before marriage and then lose it while in the marriage?

The world teaches that without trust, their is no relationship. It then teaches that one doesn't know a person without living with that person first. The reason for these lessons is because of the two different personalities coming together. They have to see if there is a good fit. It is his ying meshing with her yang, as it were. As long as it is a good idea for them, they can work it out. That doesn't work for those professing to be more and more like Christ (the definition of a Christian). The trust is put in God (Psalm 146:3 AMP). Once that complete trust is in Him, then the work begins with the heart of the individual (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)). All of those cob webs and mess that no one else knows about is dealt with so he/she can grow in the Spirit so not to fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 KJV). God is magnified and therefore all of those other pesky issues are resolved. The practice of love is paramount for it is written that we can hang all of the law and prophets on those two commandments; to love God with all of your heart, mind, and strength and to love your neighbor as your self (Matthew 22:36-40 KJV). This practice becomes a habit until he hears God tell him that it is not good for him to be alone. Then and only then will God present him with a woman that is fitting to the practices that he has been doing. Why? Because God is good. He sees the hearts of men. He knows these two people even before they were formed in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5 AMP). These two people can come together and be as one because they both think alike. There is no arguing when the thoughts are the same. There is no discord when there is agreement (Amos 3:3 KJV). These two people can walk together along the same path that has been chosen for them...because it is the same path. She doesn't have to trust him because her trust is in God. She has developed a relationship with Him. He will tell her what she needs to do in order for her to be his help and it is understood by both because they are .... one (Genesis 2:24 KJV)!

Now that the common factor is understood, lets deal with the differences about men and women. I had an issue with the idea that women are emotional and men are rational. I have heard this description of women over and over again. Why would men believe this about women? Is it because of the frustration women have about their husbands deciding not to do what was promised in the wedding vows? Is it because of the duties that are expected of the wives while in the minds of men, boys will be boys? Is it the exhaustion of the women not knowing what they signed up for thinking they were the help of these men and not their personal maids? There is a reason as to why women have been emotional over the years. If these matters were resolved and the men did what they were raised to do, would women be as emotional with issues about relationships, finances, their future goals, or sex? Who knows? Has it happened? Where are those lessons taught? Who has preached those messages (2 Timothy 4:2 AMP)?

Women are logical and rational beings as well. If we weren't, how could we be the help that clearly men need? How could we have dealt with the foolishness of men over all of these centuries? How could women be able to have a child, manage a household, raise that child, go to school, have a career, and still have enough energy to make her husband smile (Proverbs 31 AMP)? Its doesn't happen because of emotion. Give honor where honor is due.

Equating love and sex is the foolishness I was referring to previously. We have learned that God is love. Where is it written that God and sex are one in the same? Who would misconstrue such a verse? We love our parents, our children, our friends but we don't have sex with them. Am I being too literal? Well, its being as plain as possible and is what I wish would happen when those who have been anointed to teach would be as well. The other way allows people to think whatever and tell others the same mess. This goes on for years believing it to be the truth. It can't be. It is error. Error can take over and cause people to be ill. It has its own root system. You do understand the parable of the sower and seed sown - don't you? Error is seed too. It is why I listen with a filter (Mark 4:24 AMP). The filter is Wisdom gained for the asking (James 1:5 AMP). When using this filter, it saves you from going down the wrong path. Wisdom tells you this. It isn't man that you trust but God. He would never give you such instruction as the aforementioned equaling Him to sex. If man believes that sex and love are the same, this man is carnally minded and needs to grow up. He still has a lustful nature and could not love his wife as Christ loves the church. That man would not understand the practice of love as it is written. He has practiced sex and believes he could make his wife happy because he has practiced his carnal nature. The world does this too. They are called sinners. What would you call such a man who says he is Christian and has practiced what he has learned in church services? I call it a spot or a wrinkle (Ephesians 5:25-29 KJV). Pastors need to wise up with what comes from that pulpit.

The Beatles had a hit song way back when entitled, All You Need Is Love. One of the verses of that song seems quite fitting here: its easy. Sex isn't easier. In fact, if love were practiced as it is written, sex would be easier and more fulfilling. If you actually love your spouse or intended as you claim to, do what is expected of you through Christ Jesus and then try to tell someone that marriage is hard work (Matthew 11:29-30 KJV). I would have to call you a liar.


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