Obligated
In growing up, one of the jewels of wisdom my mother said was not to accept gifts from men who are interested in dating you. I call them jewels now because I’m no longer a teenager and can completely understand without the distraction of added questions without much feedback…I was a talker. My mother was not. Nevertheless, we were a “humble” family and if it wasn’t a necessity it wasn’t purchased other than for a birthday or Christmas gift. I recall, from the movies of back in the day, when love interests would go to the girl with flowers and candy in hand. It was the romance of it all, and knew that someday the experience would be mine (cue the swooning here).
The day came and my mother's pearls of wisdom faced me before the bauble. I graciously turned him down and after the excitement of realizing someone other than my family was thinking of me, I regretted not accepting the gift. The next time, the gift from someone else, was bigger and more expensive. Turning away was difficult and he seemed so sincere. Nevertheless, wisdom spoke only... not as loud (Luke 11:28 AMP).
The problem was that receiving flowers and candy was ok. Going to the movies was acceptable for both parties (my mother and the date). It was the extra stuff that bedazzled me and had my mother concerned. For Sweetest Day, there was a jewelry box with gold and diamond earrings. Bedazzled? It was beyond and yes, that jewelry belonged to me from now on!
What happened to Wisdom? What about your mother?
I reasoned, why not accept the jewelry? I’ve accepted the date with him paying for everything. I accepted the perishable items like candy and flowers. But it's the things that were going to be there for me to wear and feel special in, that’s what I’m going to say no to? It no longer made sense (Proverbs 30:30-31 AMP). My first real pieces of jewelry and I was to miss having them or ever being able to have them ever again? The idea of my family giving real jewelry for a Christmas or birthday gift was too far fetched and me purchasing it for myself seemed too selfish with finding better things to do with the money. No, this was just for me and I didn’t have to share it. I was grateful and appreciated the young man (at the time) thinking of me.
Was he really thinking of you or just the reaction he was looking for?
To answer that question would mean that I was mature and adhered to wisdom. Instead, I justified wanting it, being grown enough to have it, and owning it to wear whenever I chose. It was so pretty and sparkled in the right light. Then came Christmas and the same guy presented me with a diamond charmed necklace and matching earrings. The diamonds were bigger and sparkled in any light. I was
Can you see the blue print to what's happening? What if he were an abusive type? Could you see why wisdom tells women not to accept expensive gifts?
The relationship took a turn one day. He became unemployed and expected for me to do what he had been doing since the beginning of the relationship. I didn't like paying for meals, dates, tickets to movies or performances. When he asked to borrow money, the threads that the relationship were hanging on, I could hear them snapping. I voiced how uncomfortable it was making me to give him any money, and the very thing my mother said would happen, happened. From his mouth, the words were like pepper spray, "you mean after all of this time I have been paying and bought you all of those presents, you can't loan me a few dollars, really?"
The trap was set and there I was in the net and no where to step without setting off something else. You see, I kept the gifts a secret. I didn't tell anyone especially not my family. I didn't want to hear the back lash and I wanted to wear the jewelry. So, I loaned him the money but stopped going out on so many dates. I worked at a restaurant and he would come over expecting discounts whenever he ordered food. He got it. Between the loaned money, the dates, and the discounted meals, I felt like I paid for all of the gifts he purchased for me. When the relationship ended, he was angry. I had matured (some), transparent to those that gave sound, sincere advise, and relieved (Galatians 6:8 AMP).
While this entry might really irritate the guys who are dating and about to write some scathing feedback in the comments, before you do, think about your single mother and aunts. Think about your sister and who she is dating. Think about your daughter. Now answer those questions in the beginning of this entry or better yet, read about the first time I wrote about this topic, here. There was a reason why men goes to look for his "good thing". When he finds her, what does he plan to do to get her attention? You would think it would be his good character and conversation, but if there was someone else interested, should you be concerned? If she likes him more than you, ask yourself why? Does he have more money and a flashy car? Then you dodged a bullet. Why are you competing for her attention? This is what I think happened with something so simple as dinner and a movie or flowers during special occasions. Will it ever be simple like that ever again? Could it be or was it the wolves (the world) that turned it into something else (1 John 2:15-17 AMP)?
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