Flip The Script

The purpose for flipping the script is for self preservation or obtaining the benefit from the outcome. It is removing the usual response and saying something so off putting that it causes the hearer to digest the information differently. It isn't playing mind games; it is however, guarding your heart, keeping your confidence, and maintaining a decorum of respect...that would be depending on with whom you have yielded yourself to (Matthew 22:37 AMP).

That brief introduction into this subject is about to break some archaic barriers that many generations of sermons would have believers accepting that the definition of humility is as being like door mats and allowing the enemy to have all sorts of fun at the expense of our dignity. In this entry you will see otherwise and what it has to do with dating for the purposes of marriage in our chosen Christian lifestyle.

Warning, what you are about to read used to be a saying my mother used to tell me as a child in order to curtail my behavior. The saying doesn't rhyme and it isn't pretty. My mother was determined to make me into a young lady no matter how much I enjoyed running with my brother and his friends.... I was a child. What she said had me thinking about it for years. It was aggravating for the most part but as I matured, I knew, like it or not, she was right. The saying: "a man can work himself to a prominent position in society. If he unzips his pants and pees in the street, he can zip his pants back up and be called sir and/or mister. A woman will fight to get into a prominent position but if she decides to squat and pees in the street, she will be known as the woman who peed in the street." What's the point? There has always been a double standard. As much as women try to erase it by getting equal pay for the same work, getting men to be in touch with their "feminine side", and moving into the positions that were only given to men; still, the double standard remains. Why? God made us that way (1 Peter 3:7 AMP).

Men will never be able to birth a child, understand PMS, be a multi-tasking domestic engineer, endure menstruation while nursing and still having to prepare dinner, have the relationship of mother and child, pre-menopausal with mood swings, or having to wear a bra daily. He either minimizes the importance of it or pretends to empathize the ongoing labor of it. Oh, by the way, let's not forget actual labor and cramps...can you imagine men taking either one of those ailments in stride and still function with what women do on a daily basis?! Okay, we agree then...the double standard is screaming in your face all of the time - right?

So let's see the history of all of this. All the way back in biblical times when Esther was given the task to remove Haman out of his position. Her being merely a child herself, she liked the status and privilege. Her uncle told her that the time is upon her to carry out her mission. Her reply: "uh, the king hasn't

called for me. I don't want to get on his bad side. So...(cue question mark facial expression here)." Mordecai responded with, "you are only here because I put you here. Don't think because you are queen, you will be exempt to what happens to the Jews." That was a threat but it got her to move (Esther 4:9-14 AMP). 

Queen Vashti was another that was in a position that allowed for her to make her own decisions...well some of them. When the King called for her she refused to come. There could have been a myriad of reasons as to why, but the princes convinced King Ahasuerus to divorce her so that the other women wouldn't get it into their heads that they could do whatever they wanted. He did (Esther 1:1-20 AMP).

The final example, that could have been first is Eve. There she was having her conversation with the serpent. Adam was there with her. Stop, for a moment. I need to let you know, there are men in ministry that read Adam was there with the woman when she ate from the tree and refuse to believe those words that they read. They have tried to convince me of their interpretation for that verse is incorrect. Pause and think about that in the vein of this entry...seriously, am I the only one that can see the irony here? Back to the topic, when questioned as to what has happened because God asked ADAM where he was...his reply was that they hid because they were naked (Genesis 3:1-10 AMP).

Here are some questions for the purpose of this topic: Why couldn't Mordecai go about the task without using his niece? He knew what Haman was trying to do. But he needed HER help. And the queen. Why did the king need for her to come to him when he did? He had been partying for 180 days. No one was drinking but him. Still, Vashti was probably going to bed and completely bored with the party. Ahasuerus needed HER though. And finally, Eve fashioned from Adam's rib, was it good when man was alone? God said it is good only after woman was created. Ooh, pause and think on that.

So why not just leave well enough alone? You tell me. I heard a pastor preach about relationships. Specifically marital relationships. He was focusing on the woman (as most ministers do) and telling the congregation, "whatever you did to get him, that's what you are gonna have to do to keep him." I did not understand. How is this sound instruction? What did she do to get him when the Word tells us that he who finds a wife..."? (Proverbs 18:22 AMP) Didn't this happen? Was he talking to a specific person? Then he needed to have a counseling session with her. All women don't go chasing men. 

There have always been some sort of conflict in marriages because if no one submits and both are wanting to have their own way, there will never be peace, and the flesh waring with the spirit, will do what it does. Know that the flesh and sin are partners. This is one of the first things you need to find out on that first date. How is he/she living? A pastor was teaching a lesson on how to test a person to see if she is operating in the flesh or in the Spirit. Only his terminology was to check her temperament. His method was to pick an argument with her. This was another sermon I found very difficult to understand. Why are you going to operate in the flesh to see if she operates in the flesh. Yeah, just follow Jesus. There is flipping of the script to see what the other side is thinking or keeping it really simple and just be able to hear His voice.

And that leads me right back to where I wasn't ready to go....he, the man takes the lead. Do you see this? I am asking because I was told that many of my entries in this blog are considered man bashing. Again, I don't hate men. I love them. I raised four sons and a daughter. What I am compiling here, I have told them and said to come back to these entries to refresh their memory. My aim is as the title describes...get you back where you belong. Where is that? In close relationship with God so that He will never have to ask where you are, for you to love her as Christ loves the church that gave His life up for her, and for her to reciprocate that love back to you. It is cyclical and must be done in order. God first. He did all He needed in 6 days and called it done. Jesus did what he had to do in His 3 year ministry and called it done. Now you...sir. What are you doing? This script is perfect. No changes needed.

Where are you in this process? We know that you are ready to get married or you wouldn't be reading these entries. But what sort of husband will you be? Are you going to be laid back and just be that guy who's mantra being: a happy wife, a happy life"? Or are you supposed to be the harsh disciplinarian keeping control of every aspect of the house including the domestic chores? Will you be delegating or present physically but checked out in every other way? Why do I ask? Because that's what sin has done. Unless you recognize the generations of a downward spiral of failure, you and your seed will be doomed to repeat it. Remember, the enemy is subtle and crafty.

Follow the process so you can see what has happened over the years. There will be those that will vehemently disagree because they believe where they are, they have it good with women cleaning, cooking, delegating, working, bringing home the bacon and owning the farm where the bacon was raised. Why would any real man tolerate that (1 Timothy 5:8 AMP)?  A young man married his young bride and was puffed up proud as he told the church members that his wife pregnant in her last tri-mester found carpet batting discarded in a dumpster. Instead of contacting her husband with her find in order to save money, she loaded the family car with all of the batting she could stuff in the trunk and back seat of their compact vehicle. The husband was beaming to the other men in the congregation during the Sunday School break. He said, "that's the kind of woman I am talking about. The kind from back in the day, women pregnant, squatted had the baby, loaded the baby on her back and kept picking the cotton." The older men said nothing. The older women couldn't get to the soon to be young mother fast enough. No doubt, slave women didn't live very long. Hmm, what were his real intentions? How do you feel about that young man believing his wife had her family's best interest to heart? Did she? Does he? Would God ask him, where are you?

You see, the title of this blog is not for the women to get one over on her husband but for the husband to get back in the position of being the man. He is the lead of the household. She is there to help him. It is a humbling thing to know that God created man needing help. But the woman must be humbled as well allowing man to be the head of the house and her. This is why no one can be lord over the other. This is why submission to each other is paramount. If these were the marital vows instead of her promising to obey and him not saying that he will love her as Christ loves the church, there wouldn't be a need for the script to be flipped.