Acceptance Versus Expectation

 These blog entries that have been written over the years are for edification, exhortation, and comfort (1 Corinthians 14:3 KJV). As a Human Service Professional, listening to the things people say and watching the behavior is paramount in this career. Sometimes, the inspiration is in the observance and after awhile it’s just overwhelming how we disregard common sense; nevertheless it is fodder for more entries. It seems there is never a loss for material (Mark 14:7 KJV).

This entry reminds me of the children of Israel that had been led of the Lord without seeing Him. Through a fiery cloud in the sky, seeing the river part for them to cross, and being fed from heaven, one would think that there is no way anyone would take these wonderful miracles for granted and wish for something that everyone else has. And yet, they wanted a king (1 Samuel 8:1-22 KJV). They were already being led by the Almighty!!! Stop here to think about that one (selah).

God granted them their request. When they chose their king, there wasn’t a list of criteria that they could choose from. Most human resource professionals base the applicant on who was filling the position previously. Those HR people know what they don’t want based on what they had and what the position requires. What were the children of Israel looking for? What were they willing to accept? The Creator of all is what they are basing to fill the position. There is absolutely no one who could measure up. So, based on the scripture, they are content with a man who is head and shoulders above all other men. Yeah, really cute assimilation. Reading further into the book of Samuel, you will see that Saul, the king they chose, surrounded himself with men of nobility. Why? Did he think that he would also be noble through osmosis or was he a nobleman? Neither, because when his position was challenged, we see that not only did he hide, he allowed for David to slay the giant. David, the smallest of all of his brothers. Hm, is that not a lesson to the children of Israel, especially after David took the head of the giant, speared it and planted it for everyone to see that there was no threat to fear.

There are several points to be made here and all of those points have to do with Christian singles looking to date for the purposes of marriage:

1. Don’t send a boy to do a job meant for a man.

We walk by faith not by sight. Just because he looks like he could be a fit and suitable mate doesn’t mean he would. He might have all of the biological equipment and appear to everyone else on the outside that you are protected because you have a man at home, but that doesn’t mean when he is challenged, that he is going to be thinking about you or your children when he can keep himself safe first. This would also apply to men looking for his good thing. She might be voluptuous but that doesn’t mean she wants to be a wife or have children. What are your priorities and what is the deal breaker? You should know this before embarking on the arduous task of dating.

2. Be content in whatever state you are in.

Understand that the person you were 10 years ago is not the person you are now. It took time for you to grow and in that time you experienced life and was influenced by some and disappointed by others. These experiences shaped you into the person you have become. Do you like you? Could you improve on some things? Would those things make life more enjoyable? Being content keeps one from being anxious and actually appreciate what you have been given (Philippians 4:6 AMP).

3. God, the creator of all, knows all, the omnipotent One, has a better idea of what is best for you. He is a good Father. He is not teasing you. He is allowing for you to mature so that you will be a blessing to your spouse and not the annoyance that immature children trying to be grown are.

Would a parent give a tween the keys to a luxury car (or any car for that matter)? The proper answer would be no. Why? The tween is not old enough to drive and therefore would not only do himself harm but would cause harm to others. Despite what the tween wants or would like to do, the purpose for the parent is to set rules and boundaries in place for the child to grow with discipline and respect for himself/herself as well as others. The skill in driving is not just putting the key in the ignition and the gas pedal to the floor. You have to be able to make quick decisions when other drivers aren't looking. You have to know where you are going and have that path in mind to get there. You have to make judgement calls when parking. You have to know when it is the right time to turn and when it isn't. Tweens are self absorbed, as most children are. To allow someone else the right of way, is a concept to be taught and not on the road learning it for the first time. 

These life lesson are supposed to be well practiced before deciding to incorporate a whole person into your space (a relationship). It is why some people try being friends first to make sure there can be a longer, closer relationship in the future (Amos 3:3 KJV).

There are those who are trying just to get a handle on being a Christian and not trying to get in a relationship. Yeah, I got you too. There was this stitch on one of the popular social media sites where they were talking about their friends going on a trip together. The content enveloped the idea of not knowing a person until you live with them. Well, we know that’s how the world thinks (1 John 3:1 AMP). However, you know a tree by the fruit it bares, is how we live. Red flags are usually flying high way before you make the vows to reside with someone. The video was referring to taking a long trip with friends. 

Before taking that long trip of discovery, do something a little more simple. I went out to dinner with a group of people and we were all coming from the same ministry. Remember that, it is pivotal in this scenario. We all ordered separately. No one said to put anything on anyone else’s check. If someone heard something from the Lord, she was keeping it a secret. We enjoyed each other’s company in conversation and the food was good. One of the ladies, was really enjoying her meal with the continual orders. She definitely had our waitress earning her tip. We were all finished except for our one associate as she cleansed her palette with one more swig of coffee. The checks had arrived and we individually paid with cash or a card. The well fed sis, closed her eyes and clasped her hands in prayer while the rest of us were about to leave. I asked, having only met this person once before, what was happening? The woman I knew the longest in the group, informed me that the satisfied sister is believing that the Lord will provide for her meal to be paid for. In every single one of my grown years, I never heard or seen such a thing. I was gobbed smacked! Intrigued as to how this was going to come to be, I watched to see how long it would take before the waiters were going to inform her of where the aprons and dishwashing liquid are located. It took about 8 minutes before the ladies that knew this sister best were going back into their purses and collectively pulling their monies together. Not any of them were pleased with having to spend this money on this grown woman. All of them looked like it was an obligation they weren’t expecting to have; yet, she had done this before or how else would the woman that I knew best could tell me? Personally, I had no words. These women had gone out with her before. She had done this to them before. How could they see this as an unexpected obligation when they keep going out with her and expecting what? Different results? This is her m/o (method of operation). Are there others? Do men do this too?

What if this was a group of mixed singles? Would men disregard this woman as being a mooch and continue to leave or would they have paid for her check and not thought of it later? Would she be a good candidate for a lasting friendship going into something more serious? Do you have enough information or is that all you need to make a decision? These questions may be good conversation on a date. If someone gets annoyed, consider it red flag number one and don't disregard that.